Miss Ster. But, my dear madam, a moment is an age, in my situation. I am sure my sister has been plotting my disgrace and ruip in that chamber- -O! she's all craft and wickedness. Mrs Heid. Well, but softly, Betsey !—you are all in emotion-your mind is too much flustrated -you can neither eat, nor drink, nor take your natural rest-compose yourself, child; if we are not as warysome as they are wicked, we shall disgrace ourselves and the whole fammaly. Miss Ster. We are disgraced already, madam. Sir John Melvil has forsaken me; my lord cares for nobody but himself; or, if any body, it is my sister; my father, for the sake of a better bargain, would marry me to a 'Change broker; so that if you, madam, don't continue my friendif you forsake me if I am to lose my best hopes and consolation-in your tenderness-and affections-I had better-at once-give up the matter-and let my sister enjoy-the fruits of her treachery-trample with scorn upon the rights of her elder sister, the will of the best of aunts and the weakness of a too interested father. [She pretends to be bursting into tears all this speech. Mrs Heid. Don't, Betsey-keep up your spurrit -I hate whimpering—I am your friend-depend upon me in every particular--but be composed, and tell me what new mischief you have discovered? Miss Ster. I had no desire to sleep, and would not undress myself, knowing that my Machiavel sister would not rest till she had broke my heart: —I was so uneasy that I could not stay in my room; but, when I thought that all the house was quiet, I sent my maid to discover what was going forward; she immediately came back, and told me that they were in high consultation; that she had heard only, for it was in the dark, my sister's maid conduct sir John Melvil to her mistress, and then lock the door. Mrs Heid. And how did you conduct yourself in this dalimma? Miss Ster. I returned with her, and could hear a man's voice, though nothing that they said, distinctly; and you may depend upon it, that sir John is now in that room, that they have settled the matter, and will run away together before morning, if we don't prevent them. Mrs Heid, Why, the brazen slut! she has got her sister's husband (that is to be) locked up in her chamber! at night, too -I tremble at the thoughts! Miss Ster. Hush, madam! I hear something, Mrs Heid. You frighten me-let me put on my fly-cap-I would not be seen in this figur for the world. Miss Ster. 'Tis dark, madam; you can't be seen. Mrs Heid. I protest there's a candle coming, and a man, too! Miss Ster. Nothing but servants; let us retire a moment! [They retire. Enter BRUSH, half drunk, laying hold of the Chamber-maid, who has a candle in her hand. Cham. Be quiet, Mr Brush; I shall drop down with terror! Brush. But my sweet, and most amiable chambermaid, if you have no love, you may hearken to a little reason; that cannot possibly do your virtue any harm. Cham. But you may do me harm, Mr Brush, and a great deal of harm, too; pray let me go; I am ruined if they hear you; I tremble like an asp. Brush. But they shan't hear us; and if you have a mind to be ruined, it shall be the making of your fortune, you little slut, you! therefore, I say it again, if you have no love, hear a little reason! Cham, I wonder at your impurence, Mr Brush, to use me in this manner; this is not the way to keep me company, I assure you. You are a town-rake, I see; and now you are a little in liquor, you fear nothing. Brush. Nothing, by Heavens, but your frowns, most amiable chamber-maid! I am a little electrified, that's the truth on't; I am not used to drink port, and your master's is so heady, that a pint of it oversets a claret-drinker. Cham. Don't be rude! bless me !-I shall be ruined-what will become of me? Brush. I'll take care of you, by all that's honourable! Cham. You are a base man to use me so-I'll cry out, if you don't let me go. That is Miss Sterling's chamber, that Miss Fanny's, and that Madam Heidelberg's. Brush And that my lord Ogleby's, and that my lady What-d'ye-call-'em's: I don't mind such folks when I'm sober, much less when I am whimsical-rather above that, too. Cham. More shame for you, Mr Brush!