SCENE I.-Stocks-Market. Enter MATTHEW and BOBADIL. ACT V. Mat. I WONDER, captain, what they will say of my going away? ha! Bob. Why, what should they say? but as of a discreet gentleman; quick, wary, respectful of nature's fair lineaments, and that is all. Mat. Why so! but what can they say of your beating? Bob. A rude part, a touch with soft wood, a kind of gross battery used, lain on strongly, borne most patiently, and that is all. But wherefore do I wake their remembrance? I was fascinated, by Jupiter fascinated; but I will be unwitched, and revenged by law. Mat. Do you hear? Is it not best to get a warrant, and have him arrested, and brought before justice Clement? Bob. It were not amiss; would we had it! Mat. Why, here comes his man; let us speak to him. Bob. Agreed. Do you speak. Enter BRAIN-WORM as FORMAL. Mat. Save you, sir. Brain. With all my heart, sir! Mat. Sir, there is one Downright hath abused this gentleman and myself, and we determine to make ourselves amends by law; now, if you would do us the favour to procure a warrant to bring him before your master, you shall be well considered of, I assure you, sir. Brain. Sir, you know my service is my living; such favours as these, gotten of my master, is his only preferment, and therefore you must consider me, as I may make benefit of my place. Mat. How is that, sir? Brain. Faith, sir, the thing is extraordinary, and the gentleman may be of great account. Yet, be what he will, if you will lay me down a brace of angels in my hand, you shall have it; otherwise not. Mat. How shall we do, captain? He asks a brace of angels; you have no money? Bob. Not a cross, by fortune. Mat. Nor I, as I am a gentleman, but twopence left of my two shillings in the morning for wine and raddish. Let us find him some pawn. Bob. Pawn! we have none to the value of his demand. Mat. O, yes, I can pawn my ring here. Bob. And harkee, he shall have my trusty Toledo too. I believe I shall have no service for it to-day. Mat. Do you hear, sir? We have no store of money at this time, but you shall have good pawns; look you, sir, I will pledge this ring, and Kno. O here it is; I have found it now-Hoa, who is within here? [TIB appears at the window. Tib. I am within, sir, what is your pleasure? Kno. To know who is within besides yourself. Tib. Why, sir, you are no constable, I hope? Kno. O, fear you the constable? Then I doubt not you have some guests within deserve that fear-I'll fetch him straight. Tib. For Heaven's sake, sir Kno. Go to, come tell me, is not young Kno'well here? Tib. Young Kno’well! I know none such, sir, on my honesty. Kno. Your honesty, dame! It flies too lightly from you. There is no way but fetch the constable. Tib. The constable; the man is mad, I think. Enter CASH and Dame KITELY. Cash. Hoa! who keeps house here? Kno. O, this is the female copesmate of my son. Now shall I meet him straight. [Aside. Dame. Knock, Thomas, hard. Cash. Hoa! good wife. Tib. Why, what is the matter with you? Dame. Why, woman, grieves it you to ope the door? Belike you get something to keep it shut. Tib. What mean these questions, pray you? Dame. So strange you make it! Is not my band here! hus Kno. Her husband! [Aside. Dame. My tried and faithful husband, Master Kitely. Tib. I hope he needs not be tried here. Dame. Come hither, Cash-I see my turtle coming to his haunts; let us retire. [They retire. Kno. This must be some device to mock me withal. Soft-who is this!-Oh! 'tis my son disguised. I'll watch him and surprise him. Enter KITELY, muffled in a cloak. Kite. 