Pagina-afbeeldingen
PDF
ePub

us to despise the good qualities we are not possessed of.

WASTING THE RAW MATERIAL. A New York paper, calls the ceremony of young ladies kissing each other, a dreadful waste of the raw material.

ANCESTRY An ingenious French writer observes that those who depend on the merits of their ancestors, may be said to search in the root of the tree for those fruits which the branches ought to produce.

EXTRAORDINARY CROW. A NATIVE of Kentucky imitates the crowing of a cock so remarkably well, that the sun upon several occasions has risen two hours earlier by mistake.

WORK OF NECESSITY, UNBUTTONING a young gentleman's waistcoat, to enable him to pick up his cane.

ABOVE PAR. A DULL father had a very bright little son. After exhibiting him to a gentleman one day, he said, 6. Don't

you

think the lad is almost a miracle ?" “ Yes, indeed,” returned the visitor, “ he is quite above par."

A GOOD REMARK. The Boston Courier says, “ Aaron Burr died a Christian, according to the New York Times. So much the better for himself. If he had lived a Christian, how much better would it have been for the world !”

THE BEST DOWRY.

The best dowry to advance the marriage of a young lady is, when she has in her countenance mildness, in her speech wisdom, in her behaviour modesty, and in her life virtue.

WINTER.
When icicles hang by the wall,
And Dick, the shepherd blows his nail ;
And Tom bears logs into the hall;
And milk comes frozen home in pail ;
When blood is nipp'd, and ways be foul,
Then nightly sings the staring owl,

Too-whoo!
Too-whit! Too-whoo! a merry note !
While greasy Joan doth keel the pot.

When all aloud the wind doth blow,
And coughing drowns the parson's saw,
And birds sit brooding in the snow,
And Marian's nose looks red and raw,
Then nightly sings the staring owl

Too-whoo!
Too-whit! Too-wboo ! a merry note!
While greasy Joan doth keel the pot.

Shakspeare. HAPPY IDEA. WE once knew of a fellow who fancied he was a jackass ; the beauty of it was, he wasn't much mistaken.

DOCTORS TURNED (PATIENTS). THE “ Buffalo Journal” says that city is so healthy, that the doctors have nothing to do ; and seven of them were seen together on the pier, fishing.

ABSENCE OF MIND. A HIGHLY respectable inhabitant of the city of New York lately died under very remarkable circumstances. He was subject to fits of extreme absence of mind from childhood, and one night, upon retiring to rest, having carefully tucked his pantaloons under the bed-clothes, he threw himself over the back of a chair, and expired from the severe cold he experienced during the night. The editor of the “ New York Morning Herald,” who relates the extraordinary fact, assures his readers, as a guarantee of its truth, that he received his information from the individual in question.

GOOD ADVICE. Most people seem to imagine that advice, like physic, to do good, must be disagreeable.

ELDER BROTHER Is one who made haste to come into the world, to bring his parents the first news of male posterity, and is well rewarded for his tidings.

A WITTY AUCTIONEER. An auctioneer said of a gentleman who had bought a table, but never came to take it away, that he was one of the most un-come-for-table persons he ever knew in the whole course of his life!

ONE OF THE TALLBOYS' FAMILY. In Slickville, there is a boy aged ten years, who is so uncommon tall that he cannot tell when his toes are cold.

VICE-VERSA.

As a canal-boat was passing under a bridge, the captain gave the usual warning by calling aloud, “ Look out!” when a little Frenchman, who was in the cabin, obeyed the order by popping his head out of the window, which received a severe thump, by coming in contact with a pillar of the bridge. He drew it back in a great pet, and exclaimed, “ Dese Amerikins cry Look out! when dey mean Look in.”

AMERICAN DEFINITIONS. PROGRESS of time—a pedlar going through the land with wooden clocks. Friend-one who takes your money, and then turns you out of doors. Honesty-obsolete : a term formerly used in the case of a man who had paid for his newspapers, and the coat on his back. Credit—a wise provision by which constables get a living. Benevolence - to take a dollar out of one pocket and put it into the other. Rigid justice a juror in a murder case, fast asleep.

TEDIOUS SONGS.

A MUSICIAN in giving notice of an intended concert at Cleveland, Ohio : “A variety of other songs may be expected, too tedious to mention.”

A GOOD SHOT.

Two passengers coming down the Missisippi in a steam-boat, were amusing themselves with shooting birds on shore from the deck. Some sporting converse ensued. One remarked that he would turn his back to no man in killing racoons ; that he had repeatedly shot fifty a-day. “ What o'that ?" said a Kentuckian ; “I make nothing of killing a hundred 'coon a-day, or’nary luck.” “Do you know Captain Scott, of our State ?" asked a Tennessean bystander ; "he now is something like a shot. A hundred 'coon! why he never pints at one without killing him. He never

misses, and the 'coons know it. T'other day he . levelled at an old ’un, in a high tree ; the varmint looked at him a minute, and then bawled out, • Halloo, Cap’n Scott, is that you ?' 'Yes,' was the reply. • Well, pray, don't shoot, I'll come down to you--I'll give in—I'm dead beat.''

THREE GREAT PHYSICIANS. The bedside of the celebrated Dumoulin, a few hours before he breathed his last, was surrounded by the most eminent physicians of Paris, who affected to believe that his death would be an irreparable loss to the profession. “Gentlemen,” said Dumoulin, “ you are in error. I shall leave behind me three distinguished physicians." Being pressed to name them, as each expected to be included in the trio, he answered, Water, Exercise, and Diet !

KNOWLEDGE. There is no simple interest in knowledge. Whatever funds you have in that bank go on increasing by interest upon interest—till the bank fails.

NOTHING IMPOSSIBLE. MIRABEAU's haste of temper was known, and he must be obeyed. “ Monsieur le Comte,” said his secretary to him one day," the thing you require is impossible.” “Impossible !” exclaimed Mirabeau, starting from his chair, “never again use that foolish word in my presence.” This brief anecdote is more characteristic than hundreds of pages; it is, to all men, a lesson almost in a line.

A QUIETUS. A PERSON, who was famous for arriving just at dinner-time, upon going to a friend's (where he was a frequent visitor) was asked by the landlady

« VorigeDoorgaan »