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that gentleman his Toledo, because we woul
have it dispatched. Enter MATTHEW and BOBADIL.
Brain. I am content, sir; I will get you th
warrant presently. What is his name, say you Mat. I wonder, captain, what they will say Downright? of away?
Mat. Ay, ay, George Downright. Bob. Why, what should they say? but as of a Brain. Well, gentlemen, I will procure you discreet gentleman; quick, wary, respectful of the warrant presently; but who will you have te nature's fair lineaments, and that is all.
serve it? Mat. Why so ! but what can they say of your Mat. That is true, captain, that must be conbeating?
sidered. Bob. A rude part, a touch with soft wood, a Bob. Body of me, I know not ! 'Tis service of kind of gross battery used, lain on strongly, borne danger ! most patiently, and that is all. But wherefore Brain. Why, you were best get one of the var. do I wake their remembrance? I was fascinated, lets of the city, a serjeant; l'il appoint you one, by Jupiter ! fascinated; but I will be unwitched, if you please. and revenged by law.
Mat. Will you, sir? Why we can wish no betMat. Do you hear? Is it not hest to get a warrant, and have him arrested, and brought be- Bob. We'll leave it to you, sir. fore justice Clement ?
(E.reunt BoB. and Mat. Bob. It were not amiss; would we had it ! Brain. This is rare ! Now will I go pawn this
Mat. Why, here comes his man; let us speak cloak of the justice's man's, at the broker's, for a to him.
varlet's suit, and be the varlet myself, and so get Bob. Agreed. Do you speak.
money on all sides.
[Erit. Enter BRAIN-WORM as FORMAL.
SCENE II.-- The street before Cos's house. Mat. Save you, sir. Brain. With all my heart, sir !
Enter Kno'-WELL. Mat. Sir, there is one Downright hath abused this gentleman and myself, and we determine to Kno. O here it is; I have found it now-Hoa, make ourselves amends by law; now, if you would who is within here? (TiB appears at the window. do us the favour to procure a warrant to bring Tib. I am within, sir, what is your pleasure ? him before your master, you shall be well consi- Kno. To know who is within besides yourself. dered of, I assure you, sir.
Tib. Why, sir, you are no constable, I hope? Brain. Sir, you know my service is my living; Kno. O, fear you the constable? Then I doubt such favours as these, gotten of my master, is his not you have some guests within deserve that only preferment, and therefore you must consi- fear-I'll fetch him straight. der me, as I may make benefit of my place. Tib. For Heaven's sake, sirMat. How is that, sir?
Kno. Go to, come tell me, is not young Kno'Brain. Faith, sir, the thing is extraordinary, well here? and the gentleman may be of great account. Yet, Tib. Young Kno'well! I know none such, sir, be what he will, if you will lay me down a brace on my honesty. of angels in my hand, you shall have it ; other- Kno. Your honesty, dame! It Aies too lightly wise not.
from you. There is no way but fetch the conMat. How shall we do, captain ? He asks a stable. brace of angels; you have no money?
Tib. The constable ; the man is mad, I think. Bob. Not a cross, by fortune. Mat. Nor I, as I am a gentleman, but two
Enter Cash and Dame Kitely. pence left of my two shillings in the morning for Cash. Hoa! who keeps house here? wine and raddish. Let us find him some pawn. Kno. O, this is the female copesinate of my
Bob. Pawn! we have none to the value of his son. Now shall I meet him straight. [Aside. demand.
Dame. Knock, Thomas, hard. Mat. 0, yes, I can pawn my ring here.
Cash. Hoa ! good wife. Bob. And harkee, he shall have my trusty To- Tib. Why, what is the matter with you? ledo too. I believe I shall have no service for it Dame. Why, woman, grieves it you to ope the to-day.
door? Belike you get something to keep it shut. Mat. Do you hear, sir? We have no store of Tib. What mean these questions, pray you? money at this time, but you shall have good Dame. So strange you make it ! Is not my huspawns; look you, sir, I will pledge this ring, and band here !
Kno. Her husband !
[Aside. | Kite. Tut, tut, never speak; I see through every Dame. My tried and faithful husband, Master Veil you cast upon your treachery : but I have Kitely.