—you terrify me-you have no modesty. Brush. O, but I have, my sweet spider-brusher!--for instance; I reverence Miss Fannyshe's a most delicious morsel, and fit for a prince. -With all my horrors of matrimony, I could marry her myself-but for her sister— Miss Ster. There, there, madam, all in a story! Cham. Bless me, Mr Brush!—I heard something! Brush. Rats, I suppose, that are gnawing the old timbers of this execrable old dungeon-If it was mine, I would pull it down, and fill your fine canal up with the rubbish; and then I should get rid of two damned things at once. Cham. Law! law! how you blaspheme !—we shall have the house upon our heads for it. Brush. No, no; it will last our time—but, as I was saying, the eldest sister-Miss Jezebel Cham. Is a fine young lady, for all your evil tongue. Brush. No we have smoaked her already; and unless she marries our old Swiss, she can have none of us—no, no, she won't do-we are a little too nice. Cham. You're a monstrous rake, Mr Brush, and don't care what you say. Brush. Why, for that matter, my dear, I am a little inclined to mischief; and if you don't have pity upon me, I will break open that door, and ravish Mrs Heidelberg. Mrs Heid. [Coming forward.] There's no bearing this-you profligate monster! Cham. Ha! I am undone ! Brush. Zounds! here she is, by all that's monstrous! [Runs off. Cham. Now, madam !-'Tis so very late, madam Mrs Heid. I don't care how late it is. Tell him there are thieves in the house-that the house is on fire-tell him to come here immediately go, I say! Cham. I will, I will, though I'm frightened out of my wits. [Exit. Mrs Heid. Do you watch here, my dear; and I'll put myself in order, to face them. We'll plot them, and counter-plot them, too. [Exit into her chamber. Miss Ster. I have as much pleasure in this revenge, as in being made a countess.--Ha! they are unlocking the door. -Now for it! [Retires. Miss Ster. A fine discourse you have had with FANNY's door is unlocked, and BETTY comes out MISS STERLING approaches that fellow! Mrs Heid. And a fine time of night it is to be here with that drunken monster! Miss Ster. What have you to say for your self? Cham. I can say nothing.-I'm so frightened, and so ashamed-but indeed I am vartuous-I am vartuous, indeed. Mrs Heid. Well, well-don't tremble so; but, tell us what you know of this horrable plot, here. Miss Ster. We'll forgive you, if you'll discover all. Cham. Why, madam—don't let me betray my fellow servants-I shan't sleep in my bed, if I do. Mrs Heid. Then you shall sleep somewhere else to-morrow night. Cham. O dear! what shall I do! Mrs Heid. Tell us this moment, or I'll turn you out of doors directiv. Cham. Why, our butler has been treating us below in his pantryMr Brush forced us to make a kind of a holiday night of it. Miss Ster. Holiday! for what? Cham. Nay, I only made one. with a candle. her. Ster. What's all this? What's the matter? Why am I disturbed in this manner? Miss Ster. This creature, and my distresses, Miss Ster. Well, well; but upon what ac- sir, will explain the matter. count? Cham. Because, as how, madam, there was a change in the family, they said—that his houour, sir John, was to marry Miss Fanny, instead of your ladyship. Miss Ster. And so you make a holiday for that? -Very fine! Cham. I did not make it, madam. Mrs Heid. But do you know nothing of sir John's being to run away with Miss Fanny tonight? Cham. No, indeed, madam. Re-enter MRS HEIDELBERG, with another headdress. Mrs Heid. Now I'm prepared for the rancounter. Well, brother, have you heard of this scene of wickedness? Ster. Not 1-but what is it? Speak. I was got into my little closet, all the lawyers were in bed, and I had almost lost my senses in the confusion of lord Ogleby's mortgages, when I was alarmed with a foolish girl, who could hard Miss Ster. Nor of his being now locked up inly speak; and whether it's fire, or thieves, or my sister's chamber? Cham. No, as I hope for marcy, madam. Mrs Heid. Well, I'll put an end to all this directly do you run to my brother Sterling murder, or a rape, I'm quite in the dark. Miss Ster. Who's in that chamber? see. [Detaining BETTY, who seemed to be