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but I have been woonderfully fortunate in eulogiums, that I had then and there been this one; I have never lost it even in lodg. not only the first inventor, but the first ings and hotels."
practical utilizer, of the electric telegraph, That I could easily believe. Despite which was not at that time a fait accomthe wind, which was very high, a few large pli. drops of rain began to fall; so after has. “Well, you have the most woonderful tily fumbling at the seaweed strings, and mechanical genius I ever saw in the wool thereby entangling them more hopelessly (whole) course of my life; perfectly woonthan ever, till he found them more knotty derful! Now, I couldn't have done that than any problem in Euclid, Mr. Landor, had my life depended on it." whose impetuosity was always for cutting And in this hyperbolical strain be conGordian knots, with one supreme effort tinued, till I left him at his own door, rebroke the refractory strings, and, with an newing it through the whole of dinner air of triumph fully warranted by so colos. for he dined with me that day, and so did sal an achievement, unfurled this ponder- the Avenels, who were not a little amused ous piece of itinerant shelter. But, alas, at my woonderful mechanical genius the wind soon became a perfect hurricane, till we all became a little tired of it. and upturned the woonderful umbrella After dinner Mrs. Avenel said to me, like a Patagonian wineglass, as if it " I want to ask Mr. Landor to dinner thought the falling rain was nectar that to-morrow, but I am obliged to ask Mr. the gods had spilt. But even this classi. Q.; and really Mr. Landor does so laugh cal delusion on the part of the umbrella at him and is so horribly rude to him that did not sufficiently enlist its owner's sym- 1 quite dread it, for of course he won't pathy to mollisy him; so, with his left mind Fred; and the admiral, who does foot thrown backward, and his right firmly keep him a little in order, is away. I planted forward, his head thrown back in wish you would speak to Mr. Landor, and the attitude of Ajax defying the lightning, get him to promise that as we shall be he stood shaking the umbrella with that quite en petit comité I do hope he won't sort of“ Don't-suppose-you'll-make-me-let- skin poor Mr. Q. alive with his scathing go” vengeance with which a bull-dog ridicule.” I promised to undertake the shakes a captured rat. This mode of negotiation; and in the course of the waging war with the storm of course only evening, when pretty Rose Avenel had made the latter more victorious, and in- charmed him into perfect good-humor fated the extemporized cotton wineglass with “ Casta Diva," I opened my mission ten times more. The whole scene was with a degree of amiable and reckless so inconceivably ludicrous that it was for. candor that Count Bismarck might have tunate the little artist was not there, or I mistaken for his own. For after he had am very certain he would have rolled on accepted Mrs. Avenel's invitation, I said the grass in convulsions.
à brûle pourpoint, At length I got Mr. Landor to listen to Now, Mr. Landor, you will be deprived my proposition that we should retrace our of my delightful society unless you will steps and get home as soon as possible, faithfully promise me one thing." by which means we should be turning our “I promise anything and everything backs to the wind and so obtain more except to pay on demand three millions power over the umbrella, which I also sterling." begged of him to let me try my hand upon. “O, it is much easier than that, what I
Apparently weary, as lie might well be, want you to promise, and not half so from the energy he had lavished on the costly. It is that you will pledge yourself proceeding of threatening Jupiter by not to cut up poor Mr. Q. into such a brandishing this formidable weapon at mincemeat of ridicule as you always do." the clouds, be made it over to me, and by His first answer to this was a loud roar planting the handle in the ground, and of laughter, such as he always exploded taking a little time with both hands over in at merely the mention of Mr. Q.'s each of the whalebone ribs, I at length name; and, as soon as he could speak, he succeeded – though not quite as dex. said, terously as a Japanese juggler might have
you call that not so costly, when done - in reconverting the wineglass back the richest thing in the world is a béchamel into an umbrella. Any person not know- of Q.! Well, well, I promise I'll be on ing the cause, and only seeing and hearing my best behavior; in short, I'll be quite the effect, of my achievement, might have complimentary;" supposed, from the vehemence and ex- “No, no; all compliments are forbidden aggerated enthusiasm of Mr. Landor’s | fruit in that quarter, for it is too much for
mortal gravity to hear your treacherous Dulce ridentem Lalagen amabo, ironical flattery, and listen to the poor un.
