expects I should comfort her; and, to do her justice, she has said enough to encourage me. Turns about.] Ha! gone! the devil! jilted! Why, what a tale has she invented-of Paris, balls, and birth-days! Egad I'd give ten guineas to know who the gipsey is-A curse of my follyI deserve to lose her. What woman can forgive a man that turns his back! The bold and resolute in love and war ACT II, Enter SIR FRANCIS GRIPE and MIRANDA. Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Mir. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh, I shall die with laughing-the most romantic adventureHa, ha, ha! What does the odious young fop mean? A hundred pieces to talk ten minutes with me! ha, ha, ha, ha! with my own money! Which way shall I get out of his hands. Aside. Sir Fran. Well, what art thou thinking, my girl, ha? how to banter sir George! Mir. I must not pretend to banter: he knows my tongue too well. [Aside.] No, Gardy, I have thought of a way will confound him more than all I could say, if I should talk to him seven years. Sir Fran. How's that? oh! I'm transported, Sir Fran. And I am to be by too; there's the jest! adad, if it had been in private, I should not | I'm ravished, I'm mad !have cared to trust the young dog. Mir. It would make you mad if you knew all! Mir. Indeed and indeed but you might, Gar-[Aside.] I'll not answer him a word, but be dumb dy-Now, methinks, there's nobody handsomer to all he says. than you: so neat, so clean, so good-humoured, and so loving Sir Fran. Pretty rogue, pretty rogue! and so thou shalt find me, if thou dost prefer thy Gardy before these caperers of the age: thou shalt outshine the queen's box on an opera night; thou shalt be the envy of the ring, (for I will carry thee to Hyde-Park) and thy equipage shall surpass the what d'ye call them, ainbassadors. Mir. Nay, I am sure the discreet part of my sex will envy me more for the inside furniture, when you are in it, than my outside equipage. Sir Fran. A cunning baggage i'faith thou art, and a wise one too! and, to shew thee that thou hast not chose amiss, I'll this moment disinherit my son, and settle my whole estate upon thee. Mir. There's an old rogue now! [Aside.] No, Gardy, I would not have your name be so black in the world. You know my father's will runs, that I am not to possess my estate, without your consent, till I am five-and-twenty; you shall only abate the odd seven years, and make me mistress of my estate to-day, and I'll make you master of my person to-morrow. Sir Fran, Humph! that may not be safeNo, Chargy, I'll settle it upon thee for pin-money, and that will be every bit as well, thou know'st. Mir. Unconscionable old wretch! bribe me Sir Fran. Dumb! good; ha, ha, ha! Excellent! ha, ha, ha, ha! I think I have you now, Sir George. Dumb! he'll go distracted-well, she's the wittiest rogue. Ha, ha, dumb! I can't but laugh, ha, ha! to think how damned mad he'll be when he finds he has given his money away for a dumb show; ha, ha, ha! Mir. Nay, Gardy, if he did but know my thoughts of him, it would make him ten times madder; ha, ha, ha, ha! Sir Fran. Ay, so it would, Chargy, to hold him in such derision, to scorn to answer him, to be dumb! ha, ha, ha! Enter CHARLES. Sir Fran. How now, sirrah! who let you in? Cha. My necessities, sir, Sir Fran. Your necessities are very impertinent, and ought to have sent before they entered. Cha. Sir, I knew 'twas a word would gain admittance nowhere. Sir Fran. Then, sirrah, how durst you rudely thrust that upon your father, which nobody else would admit ? Cha, Sure the name of a son is a sufficient plea. I ask this lady's pardon if I have intruded. Sir Fran. Ay, ay; ask her pardon and her blessing, too, if you expect any thing from me. Mir. I believe yours, Sir Francis, in a purse of guineas, would be more material. Your son may have business with you; I'll retire. Sir Fran. I guess his business; but I'll dispatch him; I expect the knight every minute: you'll be in readiness? Mir. Certainly my expectation is more upon the wing than yours, old gentleman. [Aside. Exit. Sir Fran. 