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and is said to have retained the -Bless my heart, how it proper use of his faculties to the rains-provoking! now I can't advanced age of 100. He was ge- go out this evening; this is always. nerally distinguished by the ap- the case when I make up my pellation of the laughing philoso- mind to take an evening's rampher. Seneca says, that in pub-ble-dear me what large dropslic," he always expressed his (servant comes in with my teu) contempt of the follies of the peo-down I sit, stir the fire to make a ple by laughter."-The citizens cheerful blaze, twiddle the footstyled him the derider. Being man with my toe, nearly upset my accused of insanity, Hippocrates plate of toast-whew! how it patwas ordered to examine the na-ters; we are going to have a ture of his disorder, and reported stormy night, must make up my that it was not Democritus, but mind to stay at home—jump up,; his enemies, who were insane. close the shutters, draw the curDarius being excessively griev-tains (pulling cushioned chair ed on account of the loss of his close to the fire) pour out my tea, wife, Democritus told him, that and grind my spoon almost to he would raise her to life, if he pieces with vexation-muse and could find three persons who had get in the dolefuls, by listening to had passed their lives free from the kettle's sober buz-snatch it. adversity, whose names he might off the hob, burn my fingers-aplace on the queen's monument! muse myself by disturbing my. The king inquired in vain, and tabby, who is asleep upon the rug, was in some degree reconciled to and laugh at his angry growl and his fate. Although the works of swollen tail Democritus are lost, there are some maxims ascribed to him truly excellent. He died of natural decay, B. C. 361, aged 109.

Varieties.

ATTEMPTED AUTHORSHIP.

66

'Past

eight o'clock and a stormy night,” cries the watchman in a most piteous accent-ring the bell (tea things cleared away) I

am plaguy dull, what shall I do? a thought strikes me, I'll write something-where are my writing utensils

here they

are; now for it, I don't mind the

"Now stir the fire, and close the rain now-let it come down

shutters fast,

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past nine o'clock," "cries the watchmanbless my heart, is it so late? I have written nothing yet-only pretty faces scrawled over the pa

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VOLUNTARY STARVATION.

Professor Huffland, in one of

this world. . . . no I wont write an epigram, they are so deuced stale, so out with that-I'll try something in Tom Moore's style -ah! that will suit me best-his Journals, gives a most extrasomething about flowing locks ordinary case of a tradesman, who, and beaming eyes-Now for it-impelled by a succession of mis"If e'er I forget : "If fortunes, and absolutely destitute "the girl of the means of procuring food,

e'er I forget. of my heart."

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"never" dear me what's a good rhyme to heart · part. . . . dart.

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forest, and there resolved to starve himself to death. He put this determination in force, September 15th, and was found on the 3d of October (eighteen days) still liv ing, although speechless, insensible, and reduced to the last stage of debility. A small quantity of liquid was given him, after which he expired. By his side was found a pocket-book and pencil, with which he had contrived to down keep a daily journal of his state

cart. bless me I can't hit it at all to night-half past nine-I get on very poorly-hang it I'll write a satirical touch.. ... I must push my candle up though... egad it is a small bit-I must not dally, or I shall be left in the dark

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with it "Ye poets and authors and sufferings, and in which hẹ

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Bateman's Stoops, on Lancaster Sands, the greatest part would be saved who are now drowned. Hav

soldier; and was too proud to apply to unfeeling relations. This note is dated on the 10th, which day he had employed in constructing stated these facts," he says, ing a little hut of bushes and "it would be superfluous to add leaves. On the 17th he complains more." of suffering much from cold, and in his journal of the 18th, he mentions having suffered from intolerable thirst, to appease which he

A lady walking with her husband on the beach, inquired of

tation and transportation. "Why,

had licked the dew from the sur-him the difference between exporrounding vegetables. On the 20th, he found a small piece of coin, and with great difficulty reached an

my dear," he replied, "if you were on board yonder vessel, you

inn, where he purchased a bottle would be exported, and I should, of beer. The beer failed, how-be transported.". ever, to quench his thirst, and his strength was so reduced that he took three hours to accomplish the distance, about two miles.