Dulce loquentem. conscious victim in his little thin atten. But it is not given to us ordinary mortals uated voice, that seems as moth-eaten as to do so." his face looks, thanking you with .I'm “Ah, true, so very true!” said the Poet sure, Mr. Landor, I feel highly flattered Q., shutting his eyes and shaking his head at your praise."
solemnly. This nearly proved fatal to us “ Ha, ha, ha! Well, then, only Greek all
, but more especially io the incorrigible and Latin quotations. Ha, ha, ha!"* cause of it; so, coming to the rescue, and
“Most decidedly not; above all, and at the same time contriving to enter a before all, I bar them; and if you won't protest against this breach of the overmake an honest, bona fide, unconditional, night's treaty, I turned to him and said, and unequivocal promise of good behavior, • Pray, Mr. Landor, did I show
the and that you will not be guilty of lèse Q., extraordinary new muzzle I have had why, then there is nothing for it but for made, quite on a new plan, for Bijou?” me to employ my wonderful mechanical “Ah, poor dog," said he, bursting into genius in constructing a muzzle for you one of his usual roars, which must have that shall defy tampering with as effec. been an immense relief to him, " if you tually as ever the iron mask did.”
muzzle him you'll only give him time to After a few more reiterated roars at brew more mischief, and he'll bark double poor Mr. Q.'s expense, which was on the tides and play the very devil when he's same plan as when the Russian sledge. unmuzzled.” doys have a long journey and many days' “I'm afraid so," I rejoined, "for some fast before them, they are allowed to con- dogs, like some persons, are incorrigible.” sume several meals in one, Mr. Landor, Here, to my great relief, dinner was anhaving laughed to his heart's content, un nounced. On reaching the dining-room conditionally promised good behavior for Mrs. Avenel said to him, with a meaning tbe next day.
look, When, on the following day, we were all “ Mr. Landor, will you have the goodassembled at Mrs. Avenel's, that always ness to take my brother's place at the tant soit peu impracticable "half-hour be. foot of the table, and keep us all in orfore dinner was a nervous ordeal for us der?" Which, being interpreted, meant all; for though Mr. Landor had greeted keep yourself in order.” poor Mr. Q. with perfect good breeding, " A new and charminy order; the order yet upon that personage having, while of the Belle Donne. What is to be the contemplating a recently finished portrait motto of it?" of the youngest Miss Avenel, delivered “ Bonê fide," said I, with another meanhimself of one of those little innocuousing look at him. and incontrovertible truisms which he was * Amen, then!” and he ate his soup in the habit of launching on the stream and remained silent for a few minutes; of conversation - viz: “ Ah, very lovely for he did with his dinner always as the indeed! Very like – there is the smile ; Irishman did with his sleeping, paid atbut where is the voice ? Ah, if we could tintion to it. only make it speak!” — 1, to my horror, The Poet Q. having expressed a little perceived the twitching of Mr. Landor's mild admiration at the noble conduct of a mouth, which was a sort of muscular friend known to us all, who had saved a shock that always preceded one of his poor gentleman (an utter stranger to him) risible earthquakes.
from prison by having anonymously sent But he saw I was looking at him, so he him a thousand pounds commuted it into a bland smile, and, with "A fine fellow, truly,” said Mr. Lana courteous bow to the Poet Q., as if he dor; “but I don't suppose he'll have had been paying him some well-termed many imitators, as we moderns, as to fine compliment, said, “ Ah, Mr. Q., you, in- sentiments and fine actions, seem to bave deed, may be able to command as a per. adopted Virgil's advice as to farms; that manent institution, even in effigy, a is, always to admire large farms, but only
to cultivate small ones.' • Mr. Landor would have it that Mr. Q. was guilt- Those were the days when dinners less of both Latin and Greek; and so used to perfectly were first put on the table and then handed lard hiin with epigrams and ridicule in those languages, which he, no doubt, not perfectly hearing, from Mr. round, and when people asked each other Landor's electric-telegraph enunciation, used certainly to drink wine ; both of which now abol. to bow to as compliments, from the bland smile and courtiy salute with which his tormentor uttered them. ished customs gave Mr. Landor the op. Alas, poor Poet Q.! he is now no more!
portunity of being aux petits soins to Mr.