'Well, sir? Cha. Nay, it is very ill, sir; my circumstances are, I'm sure. Sir Fran. And what's that to me, sir? your management should have made them better." Cha. If you please to entrust me with the management of my estate, I shall endeavour it, sir. Sir Fran. What, to set upon a card, and buy a lady's favour at the price of a thousand pieces; to rig out an equipage for a wench, or, by your carelessness, to enrich your steward; to fine for sheriff, or put up for a parliament-man? Cha. I hope I should not spend it this way: however, I ask only for what my uncle left me; yours you may dispose of as you please, sir. Sir Fran. So! here's another extravagant coxcomb, that will spend his fortune before he comes to't; but he shall pay swinging interest, and so let the fool go on.-Well, what, does necessity bring you too, sir? -I want a I Mar. You have hit it, guardianhundred pounds. Sir Fran. For what? Mar. Pogh! for a hundred things-I can't, for my life, tell you for what. Cha. Sir, I suppose I have received all the answer I am like to have. Mar. Oh, the devil! if he gets out before me, shall lose him again. Sir Fran. Ay, sir; and you may be marching as soon as you please-I must see a change in your temper, ere you find one in mine. Mar. Pray, sir, dispatch me; the money, sir; I'm in mighty haste. ier. Sir Fran. That I shall, out of your reach, Ily assure you, sir. Adad, these young fellows think old men get estates for nothing but them to squander away in dicing, wenching, drinking, dressing, and so forth! Cha. I think I was born a gentleman, sir; I'm sure my uncle bred me like one. Sir Fran. From which you would infer, sir, that gaming, whoring, and the pox, are requisites for a gentleman. Cha. Monstrous! when I would ask him only for a support, he falls into these unmannerly reproaches. I must, though against my will, employ invention, and, by stratagem, relieve myself. [Aside. Sir Fran. Sirrah, what is it you mutter, sirrah? ha! [Holds up his cane.] I say you sha'nt have a groat out of my hands, till I please and may be I'll never please; and what's that to you? Cha. Nay, to be robbed, or have one's throat cut, is not much Sir Fran. What's that, sirrah? would you rob me, or cut my throat, ye rogue? Cha. Heaven forbid, sir!-I said no such thing. Sir Fran. Mercy on me! what a plague it is to have a son of one-and-twenty, who wants to elbow one out of one's life to edge himself into the estate! Sir Fran. Fool, take this, and go to the cash- [Runs out. Cha. Well, sir, I take my leave-but remem ber, you expose an only son to all the miseries of wretched poverty, which too often lays the plan for scenes of mischief. Sir Fran. Stay, Charles; I have a sudden thought come into my head, may prove to thy advantage. Cha. Ha! does he relent? Sir Fran. My Lady Wrinkle, worth forty thousand pounds, sets up for a handsome young husband; she praised thee t'other day; though the matchmakers can get twenty guineas for a sight of her, I can introduce thee for nothing. Cha. My lady Wrinkle, sir! why, she has but one eye. Sir Fran. Then she'll see but half your extravagance, sir. Cha. Condemn me to such a piece of deformity! a toothless, dirty, wry-necked, hunchbacked hag! Sir Fran. Hunch-backed! so much the better; then she has a rest for her misfortunes, for thou wilt load her swingingly. Now, I warrant, you think this is no offer of a father! forty thousand pounds is nothing with you! Cha. Yes, sir, I think it is too much; a young, beautiful woman, with half the money, would be more agreeable.-I thank you, sir; but you chuse better for yourself, I find. Sir Fran. Out of my doors, you dog! you pretend to meddle with my marriage, sirrah! Cha. Sir, I obey: but Sir Fran. But me no buts-Begone, sir! dare to ask me for money again-refuse forty thousand pounds! Out of my doors, I say, without reply! [Exit CHA. 8 U Enter MARPLOT, running. Mar. Ha! gone! is Charles gone, Gardy? Sir Fran. Yes, and I desire your wise worship to walk after him. Mar. Nay, egad I shall run; I tell you that. A pox of the cashier for detaining me so long! Where the devil shall I find him now? I shall certainly lose this secret, and I had rather by half lose my money-Where shall I find him now?D'ye know where Charles is gone, Gardy? Sir Fran. Gone to the devil, and you may go after him. Mar. Ay, that I will, as fast as I can. [Going, returns.] Have you any commands there, Gardy? [Exit. Sir