Brand and laid in my berth, and night, not inquired the terms or any further parand day, for nearly a week, I endured the ticulars, but he had nearly decided to misery of sea-sickness. place me with this lady. I wish it to be distinctly understood that I am sure Mrs. Brand was not glad I was ill, though she had the nursing of me. But I am sure she rejoiced to think that, if I was to be ill, she and no other woman had me in charge. Every morning Uncle Rollin came to the side of my berth and condoled with me, and Tom used to sit by me and try to amuse me, but in vain. At last, one day, all at once it became calm. I opened my eyes, and saw the banks of a river. Tom ran down to congratulate. I might now get up. We were in smooth water, and about to cast anchor. Mrs. Brand dressed me, and carried me on deck. This was the Orwell, I was told. Those pretty banks led up to the village of Holbrook, and this red and particularly ugly town that we were approaching was Ipswich. I was so weak and ill that I sat on Uncle Rollin's knee, while Tom fed me with some soup, Unole Rollin then for the first time showing a great liking for me, and seeming full of concern and self-reproach. However, he told me, by way of comfort, that, finding I did not take kindly to a sea-life, he had resolved to put me to school for a time, and there, he said, I should learn to play on the piano and do lambswool work like other little girls. I was very much dejected on hearing this, but did not say anything, and shortly after the gig was manned, and we went on shore. I then asked Tom, who seemed very low and dull, whether there was any help for this, and he said "No." To my comfort and surprise he shed a few tears of regret at this inevitable parting. No action of his since my memory began had ever given me such pleasure, and to this day, when I think of it, I am glad. How soon this to me important affair was arranged! Uncle Rollin had called on an old naval officer whom he knew, and asked if he could recommend a good school. "My granddaughter," was the reply, "is with Mrs Bell." "Are they good to the girls there," asked my uncle, "and do they take 'em to church, and see that they read their Bibles?" "All right as to that," replied the friend, "and the girls must be well cared for, they look so fresh and rosy." This conversation Uncle Rollin repeated to me when he came on board. He had 1150 LIVING AGE. VOL. XXV. I cried when he told me so, and felt very desolate at the notion of leaving him. When I expressed this he was greatly gratified, and said, "Why, the child seems actually fond of me." The next day, dressed in my best, and holding Tom by the hand, I walked with Uncle Rollin to call on and perhaps be left with the mistress of my future lot. We went down many narrow streets, and came at last to an ugly house, as I then thought it, but I was too much agitated to observe things keenly. We were shown into a parlour, and Uncle Rollin, made excessively nervous by my tears and Tom's perturbed manner, wiped his brow, groaned, and declared that he wished the business was well over. A lady came in, a few hurried compliments were paid, and some kind directions given; then some parting kisses from both, and a present of five sovereigns from Uncle Rollin, and off they both went in urgent haste to terminate the nervous business. And now the old thong ht recurs: if I write this truly I am in fear of Mrs. Bell even in this my chamber. What if she or the English teacher should ever see this at some future time! On the other hand what pleasure is it to me to write it unless I represent things as they really were? I think I will take a middle course, and avow that I was not happy, but I will not enter much into particulars. Some of the things that made me uncomfortable, so dull and so lonely, were no fault of Mrs. Bell. Some were my fault. nine One thing it was natural and inevitable that I should feel during those long years. This was the extreme youth of all the other pupils. I was the eldest when I entered; I became increasingly the eldest, for during the whole time of my stay no pupil left school at a more advanced age than ten years. I was thus utterly deprived of companionship. It was essentially a preparatory school. I admit that in my education this did not matter. My uncle paid most liberally, and Mrs. Bell procured excellent masters for me and for me only. I took all my lessons alone, as far as fellow-learners were concerned. In some matters, also, I had no just grounds for complaint. I had excellent food, a nice little bedroom, and my dress, which was provided by Mrs. Bell, was always in good taste, suitable, and ample. One grievance there, was a sad disadvantage to a child whose mother was at a distance all the letters were read, not excepting those addressed to her, and all the letters received were also read, before the girls saw them. seem to have a nice view out of is window," he continued, walking up to it. I followed, surprised to hear him say so. and I saw in his hand, a large, a very large and bulky letter. I felt my heart beat, almost more with fear than with joy; and while I stood motionless, he walked around me, found my pocket-hole poked the great This was duly mentioned to Uncle Rollin, but he did not understand that it would soon shut me off from real inter-letter in himself, and continued to talk to course with my family, and make me, as I me with easy assurance till I recovered my grew up, a stranger to my mother and self-possession. brother. My overlooked letters became short, stupid, and