Done with you, and root you from my heart for Tió. I hope he needs not be tried here.
ever. Dame. Come hither, Cash-I see my turtle For you, sir, thus I demand my honour's due; coming to his haunts; let us retire. (They retire. Resolved to cool your lust, or end my shame. Kno. This must be some device to mock me
Kno. What lunacy is this ! Put up your sword, Soft-who is this !-Oh! 'tis my son disguised. | and undeceive yourself—No arı, that e'er poised I'll watch him and surprise him.
weapon, can affright me. But I pity folly, non
cope with madness. Enter KITELY, muffled in a cloak.
Kite. I will have proofs I will—so you, good Kite. "Tis truth, I see; there she skulks. wife-bawd, Cob's wife; and you, that make your But I will fetch her from her hold-I will husband such a monster; and you, young pander, I tremble so, I scarce have power to do the jus- and old cuckold maker, I'll have you every one tice
before the justice-Nay, you shall answer it; I Her infamy demands.
charge you go. Come forth, thou bawd. [A: KITELY goes forward, Dame Kitely [Goes into the house and brings out Tib. and KxO'WELL lay hold of him.]
Kno. Marry, with all my heart, sir; I go wilKno. Hare I trapped you, youth? You cannot | lingly. *scape me now.
Though I do taste this as a trick upon me, Dame. O, sir ! have I forestalled your honest To punish my impertinent search; and justly; market!
And half forgive my son for the device. Found your close walks! You stand amazed Kite. Come, will you go? Now, do you? Ah, hide, hide your face, for shame! Dame. Go! to thy shame, believe it. l'faith, I am glad I have found you out at last. Kite. Though shame and sorrow both my heart What is your jewel, trow? In, come let's see her; betide, fetch
Come on-I must, and will be satisfied. (Ereunt.
SCENE II.-Stocks Market.
: . Enter Brainworm. And you are well. Your wife, an honest woman, Brain. Well, of all iny disguises yet, now am Is meat twice sod to you, sir. O, you treacher! I most like myself; being in this serjeant's gown. Kno. What mean you, woman? Let go your A man of my present profession never counterhold.
feits, till he lays hold upon a debtor, and says, he I see the counterfeit-I am his father, and claim arrests him; for then he brings him to all manhim as my own.
ner of unrest. A kind of little kings we are, Kite. (Discovering himself.] I am your cuck- bearing the diminutive of a mace, made like a old, and claim my vengeance.
young artichoke, that always carries pepper and Dane. What do you wrong me, and insult me salt in itself. Well, I know not what danger I too?
undergo by this exploit; pray Heaven I come Thou faithless man !
well off! Kite. Out on thy more than strumpet's impudence!
Enter BOBADIL and Master Matthew. Stealst thou thus to thy haunts? And have Il Mat. See, I think, yonder is the varlet, by his taken
gown. Save you, friend; are not you here by Thy bawd and thee, and thy companion,
appointment of justice Clement's man? This boary-headed letcher, this old goat,
Brain. Yes, an't please you, sir, he told me Cluse at your villany, and would'st thou 'scuse it two gentlemen had willed him to procure a warWith this stale harlot's jest, accusing me?
rant from his master, which I have about me, to 0,old incontinent, dost thou not shame
be served on one Downright. To have a mind so hot; and to entice,
Mat. It is honestly done of you both; and see And feed the enticement of a lustful woman? where the party comes you must arrest. Serve Dame. Out, I defy thee, thou dissembling it upon him quickly, before he be aware
wretch! Kite. Defy me, strumpet! Ask thy pander | Enter Master STEPHEN, in DOWNRIGHT's clouk,
Bob. Bear back, master Matthew. Can be deny it, or that wicked elder?