'Tis truth, I see; there she skulks. But I will fetch her from her hold—I will— I tremble so, I scarce have power to do the justice Found your close walks! You stand amazed Forth the wanton dame-If she be fairer, hold. Kite. Tut, tut, never speak; I see through every Veil you cast upon your treachery: but I have Done with you, and root you from my heart for ever. For you, sir, thus I demand my honour's due; Resolved to cool your lust, or end my shame. [Draws. Kno. What lunacy is this! Put up your sword, and undeceive yourself-No arm, that c'er poised weapon, can affright me. But I pity folly, nor cope with madness. Kite. I will have proofs-I will-so you, good wife-bawd, Cob's wife; and you, that make your husband such a monster; and you, young pander, and old cuckold maker, I'll have you every one before the justice-Nay, you shall answer it; I charge you go. Come forth, thou bawd. [Goes into the house and brings out TIB. Kno. Marry, with all my heart, sir; I go willingly. Though I do taste this as a trick upon me, Dame. Go! to thy shaine, believe it. Kite. Though shame and sorrow both my heart betide, Come on-I must, and will be satisfied. [Exeunt. SCENE II-Stocks Market. Enter BRAINWORM. Brain. Well, of all my disguises yet, now am I most like myself; being in this serjeant's gown. A man of my present profession never counterfeits, till he lays hold upon a debtor, and says, he arrests him; for then he brings him to all manner of unrest. A kind of little kings we are, cuck-bearing the diminutive of a mace, made like a young artichoke, that always carries pepper and I see the counterfeit-I am his father, and claim him as my own. Kite. [Discovering himself.] I am your old, and claim my vengeance. Dame. What, do you wrong me, and insult me salt in itself. Well, I know not what danger I Thy bawd and thee, and thy companion, This hoary-headed letcher, this old goat, undergo by this exploit; pray Heaven I come well off! Enter BOBADIL and Master MATTHEW. Mat. See, I think, yonder is the varlet, by his gown. Save you, friend; are not you here by appointment of justice Clement's man? Brain. Yes, an't please you, sir, he told me Close at your villany, and would'st thou 'scuse it two gentlemen had willed him to procure a war With this stale harlot's jest, accusing me? Kite. Defy me, strumpet! Ask thy pander here; Can he deny it, or that wicked elder? Kao. Why, bear you, sir— Cash. Master, 'tis in vain to reason, while these passions blind you-I'm grieved to see you thus. VOL. II. rant from his master, which I have about me, to be served on one Downright. Mat. It is honestly done of you both; and see where the party comes you must arrest. Serve it upon him quickly, before he be aware Enter Master STEPHEN, in DOWNRIGHT's clouk. Bob. Bear back, master Matthew. Brain. Master Downright, I arrest you i' the queen's name, and must carry you before a justice, by virtue of this warrant. Step. Me, friend, I am no Downwright, I. I am D Master Stephen; you do not well to arrest me, I tell you truly. I am in nobody's bonds or books, I would you should know it. A plague on you heartily, for making me thus afraid before my time. Brain. Why now are you deceived, gentlemen? Bob. He wears such a cloak, and that deceived us. But see, here he comes, indeed! this is he, officer. Enter DOWNRIGHT. Down. Why, how now, Signor Gull! are you turned filcher of late? Come, deliver up my cloak. Step. Your cloak, sir! I bought it even now in open market. Brain. Master Downright, I have a warrant I must serve upon you, procured by these two gentleinen. Down. These gentlemen! these rascals! Brain. Keep the peace, I charge you, in her majesty's name. Down. I obey thee. What must I do, officer? Brain. Go before Mr Justice Clement, to answer what they can object against you, sir. will use you kindly, sir. I Down. Officer, there is thy fee, arrest hitn. Brain. Master Stephen, I must arrest you. Step. Arrest me! I scorn it; there, take your cloak, I'll none on it. Down. Nay, that shall not serve your turn, now, sir. Officer, I'll go with thee to the justice's. Bring him along. Step. Why, is not here your cloak? what would you have? Down. I'll ha' you answer it, sir. mistress. Dame. True, sir; but you know what grows by such haunts, oftentimes. Clem. I see rank fruits of a jealous brain, mistress Kitely. But, did you find your husband there, in that case, as you suspected? Kite. I found her there, sir. Clem. Did you so? That alters the case.Who gave you knowledge of your wile's being there? Kite. Marry, that did my brother Well-bred. Clem. How! Well-bred first tell her, than tell you after? Where is Well-bred? Kite. Gone with my sister, sir, I know not whither. Clem. Why, this is a mere trick, a device; you are gulled in this most