steating or burn themselves in it, rather than not be away.] revenged. Bet. My mistress. Miss Ster. And who's with your mistress? Miss Ster. Open the door, then, and let us Bet. The door is open, madam. [MISS STERLING goes to the door.] I'll sooner die than peach. [Exit hastily. Miss Ster. The door is locked; and she has got the key in her pocket. Mrs Heid. There's impudence, brother! piping hot from your daughter Fanny's school! Ster. But zounds! what is all this about? You tell me of a sum total, and you don't produce the particulars. Mrs Heid. Sir John Melvil is lock up in your daughter's bed-chamber- -There is the parti culars. too. Ster. The devil he is! That's bad. Enter CANTON, in a night-gown and slippers. Can. Eh, diable! vat is de raison of dis great noise, dis tantamarre? Ster. Ask those ladies, sir; 'tis of their making. Lord Ogle. [Calls within.] Brush! Brush!— Canton! where are you? What's the matter?[Rings a bell.] Where are you? Ster. 'Tis my lord calls, Mr Canton. [Erit CANTON. [LORD OGLEBY still rings. Serj. Flow. [Calls within.] A light! a light, here! where are the servants? Bring a light for me and my brothers. Ster. Lights here! lights for the gentlemen! [Exit STERLING. Mrs Heid. My brother feels, I see—your sis Miss Ster. And he has been there some time, ter's turn will come next. Ster. Ditto! Mrs Heid. Ditto! worse and worse, I say. I'll raise the house, and expose him to my lord, and the whole faminaly. Ster. By no means! we shall expose ourselves, sister! the best way is to insure privately let me alone! I'll make him marry her tomorrow morning. Miss Ster. Make him marry her! this is beyond all patience! You have thrown away all your affection; and I shall do as much by my obedience; unnatural fathers make unnatural children. My revenge is in my own power, and I'll indulge it. Had they made their escape, I should have been exposed to the derision of the world but the deriders shall be derided; and so---help! help, there! thieves! thieves! Mrs Heid. Tit-for-tat, Betsey! you are right, my girl. Ster. Zounds! you'll spoil all-you'll raise the whole family-the devil's in the girl! Mrs Heid. No, no; the devil's in you, brother; I am ashamed of your principles. What! would you connive at your daughter's being locked up with her sister's husband? Help! thieves! thieves, I say! [Cries out. Ster. Sister, I beg you! daughter, I command you! If you have no regard for me, consider yourselves! we shall lose this opportunity of ennobling our blood, and getting above twenty per cent. for our money. Miss Ster. What, by my disgrace and my sister's triumph! I have a spirit above such mean considerations; and to shew you, that it is not a low-bred, vulgar 'Change-alley spirit—————help! help! thieves! thieves! thieves, I say! Ster. Ay, ay, you may save your lungs-the house is in an uproar: women, at best, have no discretion; but, in a passion, they'll fire a house, Miss Ster. Ay, ay, let it go round, madam; it is the only comfort I have left. Re-enter STERLING, with lights, before Serjeant FLOWER, with one boot and a slipper, and TRAVERSE. Ster. This way, sir! this way, gentlemen! Flow. Well; but Mr Sterling, no danger, I hope. Have they made a burglarious entry?— Are you prepared to repulse them? I am very much alarmed about thieves at circuit-time.— They would be particularly severe with us gentlemen of the bar. Tra. No danger, Mr Sterling? no trespass, I hope? Ster. None, gentlemen, but of those ladies making. Mrs Heid. You'll be ashamed to know, gentlemen, that all your labours and studies about this young lady are thrown away-Sir John Melvil is, at this moment, locked up with this lady's younger sister. Flow. The thing is a little extraordinary, to be sure; but, why were we to be frightened out of our beds for this? Could not we have tried this 'cause to-morrow morning? Miss Ster. But, sir, by to-morrow morning, perhaps, even your assistance would not have been of any service-the birds, now in that cage, would have flown away. Enter LORD OGLEBY, in his robe-de-chambre, night-cap, &c. leaning on CANTON. Lord Ogle. I had rather lose a limb than my night's rest. What's the matter