Brain. Master Downright, I arrest you i' the Kro. Why, bear you, sir
queen's name, and must carry you before a jusa Cash. Master, 'tis in vain to reason, while these tice, by virtue of this warrant. passions blind you—I'm grieved to see you thus, Step. Me, friend, I am no Downwright, I. I am
Master Stephen; you do not well to arrest me, I, SCENE IV.-A hall in Justice CLEMENT's house tell you truly. I am in nobody's bonds or books, I would you should know it. A plague on you
Enter CLEMENT ,KNO'WELL, KITELY, Dame heartily, for making me thus afraid before my
KITELY, Tıb, Cash, Cob, and Servants. time.
Clem. Nay, but stay, stay, give me leave. My Brain. Why now are you deceived, gentle chair, sirrah. You, master Kno'well, say you men?
went thither to meet your son. Bob. He wears such a cloak, and that decei- Kno. Aye, sir.
But see, here he comes, indeed! this is Clem. But who directed you thither? he, officer.
Kno. That did mine own man, sir.
Clem. Where is he?
Kno. Nay, I know not now; I left him with Down. Why, how now, Signor Gull ! are you your clerk; and appointed him to stay for me. turned filcher of late? Come, deliver up my Clem. My clerk? About what time was this? cloak.
Kno. Marry, between one and two, as I take Step. Your cloak, sir ! I bought it even now in it. open market.
Clem. And what time came my man with the Brain. Master Downright, I have a warrant false message to you, master Kitely? I must serve upon you, procured by these ćwo Kite. After two, sir. gentleinen.
Clem. Very good : but, Mrs Kitely, how chance Down. These gentlemen! these rascals ! it that you were at Cob's? Ha!
Brain. Keep the peace, I charge you, in her Dame. An' please you, sir, I'll tell you. My majesty's name.
brother Well-bred told me, that Cob's house w: Down. I obey thee. What must I do, officer? a suspected place
Brain. Go before Mr Justice Clement, to an- Clem. So it appears, methinks : but on. swer what they can object against you, sir. I Dame. And that my husband used thither will use you kindly, sir.
daily. Mat. Come, let us before, and make the jus- Clem. No matter, so he used himself well, tice, captain
[Erit. mistress. Bob. The varlet is a tall man, before heaven! Dame. True, sir; but you know what grows
[Erit. by such haunts, oftentimes. Down. Gull, you'll gi' me my cloak ?
Clem. I see rank fruits of a jealous brain, misStep. Sir, I bought it, and I'll keep it. tress Kitely. But, did you find your husband Down. You will?
there, in that case, as you suspected ? Step. Aye, that I will.
Kite. I found her there, sir. Down. Officer, there is thy fee, arrest hitn. Clem. Did you so ? That alters the case. Brain. Master Stephen, I must arrest you. Who gave you knowledge of your wite's being
Step. Arrest me! I scorn it; there, take your there? cloak, I'll none on it.
Kite. Marry, that did my brother Well-bred. Down. Nay, that shall not serve your turn, Clem. How! Well-bred first tell her, than tell now, sir. · Officer, I'll go with thee to the justi- you after? Where is Well-bred? ce's. Bring him along.
Kite. Gone with my sister, sir, I know not Step. Why, is not here your cloak? what would whither. you have?
Clem. Why, this is a mere trick, a device ; Down. I'll ha' you answer it, sir.
you are gulled in this most grossly, all! Alas, Brain. Sir, I'll take your sword, and this gen-poor wench, wert thou suspected for this ? tleman's too, for his appearance.
Tib. Yes, an' it please you. Down. I'll ha' no words taken. Bring him a- Clem. I smell mischiet here, plot and contrilong.
yance, master Kitely. However, if you will step Brain. So, so, I have made a fair mash on't. into the next room with your wife, and think Step. Must I go?
coolly of matters, you'll find some trick has been Brain. I know no remedy, master Stephen. played you—I fear there have been jealousies on
Doren. Come along before me here. I do both parts, and the wags have been merry with not love your hanging look behind.
you. Step. Why, sir, I hope you cannot hang me Kite. I begin to feel it-I'll take your counfor it. Can he, fellow?
sel-Will you go in, dame? Brain. I think not sir. It is but a whipping Dame. I will have justice, Mr Kitely. matter, sure!
[Erit Kitely and Dame. Step. Why, then, let him do his worst, I am Clem. You will be a woman, Mrs Kitely, that resolute.