Q., till he so overdid his empressement neath: first, a heavy but unequal thud or that I could not help saying to him, when pounding, such as paviors make at their the Poet Q. was engaged talking to. Rose work; then a great babel of voices — Mr. Avenel, that he was dreadfully overdoing Qo's weak treble, Fred Avenel's shrill it, as les extrêmes se touchent, and the falsetto, both merged in the thunders of whole thing strongly reminded one of that memorable dinner at Dilly's the publish
Bæotian, deep-mouthed Savage Landor, er's, to which Boswell liad diplomatized but all talking, or rather vociferating, toDr. Johnson into meeting Wilkes, and gether. where the latter overthrew all the great “Good heavens! what can they be lexicographer's prejudices and won his doing?" asked Mrs. Avenel, turning quite heart with no otlier deus ex machinâ than pale. “I fear they are quarrelling; and roast veal, the squeeze of a Seville orange, Fred is so ill-tempered, he'll only make and the recommendation of melted butter. matters worse. We had beiter go down.”
“Ha, ha, ha! As I'm compared to So down we went, the uproar increas. Wilkes, may I take the Wilkes and lib. ing to a perfect tempest as we came nearer erty of asking you to take wine, Mr. Q.? | to it. Gently and noiselessly we opened And allow me to recommend to your no- the dining-room door, and the scene that tice this ris de veau aux cerveiles; though was there presented baffles description; offering you brains, Mr. Q., is like offer- and, unless the reader was previously acing Hippocrene to Helicon!"
quainted with the physique and idiosynIn short, so completely did poor Mr. crasies of each of the three dramátis Q.'s innocence and good faith receive all persone, it could not, by the medium of Mr. Landor's base coin for sterling, that mere language, however polyglot, be ad. be at last actually began to speak of his equately conveyed to his imagination. own poetry; it was à propos of the ex. Primus, they had all three the right leg quisite beauty of Tennyson's versifica. of their trousers rolled up above the knee ; tion.
and the thudding or pounding we had “Sometimes, do you know,” said. Mr. heard was occasioned by their hopping Q., “I have qualms and fear that_my round the room on their left leg, while the friends flatter me, for, compared with Ten- right one was extended by each of the renyson's, my versification does not always, spective owners for exhibition and compe. as it were, run smoothly."
tition ; while each, at the top of his voice, “Oh, Mr. Q., discard all such doubts; was insisting that his own individual leg for, as Erasmus says — and one would was the most symmetrical and perfect! really think he had said it of your verses Upon our entry Hamlet, alias Fred
Bene currunt, sed extra viam !!” Avenel, avait la parole, as they say in the
Ah, you are too good! I'm sure I Chainber of Deputies. His face, usually feel greatly flattered, Mr. Landor - great- so pale, was all ablaze with excitement, ly so indeed!”
and the importance of the question, as he But, as we all thought, this was too bad. squeaked and hissed out, We made it our signal for departure, not Why, of course my leg is the hand. without fear and trembling as to what somest, or how could I play Hamlet ? might happen when we were gone, and no “Not with your head, Fred, decidedly; longer there to hold the phantom muzzle, so it must be with your leg." like Macbeth's phantom dagger, before • Very good, very good indeed, Mr. Mr. Landor's eyes, and with only his Landor,” pensively smiled the Poet Q., other butt, Fred Avenel, there as an in. ashe held his own asparagus-like leg in centive.
abeyance. “ Mr. Landor really is too bad, and how “But your_leg is too thick, Mr. LanMr. Q. does not see through it I cannot dor," hissed Fred, returning to the charge. conceive,” said Mrs. Avenel, as she seated " Too thick !" roared the “deep. herself on the sofa, when we reached the mouthed.” “My dear Fred, if you can't drawing room.
