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First, he courted his charmer in sorrowful fashion,
And lied like a lawyer to move her compassion:
He should perish, he swore, did his suit not succeed,
And a barber to slay was a barbarous deed.

Then he alter'd his tone, and was heard to declare, If valour deserv'd the regard of the fair,

That his courage was tried, tho' he scorn'd to disclose How many brave fellows he 'd took by the nose.

He was known for a patriot staunch, and his shop
The resort of each true constitutional Crop :
The Whig Club, of worth patriotic the nursery,
He gratis had shav'd on their grand anniversary.

Thus this Knight of the Bason confounded together
Courage, politics, love, desperation, and lather:
But his hard-hearted Mistress, she set him at nought;
No gudgeon was she, nor so easily caught.

Indignant She answer'd: "No chin-scraping sot "Shall be fasten'd to me by the conjugal knot : "No!-to Tyburn repair, if a noose you must tie, "Other fish I have got, Mr. Tonsor, to fry.

"Holborn-bridge and Black-friars my triumphs can tell, "From Billingsgate beauties I've long born the bell:

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Nay, tripemen and fishmongers vie for my favour

"Then d'ye think I'll take up with a Twopenny Shaver?

"Let dory, or turbot, the sov'reign of fish, "Cheek by jowl with red herring be serv'd in one dish; "Let sturgeon and sprats in one pickle unite,

"When I angle for husbands and barbers shall bite."

But the Barber persisted (Ah, could I relate 'em!)
To ply her with compliments soft as pomatum;
And took ev'ry occasion to flatter and praise her,
Till she fancied his wit was as keen as his razor.

With fair speeches cajol'd, as you 'd tickle a trout, 'Gainst the Barber the Fishwife no more could hold

out,

He applied the right bait, 'twas with flattery he caught her;

Without flattery a female 's a fish out of water.

The state of her heart when the Barber once guess'd
Love's siege with redoubled exertion he press'd;

With profuse panegyric his charmer preferring

To maids, widows, and wives, fish, flesh, and red herring.

The flame to allay that their bosoms did sō burn,
They set off for the church of St. Andrew in Holborn,
Where tonsors and trulls, country dicks and their cousins,
In the halter of wedlock are tied up by dozens.

The nuptials to grace came, from every quarter,
The worthies at Rag Fair old caxons who barter;
Who the coverings of judges and counsellors' nobs
Cut down into majors, queus, scratches, and bobs:

Musclemongers and oystermen, crimps, and coalheavers,
And butchers with marrowbones smiting their cleavers ;
Blind fidlers and bag-pipers, taylors and tylers,
Bawds, boot-catchers, bailiffs, and blackpudding-boilers.

From their voices united such melody flow'd

As the Abbey ne'er witness'd, nor Tott'nham Court Road : While Saint Andrew's brave bells did so loud and so clear

ring,

You'd have given ten pounds to 've been out of their

hearing.

For his fee-when the parson this couple had join'd,
As no Cash was forth-coming, he took it in kind:
So the Bridegroom dismantled his rev'rence's chin,
And the Bride entertain'd him with pilchards and gin.

A MORSEL FOR A MUSSULMAN:

OR,

A REVELATION OF THE FUTURE STATE OF

DECEASED FEMALES,

IN REFUTATION OF THE SUPPOSED MAHOMETAN DOCTRINE, ASSERTING THAT WOMEN HAVE NO SOULS, AND ARE EXCLUDED FROM PARADISE.

Non Me impia namque

Tartara habent tristesque umbræ: sed amœna

Concilia Elysiumque colo.

Virg. Æn. i. 5.

FROM the blest realms where Paradise displays

Her empyrean splendour's ceaseless blaze,
And bids her groves of vegetable gold

To genial gales immortal blooms unfold;

From nectar'd streams where Houris, heavenly-fair, Bathe the bright tresses of their odorous hair;

To Zeineb, loveliest of the passive train,

That 'midst the Haram's hated glooms complain,
Alzira's happy shade appearing, steals

A pause from bliss, and thus her state reveals:

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