Mifs. Why, there was old Lady Forward, Miss To-and-again, Sir John Ogle, my Lady Clapper, and I, quoth the dog.

Col. Was your visit long, Mifs?

Mifs. Why, truly, they went all to the opera ; and fo poor Pilgarlic came home alone.

Neverout. Alack-a-day, poor Mifs! methinks it grieves me to pity you

Mifs. What! you think you faid a fine thing now; well, if I had a dog with no more wit, I would hang him.

Ld Sparkifh. Mifs, if it is manners, may I aik which is oldeft, you or Lady Scuttle?

Mifs. Why, my Lord, when I die for age, fhe may quake for fear.

Lady Smut.. She's a very great gadder abroad. Lady Anfw. Lord! fhe made me follow her laft week through all the fhops like a Tantiny pig *. Lady Smart. I remember you told me, you had been with her from Dan to Bersheba.

Colonel Spits.

Col. Lord! I fhall die; I cannot fpit from me. Mifs. Oh! Mr. Neverout, my little Countess has juft litter'd; fpeak me fair, and I'll fet you down for a puppy.

Neverout. Why, Mifs, if I fpeak you fair, perhaps I may'nt tell truth.

Ld Sparkifh, Ay, but Tom, fmoke that, the calls you puppy by craft.

Neverout. Well, Mifs, you ride the fore-horse to-day.

* St. Anthony's pig. It being fabled of St. Anthony the her mit, that he wronght a miraculous cure on an hog, it became a cuftom in feveral places to tie a bell abou: the neck of a pig, and maintain it at the common charge in honour to his memory. Hence the proverb, To follow like a Tantiny-pig.

VOL. IX.

L

Mijs.

Mifs. Ay, many one fays well, that thinks ill. Neverout. Fie, Mifs; you faid that once before; and you know, too much of one thing is good for nothing.

Mifs. Why, fure, we can't fay a good thing too often.

Ld Sparkifh. Well, fo much for that, and butter for fish; let us call another caufe. Pray, Madam, does your Ladyfhip know Mrs. Nice?

Lady Smart. Perfectly well, my Lord; fhe's nice by name, and nice by nature.

Ld Sparkifh. Is it poffible fhe could take that booby Tom Blunder for love?

Mijs. She had good fkill in horse-flesh, that could chufe a goose to ride on.

Lady Anfw. Why, my Lord, 'twas her fate; they fay marriage and hanging go by destiny.

Col. I believe fhe'll never be burnt for a witch.

Ld Sparkifb. They fay, marriages are made in heaven; but I doubt, when fhe was married, fhe had no friend there.

Neverout. Well, the's got out of God's bleffing into the warm fun.

Col. The fellow's well enough, if he had any guts in his brains.

Lady Smart. They fay, thereby hangs a tale. Ld Sparkifh. Why, he's a mere hobbledehoy, neither a man nor a boy.

Mifs. Well, if I were to chufe a husband, I would never be married to a little man.

Neverout. Pray, why fo, Mifs? for they fay, of all the evils we ought to chufe the least.

Mifs. Becaufe folks would say, when they faw us together, there goes the woman and her husband. Cal. [to Lady Smart ] Will your Ladyship be on the Mall to-morrow night?

Lady Smart. No, that won't be proper; you know to-morrow's Sunday.

Ld

Ed Sparkish. What then, Madam? they fay the better day the better deed.

Lady Anfw. Pray, Mr. Neverout, how do you like Lady Fruzz?

Neverout. Pox on her! fhe's as old as Poles *. Mifs. So will you be, if you ben't hang'd when you're young.

:

Neverout. Come, Mifs, let us be friends will you go to the park this evening?

Mifs. With all my heart, and a piece of my liver; but not with you.

Lady Smart. I'll tell you one thing, and that's not two: I'm afraid I fhall get a fit of the head-ach today

Col. Oh! Madam, don't be afraid; it comes with a fright.

Mifs. [to Lady Anfw.] Madam, one of your Ladyfhip's lappets is longer than t'other.