(Exeunt. I see-How now, what's the matter?
Clem. Well, let this breathe a-while. You Enter Serdant.
that have cause to complain there, stand forth. Sero. Sir, there's a gentleman i' the court with- Had you my warrant for this gentleman's appre cut, desires to speak with your worship.
hension ? Clem. A gentleman! What is he?
Bob. Aye, an't please your worship. Sero. A soldier, sir, he says.
Clem. Nay, do nat speak in passion so. Where Clem. A soldier ! My sword, quickly. A sol- | had you it? dier speak with me! Stand by, I will end your Bab. Of your clerk, sir. matters, anon-Let the soldier enter. Now, sir, Clem. That's well, an' my clerk can make warwhat ha' you to say to me?
rants, and my hand not at them! Where is the
warrant? officer, have you it? . Enter BOBADIL and Matthew,
Brain. No, sir, your worship's man, master Bob. By your worship's favour
Formal, bid me do it for these gentlemen, and Clen. Nay, keep out, sir, I know not your pre he would be my discharge. tence; you send me word, sir, you are a soldier. Clem. Why, Mr Downright, are you such a noWbs, sir, you shall be answered here; here be vice to be served, and never see the warrant! them have been among soldiers. Sir, your plea Dow. Sir, he did not serve it on me. sure?
Clem. No, how then? Bob. Faith, sir, so it is, this gentleman and Dow. Marry, sir, he came to me, and said he myself have been most uncivilly wronged and must serve it, and he would use me kindly, and beaten by one Downright, a coarse fellow a sobout the town here; and, for my own part, Il Clem. O, God's pity, was it so, sir? He must protest, being a man in no sort given to this file serve it? Give me a warrant, I must serve one thy humour of quarrelling, he hath assaulted me too you krave, you slave, you rogue, do you say in the way of my peace; despoiled ine of mine ho- you must, sirrah? Away with him to the goal! nour; disarmed me of my weapons; and rudely I will teach you a trick for your must, sir. laid me along in the open streets; when I not so Brain. Good sir, I beseech you be good to me, much as once offered to resist him.
Clem. Tell him, he shall go to the goal; away Clem. O, god's precious! Is this the soldiers with him, I say. Lie there, my sword, 'twill make him swoon, I Brain. Aye, sir, if you will commit me, it shall fear; he is not fit to look on't, that will put up a be for cominitting more than this. I will not
lose by my travel any grain of my fame certain. Mat. An't please your worship, he was bound
[Throws off his disguise. to the peace.
Clem. How is this! Clem. Why, an' he were, sir, his hands were Kno. My man, Brain-worm! not bound, were they?
Step. O, yes, uncle, Brain-worm has been with Sers. There's one of the varlets of the city, my cousin Edward and I, all this day. sir, has brought two gentlemen here, one upon Clem. I told you all there was some device. your worship's warrant.
Brain. Nay, excellent Justice, since I have Clem. My warrant!
laid myself thus open to you, now stand strong Sere. Yes, sir, the officer says, procured by for me, both with your sword and your balance, these two.
Clem. Body o' me, a merry knave ! Give me a Clem. Bid him come in. Set by this picture. bowl of sack. If he belongs to you, Master What, Mr Downright! are you brought at Mr Kno'well, I bespeak your patience. Freshwater's suit here?
Brain. That is it I have most need of. Sir, if Enter DownRIGAT, STEPHEN, and BRAIN
you will pardon me only, I will glory in all the
rest of my exploits, WORM.
Kno. Sir, you know I love not to have my faDox. I'faith, sir. And here's another, brought cours conie hard from me. You have your parat my suit.
don; though I suspect you shrewdly for being of Clem. What are you, sir?
counsel with my son against me. Step. A gentleman, sir. O, uncle !