play Hamlet with your head, you should “ The fact is," I replied, “that we all at least not make it the standard for other laugh so much at Mr. Landor's laugh, and people's legs. When I was last at Flor. his big bow-wow inanner, that I suppose ence there was a inan in the Casa FiliMr. Q. consounds cause with effect, and caja, one Giuseppe Baldi, said to have thinks the laugh is against Mr. Landor." the inost woonderfully beautiful leg in all
We had not enjoyed our halcyon quiet Italy. I went with Bartaloni the sculptor half an hour when we were startled by a one day to compare my leg with his ; and violent uproar in the dining-room under. upon ineasurement it was found to be
exact in all its proportions to that of works of theirs have gained full and wellBaldi.”
deserved recognition on our side of the "I wonder," said I, to conceal the tit. water as well as theirs, have pushed this tering of the young ladies at this, " that dry and empty method to the verge of as you were in the house of Filicaja, you weariness, and perhaps their position has did not take his advice."
not been improved by indiscreetly con“Ah, but though poets may be good temptuous utterances concerning masters judges of feet, I don't consider that they of fiction yet greater than they can preare any of legs,” roared the “deep- tend to be. These things being so, it is mouthed."
the more pleasant to come upon an AmerThere, Mr. Q.," said I, glad to pay ican novelist whose style is easy, fluent, the poor man a left-handed compliment, and pleasant, who has a keen eye for “that puts you completely out of court." humor which makes no pretence at "sub
“Besides,” squeaked Fred, who was cle. tlety,” and which hardly ever leans to termined not to give his enemies or rivals caricature, who can make his characters any quarter, " though your legs are such show themselves as living men and women spindles, Mr. Q., yet your ankles are as without any wearisome insistence on or thick as any part of them."
explanation of their characteristics on his “Well hit, Fred!” roared Mr. Landor. own part; and who has produced in the “You remember the old epigram :- novel of which we now speak a work "Harry, I cannot think,' said Dick,
which is as charming as Henrik Schar. • What makes my ankles look so thick!'
ling's “ Nöddebo Parsonage,” and which *You do not recollect,' quoth Harry,
is cast in much the same mould as that • How great a calf they have to carry!!!
delightful book, although it may be as
sumed that the resemblance is undesigned. Fortunately he said this with such extra Mr. Stockton, has, we believe, been recvelocity, snapping with his upper teeth his under lip, so as not to let the words writer of fiction in America; but it is com
ognized for some little time as an excellent roll over, that I do not think Mr. Q. heard, or at least had time to digest, the pith of paratively lately that he has been known it, when Mr. Landor, turning to me, said, plete work of his, though no doubt many
in England by the publication of any comNow, come, let us all place our legs of our readers are acquainted with de. in a row, and you shall be umpire." "Thank you for the honor," I said, circulation in England of the Century
tached pieces of his work through the looking at the dessert;
" mais il n'y a pas de quoi, for there are no apples, only the finely touched and finely described
magazine. Amongst the best of these is peaches; and I'll promise not to peach story of 'The Lady and the Tiger," a about this truly ridiculous comedietta. We have long heard of Every man his story left without an end with far better own washerwoman;' but we are indebted American writers who choose to leave
reason than can be put forward by other to you gentlemen for letting us know that their more pretentious stories unfinished, every man can be his own judgment of and possibly think that, liaving done so, Paris!”
they have written like Mérimée or like Tourgénieff. “Rudder Grange ” is, however, a complete story, or a complete set
of chapters in several people's lives, From The Saturday Review. though there is no reason why it should
not be continued, as Scharling's “ NödAMERICAN novelists have been apt in
debo Parsonage was continued in “Ni. these days, as we have of late had occa.
colai's Marriage.” sion to observe, to overdo the “analysis’
Rudder Grange” takes its name from business; the beating out of character the fact that a young couple, described at (and pretty thin character at that, to bor- the opening of the book as “ Euphemia row an American expression), with an and 1,” marry upon the smallest of means, affectation of profound knowledge of it have the greatest difficulty in finding a from the inside, to the exclusion of free decent house to which they can fit their and pleasant observation of incident and resources; fall in love with a canal-boat character combined, from the outside. imbedded in the ground by the riverside, American writers of fiction who by certain which an oyster.man has turned into a
habitation; and finally seize the chance of Rudder Grange. By Frank R. Stockton. Edin- getting such a habitation for themselves. burgb: D. Douglas. 1833.
