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Miss. All they can say goes in at one ear, and out at t'other for me, I can assure you ; only I wish they would be quiet, and let me drink my tea.
Neverout. What! I warrant you think all is lost that goes beside your own mouth.
Mifs. Pray, Mr. Neverout, hold your tongue. for once, if it be possible ; one would think you were a woman in man's cloaths by "your prating.
Neverout. No, Miss; it is not handsome to see one hold one's tongue; besides, I should slobber my fingers.
Col. Miss, did you never hear, that three women and a goose are enough to make a market. · Miss. I'm sure, if Mr. Neverout or you were among them it would make a fair.
Footman comes in.
Lady Smart. Here, take away the tea-table, and bring up candles.
Lady Anfw. O Madam, no candles yet, I beseech you; don't let us burn day-light.
Neverout. I dare swear, Miss, for her part, will never burn day-light, if ihe can help it.
Miss. Lord! Mr. Neverout, one can't hear one's own ears for you.
Lady Smart. Indeed, Madam, it is blind-man's holiday; we shall soon be all of a colour,
Neverout. Why then, Mifs, we may kiss where we like beft. Miss. Fogh! these men talk of nothing but kift
[She spits. Neverout. What, Mifs, does it make your mouth water..
Lady Smart. It is as good be in the dark as without light ; therefore, pray bring in candles; they fay, women and linen shew best by candle-light, Come, Gentlemen, are you for a party at quadrille?
Col. I'll make one with you three ladies.
Lady Smart. [to Lady Answ.] Madam, does your Ladyship never play?
Col. Yes; I suppose her Ladyfhip plays sometimes for an Egg at Esther.
Neverout. Ay; and a kiss at Christmas.
Lady Answ. Come, Mr. Neverout, hold your tongue, and mind your kniting.
Neverout. With all my heart; kiss my wife, and welcome.
The Colonel, Mr. Neverout, Lady Smart, and Miss, go to quadrilie, and fit till three in the morning.
"They rise from cards.
Lady Smart. Well, Miss, you'll have a fad hus. band, you have such good luck at cards. • Neverout. Indeed, Miss, you dealt me sad cards; if you deal so ill by your friends, what will you do with your enemies?
Lady Answ. I'm fure 'tis tinie for honest folks to be a-bed. Miss. Indeed my eyes draw straws.
She's almost asleep. Neverout. Why, Miss, if you fall asleep, fomebody may get a pair of gloves.
Cól. I'm going to the land of Nod.
Neverout. Miss, I hope you'll dream of your sweetheart.
Miss. Oh, no doubt of it: I believe I shan't be able to sleep for dreaming of him.
Col. [to Miss.] Madam, shall I have the honour to escort you?
Miss. No, Colonel, I thank you ; my mamma has sent her chair and footmen. Well, my Lady Smart, I'll give you revenge whenever you please.
They all take their chairs, and go off.
• THE following treatise of Directions to Servants • 1 was begun some years ago by the author, • who had not leisure to finish and put it into pro• per order, being engaged in many other works • of greater use to his country, as may be seen by • most of his writings. But, as the author's defign
*" I have a thing in prose, begun above twenty-eight years ago, " and almost finished. It will make a four- Shilling volume; and is " such a perfection of folly, that you shall never hear of it till it is “ printed, and then you shall be left to guess. Nay, I have another “ of the same age, which will require a long time to perfect, and is “ worse than the former, in which I will serve you the same way." Swift's Letters, in vol. 1o. let, 62, alluding to Polite Conversation, and Directions to servants,
was to expose the villanies and frauds of servants • to their masters and mistresses, we shall make no • apology for its publication, but give it our read' ers in the same manner as we find it in the origi'nal, which may be feen in the printer's custody. " The few tautologies that occur in the characters ' left unfinished, will make the reader look upon 'the whole as a rough draught, with several out( lines only drawn. However, that there may ap• pear no daubing or patchwork by other hands, ' it is thought most adviseable to give it in the au'thor's own words:
• It is imagined that he intended to make a large « volume of this work; but, as time and health ( would not permit him, the reader may draw, ' from what is here exhibited, means to detect the ( many vices and faults which people in that kind ' of low life are subject to.
If gentlemen would seriously consider this work, which is written for their instruction, (although · ironically), it would make them better oecono: • mists, and preserve their estates and families from I ruin.
• It may be seen by some scattered papers, (where' in were given hints for a dedication and preface, • and a list of all degrees of servants), that the " author intended to have gone through all their characters,
This is all that need be said as to this treatise, which can only be looked upon as a fragment.' Dublin Nov. 8.
G. F. 1745