constrained, and in consequence the replies suffered, and were increasingly vague and meagre. All the strange and unusual things that I knew were useless, and ignorance of music at first embittered my days. I had to practice three hours a day, but with no taste, and a strong yearning after other pursuits, I scarcely made any progress at first excepting in the theory. No, certainly it is of no use my trying to persuade myself that those were happy years. They were not. I had none to love but the little chubby pupils; no one ever talked to me but the masters. I had 10 means at first of satisfying the cravings of my mind for information, for there were no books but school books. Of course there were no newspapers, and no walks out of doors, excepting in the regular routine. Moreover, I stayed at school during the holidays, and for three years I never saw Uncle Rollin or my brother. Then I saw them both for one half hour. Oh, shall I ever forget how I looked at them, especially at Tom, and how my heart ached to see that assuredly if I had met him in the street I should not have known him! He was a great fellow of fifteen, browned by exposure to sea breezes, and with a general air of a young naval officer about him. He was pleased to see me, and when he spoke I did not recognize his voice, it was so changed. "Should you know me, dear Tom?" I ventured to ask. "Know you?" he said laughing; "why you are not at all altered, and very little grown. What a little thing you are, Dorothea. I say," he continued, while Mrs. Bell talked to Uncle Rollin, "how tame you look, missy. You used to be such a bold, daring little creature; don't let them domineer too much; pluck up a little spirit." My terror was very great lest Mrs. Bell should hear us whispering together, an act which was considered highly ill-bred. I did not dare to make an answer. "You How soon that precious half hour was over. When Uncle Rollin rose to depart, I forgot the presence of Mrs. Bell, and burst into tears, imploring Tom not to forget me, and Uncle Rollin to let me come back soon. Uncle Rollin was troubled, and began, "If she was not such a puny little thing I would take her back now." And he looked at Mrs. Bell, who, before Tom could say a word, assured him calmly, that it was quite essential I should remain at school a few years longer. 66 Tom gave her an expressive lc A, and said, with a smiling assurance that astonished me, Very few indeed, I hope; for my sister was by no means ignorant when she came here." Then they took leave of me; and for many weeks after, my little snatches of leisure were cheered by Tom's long delightful letter. It roused my courage, and nerved me to be indifferent to little discomforts, and bear all with a brave heart. Moreover, it told me of an arrangement which I soon felt the benefit of. I was to have a master to read English literature with me, and under his auspices I might read any books that the town library afforded. To this library my uncle had begun to subscribe for me, and when my dear master, a fresh, kind-hearted old clergyman, had read with me a few times I was much happier. I had so much more to think about. Moreover, I became fond of my master, liked to hear his dear heavy foot shuffling to the door, and liked to do and learn as much as I could, that he might be pleased with me. I was thirteen and a half years old, and could now play the bass of duets as well as most children of eight. As I sat wearily practising, I had now the English master to expect, and Tom's letter to think about, Tom's letter, which told me of hunting bears in Norway, or sailing into still fiords, and in summer time seeing at the bottom of the clear water hundreds of blue lobsters creeping about, and sea anemones expanding like rows of prize chrysanthemums. If the girls had been of my own ́age, and Mrs. Bell had been in the least fond of me, the end of this would have been that I should have ceased to care for my relations, and have attached myself entirely to the people about me. As it was, I clung pertinaciously to the memory of my mother, Uncle Rollin, and Tom, and longed for the day when school life would be over. "A force de forger on devient forgeur," says the proverb. When I was sixteen I had practised till I absolutely began rather to like music; aud this feeling gradually increased, till I found it quite pleasant to take my lessons. I never excelled, but I played very tolerably, and sung, as I was assured, agreeably. When I was sixteen and a half I received a present of a gold watch from Uncle Rollin, together with six sovereigns, and the assurance that he and Tom would come to see me very soon. Of course I expected them joyously for a week; then I expected them anxiously for another week; then I expected them with the sickness of hope deferred for a third week; and then I became ill, for the first and only time while I was at school. I believe nothing was the matter with me but disappointment. It was during the Midsummer holidays. I became very thin, very pale, and feverish; could not eat, sleep, or sit up; and at last a doctor was sent for. He ordered that I should be sent to Felixstowe, a charming little place, twelve miles from Ipswich. I was sent with the English teacher for a month, and came home quite cheerful, and almost strong. I had found sharks' teeth in the cliff, bought pieces of amber of the women who polished them, and enjoyed the sight of the sea. I also saw lying at anchor, the brig, that famous brig in which my mother had spent her girlhood. It lay not far from Landguard fort, and I