Pagina-afbeeldingen
PDF
ePub

should now be brought down to darkness and the worm.' You will be told of some wintry chill, some slight indisposition, that laid her low-but no one knows the mental malady that previously sapped her strength, and made her so easy a prey to the spoiler."

BONAPARTE'S house at Longwood is now a barn -the room he died a stable-and where the imperial corpse lay in state may be seen a machine for grinding corn. The walls are covered with multitudinous names. The oak he planted now shadows the library. His bath is still in the new house, which he never lived to enter. His chessboard is in the possession of the officers of the 91st, which regiment is stationed on the island.

A MAN would do well to carry a pencil in his pocket, and write down the thoughts of the moment. Those that come unsought for are commonly the most valuable, and should be secured, because they seldom return.

LIFE has been called a parenthesis between our birth and death; the history of the human race is but a parenthesis between two cataclysms of the globe, which it inhabits; time itself is only a parenthesis in eternity.

"My son, hold up your head and tell me who was the strongest man ?" "Jonah." "Why so?" "'Cause the whale couldn't hold him after he got him down." "That's a man-you needn't study the Catechism any more at present."

[ocr errors]

"JUDGE JEFFREYS was once cross-examining a gentleman, who in the course of his evidence had frequently used the terms lessor, lessee, assignor,

assignee, &c. Says the judge to the gentleman, -You have made frequent use of the words lessor and lessee; do you know what a lessor or lessee is? I question if you do, with all your formal evidence.' Yes, but I do,' returned the witness, and I will give you an instance-if you nod to me, you are the nodder; and if I nod to you, you are the noddee.' But one of the best retorts this ferocious tyrant ever received was from a lady. Jeffreys' wife had been confined a very short time after her marriage, which excited much ridicule when it became known. Her husband was shortly after this unfortunate occurrence examining a fair witness, who gave her evidence with tolerable sharpness. He said, 'Madam, you are quick in your answers.' Quick as I am, Sir George, I am not so quick as your lady.*-Serjeant Cockle, who was a rough blustering fellow, once got from a witness more than he gave. In a trial of a right of fishery, he asked the witness, Dost thou love fish?' "Ay,' replied the witness with a grin, but I donna like Cockle sauce with it! The roar of laughter which echoed through the court rather disturbed the learned serjeant.-There is an anecdote something

When Recorder, he was retained in an action brought to recover the wages of some musicians, who had officiated at a wedding party. He annoyed one of the plaintiffs with exclaiming frequently, "I say, fiddler; here, you fiddler!" Shortly afterwards, this party called himself a "musicioner." On which Jeffreys asked what difference there was between a "musicioner" and a fiddler. "As much, sir," replied the plaintiff, "as between a pair of bagpipes and a recorder."

similar related of Serjeant Davy, a great lawyer of the last age. A gentleman once appeared in the court of King's Bench to give bail in the sum of 3,000l. Serjeant Davy, wanting to display his wit, said to him sternly, And pray, sir, how do you make out that you are worth 3,0007.? The gentleman stated the particulars of his property up to 2,940. That's all very good,' said the serjeant, 'but you want 60%. more to be worth 3,0007.' For that sum,' replied the gentleman, in no ways disconcerted, I have a note of hand of one Mr. Serjeant Davy, and I hope he will have the honesty soon to settle it.' The laughter that this reply excited extended even to the bench; the serjeant looked abashed, and Lord Mansfield observed, in his usual urbane tone, 'Well, brother Davy, I think we may accept the bail.'-Dr. Brodum, a notorious quack, was once under examination by Mr. Abraham Moore. 'Your name is Brodum, I believe?' inquired the counsel. The doctor nodded assent. Pray how do you spell it-Bro-dum, or Broad-hum? On this there was a loud laugh in court, which was not diminished when the quack replied with admirable self-possession, Why, sare, as I be but a doctor, I spell my name Bro-dum; but if I were a barrister, I should spell it Broadhum!'-Mr. Bearcroft, who was well known as an eminent advocate of the last age, was quite disconcerted by an old woman that he was examining calling him Mr. Beer-craft.' A messenger for the press, as that officer was formerly denominated, whose business it was to obtain information respecting seditious publications, was once giving evidence before the court of King's Bench against a bookseller.

Mr. Hungerford, a famous advocate

[ocr errors]

of the time, but more esteemed for his wit and love of quibbling than for his law-learning, who was examining him, made some reflections on the meanness of the messenger's duties. The messenger replied with some quickness, I consider the place of messenger to the press to be quite as reputable as that of merry-andrew to the bar.'Dunning, while examining a witness, asked him if he did not live at the very verge of the court. Yes, I do,' was the reply. And pray why have you selected such a spot for your residence?" "In the vain hope of escaping the rascally impertinence of Dunning,' was the retort. A witness with a Bardolphian nose coming in Dunning's way, he said to him, 'Now, Mr. Coppernose, you have been sworn, what do you say?' Why, upon my oath,' replied the witness, I would not exchange my copper nose for your brazen face!'"

CHANGE OF THE BLOOD.

T. H., who, whenever he gets beyond his depth in argument, seeks to make his escape by a miserable pun, was once maintaining that the blood was not originally red, but acquired that colour in its progress. Pray, sir," demanded his opponent, “at what stage does the blood turn red in?" "Why, sir," replied T. H., "in the Reading stage, I pre

sume.

66

LORD MANSFIELD.

THE following anecdote is interesting, for, in exhibiting a proof of the wisdom and superior intelligence of Lord Mansfield, it throws some light on the spirit of the multitude in general, and particularly on the character of the English people, when, even in their passions, they are spoken to in

the eye of the law. This great magistrate being in one of the counties, on circuit, a poor woman was indicted for witchcraft. The inhabitants of the place were exasperated against her. Some witnesses deposed that they had seen her walk in the air with her feet upwards and her head downwards. Lord Mansfield heard the evidence with great patience, and perceiving the temper of the people, whom it would not have been prudent to irritate, he thus addressed them :-"I do not doubt that this woman has walked in the air with her feet upwards, since you have all seen it; she has had the honour to be born in England, as well as you and I, and, consequently, cannot be judged but by the laws of this country, nor punished but in proportion as she has violated them. Now I know not one law that forbids walking in the air with the feet upwards. We have all a right to do it with impunity. I see no reason, therefore, for this prosecution; and this poor woman may return home when she pleases." This speech had its proper effect. It appeased the auditory, and the woman retired from the Court without molestation.

A POOR Country hawker being detected in the act of shooting a bird, was taken before a justice. "So, fellow," cried Mittimus, " you think fit to shoot without a license, do you?" "Oh, no, your honour," cried the offender, "I have a license for hawking;" so saying, he handed him his pedlar's license, and the bird shot being proved a hawk, the man was discharged.

A BORE.

A NEWLY-ELECTED M. P. lately consulted his friend as to the occasion that he should select for

[ocr errors]
« VorigeDoorgaan »