with you all? Ster. Ay, ay, 'tis all over! Here's my lord too! Lord Ogle. What's all this shrieking and screaming? Where's my angelic Fanny? She's safe, I hope? Mrs Heid. Your angelic Fanny, my lord, is locked up with your angelic nephew in that chamber. Lord Ogle. My nephew! then will I be excommunicated. Mrs Heid. Your nephew, my lord, has been plotting to run away with the younger sister; and the younger sister has been plotting to run away with your nephew and if we had not watched them, and called up the fammaly, they had been upon the scamper to Scotland by this time. Lord Ogle. Look'e, ladies! I know that sir John has conceived a violent passion for Miss Fanny; and I know, too, that Miss Fanny has conceived a violent passion for another person; and I am so well convinced of the rectitude of her affections, that I will support them with my fortune, my honour, and my life. Eh, shan't I, Mr Sterling? [Smiling.] What say you? Ster. [Sulkily.] To be sure, my lord. These bawling women have been the ruin of every thing. [Aside. Lord Ogle. But come, I'll end this business in a trice-if you, ladies, will compose yourselves, and Mr Sterling will insure Miss Fanny from violence, I will engage to draw her from her pillow with a whisper through the key-hole. Mrs Heid. The horrid creatures! I say, my lord, break the door open. Lord Ogle. Let me beg of your delicacy not to be too precipitate. Now to our experiment! [Advancing towards the door. Miss Ster. Now, what will they do? my heart will beat through my bosom. Enter BETTY, with the key. Bet. There's no occasion for breaking open doors, my lord; we have done nothing that we ought to be ashamed of, and my mistress shall face her enemies. [Going to unlock the door. Mrs Heid. There's impudence! Lord Ogle. The mystery thickens. Lady of the bed-chamber, [To BETTY.] open the door, and entreat sir John Melvil (for the ladies will have it that he is there) to appear and answer to high crimes and misdemeanors.-Call sir John Melvil into the court! Enter SIR JOHN MELVIL, on the other side. Sir John. What's all this alarm and confusion? there is nothing but hurry in the house; what is the reason of it? Lord Ogle. Because you have been in that chamber; have been! nay, you are there at this moment, as these ladies have protested, so don't deny it Tra. This is the clearest alibi I ever knew, Mr Serjeaut Flow. Luce clarius. Lord Ogle. Upon my word, ladies, if you have often these frolicks, it would be really entertaining to pass a whole summer with you. But come, [To BETTY.] open the door, and entreat your amiable mistress to come forth, and dispel all our doubts with her smiles. Bet. [Opening the door.] Madam, you are wanted in this room. [Pertly. Enter FANNY, in great confusion. Miss Ster. You see she's ready dressed--and what confusion she's in! Mrs Heid. Ready to pack off, bag and baggage! her guilt confounds her! Flow. Silence in the court, ladies! Fan. I am confounded, indeed, madam! Lord Ogle. Don't droop, my beauteous lily! but, with your own peculiar modesty, declare your state of mind.--Pour conviction into their ears, and raptures into mine. [Smiling. Fan. I am, at this moment, the most unhappy -most distressed-the tumult is too much for my heart-and I want the power to reveal a se cret, which, to conceal, has been the misfortune and misery of my[Faints away. Lord Ogle. She faints! help, help! for the fairest and best of women! Bet. [Running to her.] O, my dear mistress -help, help, there! Sir John. Ha! let me fly to her assistance. LOVEWELL rushes out of the chamber. Love. My Fanny in danger! I can contain no longer.-Prudence were now a crime; all other cares were lost in this!-speak, speak, speak to me, my dearest Fanny!-let me but hear thy voice! open your eyes, and bless me with the smallest sign of life! [During this speech, they are all in amaze- Miss Ster. Lovewell!I am easy. Sir John. And I undone ! Fun. [Recovering.] O, Lovewell!-even supported by thee, I dare not look my father, nor his lordship, in the face. Ster. What now! did not I send you to London, sir? Lord Ogle. Eh!