THE SPORTS OF FASTEN'S-E'EN IN KILMARNOCK.

1.

The day was sleety, cauld, and doure,
Dame Nature's face was wan;
The noteless birds, wi' dowie cower,
Happed round the bields o' man.
Yet young folks, wi' their new duds on,
And bawbees gathered lang,

Stood at the doors, while to the fun

The crowds were skelpin' thrang

And thick that day.

II.

"Twas Killie's far-famed Fasten's- E'en,

The fireside was my station,

Till ca'd a stanch auld-farrant frien',

Ycleped Dan Observation.

"Come, Jack," said he, "we'll up the gate;"

Sae, trudgin' cheek-for-chow,

A' een and ears, awa' we set,

The motions o' the row

To note that day.

D

III.

We gained the Laigh Kirk's sacred fauld,
Whare sheep on Sunday gather;
And mony a solemn truth here tauld,
And mony an unco blether.

By this the fun was just begun-
The multitude was roarin';

And up and down, and roun' and roun',

The water-warks were pourin'

Their store that day.

IV.

The Cross we wan, weel studded through

Wi' mony a gazing gaper; Men o' a' ranks, and women, too,

Aye trump at every caper.

And mony a face was there, I wot,

That showed the farce was pleasin',

But that, in Fortune's mill, they'd got
A most tremendous squeezin'

For mony a day.

V.

"Now," said my friend, "mark ye yon fish, "A' bloatit, bleart, and blinkin',

"And belly turned, like some tun dish,

"Wi' eatin' and wi' drinkin';

"He's laughin' at the grand stramash,

"And thinks he's safe frae harm."

Wi' that he got a noble lash,

Which douked his convex thairm

Right weel that day.

VI.

Jock Stewart took a pipe's comman',
Though for his neck 'twas risky,
And dealt it roun' wi' heavy han'-
Ye're sure it wasna whisky.
For, had it been, he would, I ween,
Ta'en rather better care o't;
Nor, by his drouth, to ony mouth
Hae had ae drap to spare o't-

On that same day.

VII.

Out-owre the heighest house's tap
He sent the torrent scrievin';
The curious crowd aye nearer crap
To see sic feats achievin'.

But scarcely had they thickened weel,
And got in trim for smilin',

When roun' the pipe gaed like an eel,

And made a pretty skailin'

'Mong them that day.

VIII.

Now here, now there, he took his mark—

Now down, now up, he liftit; And droukit some unto the sark That hadna ane to shift it.

And

aye the callans were as keen To stan' and get a blatter,

As they had Roman Cath'lics been,

And it a' holy water

That fell that day.

IX.

Next strutted by a stranger Miss,
In Fashion's finest glare,
Come into town to taste the bliss,
And show and sell her ware.

But what can a' this din excite

This universal keckle ?

We turned about, and Jock, for spite,

Had spoiled her fishing tackle

Complete that day.*

X.

'Twere not an easy task to tell
How many got a bathin';
And what to shins and taes befell,
To dogs and dandies' claithin'.
How many drones enjoyed the sight-
How safe and snugly seated;

* In our early days it was customary on Fasten's- E'en to use the fire-engines, or "water-warks," as described in the text; but, alas with cock-fighting, once prevalent on that day, and other incontrovertible proofs of the wisdom of our ancestors, it has joined "the things that were."

Or wi' what trifles, vain and light,
Mankind will be elated.

On ony day.

XI.

But surely Killie's sons are blest,
That hae sic fine diversions;
And rulers, using for the best,
Unparalleled exertions.

Sic shinin' spires, and streets sae grand,
Observatories bonny;

And burial-grounds,* that in the land

Are not surpassed by ony

I'll swear that day!

XII.

Now closed this scene-and now the crowd

Dispersed in a' directions;

While water-warks proclaimed aloud

The pavement's imperfections.
And some gaed aff to slake their thirst,

And get their cargo shippit;

We took the hint, amang the first,

And into Joppa's slippit,

To taste that day.

* At the time this was written, in proportion to its inhabitants, perhaps no town in the United Kingdom had so limited a place of interment as Kilmarnock; and things of a very revolting nature were often witnessed.