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Very little in the end,” replied his lordship; “ they only differ so far as time is concerned. At common law you are done for at once ; in equity you are not so easily disposed of. The former is a bullet, which is instantaneously and most charmingly effective; the latter is an angler's hook, which plays with its victim before it kills it. The one is prussic acid, the other laudanum.”
SELF-KNOWLEDGE. It is by self-knowledge that we prevent the seeds of evil from arising in our minds, and making that a wilderness of weeds, which might have become a garden of precious flowers.
UNANIMITY. A Scotch parson in his prayer said, “ Laird bless the grand council, the parliament, and grant they may hang together.” A country fellow standing by, replied, “ Yes, sir, with all my heart, and the sooner the better-and I am sure it is the prayer of all good people.” “ But friends," said the
parson, I don't mean as that fellow does, but pray they may all hang together in accord and concord.” — “ No matter what cord,” replied the other, so 'tis but a strong one."
A LONG NOSE, AND NO MISTAKE. WIThin a few miles of Wilsontown there lives a merry cobbler, whose nose is so very long, that when he takes snuff he is obliged to walk forward three paces to reach its point.
A GOOD SHOT AND GOOD GUN. A WELL-KNOWN sporting baronet of the upper ward, who is an excellent shot, last autumn, with a single charge of his matchless gun, brought down three brace of game, but what is still more wonderful, the shadow alone of this deadly shot in one instant killed the dog.
GENIUS. GENIUS is the gold of the mine-education the miner who elicits it.
MUFFINS AND RAGAMUFFINS. Dr. Thompson, who was a celebrated physician in his day, was remarkable for two things, viz., the slovenliness of his person, and his dislike of muffins, which he always reprobated as being very unwholesome. On his breakfasting one morning at Lord Melcomb's when Garrick was present, a plate of muffins being introduced, the doctor grew outrageous, and vehemently exclaimed, “ Take away the muffins !" “ No, no," said Garrick, seizing the plate, and looking significantly at the doctor, “ Take away the ragamuffins.”
You knavish infernal impostor! pray, how
AN APT ILLUSTRATION. A PERSON asking how it happened that many beautiful ladies took up with indifferent husbands after many fine offers, was thus aptly answered by
a mountain-maiden :-“ A young friend of hers requested her to go into a cane-brake and get him the handsomest reed. She must get it at once going through, without turning. She went, and, coming out, brought him quite a mean reed. When he asked her if that was the handsomest she saw, “Oh! no!' she replied, “I saw many finer as I went along, but I kept on, in hopes of one much better, until I got nearly through, and then I was obliged to take up with any one I could get; and a crooked one at last.'»
AN ITINERANT BALLAD-SINGER'S LIST. “If I had a donkey vot vouldn't go ; the hills and far away ;" “ He was famed for deeds of arms ;' “ Barclay and Perkins's drayman ;” “ Dark was the night;" “ The light of other days ;" “ The Maid of Llangollen ; your anxious mother know you're out ?” my love, no ; ;" “ Tell her I love her yet ;
Hookey Walker;” “Sound the loud timbrel;" “ Blow, ye wintry winds ;' “ I've been roaming ; “ Don't mention it;" “ The washing day;” “How
« All's well ;" 6. Blow the candle out,” &c.
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COMPLIMENT ON THE SPOT.
D'ORSAY, in remarking on a beauty-speck on the cheek of Lady Southampton, compared it to a gem on a rose-leaf. “The compliment is far-fetched," observed her ladyship. “ How can that be,'' rejoined the count,“ when it is made on the spot ?"
A CONJUGAL HINT. In former days Mr. Graham was session-clerk and practical teacher, and although he faithfully and ably discharged all the duties of his double
office, still he occasionally fell into the sin of drinking a little too much. His spouse, as a matter of course, was sorry to witness this failing of her gudeman, and often remonstrated with him on the impropriety of his conduct. But the husband turned the point of her rebuke by simply exclaiming, “ True, I get mysel' whiles half fou: but do ye na ken, my dear, if it hadna been for that bit fau't, ye ne'er wad hae been Mrs. Graham.”
ABSENCE OF MIND. The last “ modern instance” recorded in the Yankee papers, is that of a Vermont waggoner going to market, who lifted his horse into the waggon, and tacked himself up in the traces, and he did not discover his error until he endeavoured to neigh.
HOW TO LIVE BY YOUR WITS. DR. Radcliffe had a great objection to paying his bills. A pavior, after long and fruitless attempts to get his account settled, caught Dr. R. just getting out of his chariot, at his own door, in Bloomsbury-square, and demanded the liquidation of his debt. “ Why, you rascal,” said the doctor, “ do you pretend to be paid for such a piece of work ? Why, you have spoiled my pavement, and then covered it over with earth to hide your bad work!" “Doctor,” said the pavior, “mine is not the only bad work that the earth hides !” “ You dog, you,' said Radcliffe, are you a wit ? You must be poor -come in, and you shall be paid."
STRENGTH OF MIND. By relying on our own resources, we acquire mental strength ; but when we lean on others for support, we are like an invalid who having accus
tomed himself to a crutch, finds it difficult to walk without one.
TWO LITTLE MANORS. Sir Fletcher Norton, when pleading before Lord Mansfield on some question of manorial rights, chanced unfortunately to say, “ My lord, I can illustrate the point by an instance in my own person: I myself have two little manors.” The judge immediately interposed with one of his blandest smiles, “We all know it, Sir Fletcher."
AMERICAN SERVANTS, A young man from Vermont was hired by a family, who were in extreme want of a footman. He was a most friendly personage, as willing as he was free and easy; but he knew nothing of life out of a small farm-house. An evening or two after his arrival, there was a large party at the house. His mistress strove to impress upon him that all he had to do at tea-time was to follow, with the sugar and cream, the waiter who carried the teato see that every one had cream and sugar, and to hold his tongue. He did his part with an earnest face, stepping industriously from guest to guest. When he made the circuit and reached the door, a doubt struck him, whether a group in the farthest part of the room had had the benefit of his attentions. He raised himself on his toes, with, “ I'll ask,” and shouted over the heads of the company, “I say, how are ye off for sweetnin' in that ere corner ?”
IRISH WIT. “ Is there any ford here?” asked an English tourist, who come suddenly to a full stop before one of the little mountain-torrents of the west of Ire