And projected, besides, a Commercial Canal,

Which no water replenish'd, and none ever shall:
Yet the drift on't was such as (to make him amends)
Fill'd his own, while it emptied the fobs of his friends.*

To the gizzard it griev'd this pestiferous Don,
That matters at church went so quietly on.

Thought he these viles Curates I'll haul o'er the coals,

And jobation bestow-for the good of their souls.

I'm unjustly accounted a niggard, I trow,

Since, if one hand withholds, I with t'other bestow :
This truth I'll our church reformation make good in;
They shall taste my rebuke who ne'er tasted my pudding.

But although for her sons I've a tickler of birch,
I've ar high veneration for Good Mother Church:
And-unless for reproof when she needs my assistance-
To evince my respect—I still keep at a distance. †

* The reader, who would be more fully informed on this head, will please to consult the Contributors to Mr. H's Commercial undertaking, who are well qualified to give him the proper explanation.

+ The pious Conveyancer has no seat in his parish church.

G

To the vestry, indignant, he then stalk'd away,
Where church-wardens and sides-men sat rang'd in array:
And so grim did he look that their conclave astounded
Thought they saw Hamlet's ghost, or Don Quixotte dis-
mounted.

"He was led there"-he said, when he first stood before

'em

"Lest one should be wanting to make up their quorum:" Now though this his exordium he knew was a lie, "Twas but one of a dozen he'd got cut and dry.

Then he open'd and emptied a budget so black,
Of charge and surcharge on divinity's back:
What! charge and surcharge a poor Curate-O fye on't!
But who knows?—he mistook him perhaps for his client.

"In sooth, my good sirs, you two Parsons have got: "One gets on whip and spur, t'other drawls like a sot: "One scampers away, sirs, to preach at Spring Gardens,* "And, how t'other limps after him, cares not three "farthings.

*Spring Garden's Chapel, where the Curate was engaged as morning preacher.

"In charity, sirs, I your case would amend,

"Who, with two ghostly guides, can on neither depend"For when one goes to heaven, by what I can find "From my gossip's reports, he will leave you behind:

"And I doubt with the other no better you'll fare, "He's so tardy that he nor you scarce will get there: "Then-which ever you trust to-you'll all be made fools:

"Down your souls must go, dish'd 'twixt two spiritual stools."

"But all this, I maintain, is no subject of laughter "Amongst us sound churchmen who think on hereafter; "Then so much for the Next World :-And now, sirs,

the bills

"Give me leave to prefer of your Secular ills,

"And I think, I should soften the bowels of Jews,

"When I show how your Parsons will thin all your

pews:

"The Church-wardens' receipts—they'll be not worth a

tester;

“Then adieu to roast turkey at Christmas and Easter!

"For I'm credibly told by respectable folks,

"What with this Jack of Styles and that other of Nokes, "Your two black-coats I mean, whose deserts I've dis

cuss'd

"Quite impartial-for, faith! I don't know which is

worst.

"That confusion at church has took place of devotion, "Men, women, and children, are all in commotion, "Girls titter, as if they were looking a farce on,

"When to publish the banns comes your galloping

Parson:

"And when, in his turn, reads your Reverend Drone, "Your ailes they all cough, all your galleries groan ; "Your wives cry; "Good by t'ye."-Your brats turn

their backs,

"And old maids, stiff as buckram, their muscles relax.

"But to strike you with dread, consternation, and awe, "Know, to boot, the great Lord at the head of the law "To this scandalous state of affairs is no stranger.

""Tis not fit that He should, when the church is in

danger,

"This calamitous truth, sirs, it shocks me to mention : "To have taken a pew was his Lordship's intention, "And had my good Lord at Q****'s square took a pew,

Why-perhaps you had seen there John H******y too.

"His Lordship, to shew he was not over nice, "Condescended to visit your church once or twice; And, I'll stake all my vast Biographical fame !— "Twice my Lord went away, sirs, as wise as he came.

66

"Sirs, believe me, my Lord went away quite disgusted: "Or-Conveyancer H******y 's not to be trusted! "And, if there you can catch him again, for your pains "You shall take out and butter John H****** *y's brains.

"No,-depend on't, his Lordship has beat his retreat : "For he since at the Foundling applied for a seat, "Where all things, of course, must be done with de

corum;

"Since Conveyancer H******y 's one of the quorum.”"

Thus Conveyancer H******y clos'd his attack,

Thought his worship:-The Curate I've thrown on his

back: