Parenting Your Premature Baby and Child : the Emotional Journey
"An invaluable resource."--William Sears, MD The premature birth of a baby is both a medical and family crisis. Within the pages of this comprehensive guide, parents will find compassionate support, practical suggestions for coping and adjusting, and advice that empowers them to handle an array of emotions
1 online resource (694 pages)
9781555918781, 1555918786
1058338863
Acknowledgments xxv
Introduction 1
CHAPTER ONE An Unexpected Journey 7
Orientation 9
Hopes and Expectations 9
When the Unexpected Happens 11
Map 15
A Different Path 15
EMOTIONAL COPING 15
DEVELOPING YOUR PARENTAL IDENTITY 16
MANAGING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS 16
Compass 17
Finding Your Own Way 17
The Tapestry That Reflects Your Emotional Journey 19
CHAPTER TWO Grief and Adjustment 21
Wrestling with Opposing Emotions 22
The Grieving Process 28
The Trauma of Premature Birth 30
The Mosaic of Losses 30
Understanding Grief 33. Common Feelings of Grief 37
SHOCK AND NUMBNESS 37
SADNESS 39
PERSISTENT WORRIES 39
YEARNING 40
GUILT AND FAILURE 41
POWERLESSNESS 42
ISOLATION 43
ANGER 43
ENVY 44
FEARS ABOUT THE FUTURE 44
LONGING FOR WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN 45
Coping and Healing 45
Let Your Grief Flow 46
Have Realistic Expectations for Your Grief 47
Dwell on Your Baby 48
Find Ways to Feel Close to Your Baby 49
Tell Your Story 49
Accept the Support of Others, However Clumsy It May Seem 51
Accept That You and Your Partner Will Grieve Differently 51. Seek Professional Counseling 52
Choose to Face Your Situation andto Not Let It Destroy Your Life 52
Allow Yourself to Hold On to Some Hope for the Future 55
Look for the Treasure in Adversity 55
Multiple Birth and Multiple Realities 56
Respect Your Own Needs 58
Points to Remember 59
CHAPTER THREE Moving through Painful Emotions 61
Moving through Feelings of Failure, Incompetence, and Powerlessness 62
Moving through Feelings of Anger 65
Venting Anger Constructively 67
Recognizing Your Anger's Triggers 68
Moving through Guilt 69. Tips for Letting Go of Guilt 72
CONSIDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES 72
RECOGNIZE THE LIMITS OF YOUR CONTROL 72
REFRAME YOUR FEELINGS OF RESPONSIBILITY 73
ACCEPT AND LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES 75
ASK FOR FORGIVENESS 75
Moving through Vulnerability and Fear 76
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder 78
Persistent Numbness and Avoidance of Grief 80
Getting to the Bottom of Your Grief 81
Professional Counseling 84
Journaling 89
Spirituality and Religion 90
Points to Remember 93
CHAPTER FOUR Especially for Fathers 95
Gender and Grief 97. Intuitive Grievers, Instrumental Grievers 99
Dashers, Delayers, Displayers, and Doers 102
Avoiding Grief 103
COMMON STYLES OF FILING GRIEF AWAY 104
FATHER AS PROTECTOR AND THE UTILITY AND COSTOF FILING GRIEF AWAY 105
Getting in Touch with Fear, Powerlessness, and Vulnerability 107
Keeping Roles Flexible 109
Couples and Grief 112
Points to Remember 115
CHAPTER FIVE Delivering Too Early 117
Pregnancy Complications 117
Bed Rest 120
Holding On to Your Sanity 122
Holding On to Yourself 124
When Delivery Is Inevitable 126
Delivery 127
Shock and Fear 132
Exhaustion 133