could see the old sailors on board, but of course they knew nothing about me; and my timid proposal that we should take a rowing boat and go out to her with some tobacco and tea, bought with my money, was received with such horror that I never ventured to allude to it again. After my return came the first real sorrow of my life, but it was broken to me with a kindness and considerate indulgence which made me feel as if I was among friends for the first and only time during those dull years. Ah, well, I cannot describe this, my hasty rush down-stairs, on hearing that there was a letter for me, the sudden pause, the slow quiet with which I was told to sit down, and the cold that seemed to drive in upon my heart when still there was silence. My mother was dead; her death had taken place some time before my illness, and one of the first thoughts that flashed into my mind was of bitter regret that she would never read those letters that I had written to her from Felixstowe; and which I had heen allowed by the English teacher to post unread. They were the only natural, unrestrained letters I had sent her since our parting, but I hoped she did not want them now. My precious mother! and her illness had been so short, but I knew she would have mentioned her far off children if she had been able. It was my father who wrote, and he said very little, even that was not all about my mother, for he added his thankfulness for Uncle Rollin's goodness to us, and his hope that I was grateful and content. I was greatly grieved. I had so much indulged the hope of one day going out to her, and being with her when she was old, and yet I was quite aware, young as I was, that mine could not be a very intelligent estimate of her character: I felt, even then, that she was doubtless far above what I knew of her. I had only lost a child's mother, whom I recollected as careful over me, indulgent and kind; but as my own mind and feelings expanded, I had believed and known that I should find her as different from what I had seemed to part from, as I was myself different from the childdaughter who had been so sorry for her on the going away. "She died as she had lived, in the fear of God, and in the peace and hope of the gospel." Those were my father's words. Just at first I gave way to a passion of sorrow, but after the day when those sorrowful tidings came to me I always knew that my grief could be nothing compared with that of a child who loses a present parent. The hope of something that I had craved for was gone - the hope of her company; but the actual difference caused by her removal was only the ceasing of those formal letters she had sent me, knowing when she wrote that they would be read over before I saw them. Letters from Tom or from Uncle Rollin were of very rare occurrence now, and all my life seemed to be narrowed into the books I was reading and the languages I was learning. When I was seventeen I had, however, a great pleasure, for Mrs. Bell, having a sick friend who lived at Norwich, took lodg ings there during the midsummer holidays | like a child still — shall we never make a in order to be near her, and took me with woman of you?" her. So I saw the place where they know all about angels, and I was allowed to be a good deal in the Cathedral. It was like a glimpse of Paradise to me, and a renewal of babyhood. After this - that is, in the spring of the next year I was taken to London, in obedience to a mandate from my uncle, who sent a handsome sum of money to pay all the expenses. Accordingly Mrs. Bell went with me herself, and left her little scholars under the care of her younger sister. It was all so arranged as to be part of my education. The museums, the picture-galleries, the buildings were all to be studied in a conscientious and plodding way, with books in her hand and in mine, that I might be quite sure I had learned all I possibly could from them. It was on the first of June during this same year, and I was between eighteen and nineteen, when the next promise came from Uncle Rollin that he would call and see me. I was practising music when the letter was given me; and oh, the tumult of my mind as I read! Tom was not with him, he said; an old friend of his, a Mr. Mompesson, had asked him to come and stay a few days at his parsonage. Oh, I thought it a cruel chance that I looked so young. Tears choked me, I could not beg him to take me with him; and Mrs. Bell now entering, I felt my vehemence subside; habitual decorum prevailed; I dried my eyes, and felt with aching distress of mind, that he had not come to take me away. They talked on commonplace themes, my growth, my progress, the crops, the weather. Uncle Rollin looked shy, and so great was the agitation of my mind that I could not summon courage to ask, before Mrs. Bell, whether I might leave school; and I believe he would actually have gone away again without hearing my voice any more if, in stooping to kiss me, he had not said 66 Well, my dear, is there anything you want?" "Oh yes, uncle," I exclaimed. "My dear!" expostulated Mrs. Bell, “I am surprised. Is this the decorum I expect from Miss Graham?" There is something," I repeated, hardly knowing what I said, "oh, there is somethink that I want so much." He had told me in his letter that he had put into Harwich because the Curlew" wanted something done to her, and I supposed, erroneously, as it appeared afterwards, that he was living on board the other vessel; so Fully grown up and still at school. No when he repeated kindly, "Well, you talk of my leaving it yet. How my heart