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“ Sam, Sir, in Paragraph, will soon be clever,
And take off Peter better now than ever."
On which says Johnson, without hesitation,
“George will rejoice at Foote's depeditation.”
On which, says I - a penetrating elf
“ Doctor, I'm sure you coined that word yourself."
On which he laughed, and said, I had divined it;
For bona fide he had really coined it.
“ And yet of all the words I've coined,” says he,
“My Dictionary, Sir, contains but three.”
The Doctor said, in literary matters,
A Frenchman goes not deep — he only smatters ;
Then asked, what could be hoped for from the dogs
Fellows that lived eternally on frogs. (-).
In grave procession to St. Leonard's College,
Well stuffed with every sort of useful knowledge,
We stately walked, as soon as supper ended :
The landlord and the waiter both attended :
The landlord, skilled a piece of grease to handle,
Before us marched, and held a tallow candle :
A lantern (some famed Scotsman its creator),
With equal grace was carried by the waiter :
Next morning, from our beds, we took a leap;
And found ourselves much better for our sleep.
MADAME PIOZZI. (3)
In Lincolnshire, a lady showed our friend
A grotto, that she wished him to commend :
Quoth she, “How cool, in summer, this abode !"
“Yes, Madam," answered Johnson, só for a toad,”
Between old Scalpa's rugged isle and Rasay’s,
The wind was vastly boisterous in our faces :
Foote !' and when I challenged that word, laughed, and owned he had made it; and added that he had not made above three or four in his Dictionary.”]
(1) (“What would you expect, dear Sir, said he, from fellows that eat frogs ?”]
(2) (“We had a dreary drive to St. Andrew's. We found a good supper at Glass's Inn, and Dr. Johnson revived agreeably. After supper, we made a procession to St. Leonard's College, the landlord walking before us with a candle, and the waiter with a lantern. We rose next morning much refreshed."]
(3) [“ The Lincolnshire lady, who showed our friend a grotto she had been making, asked him, “Would it not be a cool habitation in summer?” “I think it would, Madam,' answered Johnson, 'for a toad.'"]
(4) [“ We sailed along the coast of Scalpa, a rugged island. The wind made
'Twas glorious Johnson's figure to set sight on
High in the boat, he looked a noble Triton !
But lo! to damp our pleasure fate concurs ;
For Joe, the blockhead, lost his master's spurs.
This, for the Rambler's temper, was a rubber,
Who wondered Joseph could be such a lubber.
MADAME Piozzi. (1)
I asked him, if he knocked Tom Osborn down,
As such a tale was current through the town
Says I, “Do tell me, Doctor, what befell."
“Why, dearest lady, there is nought to tell :
I pondered on the properest mode to treat him
The dog was impudent, and so I beat him !
Lo! when we landed on the Isle of Mull,
The megrims got into the Doctor's skull :
With such bad humours he began to fill,
I thought he would not go to Icolmkill.
But lo! those megrims (wonderful to utter !)
Were banished all by tea and bread and butter !
MADAME PIOZZI. (3)
The doctor had a cat, and christened Hodge,
That at his house in Fleet Street used to lodge
This Hodge grew old, and sick, and used to wish
That all his dinners were composed of fish.
To please poor Hodge, the Doctor, all so kind,
Went out, and bought him oysters to his mind.
This every day he did — nor asked black Frank,
Who deemed himself of much too high a rank,
With vulgar fish-fags to be forced to chat,
And purchase oysters for a mangy cat.
the sea lash considerably upon us. Dr. Johnson sat high on the stern, like a magnificent Triton. In the confusion, the Doctor's spurs, of which Joseph had charge, were carried overboard and lost. He was angry, and observed that there was something wild in letting a pair of spurs be carried into the sea."]
(1) [" I asked him if he had knocked down Osborne the bookseller, as such a story was current. • Dearest lady,' said he, 'the dog was impertinent, and so I beat him,'" &c.]
(2) (“When we landed in Mull the Doctor was out of humour. I was afraid he would not go to Icolmkill; but a dish of tea and some good bread and butter did him service, and his bad humour went off.")
(3) [“ The Doctor had a cat, which he called Hodge, that kept always in his room at Fleet Street; and when the creature was grown sick and old, and could eat nothing but oysters, he always went out himself to buy Hodge's dinner, that Frank the black's delicacy might not be hurt at seeing himself employed for the convenience of a cat."
For God's sake stay each anecdotic scrap;
Let me draw breath, and take a trifling nap;
With one half hour's refreshing slumber blessed,
And Heaven's assistance, I may hear the rest.
Aside.] — What have I done, inform me, gracious Lord,
That thus my ears with nonsense should be bored ?
Oh! if I do not in the trial die,
The devil and all his brimstone I defy,
No punishment in other worlds I fear;
My crimes will all be expiated here.
The knight, thus finishing his speech so fair,
Sleep pulled him gently backwards in his chair;
Oped wide the mouth that oft on jailbirds swore,
Then raised his nasal organ to a roar,
That actually surpassed, in tone and grace,
The grumbled ditties of his favourite bass.
Now from his sleep the knight, affrighted, sprung,
While on his ear the words of Johnson rung;
For, lo ! in dreams, the surly Rambler rose,
And, wildly staring, seemed a man of woes.
“ Wake, Hawkins,” growled the Doctor, with a frown,
or And knock that fellow and that woman down
Bid them with Johnson's life proceed no further
Enough already they have dealt in murther!
Say, to their tales that little truth belongs -
If fame they mean me, bid them hold their tongues.
“ In vain at glory gudgeon Boswell snaps -
His mind 's a paper-kite, composed of scraps ;
Just o'er the tops of chimneys formed to fly,
Not with a wing sublime to mount the sky
Say to the dog, his head's a downright drum,
Unequal to the history of Tom Thumb.
"For that Piozzi's wife, Sir John, exhort her,
To draw her immortality from porter ;
up her anecdotical inditing,
And study housewifery instead of writing.
I know no business women have with learning ;
I scorn, I hate, the mole eyed, half-discerning :
Their wit but serves a husband's heart to rack,
And make eternal horsewhips for his back.
Tell Peter Pindar, should you chance to meet him, I like his genius — should be glad to greet him.