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GIVEN TO THE NEPAULESE AMBASSADOR BY THE PENIN
SULAR AND ORIENTAL COMPANY.
Now, like a pig in a mortar-bed wallowing, This Gineral great then tuck his sate,
See the old bachelor kneading his dough ; With all the other ginerals,
And as he there, with princely air,
Recloinin on his cushion was, Never the bit is his bed made at all;
All round about his royal chair, So he creeps like a terrapin under the kivering ;
The squeezin and the pushin was. Bad luck to the pictur of Bachelor's Hall !
O Pat, such girls, such Jukes and Earls,
Such fashion and nobilitee!
Just think of Tim, and fancy him
Amidst the hoigh gentility !
Ministher and his lady there,
And I reckonized, with much surprise, 0, will ye choose to hear the news ?
Our messmate, Bob O'Grady, there;
There was Baroness Brunow, that looked like Juno, To the Naypaulase Ambassador.
And Baroness Rehausen there, Begor ! this fête all balls does bate,
And Countess Roullier,' that looked peculiar At which I worn a pump, and I
Well, in her robes of gauze in there. Must here relate the splendthor great
There was Lord Crowhurst (I knew him first Of th' Oriental Company.
When only Mr. Pips he was), These men of sinse dispoised expinse,
And Mick O'Toole, the great big fool,
That after supper tipsy was.
And Lords Killeen and Dufferin,
And Paddy Fife, with his fat wife, – They hung the rooms of Willis up,
I wondther how he could stuff her in. And decked the walls and stairs and halls
There was Lord Belfast, that by me past, With roses and with lilies up.
And seemed to ask how should I go there ? And Jullien's band it tuck its stand
And the Widow Macrae, and Lord A. Hay, So sweetly in the middle there,
And the Marchioness of Sligo there. And soft bassoons played heavenly chunes,
Yes, Jukes and Earls, and diamonds and pearls, And violins did fiddle there.
And pretty girls, was spoorting there ; And when the Coort was tired of spoort,
And some beside (the rogues !) I spied, I'd lave you, boys, to think there was
Behind the windies, coorting there. A nate buffet before them set,
0, there's one I know, bedad, would show Where lashins of good dhrink there was !
As beautiful as any there ; At ten before the ball-room door,
And I'd like to hear the pipers blow, His moighty Excellency was ;
And shake a fut with Fanny there !
WILLIAM MAKEPEACE THACKERAY. He smoiled and bowed to all the crowd,
So gorgeous and immense he was.
of O'RYAN, IGNORANTLY AND FALSELY SPELLED ORION. The noble Chair stud at the stair,
O'Ryan was a man of might And bade the dthrums to thump ; and he
Whin Ireland was a nation, Did thus evince to that Black Prince
But poachin' was his heart's delight The welcome of his Company.
And constant occupation. O fair the girls, and rich the curls,
He had an ould militia gun, And bright the oys, you saw there, was ;
And sartin sure his aim was ; And fixed each oye, ye there could spoi,
He gave the keepers many a run, On Gineral Jung Bahawther was !
And would n't mind the game laws.
A VERITABLE MYTH, TOUCHING THE CONSTELLATION
He weeps o'er the modern corruption,
Compared with the good old times,
With the Upper Jura limes !
The hoary old Plesiosaurus
Does naught but quaff and roar;
Flew drunk to his own front door!
The Iguanodon of the Period
Grows worse with every stratum ;
Whenever he can get at 'em !
St. Pathrick wanst was passin' by
O'Ryan's little houldin',
He thought he'd enther bould in. “O'Ryan," says the saint, “avick!
To praich at Thurles I 'm goin'; So let me have a rasher quick,
And a dhrop of Innishowen." “No rasher will I cook for you
While betther is to spare, sir,
And there's a rattlin' hare, sir."
And says he, “Good luck attind you,
It's up to heaven I'll sind you." O'Ryan gave his pipe a whiff,
“ Them tidin's is thransportin', But may I ax your saintship if
There's any kind of sportin'?"
Two Bears, a Bull, and Cancer”.
St. Pathrick, I'm your man, sir.” So, to conclude my song
aright, For fear I'd tire your patience, You 'll see O'Ryan any night
Amid the constellations.
Till Mars grows jealous raally,
Of handling the shillaly.