Lady Anfw. Well, no matter; they that ride on

a trotting horse will ne'er perceive it.

Neverout. Indeed, Mifs, your lappets hang worse.
Mifs. Well I love a liar in my heart, and you fit.

me to a hair

Mifs rifes up.

Neverout. Duce take you, Mifs; you trode on my foot: I hope you don't intend to come to my bed-fide.

Mifs. In troth, you are afraid of your friends, and none of them near you.

Ld Sparkifb. Well faid, girl! [giving her a chuck.] Take that; they fay, a chuck under the chin is worth two kiffes.

Lady Anfu. But, Mr. Neverout, I wonder why fuch a handfome, ftrait, young gentleman as you don't get fome rich widow.

*For St. Paul's church.

L 2

Ld

Ld Sparkib. Strait! ay, strait as my leg, and that's crooked at knee.

Neverout. Faith, Madam, if it rain'd rich widows, none of them would fall upon me. Egad I was born under a threepenny planet, never to be worth a groat.

Lady Anfw. No, Mr. Neverout; I believe you were born with a caul on your head; you are fuch a favourite among the ladies. But what think you of widow Prim? the's immensely rich.

Neverout. Hang her! they fay her father was a baker.

Lady Smart. Ay; but it is not, What is fhe? but, what has fhe? now-a-days.

Col. Tom, faith, put on a bold face for once, and have at the widow. I'll speak a good word for you to her.

Lady Anfw. Ay; I warrant you'll fpeak one word for him, and two for yourself.

Mifs. Well, I had that at my tongue's end.

Lady Anfw. Why, Mifs, they fay, good wits jump.

Neverout. Faith, Madam, I had rather marry a woman I lov'd, in her fmock, than widow Prim, if the had her weight in gold.

Lady Smart. Come, come, Mr. Neverout, marriage is honourable, but houfe-keeping is a fhrew. Lady Anfw. Confider, Mr. Neverout, four bare legs in a bed; and you are a younger brother.

Col. Well, Madam; the younger brother is the better gentleman. However, Tom, I would advife you to look before you leap.

Ld Sparkifb. The Colonel fays true; befides, you cannot expect to wive and thrive in the fame year.

Mifs. [huddering.] Lord! there's fomebody walking over my grave.

Col. Pray, Lady Anfwerall, where was you laft Wednesday, when I did myself the honour to wait

on

on you! I think your Ladyfhip is one of the tribe of Gad.

Lady Anfw. Why, Colonel I was at church.
Col. Nay, then will I be hang'd, and my horfe

too.

Neverout. I believe her Ladship was at a church and a chimney in it.

Mifs. Lord, my petticoat! how it hangs jommetry!

by

Neverout.Perhaps the fault may be in your fhape. Mifs [looking gravely.] Come, Mr. Neverout, there's no jeft like the true jeft; but I fuppofe youthink my back's broad enough to bear every thing. Neverout. Madam, I humbly beg your pardon. Mifs. Well, Sir, your pardon's granted.

Neverout. Well, all things have an end, and a pudden has two, up-up-on me-my-my word. [Stutiers. Mifs. What! Mr. Neverout, can't you speak without a spoon?

Ld Sparkib. [to Lady Smart. ] Has your Ladyfhip feen the Dutchefs fince your falling out? Lady Smart Never, my Lord, but once at a vifit and the look'd at me as the devil look'd over Lincoln.

Neverout. Pray, Mifs, take a pinch of my fnuff. Mifs. What! you break my head, and give me a plaifter; well, with all my heart; once, and not use it.

Neverout, Well, Mifs; if you wanted me and your victual, you'd want your two best friends. Col. to Neverout.] Tom, Mifs and you must kifs and be friends.

Neverout falutes Mifs.

Mifs. Any thing for a quiet life: my nofe itch'd, and I knew I fhould drink wine, or kiss a fool. Col. Well, Tom, if that ben't fair, hang fair. Neverout. I never faid a rude thing to a lady in my life.

L. 3

Mifs.