have never asked a favour of me all sickened and fainted to be alone with him, these years, so Mrs. Bell will excuse you, if only for an hour, that I might learn I hope what is it?" I exclaimed as what he meant to do with me, something boldly as excessive agitation would perof Tom's prospects, my father's circum- mit, "I want to go and spend a day with stances, and a thousand other things that I you, uncle, on board the brig." was ignorant of. Could he be come to release me and take me on board with him? That I scarcely dared to think "On board the brig!" repeated Mrs. Bell, in a faint tone of ladylike alarm. I was holding his hand, and rendered desperate by exceeding desire for only one private conversation with him, repeated, "Pray do, uncle-I have never been away, never been with you for years! I want to hear about my brother." A ball seemed to rise in my throat, and a mist swam before my eyes, when I said these audacious words in the august presence of her to whom they would, I knew, be so displeasing, but so much depended on them that I forgot for once to be afraid, and burst into a passion of tears, while Mrs. Bell looked at me with grave reproof. Uncle Rollin meantime stood mute, overcome by shyness and surprise. But determined, if possible, to gain my point, I dried my eyes, and vehemently entreated out giving me any look of kindness or enthat I might go with him, saying, "Uncle, couragement. you said I had not asked a favour all these years." "So I did," he repeated. "Then will you, oh will you grant me this one? May I put on my bonnet and go with you for this one day?" “Well — yes,” he answered, slowly. And without waiting to hear another word, I flew upstairs, snatched my bonnet, gloves and mantle from the drawer, and ran down equipped for the day in less than two minutes. Terror shook my limbs as, on reaching the foot of the stairs, I encountered my uncle, looking very hot, and shy, and Mrs. Bell in high indignation, and with a peculiarly set expression of firmness about her lips. He seemed in a great hurry as well as in a great fright, and taking my hand led me hastily to the door. Mrs. Bell was explaining that she could not send for me in the evening; my uncle only replied that it was of no consequence, wished her good morning, and I heard the door shut after us with a thrill of incredulous joy. But after such a daring action as that I had committed, came the inevitable consideration of what would become of me when I returned in the evening, and had to bear the brunt of Mrs. Bell's anger all alone. So much did this thought damp my joy that I could not say a word, but hurried with my uncle through the town down St. Matthew's Street, and even a little way along the Whitton Road before I remembered that we were leaving the river behind us. He was quite as much bewildered as I was; in fact, we were both, as it were, running away. 66 "Uncle," I ventured to say, we are not going the right way; we must turn and go down St. Peter's Street." "Ah, true, true," he replied; and he came back with every appearance of perturbed feeling. At last we reached the bridge; it was high-water. I saw, to my joy, the white boat that I remembered so well, and I recognized the steward, who was evidently lingering about, looking for Uncle Rollin. In three minutes we were in that boat. And now what good had my hardly-won holiday done me? Of course I could not talk to my uncle before the sailors. I was not at all sure that he was pleased with me, for he sat very gravely and silently, with the tiller ropes in his hands, and with We rowed past the wharves, and reached the broader portion of the river, then we put up a sail; but even with this advantage I knew that we should not reach Landguard fort till two o'clock, and my mind became distracted with anxiety as to how I was to get back again, and what would be said and done to punish me and mortify me if I did not reach home till the middle of the night. Still, not a word did my uncle say; and aware that, bad as things were, I had entirely brought them on myself, I sat gravely before him trying to think of some plan by which I might return, and almost forgetting that craving for information about my family which had lately almost absorbed my mind. At last we approached not the brig, but the "Curlew:" she was radiant with fresh paint, and was lying in Downham Reach, evidently expecting us. Nothing was said to me, but I went up her side when my uncle did, and followed him into the chief cabin. Once at home in his yacht, his constraint vanished, he first laughed with some exultation, then kissed me kindly, and then taking a survey of me, said, but with some hesitation, that I was welcome. Dinner was brought in, but I, still revolving my return to Ipswich, sat down with my bonnet on. 66 Come, child," said my uncle, "have you forgotton your old berth? Go and look at it." I went to my cabin. How pretty and fresh it was, newly fittted up with green and gold, and how little I cared for that. Mrs. Brand appeared, and seemed pleased; till looking at my troubled countenance, she guessed that something was wrong. Her old desire for something to do however, induced her to ask if she might arrange my hair, and before it was finished, my uncle came to the door, and I made haste and went with him to the chief cabin, where, when we had seated ourselves at table, he again laughed exultingly, and proceeded to heap my plate with meat and salad. "What are you thinking of?" he inquired, when he found that I could neither eat nor talk. "Mrs. Bell," I answered. |