CHARLES G. HALPINE.
TO THE PLIOCENE SKULL.
SONG OF THE ICHTHYOSAURUS.
A GEOLOGICAL ADDRESS. [This curious specimen of German scientific humor refers to the close of the Jurassic (or Liassic) period and the beginning of the Cretaceous, and describes the sad forebodings of a venerable Sau.
["A human skull has been found in California, in the pliocene forrian, who sees in the degeneracy of the times a sign of the coming mation. This skull is the remnant, not only of the earliest pioneer cataclysm.
of this State, but the oldest known human being. The skull The translator says, " Among the many extraordinary liberties
was found in a shaft one hundred and fifty feet deep, two miles which we have felt obliged to take with the letter of the original, in from Angel's, in Calaveras County, by a miner named James Mat. order to preserve as far as possible its spirit and its flowing move. son, who gave it to Ar. Scribner, a inerchant, and he gave it to Dr. ment, the inost violent is the substitution in the last stanza but one, Jones, who sent it to the State Geological Survey. .... The pubof an entirely new (and poor) joke for the very neat, but untrans
lished volume of the State Survey on the Geology of California latable jeu of the German. The last two lines of the stanza are : states that man existed contemporaneously with the mastodon, but Sie kamen zu tief in die Kreide ;
this fossil proves that he was here before the mastodon was known
to exist." - Daily Paper.) Da war es natürlich vorbei.' The literal meaning is, 'They got too deep in the chalk, and it was, of course, all up with them.' The allusion is to the score
“SPEAK, Oman, less recent! Fragmentary fossil ! chalked up by a landlord against some bibulous but impecunious Primal pioneer of pliocene formation, count for drinks that the chalk required to mark their indebtedness Hid in lowest drifts below the earliest stratum smothered the whole race, and brought on the Cretaceous or chalk
Of Volcanic tufa! period, is so absurdly funny that it is a pity to sacrifice it.")
There's a rustling in the rushes, Older than the beasts, the oldest Palæotherium ;
Older than the trees, the oldest Cryptogamia ;
Older than the hills, those infant eruptions Swims hither mournfully!
Of earth's epidermis !
Wert thou true spectator of that mighty forest When above thy head the stately Sigillaria Reared its columned trunks in that remote and
distant Carboniferous epoch ?
A bag for his oatmeal,
Another for his salt,
And a-begging we will go, etc.
Tell us of that scene, the dim and watery wood
land, Songless, silent, hushed, with never bird or insect, Veiled with spreading fronds and screened with
tall club-mosses, Lycopodiacea
A bag for his wheat,
Another for his rye,
And a-begging we will go, etc. Seven years I begged
For my old master Wilde ; He taught me how to beg When I was but a child.
And a-begging we will go, etc. I begged for my master,
And got himn store of pelf ; But, goodness now be praised ! I'm begging for myself.
And a-begging we will go, etc.
When beside thee walked the solemn Plesiosaurus, And around thee crept the festive Ichthyosaurus, While from time to time above thee flew and circled
Tell us of thy food, — those half-marine refections, Crinoids on the shell, and Brachipods au naturel,Cuttle-fish to which the picuvre of Victor Hugo
Seems a periwinkle.
Speak, thouawful vestige of the earth's creation, -
Speak ! thou oldest primate !"
In a hollow tree
I live, and pay no rent ; Providence provides for me, And I am well content.
And a-begging we will go, etc. Of all the occupations
A beggar's is the best,
And a-begging we will go, etc.
Even as I gazed, a thrill of the maxilla
Ground the teeth together.
And from that imperfect dental exhibition, Stained with expressed juices of the weed Nicotian, Came those hollow accents, blent with softer
I fear no plots against me,
I live in open cell ; Then who would be a king, lads, When the beggar lives so well ?
And a-begging we will go,
Will go, will go,
Of expectoration :
" Which my name is Bowers, and my crust was
busted Falling down a shaft, in Calaveras County, But I'd take it kindly if you'd send the pieces
Home to old Missouri !”
I CANNOT eat but little meat,
My stomach is not good ;
FRANCIS BRET HARTE,
But, sure, I think that I can drink
The tail of the steed pointed south on the dale, With any that wears a hood.
