of us! who can beat us, Goodman, Goodall, and Thoroughgood! A minute had scarcely elapsed when another gentleman appeared, and Goodman ejaculated, "We are now done; here is Best!"

IMPLICIT BELIEF OF CHILDREN.

CHILDREN dispute not; they believe as they are taught; the whole soul of a child is pure simplicity.

HOPS.

It appears by a recent return to parliament that the hop plantation cultivated in 1840, covered an area of 56,323 acres.

CHINESE APHORISMS.

SOMETHING is learned every time a book is opened. Who aims at excellence will be above mediocrity; who aims at mediocrity will fall short of it.

ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

“I WISH you would give me that gold ring on your finger," said a village dandy to a country girl, "for it resembles the duration of my love for you- it has no end." "Excuse me, sir," said she, "I choose to keep it, for it is likewise emblematical of mine for you-it has no beginning."

A LAZY MAN.

THERE is a man in New Orleans so lazy that he carries a kitten under each arm to breathe for him.

THANKS FOR NOTHING.

JOHN IV., of Portugal, was most gratefully thanked by a courtier whom he had refused an appointment. "What do you thank me for a refusal?" said the king. "Yes," replied the

courtier, " your majesty might have kept me in groundless expectation, or in suspense, either of which would have been my ruin.”

ADDRESS TO A SNUFF-TAKER'S NOSE.
"Knows he who never took a pinch
Nosey! the pleasure thence which flows?
Knows he the titillating joys

Which my nose knows?

Oh! nose, I am as proud of thee
As any mountain of its snows;
I gaze on thee, and feel that joy-

A Roman nose !"

TIME PAST.

THE time which passes pleasantly passes lightly; days are remembered by their cares more than by their content.

THE VINE AND OAK.

THE following beautiful allegory is from the interesting Algic Researches of H. R. Schoolcroft, Esq. A vine was growing beside a thrifty oak, and had just reached that height at which it requires support. "Oak," said the ivy-vine, "bend your trunk so that you may be a support to me." "My support," replied the oak, "is naturally yours, and you may rely on my strength to bear you up, but I am too large and too solid to bend. Put your arms round me, my pretty vine, and I will manfully support and cherish you, if you have an ambition to climb as high as the clouds. While I thus hold you up you will ornament my rough trunk with your pretty green leaves and shining scarlet berries. They will be as frontlets to my head, and I shall stand in the forest like a glorious

warrior, with all his plumes.

We were made by the master of life to grow together, that by our union the weak may be made strong, and the strong render aid to the weak." "But I wish to grow independently," said the vine ; why cannot you twine around me, and let me grow up straight, and not be a mere dependant upon you?" "Nature,"

66

answered the oak, did not so design it. It is impossible that you should grow to any height alone, and if you try it, the winds and rain, if not your own weight, will bring you to the ground. Neither is it proper for you to run your arms hither and yon, among the trees. The trees will begin to say, It is not my vine-it is a strangerget thee gone. I will not cherish thee. By this time thou wilt be so entangled among the different branches, that thou canst not get back to the oak; and nobody will then admire thee, or pity thee." "Ah me," said the vine, " let me escape from such a destiny," and with this she twined herself around the oak, and they both grew and flourished happily together.

PRIDE.

PRIDE will not owe, and self-love will not pay.

EXCESSIVE POLITENESS.

MR. ROWLAND HILL was always annoyed when there happened to be any noise in the chapel, or when anything occurred to divert the attention of his hearers from what he was saying. On one occasion, a few days before his death, he was preaching to one of the most crowded congregations that ever assembled to hear him. In the middle of his discourse, he observed a great commotion in the gallery. For a time he took no notice of it, but finding

it increasing, he paused in his sermon, and looking in the direction in which the confusion prevailed, he exclaimed, "What's the matter there? The devil seems to have got among you." A plain country-looking man immediately started to his feet, and addressing Mr. Hill in reply, said, "No, sir, it arn't the devil as is doing it; it's a lady wot's fainted; and she's a werry fat un, sir, as don't seem likely to come to again in a hurry." “Oh, that's it, is it?" observed Mr. Hill, drawing his hand across his chin, "then I beg the lady's pardon-and the devil's too."

COMPARISON OF SPEED.

A FRENCH Scientific journal states that the ordi

dary rate is, per second,

Of a man walking

Of a good horse in harness

FEET

4

12

Of a rein-deer in a sledge on the ice

26

Of a 24-pounder cannon-ball

Of the air, which, so divided, returns in

1300

to space

1300

THE DARK SIDE OF MATRIMONY.

LATELY a slave in the West Indies, who had been married to another slave by one of the missionaries, at the end of three weeks brought his wife back to the clergyman, and desired him to take her again. The clergyman asked what was the matter with her. "Why, massa, she no good. The book says, she obey me. She no wash my clothes; she no do

what I want her to do." The minister-" But the book says you were to take her for better or for worse.' "Yes, massa, but she all worse, and no better. She hab too much worse, and no good at all."

66

"PATRICK," said an employer, the other morning, to one of his workmen, you came too late this morning; the other men were at work an hour before you.' ." "Sure, and I'll be even with 'em tonight then." "How, Patrick?" "Why, faith,

I'll quit an hour before 'em all, sure.”

CUTTING A SON OFF.

SHERIDAN having threatened his son, Tom, to cut him off with a shilling, received this retort, "Where will you get it?"

A BACHELOR'S LIFE.

WE may admire the wit, without acknowledging the truth of the repartee uttered by a bachelor, who, when his friend reproached him for his celibacy, adding that bachelorship ought to be taxed by the Government, replied, "There I agree with you, for it is quite a luxury!

FORTUNE.

FORTUNE and caprice govern the world.

GOOD-HUMOUR.

Of all the qualifications of the mind, which are not positive virtues, we do not know any that is more desirable than good-humour. No quality renders the possessor more easy and happy in himself, or recommends him more forcibly to other people. It is hardly saying too much in favour of this quality, to assert that it is one of the first re