grossly, all! Alas, Brain. Sir, I'll take your sword, and this gen-poor wench, wert thou suspected for this? tleman's too, for his appearance. Down. I'll ha' no words taken. Bring him along. Brain. So, so, I have made a fair mash on't. Step. Must I go? Brain. I know no remedy, master Stephen. Down. Come along before me here. I do not love your hanging look behind. Step. Why, sir, I hope you cannot hang me for it. Can he, fellow? Brain. I think not sir. It is but a whipping matter, sure! Step. Why, then, let him do his worst, I am resolute. Tib. Yes, an' it please you. Clem. I smell mischief here, plot and contrivance, master Kitely. However, if you will step into the next room with your wife, and think coolly of matters, you'll find some trick has been played you-I fear there have been jealousies on both parts, and the wags have been merry with [Exeunt. I see-How now, what's the matter? Enter Servant. You Clem. Well, let this breathe a-while. that have cause to complain there, stand forth. Serv. Sir, there's a gentleman i' the court with- Had you my warrant for this gentleman's appre hension? out, desires to speak with your worship. Clem. A gentleman! What is he? Serv. A soldier, sir, he says. Clem. A soldier! My sword, quickly. A soldier speak with me! Stand by, I will end your matters, anon-Let the soldier enter. Now, sir, what ha' you to say to me? Enter BOBADIL and MATTHEW. Clem. Nay, keep out, sir, I know not your pretence; you send me word, sir, you are a soldier. Why, sir, you shall be answered here; here be them have been among soldiers. Sir, your pleasure? Bob. Faith, sir, so it is, this gentleman and myself have been most uncivilly wronged and beaten by one Downright, a coarse fellow about the town here; and, for my own part, I protest, being a man in no sort given to this filthy humour of quarrelling, he hath assaulted me in the way of my peace; despoiled me of mine honour; disarmed me of my weapons; and rudely laid me along in the open streets; when I not so much as once offered to resist him. Clem. O, god's precious! Is this the soldier? Lie there, my sword, 'twill make him swoon, I fear; he is not fit to look on't, that will put up a blow. Mat. An't please your worship, he was bound to the peace. Clem. Why, an' he were, sir, his hands were not bound, were they? Sero. There's one of the varlets of the city, sir, has brought two gentlemen here, one upon your worship's warrant. Clem. My warrant! Serv. Yes, sir, the officer says, procured by these two. Clem. Bid him come in. Set by this picture. What, Mr Downright! are you brought at Mr Freshwater's suit here? Enter DOWNRIGHT, STEPHEN, and BRAIN WORM. Clem. O, God's pity, was it so, sir? He must serve it? Give me a warrant, I must serve one too—you knave, you slave, you rogue, do you say you must, sirrah? Away with him to the goal! I will teach you a trick for your must, sir. Brain. Good sir, I beseech you be good to me, Clem. Tell him, he shall go to the goal; away with him, I say. Brain. Aye, sir, if you will commit me, it shall be for committing more than this. I will not lose by my travel any grain of my fame certain. [Throws off his disguise. Clem. How is this! Kno. My man, Brain-worm! Step. O, yes, uncle, Brain-worm has been with my cousin Edward and I, all this day. Clem. I told you all there was some device. Brain. Nay, excellent Justice, since I have laid myself thus open to you, now stand strong for me, both with your sword and your balance. Clem. Body o' me, a merry knave! Give me a bowl of sack. If he belongs to you, Master Kno'well, I bespeak your patience. Brain. That is it I have most need of. Sir, if you will pardon me only, I will glory in all the rest of my exploits. Kno. Sir, you know I love not to have my fa Dow. I'faith, sir. And here's another, brought vours come hard from me. You have your par at my suit. Clem. What are you, sir? Step. A gentleman, sir. O, uncle! Kno. Aye, sir, this is a wise kinsman of mine. Step. God's my witness, uncle, I am wronged here monstrously; he charges me with stealing of his cloak, and would I might never stir, if I did not find it in the street by chance. Dow. O, did you find it, now? You said you bought it ere-while. Step. And you said I stole it. Nay, now my uncle is here, I will do well enough with you. don; though I suspect you shrewdly for being of counsel with my son against me. Brain. Yes, faith, I have, sir; though you retained me doubly this morning for yourself; first, as Brain-worm, after, as Fitz-Sword. I was your reformed soldier. 