'T was the friar's road home, straight and Though I go bare, take ye no care ;
level ; I am nothing a-cold,
But, when spurred, a horse follows his nose, not I stuff my skin so full within
his tail, Of jolly good ale and old.”
So he scampered due north, like a devil : Back and side go bare, go bare ;
“ This new mode of docking,” the friar then said, Both foot and hand go cold ;
“I perceive does n't make a horse trot ill; But, belly, God send thee good ale enough, And't is cheap, — for he never can eat off his head Whether it be new or old !
While I am engaged at the bottle,
Which goes gluggity, gluggity — glug I love no roast but a nut-brown toast, And a crab laid in the fire ;
- glug - glug.” A little bread shall do me stead, Much bread I not desire.
The steed made a stop, - in a pond he had got, No frost nor snow, nor wind, I trow,
He was rather for drinking than grazing; Can hurt me if I wold,
Quoth the friar, “'Tis strange headless horses I am so wrapt, and thorowly lapt
should trot, Of jolly good ale and old.
But to drink with their tails is amazing !”. Back and side go bare, go bare, etc.
Turning round to see whence this phenomenon
rose, And Tyb, my wife, that as her life
In the pond fell this son of a pottle ; Loveth well good ale to seek,
Quoth he, “ The head's found, for I'm under his Full oft drinks she, till you may see
nose, The tears run down her cheek;
I wish I were over a bottle, Then doth she trowl to me the bowl,
Which goes gluggity, gluggity — glug Even as a malt-worm should ;
- glug - glug.” And saith, “Sweetheart, I took my part
Of this jolly good ale and old."
ODE FOR A SOCIAL MEETING.
Good ale doth bring men to ; And all poor souls that have scoured bowls, COME! fill a fresh bumper, for why should we Or have them lustily trowled,
go God save the lives of them and their wives,
logwood Whether they be young or old !
While the Hectar still reddens our cups as they Back and side go bare, go bare ;
flow? Both foot and hand go cold;
Pour out the rieh juices still bright with the sun, But, belly, God send thee good ale enough,
dye-stuff Whether it be new or old !
Till o'er the brimmed crystal the rubbies shall run. JOHN STILL.
The purple globed elusters their life-dews have GLUGGITY GLUG.
sugar of lead THE MYRTLE AND THE VINE."
How sweet is the breath of the fragrance ikter sheet!
rank polsons A JOLLY fat friar loved liquor good store, For summer's last roses lie hid in the wiites And he had drunk stoutly at supper ;
stable-boys smoking long-nines He mounted his horse in the night at the door,
That were garnered by Heidens who tattghed And sat with his face to the crupper :
through the vides. “Some rogue,” quoth the friar, “quite dead to
Then a snile, andagluns, and a trest, and a cheer, Some thief, whom a halter will throttle,
strychnine and whiskey, and ratsbane and beer Some sconndrel has cut off the head of my horse, For all the guest witte, Amiwe've Hottie of it here ! While I was engaged at the bottle,
In cellar, in pantry, in attic, in hall,
Down, down with the tyrant that masters us all!
- glug - glug.”
WITH SLIGHT ALTERATIONS BY A TEETOTALER.
OLIVEK WENDELL HOLMES.
A SIMILE FOR REVIEWERS.
Consigns a wretch
YE overseers and reviewers
And for your merits A dram of British spirits. And so I leave you with a fable Designed, without a sneer, To exhilarate your table And give a relish to your beer. I beg my compliments to all your ladies The revieweresses Hark !!! And, if you please take warning, My fable is concerning A cuckoo and a lark. If I had said a nightingale, You would have cried You could not fail, That it was pride, And naught beside, That made me think of such a tale. Upon a tree as they were sitting They fell into a warm dispute, Warmer than was fitting, Which of them was the better fluto. After much prating And debating, Not worth relating, Things came to such a pass, They both agree To take an ass For referee : The ass was studying botany and grass Under the tree. What do you think was the decree ? “Why," said the ass,“thequestion is not hard:" And so he made an excellent award, As you shall see. “ The lark," says he, “Has got a wild fantastic pipe, But no more music than a snipe ; It gives one pain And turns one's brain, One can't keep time to such a strain; Whereas the cuckoo's note Is measured and composed with thought; His method is distinct and clear, And dwells Like bells Upon the ear, Which is the sweetest music one can hear. I can distinguish, I 'll lay a wager,