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Speed. Item, She can sew.
Laun. What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when she can knit him a stock ?
Speed. Item, She can wash and scour.
Laun. A special virtue; for then she need not be washed and scoured.
Speed. Item, She can spin., Laun. Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can spin for her living.
Speed. Item, She hath many nameless virtues.
Laun. That's as much as to say, bastard virtues; that, indeed, know not their fathers, and therefore have no names. Speed. Here follow her vices. Laun. Close at the heels of her virtues.
Speed. Item, She is not to be kiss'd fasting, in respect of her breath.
Laun. Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast: read on. Speed. Item, She hath a sweet mouth. Laun. That makes amends for her sour breath. Speed. Item, She doth talk in her sleep.
Laun. It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk.
Speed. Item, She is slow in words.
Laun. O villain, that set this down among her rices! To be slow in words, is a woman's only vir.
pray thee, out with't; and place it for her chief virtue,
Speed. Item, She is proud.
Laun. Out with that too; it was Eve's legacy, and cannot be ta'en from her.
Speed. Item, She hath no teeth.
Laun. I care not for that neither, because I love crusts.
Speed. Item, She is curst. Laun. Well; the best is, she hath no teeth te bite,
Speed. Item, She will often praise her liquor.
Laun. If her liquor be good, she shall : If she will not, I will; for good things should be praised.
Speed. Item, She is too liberal.1
Laun. Of her tongue she cannot ; for that's writ down she is slow of: of her purse she shall not; for that I'll keep shut: now, of another thing she may ; and that I cannot help. Well, proceed.
Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults.
Laun. Stop there; I'll have her: she was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article: rehearse that once more.
Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit,
Laun. More hair than wit,-it may be ; I'll prove it: the cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it is more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit, is more than the wit; for the greater hides the less. What's next?
Speed. And more faults than hairs,
Laun. Why, that word makes the faults gracious :2 well, I'll have her : and if it be a match, as nothing is impossible,
Speed. What then?
Laun. Why, then I will tell thee,--that thy master stays for thee at the north gate.
Speed. For me?
Laun. For thee? ay; who art thou ? he hath staid for a better man than thee.
Speed. And must I go to him?
Laun. Thou must run to him, for thou hast staid so loną, that going will scarce serve the turn.
Speed. Why didst not tell me sooner? 'pox of your love-letters !
Laun. Now will he be swinged for reading my
letter: an unmannerly slave, that will thrust himself into secrets I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's correction.
SCENE II.-The same. A room in the Duke's
Thu. Since his exile she hath despis'd me most,
Duke. This weak impress of love is as a figure
sir Proteus ? Is your countryman,
Pro. Gone, my good lord.
Duke. So I believe; but Thurio thinks not so.-
Pro. Longer than I prove loyal to your grace,
Pro. I do, my lord.
Duke. And also, I think, thou art not ignorant
Duke. Ay, and perversely she persevers so.
The love of Valentine, and love sir Thurio?
Pro. The best way is to slander Valentine With falsehood, cowardice, and poor descent; Three things that women highly hold in hate. Duke. Ay, but she'll think, that it is spoke in
hate. Pro. Ay, if his enemy deliver it: Therefore it must, with circumstance, be spoken By one, whom she esteemeth as his friend. Duke. Then you must undertake to slander him.
Pro. And that, my lord, I shall be loth to do:
Pro. You have prevail'd, my lord : if I can do it,
this weed her love from Valentine, It follows not that she will love sir Thurio. Thu. Therefore, as you unwind her love from
him, Lest it should ravel, and be good to none, You must provide to bottom it on me : Which must be done, by praising me as much As you in worth dispraise sir Valentine. Duke. And, Proteus, we dare trust you in this
kind; Because we know, on Valentine's report, You are already love's firm votary, And cannot soon revolt and change your mind. Upon this warrant shall you have access, Where you with Silvia may confer at large; For she is lumpish, heavy, melancholy, And, for your friend's sake, will be glad of you ; Where you may temper her, by your persuasion, To hate young Valentine, and love my friend.
Pro. As much as I can do, I will effect :-
Duke. Ay, much the force of heaven-bred poesy
Pro. Say, that upon the altar of her beauty You sacrifice your tears, your sighs, your heart: Write till your ink be dry; and with your tears Moist it again ; and frame some feeling line, That may discover such integrity For Orpheus' lute was strung with poet's sinews; Whose golden touch could soften steel and stones, Make tigers tame, and huge leviathans Forsake unsounded deeps to dance on sands. After your dire-lamenting elegies, Visit by night your lady's chamber-window With some sweet concert: to their instruments Tune a deploring dump;2 the night's dead silence Will well become such sweet complaining grievThis, or else nothing, will inherit her. Duke. This discipline shows thou hast been in
love. Thu. And thy advice this night I'll put in prac.
Pro. We'll wait upon your grace till after supper,
[Exeunt. (1) Bird-lime. (2) Mournful elegy. (3) Choose out.