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A LETTER to a very YOUNG LADY on her MARRIAGE *.

MADAM,

THE hurry and impertinence of receiving and paying visits on account of your marriage being now over, you are beginning to enter upon a courfe of life, where you will want much advice to divert you from falling into many errors, fopperies, and follies, to which your fex is fubject. I have always born an entire friendship to your father and mother; and the perfon they have chofen for your husband, hath been for fome years paft my particular favou rite; I have long wished you might come together, because I hoped, that, from the goodness of your difpofition, and by following the counfel of wife friends, you might in time make yourself worthy of him. Your parents were fo far in the right, that they did not produce you much into the world; whereby you avoided many wrong fteps, which cthers have taken, and have fewer ill impreffions to be removed but they failed, as it is generally the cafe, in too much neglecting to cultivate your mind; without which it is impoffible to acquire or preferve the friendship and esteem of a wife man, who foon grows weary of acting the lover, and treating his wife like a mistress, but wants a reasonable companion, and a true friend, through every ftage of his life. It must be therefore your bufinefs to qualify yourself for thofe offices; wherein I will not

This letter ought to be read by all new-married women; and will be read with pleasure and advantage by the most distinguished and moft accomplished ladies. Orrery.

fail to be your director, as long as I fhall think you deferve it, by letting you know how you are to act, and what you ought to avoid.

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And beware of defpifing or neglecting my ftructions; whereon will depend not only your making a good figure in the world, but your own real happiness, as well as that of the person who ought to be the dearest to you.

I must therefore defire you, in the firft place, to be very flow in changing the modeft behaviour of a virgin. It is ufual in young wives, before they have been many weeks married, to affume a bold forward look, and manner of talking; as if they intended to fignify in all companies, that they were no longer girls, and confequently that their whole demeanor, before they got a husband, was all but a countenance and constraint upon their nature: whereas, I fuppofe, if the votes of wife men were gathered, a very great majority would be in favour of thofe ladies, who, after they were entered into that state, rather chofe to double their portion of modesty and reservedness.

I must likewife warn you ftrictly against the leaft degree of fondness to your husband before any witness whatsoever, even before your nearest relations, or the very maids of your chamber. This proceeding is fo exceeding odious and disgustful to all who have either good breeding or good fenfe, that they affign two very unamiable reafons for it. The one is grofs hypocrify, and the other has too bad a name to mention. If there is any difference to be made, your husband is the lowest perfon in company, either at home or abroad; and every gentleman prefent has a better claim to all marks of civility and diftinction from you. Conceal your esteem and love in your own breast, and reserve your kind looks and lan uage for private hours; which are to any in the four and twenty, that they will afford time to employ

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employ a paffion as exalted as any that was ever defcribed in a French romance.

Upon this head I should likewise advise you to differ in practice from thofe ladies who affect abundance of uneafinefs while their husbands are abroad; start with every knock at the door, and ring the bell inceffantly for the fervants to let in their master; will not eat a bit at dinner or fupper, if the husband happens to ftay out; and receive him at his return with fuch a medley of chiding and kindness, and catechifing him where he has been, that a fhrew from Billingfgate would be a more eafy and eligible companion.

Of the fame leaven are those wives, who when their husbands are gone a journey, must have a letter every post upon pain of fits and hysterics; and a day must be fixed for their return home, without the leaft allowance for bufinefs, and fickness, or accidents, or weather. Upon which I can only fay, that, in my obfervation, thofe ladies who are apt to make the greateft clutter on fuch occafions, would liberally have paid a meffenger for bringing them news, that their husbands had broken their necks on the road.

You will perhaps be offended, when I advise you to abate a little of that violent paffion for fine cloaths fo predominant in your fex. It is a little hard, that ours, for whofe fake you wear them, are not admitted to be of your council. I may venture to affure you, that we will make an abatement at any time of four pounds a yard in a brocade, if the lay dies will but allow a fuitable addition of care in the cleanliness and fweetness of their perfons. For the fatirical part of mankind will needs believe, that it is not impoffible to be very fine and very filthy; and that the capacities of a lady are fometimes apt to fall fhort in cultivating cleanlinefs and finery together. I fhall only add, upon fo tender a fubject. what a pleasant gentleman faid concerning a filly VOL. IX. B

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woman of quality, That nothing could make her fupportable but cutting off her head; for his ears, were offended by her tongue, and his nose by her hair and teeth.

I am wholly at a lofs how to advise you in the choice of company; which, however, is a point of as great importance as any in your life. If If your general acquaintance be among ladies, who are your equals or fuperiors, provided they have nothing of what is commonly called an ill reputation, you think you are fafe; and this, in the ftyle of the world, will pafs for good company: whereas, I am afraid, it will be hard for you to pick out one female acquaintance in this town, from whom you will not be in a manifeft danger of contracting fome. foppery, affectation, vanity, folly, or vice. Your only fafe way of converfing with them, is, by a firm refolution to proceed in your practice and behaviour directly contrary to whatever they fhall fay or do., And this I take to be a good general rule, with very few exceptions. For inftance; in the doctrines they ufually deliver to young married women for managing their husbands: their feveral accounts of their own conduct in that particular, to recommend it to your imitation; the reflections they make up, on others of their fex for acting differently; their: directions, how to come off with victory upon any difpute or quarrel you may have with your hufband; the arts, by which you may difcover and practife upon his weak fide; when to work by flattery and infinuation, when to melt him with tears, and when to engage with a high hand : in thefe, and a thoufand other cafes, it will be prudent to retain as many of their lectures in your memory as you can, and then determine to act in full oppofition to them all.

I hope your husband will interpofe his authority to limit you in the trade of visiting. Half a dozen fools are, in all confcience. as many as you

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fhould require and it will be fufficient for you to fee them twice a year; for I think the fashion does not exact, that vifits fhould be paid to friends.

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I advife, that your company at home thould confift of men, rather than women. To fay the truth, never yet knew a tolerable woman to be fond of her own fex, I confefs, when both are mixed and well chosen, and put their beft qualities forward, there may be an intercourfe of civility and goodwill; which, with the addition of fome degree of fenfe, can make converfation or any amufement agreeable. But a knot of ladies, got together by themselves, is a very fchool of impertinence and detraction, and it is well if those be the worst.

Let your men-acquaintance be of your husband's choice, and not recommended to you by any fhecompanions; because they will certainly fix a cox. comb upon you, and it will coft you fome time and pains before you can arrive at the knowledge of diftinguishing fuch a one from a man of sense.

Never take a favourite waiting-maid into your cabinet-council. to entertain you with hiftories of thofe ladies whom the hath formerly ferved, of their diverfions and their dreffes; to infinuate how great a fortune you brought, and how little you are allowed to fquander; to appeal to her from your husband, and to be determined by her judgment, because you are fure it will be always for you; to receive and discard fervants by her approbation or dislike; to engage you, by her infinuations, in mifunderstandings with your beft friends, to reprefent all things in falfe colours, and to be the common emiffary of fcandal.

But the grand affair of your life will be, to gain and preferve the friendfhip and efteem of your hufband. You are married to a man of good edu, cation and learning, of an excellent understanding and an exact tafte. It is true, and it is happy for you,