thy sake, as for the sake of the most excellent woman in the world for then thou wouldst not have had the most crying sin of thy life to answer for. I was told on Saturday, that thou wert very much out of order; and this made me forbear writing till I heard further. Harry, on his return from thee, confirmed the bad way thou art in. But I hope Lord M. in his unmerited tenderness for thee, thinks the worst of thee. What can it be, Bob? A violent fever, they say; but attended with odd and severe symptoms. I will not trouble thee in the way thou art in, with what passes here with Miss Harlowe. I wish thy repentance as swift as thy illness; and as efficacious, if thou diest; for it is else to be feared, that she and you will never meet in one place. I told her how ill you are. Poor man said she. Dangerously ill, say you? Dangerously indeed, madam so Lord M. sends me word! God be merciful to him, if he die !-said the admirable creature. Then, after a pause, Poor wretch!-may he meet with the mercy he has not shown! I send this by a special messenger: for I am impatient to hear how it goes with thee.-If I have received thy last letter, what melancholy reflections will that last, so full of shocking levity, give to Thy true friend, JOHN BELFORD! MR. LOVELACE TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. Tuesday, August 15. HANK thee Jack; most heartily I thank thee, for the sober conclusion of thy last!—I have a good mind, for the sake of it, to forgive thy till-now absolutely unpardonable extracts. But dost think I will lose such an angel, such a forgiving angel, as this?-by my soul, I will not!-to pray for mercy for such an ungrateful miscreant!-how she wounds me, how she cuts me to the soul, by her exalted generosity! --but she must have mercy upon me first!—then will she teach me a reliance for the sake of which her prayer for me will be answered. But hasten, hasten to me, particulars of her health, of her employments, of her conversation. I am sick only of love!-O that I could have called her mine it would then have been worth while to be sick! -to have sent for her down to me from town; and to have had her, with healing in her dove-like wings, flying to my comfort; her duty and her choice to pray for me, and to bid me live for her sake!-O Jack! what an angel have I But I have not lost her I will not lose her! I am almost well; should be quite well but for these prescribing rascals, who, to do credit to their skill, will make the disease of importance. And I will make her mine!—and be sick again, to entitle myself to her dutiful tenderness, and pious as well as personal concern! God for ever bless her!-hasten, hasten particulars of her!I am sick of love!-such generous goodness!-by all that's great and good, I will not lose her!-so tell her! -she says, that she could not pity me, if she thought of being mine! this, according to Miss Howe's transcriptions to Charlotte. But bid her hate me, and have me and my behaviour to her shall soon turn that hate to love!--for, body and mind, I will be wholly hers. VOL. III. I MR. BELFORD TO ROBERT LOVELACE, ESQ. AM sincerely rejoiced to hear that thou art already so much amended, as thy servant tells me thou art. Thy letter looks as if thy morals were mending with thy health. This was a letter I could show, as I did, to the lady. She is very ill (cursed letters received from her implacable family!): so I could not have much conversation with her, in thy favour, upon it.-But what passed will make thee more and more adore her. She was very attentive to me, as I read it; and, when I had done, Poor man! said she; what a letter is this! he had timely instances, that my temper was not ungenerous, if generosity could have obliged him! but his remorse, and that for his own sake, is all the punishment I wish him. Yet I must be more reserved, if you write to him everything I say! I extolled her unbounded goodness-how could I help it, though to her face! No goodness in it! she said-it was a frame of mind she had endeavoured after for her own sake. She suffered too much in want of mercy, not to wish it to a penitent heart. He seems to be penitent, said she; and it is not for me to judge beyond appearances. If he be not, he deceives himself more than anybody else. She was so ill, that this was all that passed on the occasion. Let me add, that the excellent lady is informed, by a letter from Mrs. Norton, that Colonel Morden is just arrived in England. He is now the only person she wishes to see. I expressed some jealousy upon it, lest he should have place given over me in the executorship. She said, that she had no thoughts to do so now; because such a trust, were he to accept of it (which she doubted) might, from the nature of some of the papers which in that case would necessarily pass through his hands, occasion mischiefs between my friend and him, that would be worse than death for her to think of. Tourville tells me how fast thou mendest: let me conjure thee not to think of molesting this incomparable woman. For thy own sake I request this, as well as for hers, and for the sake of thy given promise: for, should she die within a few weeks, as I fear she will, it will be said, and perhaps too justly, that thy visit has hastened her end. In hopes thou wilt not, I wish thy perfect recovery: else, that thou mayst relapse, and be confined to thy bed. MR. BELFORD TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE. M Saturday Morning, August 19. JADAM,—I think myself obliged in honour to acquaint you, that I am afraid Mr. Lovelace will try his fate by an interview with you. I wish to heaven you could prevail upon yourself to receive his visit. All that is respectful, even to veneration, and all that is penitent, will you see in his behaviour, if you can admit of it. But as I am obliged to set out directly for Epsom (to perform, as I apprehend, the last friendly offices for poor Mr. Belton, whom once you saw) and as I think it more likely, that Mr. Lovelace will not be prevailed upon, than that he will, I thought fit to give you this intimation, lest, if he should come, you should be too much surprised. He flatters himself, that you are not so ill as I represent you to be. When he sees you, he will be convinced, that the most obliging things he can do, will be as proper to be done for the sake of his own future peace of mind, as for your health-sake; and, I dare say, in fear of hurting the latter, he will forbear the thoughts of any further intrusion; at least while you are so much indisposed: so that one half-hour's shock, if it will be a shock to see the unhappy man (but just got up himself from a dangerous fever) will be all you will have occasion to stand. I beg you will not too much hurry and discompose yourself. It is impossible he can be in town till Monday, at soonest. And if he resolve to come, I hope to be at Mr. Smith's before him. I am, madam, with the profoundest veneration, J. BELFORD. M MR. LOVELACE TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. Sunday, August 20. HAT an unmerciful fellow art thou! a man has no need of a conscience, who has such an imperti nent monitor. I have sinned; I repent; I would repair she forgives my sin; she accepts my repentance: but she won't let me repair-what wouldst have me do? Colonel Morden, thou hast heard me say, is a man of honour and bravery. I have often heard my beloved speak of the Colonel with great distinction and esteem. I wish he could make matters a little easier, for her mind's sake, between the rest of the implacables and herself. But I shall call thee seriously to account, when I see thee, for the extracts thou hast given the lady from my letters, notwithstanding what I said in my last; especially if she continue to refuse me. An hundred times have I myself known a woman deny, yet comply at last but, by these extracts, thou hast, I doubt, made her bar up the door of her heart, as she used to do her chamber-door, against me. This therefore is a disloyalty that friendship cannot bear, nor honour allow me to forgive. |