Roundabout Evidence.-Mother Hopkins told me, that she On the 22d, he discovered a heard Green's wife say, that John spring of water, but though tor- Glarrie's wife told her, that granmented with thirst, the agony ny Hopkins heard the widow Bawhich cold water produced on his sham say, that Captain. Weed's stomach excited vomiting and wife thought Colonel Hodkin's convulsions. The 23d made ten wife believed that old Miss Lamb 'days since he had taken any nou-reckoned that Samuel Dunham's rishment but beer and a little water. wife had told Spalding's wife that During that time he had not slept. she heard John Frinks say, On the 26th he complains of his feet being dead, and of being dis-Miss Jenks heard Granny Cook tracted by thirst; he was too weak to crawl to the spring, and yet dreadfully susceptible of suffering. The 29th of September was the last day on which he made any memorandum.

that her mother told her, Old

say, that it was a matter of fact!!! -American Paper.

Galen.-It was chance that led to the conversion of Galen, who, though an atheist, was a strict observer of nature, but finding a

A writer in the Lancaster ga- skeleton, he thought it of too cuzette suggests, "that if a life-pre-rious a construction to be the server were constructed upon production of chance.

Poetry.

SURNAMES.

Men once were surnamed from their

shape or estate,

You all may from History worm it: There was Lewis the Bulky, and Hen

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ry the Great,

Mr. Holdcastle dwells in a modernbuilt hut,

Miss Sage is of madcaps the archest; Of all the queer bachelor's Cupid e'er

cut

Old Mr. Younghusband's the starch

est.

Mr. Child, in a passion, knocked down
Mr. Rock,

Mr. Stone like an aspan-leaf shivers.

John Lackland, and Peter the Her- Miss Poole used to dance, but she

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Seem given by the rule of contraries. Mr. Metcalf ran off, upon meeting a Mr. Fox, though provoked, never dou

bles his fist,

Mr. Burns in his grate has no fuel, Mr. Playfair won't catch me at hazard or whist,

Mr. Coward was wing'd in a duel. Mr. Wise is a dunce, Mr. King is a

Whig,

Mr. Coffin's uncommonly sprightly,

cow,

With pale Mr. Turnbull behind him. Mr. Barker's as mute as any fish in the

sea,

Mr. Miles never moves on a journey, Mr. Gotobed sits up till half-after three,

Mr. Makepeace was bred an attor

ney.

And huge Mr. Little broke down in a Mr. Gardner can't tell a flower from a

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Tweak his nose in the lobby of Drury. Mr. Penny, whose father was rolling

At Bath, where the feeble go more

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By showing his shank to an heiress,— Now I hope you'll acknowledge I've made it quite clear

That fondest of mates, Mr. Hayter. Surnames ever go by contraries.

FIRST OF SEPTEMBER.
Cockney Sportsmán.

A mercer bold,

Of fame untold,

On Wednesday took his gun;
With kitchen dog,

And village prog,
Hoping to find some fun.

With sapient nose,
And nimble toes,
His dog like light'ning fled;
Look! look! said Ounce,
All in a pounce,

My gun shall strike them dead.

A partridge pie
Will please my eye,
When on the table laid;

My game is near,
My sight is clear,
The price of skill is paid.

Ile cock'd his eye, He soon let fly; But, oh! "Plague on the rats!" His aim was true

His game in view

He shot a brace of cats!

To the Editor of the Oxford Entertaining Miscellany.

SIR, You will oblige me by inserting the following Epitaphs, which I copied from two grave. stones in Bloxham Church-yard.

Your obedient Servant,

A SUBSCRIBER. Beneath the verdure of this earthly

chest

Are laid the garments of a soul undrest, A soul, that, borne on Angels' wings,

is gone

To put immortal vigour on.

'Till the great Saviour model them afresh,

And from this battered cast off garb of flesh

After his own, for that's the heavenly mode,

And fit to enrobe a favourite of God.

My children dear, pray all agree, Serve the Lord and follow me!

Epitaphs.

On Mr. Joseph King.

Here lies a man than whom no better's walking,

Who was when sleeping even, always tall-king;

A King by birth was he, and yet no no king,

In life was thin-king, and in death was Jo-King!

On a Miser.

Here Scrapeall lies in cold clay clad, Who died for want of what he had!

On an Attorney.

Here lieth one who often lied before, But now he lieth here, he lies no more.

Useful Domestic Wints.

A Cosmetic Water, of great use to prevent Pits after the Small-pɔx.— Dissolve an ounce and a half of salt in a pint of mint-water; boil them together, and skim the liquor.

It is very useful to wash the face with after the small-pox, in order to clear away the scabs, allay the itching, and remove the redness.

Mushrooms.-The following simple and easy method is recommended for trying the quality of field mushrooms. -Take an onion, and ship the outer skin, and boil it with them; if it re

Yes, "Tis decreed, they for a while mains white they are good, but if it

must lie

Among the hillocks of mortality,

becomes blue or black, there are certainly dangerous ones amongst them.

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