The humor of their difficulty in finding a
RUDDER GRANGE. *
house at starting -and this is a difficulty Hello, mister," he said, “got any tobacwhich will appeal to a large number of co?” readers – is increased by the fact that
I walked up to him. I took hold of him by before their marriage the two young peo.
the lapel of his coat. It was a dirty lapel, as ple have written a little book, which has I remember even now, but I didn't mind that. been successful, concerning houses and
“Look here,” said I. Tell me the truth, I
can bear it. Was that vessel wrecked?" housekeeping. When the matter comes
The wretched man looked at me a little to a practical test, they find that the little
I could not exactly interpret his book is not altogether trustworthy. There expression. is a good deal of fun of a pleasant and not “You're sure you kin bear it?” said he. overcharged kind about the first instal- “Yes,” said I, my hand trembling as I held ment of the young couple in Rudder his coat. Grange, as the home in the canal-boat is
“ Well then,” said he, “it's mor'n I kin," christened, and this is increased when, to and he jerked his coat out of my hand, and eke out their means, they take in a of the road, he turned and shouted at me, as
When he reached the other side boarder. As to this they had no trouble,
though I had been deaf. for “ we had a friend, a young man who
“Do you know what I think?” he yelled. was engaged in the flour business, who “I think you're a darned lunatic,” and with was very anxious to come and live with that he went his way. He had been to see us two or three
Finally he discovers the boat, bas to times, and had expressed himself charmed make his way at the risk of suffocation with our household arrangements.” This through' mud and reeds to clamber on is, so far, very well; but the boarder turns board, and finds Euphemia and the boardout to be “very fond of telling us what we er playing at chess in sublime unconought to do. He suggested more improve sciousness. Presently the housework bements in the first three days of his sojourn gins to tell too heavily upon Euphemia, than I had thought of since we commenced and there are strange difficulties about housekeeping. And what made the mat- getting a servant, which are overcome by ter worse, his suggestions were generally the arrival of a girl named Pomona from very good ones. Had it been otherwise a Home. There is one objection to PoI might have borne his remarks more mona, which is that she is devoted to complacently; but to be continually told penny-dreadful literature, and incapable what you ought to do, and to know that of reading to herself unless she reads out you ought to do it, is extremely, annoy. loud. " As the evenings were often cool, ing." Amongst other things, the boarder we sat in our dining-room, and the parcleverly contrives a flower-garden on deck, tition between this room and the kitchen and hauls in the anchor to use as a garden- seemed to have no influence whatever in hoe. There is a high tide, and the hus, arresting sound. So that when I was band comes back from his work to find trying to read or to reflect it was by no that his house has vanished. He rushes nieans exhilarating to my mind to hear wildly along the bank, questioning every from the next room that “the la dy ce one he meets:
sel i a now si zed the weep on and all I was rapidly becoming frantic when I met though the boor ly vil ly an re tain ed his a person who hailed me,
vy gorous hold she drew the blade through “Hello!” he said, “are you after a canal- his fin gers and hoorl ed it far be hind her boat adrift?” “ Yes," I panted.
dryp ping with jore.” Before long Pomo
na, excellent creature though she is, gives “I thought you was,” he said. “ You looked that way. Well, I can tell you where she is rise to serious trouble. In the first place, She's stuck fast in the reeds at the lower end in consequence of various alarms of burg: o' Peter's Pint."
laries in the immediate neighborhood, “ Where's that?" said I.
Euphemia's husband and the boarder “Oh, it's about a mile furder up. I seed each buy a pistol. Also burglar-alarms her a-drifting up with the tide— big food-tide, are purchased, and a plan of action is setto-day- and I thought I'd see somebody after tled on in case of an actual attempt at her afore long. Anything aboard ? "
burglary " At the first sound of the Anything! I could not answer the man.
aları Euphemia and the girl were to lie
Anything, flat on the floor or get under their beds. indeed! I hurried on up the river without a word. Was the boat a wreck ?
Then the boarder and I were to stand
I scarcely dared to think of it. I scarcely dared to think back to back, each with pistol in hand, at all.
and fire away, revolving on a common The man called after me and I stopped. I centre the while. In this way, by aiming could but stop, no matter what I might hear. horizontally at about four feet from the