Fran. What, is the fellow distracted? Enter Servant. Ser. Sir George Airy inquires for you, sir. Sir Fran. Desire sir George to walk up.Now for a trial of skill, that will make me happy, and him a fool. Ha, ha, ha! In my mind, he looks like an ass already. Enter SIR GEORGE. Well, sir George, do you hold in the same mind, or would you capitulate? ha, ha, ha! Look, here are the guineas; [Chinks them.] ha, ha, ha ! Sir Geo. Not if they were twice the sum, sir Francis; therefore be brief, call in the lady, and take your post. Sir Fran. Agreed. Miranda! [Erit. Sir Geo. If she's a woman, and not seduced by witchcraft to this old rogue, I'll make his heart ache; for if she has but one grain of inclination about her, I'll vary a thousand shapes but find it. Enter MIRANDA and SIR FRANCIS. Sir Fran. There, sir George; try your fortune. [Takes out his watch. Sir Geo. So from the eastern chambers breaks the sun, dispels the clouds, and gilds the vales below. [Salutes her. Sir Fran. Hold, sir; kissing was not in our agreement. Sir Geo. Oh! that's by way of prologue. Pr'ythee, old Mammon, to thy post. Sir Fran. Well, young Timon, 'tis now four exactly; ten minutes, remember, is your utmost limit; not a minute more. "Sir Geo. Shake off this tyrant guardian's yoke; assume yourself, and dash his bold aspiring hopes. The deity of his desires is avarice; a heretick in love, and ought to be banished by the queen of beauty. See, madam, a faithful servant kneels, and begs to be admitted in the number of your slaves. [MIRANDA gives him her hand to raise him. Sir Fran. I wish I could hear what he says now. [Running up.] Hold, hold, hold! no palming; that's contrary to articles Sir Geo. 'Sdeath, sir, keep your distance, or I'll write another article in your guts! [Lays his hand to his sword. Sir Fran. [Going back.] A bloody-minded fel low! Sir Geo. Not answer me! perhaps she thinks my address too grave: I'll be more free-Can you be so unconscionable, madam, to let me say all these fine things to you without one single compliment in return? View me well; am I not a proper handsome fellow, ha? can you prefer that old, dry, withered, sapless log, of sixty-five, to the vigorous, gay, sprightly love of twentyfour? With snoring only he'll awake thee; but I, with ravishing delight, would make thy senses dance in concert with the joyful minutes-Ha! not yet? Sure she's dumb!-Thus would I steal and touch thy beauteous hand, [Takes hold of her hand.] till, by degrees, I reach'd thy snowy breasts, then ravish kisses thus. [Embraces her with ecstacy. Mir. [Struggles, and flings from him.] Oh, heavens! I shall not be able to contain myself. [Aside. Sir Fran. [Running up with his watch in his hand.] sure she did not speak to him—There's five of the ten minutes gone, sir George—Adad, I don't like those close conferences- Sir Geo. Dumb still!-sure this old dog has enjoined her silence. I'll try another way-I must conclude, madam, that, in compliance to your guardian's humour you refuse to answer me. Consider the injustice of his injunction.-Madam, these few minutes cost me a hundred pounds and would you answer me, I could purchase the whole day so. However, madam, you must give me leave to make the best interpretation I can for my money, and take the indica[Retires to the bottom of the stage. tion of your silence for the secret liking of my Sir Geo. Madam, whether you'll excuse or person; therefore, madam, I will instruct you blame my love, the author of this rash proceed-how to keep your word inviolate to sir Francis, ing depends upon your pleasure, as also the life of your admirer: your sparkling eyes speak a heart susceptible of love; your vivacity a soul too delicate to admit the embraces of decayed mortality. Mir. [Aside.] Oh! that I durst speak and yet answer me to every question: as, for example, when I ask any thing to which you would reply in the affirmative, gently nod your head-thus, [Nods.] and when in the negative, thus, [Shakes his head.] and in the doubtful, a tender sigh, thus, [Sighs.] Mir. How every action charms me--but I'll fit | him for signs, I warrant him. [Aside. Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha! poor sir George! ha, ha, ha! [Aside. Sir Geo. Was it by his desire that you are dumb, madam, to all I can say? [MIRANDA nods.] Very well! she's tractable, I find-And is it possible that you can love him? [MIRANDA nods.] Miraculous! Pardon the bluntness of my questions; for my time is short. May I not hope to supplant him in your esteem? [MIRANDa sighs.] Good! she answers me as I could wish. -You'll not consent to marry him, then? [MIRANDA sighs.] How! doubtful in that?-Undone again-Humph! but that may proceed from his power to keep her out of her estate till twentyfive: I'll try that-Come, madam, I cannot think you hesitate in this affair out of any motive but fortune-let him keep it till those few years are expired; make me happy with person, let him enjoy your wealth.-[MIRANDA holds up her hands. Why, what sign is that now? Nay, nay, madam, except you observe my lesson, I can't understand your meaning. your your Sir Fran. What a vengeance! are they talking by signs? 'ad I may be fooled here. What do you mean, sir George? Sir Geo. To cut your throat, if you dare mutter another syllable. Sir Fran. 'Od I wish he were fairly out of my house! Sir Geo. Pray, madam, will you answer me to the purpose? [MIRANDA shakes her head, and points to SIR FRANCIS.] What does she mean? she won't answer me to the purpose; or is she afraid yon old cuff should understand her signs?ay, it must be that. I perceive, madam, you are too apprehensive of the promise you have made to follow my rules; therefore, I'll suppose your mind, and answer for you.-First for myself, madam. That I am in love with you, is an infallible truth. Now for you. [Turns on her side.] Indeed, sir! and may I believe it?As certainly, madam, as that 'tis daylight, or that I die, if you persist in silence.-Bless me with the music of your voice, and raise my spirits to their proper heaven. Thus low let me intreat, ere I'm obliged to quit this place; grant me some token of a favourable reception to keep my hopes alive. [Arises hastily, turns on her side.] Rise, sir; and since my guardian's presence will not allow me privilege of tongue, read that, and rest assured you are not indifferent to me. [Offers her a letter, she strikes it down.] Ha, right woman! but no matter; I'll go on. Sir Fran. Ha! what's that? a letter!-Ha, ha, ha! thou art baulked. Mir. The best assurance I ever saw [Aside. Sir Geo. Ha! a letter! oh! let me kiss it with the same raptures that I would do the dear hand that touched it. [Opens it.] Now for a quick fancy, and a long extempore-What's here? [Reads.] Dear sir George! this virgin muse I Sir Geo. Great love inspire him, From silent motion; [SIR GEO. taking hold of MIRAN.] With all my heart; this moment let's retire. [SIR FRAN. Coming up hastily. Sir Fran. The time is expired, sir, and you must take your leave. There, my girl, there's the hundred pounds which thou hast won. Go, I'll be with you presently. Ha, ha, ha, ha ! [Exit MIRAN. Sir Geo. Adsheart, madam! you won't leave me just in the nick, will you? Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha! she has nicked you, sir George, I think; ha, ha, ha! Have you any more hundred pounds to throw away upon courtship? ha, ha, ha! Sir Geo. He, he, he, he! A curse of your fleering jests!-Yet, however ill I succeed, I'll venture the same wager she does not value thee a spoonful of stuff-nay, more, though you enjoined her silence to me, you'll never make her speak to the purpose with yourself. Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha! Did I not tell thee thou wouldst repent thy money? Did I not say she hated young fellows? ha, ha, ha! Sir Geo. And I'm positive she's not in love with age. Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha! no matter for that, ha, ha! She's not taken with your youth, nor your rhetoric to boot; ha, ha! Sir Geo. Whate'er her reasons are for disliking of me, I am certain she can be taken with nothing about thee. Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha! how he swells with envy-Poor man! poor man!-ha, ha, ha! I must beg your pardon, sir George; Miranda will be impatient to have her share of mirth. Verily, we shall laugh at thee most egregiously; ha, ha, ha! Sir Geo. With all my heart, faith!---I shall laugh in my turn, too!