of vogue, or funk in their fortunes, or (which to me was of the highest moment) became diffaffected to the government; which practice I have followed ever fince to this very day; except when I happened to be fick, or in the fpleen upon cloudy weather; and except when I entertained four of each fex at my own lodgings once in a month, by way of retaliation.

I always kept a large table-book in my pocket; and as foon as I left the company, I immediately entered the choiceft expreffions that paffed during the vifit; which, returning home, I tranfcribed in a fair hand, but fomewhat enlarged: and had made the greatest part of my collection in twelve years, but not digefted into any method; for this I found was a work of infinite labour, and what required the niceft judgement, and confequently could not be brought to any degree of perfection in lefs than fixteen years more.

:

Herein I refolved to exceed the advice of Horace, a Roman Poet, which I have read in Mr. Creech's admirable tranflation, that an author should keep his works nine years in his closet, before he venture to publifh them and finding that I ftill received fome additional flowers of wit and language, although in a very fmall number, I determined to defer the publication, to purfue my defign, and exhaust if poffible the whole fubject, that I might prefent a complete fyftem to the world. For I am convinced by long experience, that the critics will be as fevere as their old envy against me can make them. I forefee they will object, that I have inferted many anfwers and replies which are neither witty, humorous, polite, nor authentic; and have omitted others that would have been highly useful, as well as entertaining. But let them come to particulars, and I will boldly engage to confute their malice. VOL.IX.

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For

For thefe laft fix or feven years I have not been able to add above nine valuable fentences to enrich my collection; from whence I conclude, that what remains will amount only to a trifle. However, if, after the publication of this work, any lady or gentleman, when they have read it, fhall find the leaft thing of importance omitted, I defire they will pleafe to fupply my defects, by communicating to me their difcoveries; and their letters may be directed to Simon Wagstaff, Efq; at his lodgings next door to the Gloucester-head in St. James's street, (paying the postage). In return of which favour, I fhall make honourable mention of their names in a fhort preface to the second edition.

In the mean time, I cannot but with some pride, and much pleafure, congratulate with my dear country, which hath outdone all the nations of Europe, in advancing the whole art of converfation to the greatest height it is capable of reaching; and therefore, being entirely convinced that the collection I now offer to the public is full and complete, I may at the fame time boldly affirm, that the whole genius, humour, politenefs, and eloquence of England are fummed up in it. Nor is the treasure fmall, wherein are to be found at least a thousand fhining questions, anfwers, repartees, replies, and rejoinders, fitted to adorn every kind of difcourfe that an affembly of English ladies and gentlemen, met together for their mutual entertainment, can poffibly want; efpecially when the feveral flowers fhall be fet off and improved by the speakers, with every circumftance of preface aud circumlocution, in proper terms; and attended with praife, laughter, or admiration.

There is a natural, involuntary distortion of the mufcles, which is the anatomical caufe of laughter; but there is another caufe of laughter which decency requires, and is the undoubted mark of a

good

good tafte, as well as of a polite obliging behaviour; neither is this to be acquired without much obfervation, long practice, and a found judgment. I did therefore once intend, for the cafe of the learner, to fet down in all parts, of the following dialogues, certain marks, afteriiks, or nota-bene's, (in English, markwells), after moft questions, and every reply or anfwer; directing exactly the moment when one, two, or all the com. pany, are to laugh: but having duly confidered, that this expedient would too much enlarge the bulk of the volume, and confequently the price? and likewife that fomething ought to be left for ingenious readers to find out; I have determined to leave that whole affair, although of great importance, to their own difcretion.

The reader muft learn by all means to diftinguish between proverbs, and thofe polite fpeeches which beautify converfation; for, as to the former, I utterly reject them out of all ingenious difcourfe. I acknowledge indeed, that there may poffibly be found in this treatife a few fayings, among fo great a number of fmart turns of wit and humour as I have produced, which have a proverbial air: however, I hope it will be confidered, that thefe were not originally proverbs, but the genuine productions of fuperior wits to embellifh and fupport converfation; from whence, with great impropriety, as well as plagiarism, (if you will forgive a hard word), they have most injurioufly been transferred into proverbial maxims; and therefore in juftice ought to be refumed out of vulgar hands, to adorn the drawing-rooms of princes, both male and fe male, the levees of great minifters, as well as the toilet and tea-table of the ladies.

I can faithfully affure the reader, that there is not one fingle witty phrafe in this whole collection, which hath not received the ftamp and approbation of at least one hundred years, and how much longer,

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longer, it is hard to determine: he may therefore be fecure to find them all genuine, fterling, and authentic.

But before this elaborate treatife can become of univerfal ufe and ornament to my native country, two points that will require time and much application, are abfolutely neceffary.

For, firft, whatever perfon would afpire to be A completely witty, fmart, humourous, and polite, muft, by hard labour, be able to retain in his memory every single fentence contained in this work, fo as never to be once at a lofs in applying the right anfwers, queftions. repartees, and the like, immediately, and without ftudy or hesitation.

And, fecondly, after a lady or gentleman hath fo well overcome this difficulty, as never to be at a lofs upon any emergency, the true management of every feature, and almost of every limb, is equally neceffary; without which an infinite number of abfurdities will inevitably enfue. For instance, there is hardly a polite fentence in the following dialogues which doth not abfolutely require fome peculiar graceful motion in the eyes, or nofe, or mouth, or forehead, or chin, or fuitable tofs of the head, with certain offices affigned to each hand; and in ladies, the whole exercise of the fan, fitted to the energy of every word they deliver; by no means omitting the various turns and cadence of the voice, the twiftings, and movements, and different poftures of the body, the feveral kinds and gradations of laughter, which the ladies muft daily practife by the looking-glafs, and confult upon them with their waiting-maids.

My readers will foon obferve what a great compafs of real and useful knowledge this fcience includes; wherein, although nature, affifted by a genius, may be very inftrumental, yet a ftrong memory and conftant application, together with example and precept, will be highly neceffary, For

thefe

these reasons I have often wifhed, that certain male and female inftructors, perfectly verfed in this fo ence, would fet up fchools for the inftruction of young ladies and gentlemen therein.

I remember about thirty years ago, there was a Bohemian woman, of that fpecies commonly known by the name of gyfies, who came over hither from France, and gennerally attended ISAAC the dancingmafter, when he was teaching his art to miffes of quality; and while the young ladies were thus employed, the Bohemian, ftanding at fome diftance, but full in their fight, acted before them all proper airs, and heavings of the head, and motions of the hands, and twiftings of the body; whereof you may still observe the good effects in feveral of our elder ladies.

After the fame manner, it were much to be de-fired, that fome expert gentlewoman gone to decay. would fet up public fchools, wherein young girls of quality, or great fortunes, might firft be taught to repeat this following fyftem of converfation, which I have been at fo much pains to compile; and then to adapt every feature of their countenances, every turn of their hands, every fcrewing of their bodies, every exercife of their fans, to the humour of the fentences they hear or deliver in converfation :: but above all to inftruct them in every fpecies and degree of laughing in proper seasons at their own wit, or that of the company. And if the fons of the nobility and gentry, inftead of being fent to common fchools, or put into the hands of tutors at home, to learn nothing but words, were configned. to able instructors in the fame art, I cannot find what use there could be of books, except in the hands of those who are to make learning their trade, which is be low the dignity of perfon born to titles or estates.

It would be another infinite advantage, that, by cultivating this fcience, we fhould wholly avoid the

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vexations