-What! How's this? by what right and title have you been half the night in that lady's bed-chamber? Love. By that right, which makes me the happiest of men! and, by a title, which I would not forego, for any the best of kings could give. Bet. I could cry my eyes out to hear his magnimity. Lord Ogle. I am annihilated! Ster. I have been choked with rage and wonder; but now I can speak.-Zounds! what have you to say to me? Lovewell, you are a villain.- | You have broke your word with me. Fan. Indeed, sir, he has not---you forbade him to think of me, when it was out of his power to obey you; we have been married these four months. Ster. And he shan't stay in my house four hours. What baseness and treachery! As for you, you shall repent this step as long as you live, madam. Fan. Indeed, sir, it is impossible to conceive the tortures I have already endured in consequence of my disobedience. My heart has continually upbraided me for it; and, though I was too weak to struggle with affection, I feel that I must be miserable for ever, without your forgiveness. Ster. Lovewell, you shall leave my house directly; and you shall follow him, madam. Lord Ogle. And if they do, I will receive them into mine. Look ye, Mr Sterling; there have been some mistakes, which we had all better forget, for our own sakes; and the best way to forget them, is to forgive the cause of them; which I do, from my soul.--Poor girl! I swore to support her affection with my life and fortune;-'tis a debt of honour, and must be paid--you swore as much, too, Mr Sterling; but your laws in the city will excuse you, I suppose; for you never strike a balance without errors excepted. Ster. I am a father, my lord; but, for the sake of all other fathers, I think I ought not to forgive her, for fear of encouraging other silly girls, like herself, to throw themselves away without the consent of their parents. Love. I hope there will be no danger of that, sir. Young ladies, with minds like my Fanny's, would startle at the very shadow of vice; and, when they know to what uneasiness only an indiscretion has exposed her, her example, instead of encouraging, will rather serve to deter them. Mrs Heid. Indiscretion, quotha! a mighty pretty delicate word to express disobedience! Lord Ogle. For my part, I indulge my own passions too much to tyrannize over those of other forgive them, too. Come, come, melt a little people. Poor souls, I pity them! And you must of your flint, Mr Sterling! Ster. Why, why, as to that, my lord-to be sure he is a relation of yours, my lord-what say you, sister Heidelberg? Mrs Heid. The girl's ruined, and I forgive her. Ster. Well-30 do I, then.-Nay, no thanks[To LOVEWELL and FANNY, who seem preparing to speak.] there's an end of the matter. Lord Ogle. But, Lovewell, what makes you dumb all this while? Love. Your kindness, my lord-I can scarce believe my own senses--they are all in a tumult of fear, joy, love, expectation, and gratitude; I ever was, and am now more bound in duty to your lordship. For you, Mr Sterling, if every vice, will, in some measure, compensate the want inoment of my life, spent gratefully in your serof fortune, you, perhaps, will not repent your goodness to me. self, will not, for the future, suspect me of artifice And you, ladies, I flatter myand intrigue--I shall be happy to oblige and serve you. As for you, sir John Sir John. No apologies to me, Lovewell; I do not deserve any. All I have to offer, in excuse for what has happened, is my total ignorance of your situation. Had you dealt a little more openly with me, you would have saved me, and yourself, and that lady (who, I hope, will pardon my behaviour), a great deal of uneasiness. Give me leave, however, to assure you, that, light and capricious as I may have appeared, now my infatuation is over, I have sensibility enough to be ashamed of the part I have acted, and honour enough to rejoice at your happiness. Love. And now, my dearest Fanny, though we joys will be dampt, if his lordship's generosity are seemingly the happiest of beings, yet all our and Mr Sterling's forgivenness, should not be succeeded by the indulgence, approbation, and consent of these our best benefactors. [To the audience.] [Exeunt omnes. |