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No, good master Fenton. Come, master Shallow : come, son Slender; in:Knowing my mind, you wrong me, master Fenton.
[Exeunt Page, Shallow, and Slender. Quick. Speak to mistress Page. Fent. Good mistress Page, for that I love your
daughter In such a righteous fashion as I do, Perforce, against all checks, rebukes, and manners, I must advance the colours of my love, And not retire: let me have your good will. Anne. Good mother, do not marry me to yond
Anne. Alas, I had rather be set quick i’ the earth,
master Fenton, I will not be your friend, nor enemy : My daughter will I question how she loves you, And as I find her, so am I affected ; 'Till then, farewell, sir :--She must needs go Her father will be angry.
[Exeunt Mrs. Page and Anne. Fent. Farewell, gentle mistress ; farewell, Nan.
Quick. This is my doing now ;-Nay, said I, will you cast away your child on a fool, and a physician? Look on master Fenton :--this is my doing Fent. I thank thee; and I pray thee, once to
night Give my sweet Nan this ring : there's for thy pains.
[Erit. Quick. Now heaven send thee good fortune! A kind heart he hath: a woman would run through fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet, would
my master had mistress Anne; or I would master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would master Fenton had her : I will do what I can for
them all three; for so I have promised, and I'll be as good as my word; but speciouslyl for master Fenton. Well, I must of another errand to sir John Falstaff from my two mistresses ; what a beast am I to slack2 it!
SCENE V.-A room in the Garter Inn. Enter
Falstaff and Bardolph.
Fal. Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in't. [Exit Bard.] Have I lived to be carried in a basket, like a barrow of butcher's offal; and to be thrown into the Thames? Well; if I be served such another trick, I'll have my brains ta'en out, and butter'd, and give them to a dog for a new year's gift. The rogues slighted me into the river with as little remorse3 as they would have drown'd a bitch's blind puppies, fifteen i' the litter: and you may know by my size, that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. - I had been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy and shallow ; a death that I abhor; for the water swells a man; and what a thing should I have been, when I had been swelled? I should have been a mountain of mummy.
Re-enter Bardolph, with the wine. Bard. Here's mistress Quickly, sir, to speak Fal. Come, let me pour in some sack to the Thames water; for my belly's as cold, as if I had swallowed snow-balls' for pills to cool the reins.
Call her in.
Bard. Come in, woman.
Enter Mrs. Quickly. Quick. By your leave; I cry you mercy: give your worship good-morrow.
Fal. Take away these chalices :' go brew me a pottle of sack finely.
Bard. With eggs, sir?
Fal. Simple of itself ; I'll no pullet-speim in my brewage. (Exit Bardolph.]-How now?
Quick. Marry, sir, I come to your worship from mistress Ford.
Fal. Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough: I was thrown into the ford : I have my belly full of ford.
Quick. Alas the day! good heart, that was not her fault; she does so take on with her men; they mistook their erection.
Fal. So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woman's promise. :
Quick. Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it would yearn your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning a birding; she desires you once more to come to her between eight and nine : I must carry her word quickly: she'll make you amends, I warrant you.
Fal. Well, I will visit her : tell her so; and bid her think, what a man is : let her consider his frailty, and then judge of my merit.
Quick. I will tell her.
Fal. I marvel, I hear not of master Brook; he sent me word to stay within : I like his money
well. O, here he comes.
Fal. Nay, you shall hear, master Brook, what I have suffered to bring this woman to evil for your
Enter Ford. Ford. Bless
sir ! Fal. Now, master Brook; you come to know what hath passed between me and Ford's wife? Ford. That, indeed, sir John, is my
business. Fal. Master Brook, I will not lie to you;
I at her house the hour she appointed me.
Ford. And how speed you, sir? Fal. Very ill-favouredly, master Brook. Ford. How so, sir? Did she change her determination ?
Fal. No, master Brook; but the peaking cornuto, her husband, master Brook, dwelling in a continual 'larum of jealousy, comes me in the instant of our encounter, after we had embraced, kissed, protested, and, as it were, spoke the prologue of our comedy ; and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither provoked and instigated by his distemper, and, forsooth, to search his house for his Ford. What, while you were there? Fal. While I was there. Ford. And did he search for you, and could not
Fal. You shall hear. As good luck would have it , comes in one mistress Page; gives intelligence of Ford's approach ; and, by her invention, and Ford's wife's distraction, they conveyed me into a
Ford. A buck-basket ! Fal
. By the Lord, a buck-basket: rammed me in with foul shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, and greasy napkins ; that, master Brook, there was the rankest compound of villanous smell, that ever
Ford. And how long lay you there? good. Being thus crammed in the basket, a couple
of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were called forth by their mistress, to carry me in the name of foul clothes to Datchet-lane: they took me on their shoulders ; met the jealous knave, their master, in the door ; who asked them once or twice what they had in their basket: I quaked for fear, lest the lunatic knave would have searched it; but Fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well: on went he for a search, and away went I for foul clothes. But mark the sequel, master Brook: I suffered the pangs of three several deaths : first, an intolerable fright, to be detected with a jealous rotten bell-wether: next, to be compassed like a good bilbo,h in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head: and then, to be stopped in, like a strong distillation, with stinking clothes that fretted in their own grease : think of that,-a man of iny kidney,—think of that; that am as subject to heat as butter; a man of continual dissolution and thaw ; it was a miracle to 'scape suffocation. And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half stewed in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thames, and cooled, glowing hot, in that surge, like a horse-shoe; think of that ;hissing hot, -think of that, master Brook. Ford. In good sadness,2 sir, I am sorry that for
you have suffered all this. My suit then is desperate; you'll undertake her no more.
Fal. Master Brook, I will be thrown into Ætna, as I have been into the Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her husband is this morning gone a bird. ing : I have received from her another embassy of meeting ; 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, master Brook.
Ford. 'Tis past eight already, sir.
(1) Bilboa, where the best blades are made.. (2) Seriousness. (3) Make myself ready.