Brain. Yes, faith, I have, sir; though you reClem. Uncle! Who, Mr Kno'well?
tained me doubly this morning for yourself; first, Kno. Aye, sir, this is a wise kinsman of mine. | as Brain-worm, after, as Fitz-Sword. I was your
Step. God's my witness, uncle, I am wronged reformed soldier. 'Twas I sent you to Cob's uphere monstrously; he charges me with stealing on the errand without end, of his cloak, and would I might never stir, if I Kno. Is it possible? Or that thou should'st disdid not find it in the street by chance.
guise thyself so as I should not know thee? Dow. O, did you find it, now! You said you Brain. O, sir! this has been the day of my bought it ere-while.
metamorphoses; it is not that shape alone, that Step. And you said I stole it. Nay, now my I have run through to-day. I brought Master uncle is here, I will do well enough with you. Kitely a message too, in the form of Master Jus
tice's man here, to draw him out of the way, as Clem. Oh! I had lost a sheep, an' he had not well as your worship; while Master Well-bred bleated. Why, sir, you shall give Mr Downright might make a conveyance of Mrs Bridget to my his cloak; and I will entreat him to take it. A young master.
trencher and a napkin you shall have in the butKno. My son is not married, I hope ? tery, and keep Cob and his wife company here - Brain. Faith, sir, they are both as sure as whom I will entreat first to be reconciled; and love, a priest, and three thousand pounds, which you to endeavour with your wit to keep them so. is her portion, can make them; and by this time Step. I will do my best. are ready to bespeak their wedding supper at the Clem. Call Master Kitely, and his wife, there. Windinill, except some friend here prevents them, and invite them home.
Enter Kitely and DAME KITELY. Clem. Marry, that will 1; I thank thee for Did I not tell you there was a plot against you? putting me in mind on't. Sirrah, go you and Did I not smell it out, as a wise magistrate fetch them hither upon my warrant. Neither's ought? Have not you traced, have you not found friends have cause to be sorry, if I know the it, eh, Master Kitely? young couple aright. But I pray thee, what hast Kite. I have—I confess my folly, and own I thou done with my man Formal?
have deserved what I have suffered for it. The Brain. Faith, sir, after some ceremony past, trial has been severe, but it is past. All I have as making him drunk, first with story, and then to ask now, is, that, as my folly is cured, and my with wine, but all in kindness, and stripping him persecutors forgiven, my shame may be forgotto his shirt; I left him in that cool vein, depart-ten. ed, sold your worship’s warrant to these two, Clem. That will depend upon yourself, Master pawned his livery for that varlet's gown to serve Kitely; do not you yourself create the food for it in; and thus have brought myself, by my acti- mischief, and the mischievous will not prey upon vity, to your worship’s consideration.
you. But come, let a general reconciliation go Clem. And I will consider thee in a cup of round, and let all discontents be laid aside. You, sack. Here's to thee; which having drank off, Master Downright, put off your anger. You, Masthis is my sentence, pledge me. Thou hast done, ter Kno’well, your cares. And do you, Master or assisted to nothing, in my judgment, but de- Kitely, and your wife, put off your jealousies. serves to be pardoned for the wit of the offence. Kite. Sir, thus they go from me: kiss me, my Go into the next room; let Master Kitely into wife. this whimsical business, and, if he does not for See, what a drove of horns fly in the air, give thec, he has less mirth in him than an ho Winged with my cleansed, and my credulous nest man ought to have. How now, who are breath; these?
Watch them, suspicious eyes, watch where they
fall! Enter Edward KNO'WELL, WELL-BRED, and
See, see, on heads, that think they have none at BRIDGET.
all. 0, the young company. Welcome, welcome. O, what a plenteous world of this will come ! Give you joy. Nay, Mrs Bridget, blush not! you When air rains horns, all may be sure of some. are not so fresh a bride, but the news of it has Clem, 'Tis well, 'tis well. This night we will come hither before you. Master Bridegroom, I dedicate to friendship, love, and laughter. Mashave made your peace, give me your hand. So ter Bridegroom, take your bride, and lead every will I for the rest, ere you forsake my roof. one a fellow. Here is my mistress, Brain-worm!
All. We are the more bound to your humani- to whom all my addresses of courtship shall have ty, sir.
their reference: whose adventures this day, when Clem. Only these two have so little of man in our grand-children shall hear to be made a table, them, they are no part of my care.
I doubt not but it shall find both spectators and Step. And what shall I do?