'Twas I sent you to Cob's upon the errand without end, Kno. Is it possible? Or that thou should'st disguise thyself so as I should not know thee? Brain. O, sir! this has been the day of my metamorphoses; it is not that shape alone, that I have run through to-day. I brought Master Kitely a message too, in the form of Master Jus tice's man here, to draw him out of the way, as well as your worship; while Master Well-bred might make a conveyance of Mrs Bridget to my young master. Kno. My son is not married, I hope? Brain. Faith, sir, they are both as sure as love, a priest, and three thousand pounds, which is her portion, can make them; and by this time are ready to bespeak their wedding supper at the Windmill, except some friend here prevents them, and invite then home. Clem. Marry, that will I; I thank thee for putting me in mind on't. Sirrah, go you and fetch them hither upon my warrant. Neither's friends have cause to be sorry, if I know the young couple aright. But I pray thee, what hast thou done with my man Formal? Brain. Faith, sir, after some ceremony past, as making him drunk, first with story, and then with wine, but all in kindness, and stripping him to his shirt; I left him in that cool vein, departed, sold your worship's warrant to these two, pawned his livery for that varlet's gown to serve it in; and thus have brought myself, by my activity, to your worship's consideration. Clem. And I will consider thee in a cup of sack. Here's to thee; which having drank off, this is my sentence, pledge me. Thou hast done, or assisted to nothing, in my judgment, but deserves to be pardoned for the wit of the offence. Go into the next room; let Master Kitely into this whimsical business, and, if he does not forgive thec, he has less mirth in him than an honest man ought to have. How now, who are these? Enter EDWARD KNO'WELL, WELL-BRED, and BRIDGET. O, the young company. Welcome, welcome. Give you joy. Nay, Mrs Bridget, blush not! you are not so fresh a bride, but the news of it has come hither before you. Master Bridegroom, I have made your peace, give me your hand. So will I for the rest, ere you forsake my roof. All. We are the more bound to your humanity, sir. Clem. Only these two have so little of man in them, they are no part of my care. Step. And what shall I do? Clem. Oh! I had lost a sheep, an' he had not bleated. Why, sir, you shall give Mr Downright his cloak; and I will entreat him to take it. A trencher and a napkin you shall have in the buttery, and keep Cob and his wife company here: whom I will entreat first to be reconciled; and you to endeavour with your wit to keep them so. Step. I will do my best. Clem. Call Master Kitely, and his wife, there. Enter KITELY and DAME KITELY. Did I not tell you there was a plot against you? Did I not smell it out, as a wise magistrate ought? Have not you traced, have you not found it, eh, Master Kitely? Kite. I have-I confess my folly, and own I have deserved what I have suffered for it. The trial has been severe, but it is past. All I have to ask now, is, that, as my folly is cured, and my persecutors forgiven, my shame may be forgotten. Clem. That will depend upon yourself, Master Kitely; do not you yourself create the food for mischief, and the mischievous will not prey upon you. But come, let a general reconciliation go round, and let all discontents be laid aside. You, Master Downright, put off your anger. You, Master Kno'well, your cares. And do you, Master Kitely, and your wife, put off your jealousies. Kite. Sir, thus they go from me: kiss me, my See, what a drove of horns fly in the air, Watch them, suspicious eyes, watch where they See, see, on heads, that think they have none at O, what a plenteous world of this will come! Clem, 'Tis well, 'tis well. This night we will |