-for, if you dare marry her, old Belzebub, you will be cuckolded most egregiously: remember that, and tremble She that to age her beauteous self resigns, Enter SIR JEALOUS, ISABINDA, and PATCH following. Sir Jeal. What, in the balcony again, notwithstanding my positive commands to the contrary? -Why don't you write a bill on your forehead to shew passengers there's something to be let?-Isa. What harm can there be in a little fresh air, sir? Sir Jeal. Is your constitution so hot, mistress, that it wants cooling, ha? Apply the virtuous Spanish rules; banish your taste and thoughts of flesh; feed upon roots, and quench your thirst with water. Isa. That and a close room would certainly make me die of the vapours. Sir Jeal. No, mistress; 'tis your high-fed, lusty, rambling, rampant ladies-that are troubled with the vapours: 'tis your ratafia, persico, cinnamon, citron, and spirit of clara, cause such swimming in the brain, that carries many a guinea full tide to the doctor: but you are not to be bred this way: no galloping abroad, no receiving visits at home; for in our loose country the women are as dangerous as the men. Patch. So I told her, sir, and that it was not decent to be seen in a balcony-but she threatened to slap my chops, and told me I was her servant, not her governess. Sir Jeal. Did she so? but I'll make her to know that you are her duenna. O that incomparable custom of Spain! Why, here's no depending upon old women in my country-for they are as wanton at eighty, as a girl of eighteen; and a man may as safely trust to Asgil's translation, as to his great grandmother's not marrying again. Isa. Or to the Spanish ladies' veils and duennas for the safeguard of their honour. Sir Jeal. Dare to ridicule the cautious conduct of that wise nation, and I'll have you locked up this fortnight, without a peep-hole. Isa. If we had but the ghostly helps in England which they have in Spain, I might deceive you if you did-Sir, 'tis not the restraint, but the innate principle, secures the reputation and honour of our sex.- -Let me tell you, sir, con finement sharpens the invention, as want of sight strengthens the other senses, and is often more pernicious than the recreation that innocent liberty allows. Sir Jeal. Say you so, mistress! who the devil taught you the art of reasoning? I assure you, they must have a greater faith than I pretend to, that can think any woman innocent who requires liberty; therefore, Patch, to your charge I give her; lock her up till I come back from Change. I shall have some sauntering coxcomb, with nothing but a red coat and a feather, think by leaping into her arms to leap into my estate-but I'll prevent them; she shall be only signior Babi netto's. Patch. Really, sir, I wish you would employ any body else in this affair; I lead a life like a dog with obeying your commands. Come, madam, will you please to be locked up? Isa. Aye, to enjoy more freedom than he is aware of. [Aside.] [Exit with PATCH. Sir Jeal. I believe this wench is very true to my interest: I am happy I met with her, if I can but keep my daughter from being blown upon till Signior Babinetto arrives, who shall marry her as soon as he comes, and carry her to Spain as soon as he has married her. She has a pregnant wit, and I'd no more have her an English wife than the Grand Signior's mistress. [Exit. Enter WHISPER. Whis. So, I saw sir Jealous go out: where shall I find Mrs Patch now? Enter PATCH. Patch. Oh, Mr Whisper! my lady saw you out of the window, and ordered me to bid you fly, and let your master know she's now alone. Whisp. Hush! speak softly! I go, I go! But hark ye, Mrs Patch, shall not you and I have a little confabulation, when my master and your lady are engaged? Patch. Aye, aye; farewell. [Goes in, and shuts the door. Re-enter SIR JEALOUS TRAFFICK, meeting WHISPER. Sir Jeal. Sure, whilst I was talking with Mr Tradewell, I heard my door clap. [Seeing WHIS PER.] Ha! a man lurking about my house! Who do you want there, sir? Whisp. Want-want? a pox! Sir Jealous! What must I say now? Sir Jeal. Ay, want! Have you a letter or message for any body there? O' my conscience this is some he-bawd Whisp. Letter or message, sir? Sir Jeal. Sirrah, sirrah! I'll have you set in the stocks, if you don't tell your business immediately. |