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by devouring the smaller ones." “ But, they don't eat them raw, do they ?!! “0, no," was the reply, “every fifth fish carries a kettle on his tail for cooking.
RISE IN PRICES. Fat young negro girls are now sold in this market at 100 dollars a-piece. They make excellent roasting joints, and taste like mountain mutton.
ARKANSAS TAVERN RATES. If one inquires the price of a dinner in Arkansas, he is thus informed by the obliging host : “ Four bits for a common dinner of bacon, greens, bread, and meat ; six bits, if we add chicken fixins; and one dollar, if you have flour doings."
NEVER BRANDED BEFORE. A ROGUE was branded on the hand, and before he went from the bar, the judge bade them search if he were not branded before. “ No, my lord, I was never branded before.” They searched and found the mark. “ Oh! you're an inpudent slave, what think you now?" “I cry your honour mercy,” says he, “for I ever thought my shoulders stood behind.”
A GENTLEMAN overtakes in the evening a plain country fellow, and asked him how far it was to such a town. Ten miles, sir,” says he. “It is not possible,” says the gentleman.
6 It is no less,” says the fellow. “ I tell you it was never counted above five." “ It is ten, indeed, sir,” says the fellow”--and thus they were arguing pro et con a long time. At last says the countryman to him,
“ Ill tell you what I'll do, sir, because you seem to be an honest gentleman, and your horse is almost tired, I will not stand with you, you shall have it for five, but as I live, whosoever comes next shall ride ten."
SONG OF THE THRUSH. One of our poets gives the following spirited version of the song of the thrush :“CHEERILY O, cheerily 0—tweedle, tweedle, tweedle; Pretty prudy, pretty prudy, pretty prudy; See, see, see, little Joe, little Joe, Kissing Judy, kissing Judy, kissing Judy."
WELL. MR. M. A. Taylor, meeting Sheridan in the Park, remonstrated with him on his freedom of speech respecting the prince (4th) : “ I love the prince," said he, “ above all human. creatures. The first questions I ask myself in the morning are,
• Is the prince well? is Francis well ? am I well ? Then all is well.'” DIALOGUE BETWEEN TWO OF KIBB'S CONGREGATION.
“ How d'ye, broder ?” “ So, so, me tank ye ; how you bin tis long time ?” 6. Quite well, tank you. How you pass your time now, broder ?'' “Oh, me no pass me time at all, broder ; 'me cook up me foot, so let time pass himself.”
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN AT VERSAILLES. ARTHUR LEE tells an anecdote of Benjamin Franklin, which is very characteristic of the man. When he was to be presented to the French king by Vergennes, the court sent a perruquier to the American, for the purpose of fitting him with a
wig fashioned for the day. The perruque was brought to Franklin an hour before the time fixed for his presentation. The philosopher attempted to put it on. Alas! it would not go on his head. “ Sir,” said Franklin, “your perruque is unfortunately too small for my head.” “ Pardonnez moi, monsieur,” replied the perruquier, your head, sir, is vastly too_large, and far beyond the fashion of the court.” Franklin appeared therefore at court with his bald pate and shaggy grey hairs. It might truly be said, that there was not such another head at Versailles.
ELECTIONEERING IN THE BACKWOODS. WHEN you see me electioneering, I goes fixed for the purpose, I've got a suit of deer-leather clothes, with two big pockets ; so I puts a bottle of whiskey in one, and a twist of tobacco in t'other, and starts out ; then, if I meets a friend, why, I pulls out my bottle, and gives him a drink, he'll be mighty apt, before he drinks, to throw away his tobacco, so, when he's done, I pulls my twist out of t’other pocket, and gives him a chaw. I never likes to leave a man worse off than when I found him If I had given him a drink and he had lost his tobacco, he would not have made much, but give him tobacco, and a drink too, and you are mighty apt to get his vote.
LANGUAGE OF LAWYERS. If a man would, according to law, give to another an orange, instead of saying, “I give you that orange,” which one would be what is called in legal phraseology, “an absolute conveyance of all right and title therein,” the phrase would run thus :- I give you all and singular my estate and
interest, right, title, and claim, and advantage of and in that orange, with all its rind, skin, juice, pulp, and pips, and all right and advantages therein, with full power to bite, cut, suck, or otherwise eat the same, or give the same away as fully and effectually as I the said A. B. am now entitled to bite, cut, suck, or otherwise eat the same orange, or give the same away, with or without its rind, skin, juice, pulp, and pips, anything heretofore, or hereinafter, or in any other deed or deeds, instrument or instruments, of what nature or kind soever, to the contrary in any wise notwithstanding :with much more to the same effect. Such is the language of lawyers ; and it is very gravely held by the most learned men among them that, by the omission of any of these words, the right to the said orange would not pass to the person for whose use the same was intended.
It is reported that there is a man in Vermont who feeds his geese on iron filings, and gathers steel pens from their wings.
“ Take care of the paint,” as the city gals says ven a fellow goes to kiss 'em.
“ You be darned,” as the Yankee said ven he saw a great hole in his stocking.
“ Time is money,” as the man said ven he stole the patent lever watch.
“ These are the times to try men's soles,” as the man said ven he was kicked through the streets for lying.
“ Money is very tight,” as the thief said ven he was trying to open a bank vault.
“ Music and drawing taught here," as the man said ven he was pulling a wheelbarrow through the streets without any oil on its axles.
“ I'm laying down the law," as the client said ven he floored his counsellor.
EXQUISITE SENSIBILITY. Two men of fashion meeting a beautiful lady in a narrow way in Glasgow, her ear was taken by the following observations :—“I protest, Bobby, this place is as narrow as Balaam's passage.' said his companion ; " and, like Balaam, I am stopped by an angel. And I,” retorted the lady, “ by the ass.'
FALSEHOOD. We gain nothing by falsehood but the disadvantage of not being credited when we speak the truth,
DEGREES OF DRUNKENNESS. At the close of a tavern dinner, two of the company fell down stairs, the one tumbling to the first landing-place, the other rolling to the bottom. Some one remarked that the first seemed dead drunk. “Yes,” observed a wag,“ but he is not so far gone as the gentleman below."
PLATONIC LOVE. “What,” said a lady, “ do you think of Platonic love?” “Madam,” replied the gentleman very solemnly. I think, like all other tonics, it is very exciting.”
CHOICE OF A WIFE. Prefer the person before money, virtue before beauty, the mind before the body; then hast thou