SADIK BEG. Sadik Beg was of good family, handsome in person, and possessed of both sense and courage, but he was poor, having no property but his sword and his horse, with which he served as a gentleman retainer of a nabob. The latter, satisfied of the purity of Sadik's descent, and entertaining a respect for his character, determined to make him the husband of his daughter Hooseinee, who, though beautiful, as her name implied, was remarkable for her haughty manner and ungovernable temper. Giving a husband of the condition of Sadik Beg to a lady of Hooseinee's rank, was, according to usage in such unequal matches, like giving her a slave, and as she heard a good report of his personal qualities, she offered no objections to the marriage, which was celebrated soon after it was proposed, and apartments were assigned to the happy couple in the nabob's palace. Some of Sadik Beg's friends rejoiced in his good fortune; as they saw, in the connection he had formed, a sure prospect of his advancement. Others mourned the fate of so fine and promising a young man, now condemned to bear through life all the humours of a proud and capricious woman; but one of his friends, a little man called Merdek, who was completely henpecked, was particularly rejoiced, and quite chuckled at the thought of seeing another in the same condition with himself. About a month after the nuptials, Merdek met his friend, and, with malicious pleasure, wished him joy of his marriage. "Most sincerely do I congratulate you, Sadik," said he, "on this happy event." Thank you, my good fellow, I am very happy indeed, and rendered more so by the joy I perceive it gives my friends." "Do you really mean to say you are happy?" said Merdek, with a smile. "I really am so," replied Sadik. Nonsense!" said his friend; "do we not all know to what a termagant you are united? and her temper and high rank combined must no doubt make her a sweet companion." Here he burst into a loud laugh, and the little man actually strutted with a feeling of superiority over the bridegroom. bride's disposition; but, I am happy to say, I have found it quite otherwise; she is a most docile and obedient wife." "But how has this miraculous change been wrought?" “Why," said Sadik, “I believe I have some merit in effecting it, but you shall hear. "After the ceremonies of our nuptials were over, I went, in my military dress, and with my sword by my side, to the apartment of Hooseinee. She was sitting in a most dignified posture to receive me, and her looks were anything but inviting. As I entered the room, a beautiful cat, evidently a great favourite, came purring up to me. I deliberately drew my sword, struck its head off, and taking that in one hand and the body in the other, threw them out of the window. I then very unconcernedly turned to the lady, who appeared in some alarm; she, however, made no observations, but was in every way kind and submis sive, and has continued so ever since." "Thank you, my dear fellow," said little Merdek, with a significant shake of the head -"a word to the wise;" and away he capered, obviously quite rejoiced. It was near evening when this conversation took place; soon after, when the dark cloak of night had enveloped the bright radiance of day, Merdek entered the chamber of his spouse, with something of a martial swagger, armed with a scimitar. The unsuspecting cat came forward, as usual, to welcome the husband of her mistress, but in an instant her head was divided from her body by a blow from the hand which had so often caressed her. Merdek having proceeded so far courageously, stooped to take up the dissevered members of the cat, but before he could effect this, a blow upon the side of the head from his incensed lady laid him sprawling on the floor. The tattle and scandal of the day spreads from zenaneh to zenaneh with surprising rapidity, and the wife of Merdek saw in a moment whose example it was that he imitated. "Take that," said she, as she gave him another cuff. "take that, you paltry wretch. You should," she added, laughing him to scorn, "have killed the cat on the wedding-day.' SIR JOHN MALCOM. TO THE HUSBANDMAN. A little furrow holds thy scatter'd seed, GOETHE. A TRAGEDY REHEARSED. Dang. It is the underplot, isn't it? Puff. Oh, very well!-Hark'ee, I don't choose to say anything more; but i' faith, they have mangled my play in a most shocking manner. Dang. It's a great pity! Puff. Now, then, Mr. Justice, if you please. "Just.. Const Just. [Richard Brinsley Sheridan, born in Dublin, 1751; died in Saville Row, London, 7th July, 1816. Dramatist, poet, wit, and politician. Before he was twenty, he translated some of the lesser poems of Theocritus, and the Love Epistles of Aristænetus in conjunction with his friend H. Halhed. When aged about twentytwo he married Miss Linley, a very popular singer, but he never allowed his wife to appear on the stage after their union. Three years after his marriage, his first comedy, The Rivals, was performed at Covent Garden Theatre. It was followed by St. Patrick's Day, or the Scheming Lieutenant, a farce in two acts; The Duenna, a comic opera; A Trip to Scarborough, an adaptation from Vanbrugh's comedy of The Relapse. In 1777, when he had purchased Garrick's share in the patent of Drury Lane and become manager of that theatre, he produced there the School for Scandal, which immediately "took the town by storm," and its popularity seems to be unabated in our own time. Two years later, he produced The Critic, or a Tragedy Rehearsed, in which, Just. with infinite humour, he burlesqued the style and method most in favour with dramatists and novelists. Of his subsequent dramatic works, Pizarro and The Stranger, adaptations from plays of Kotzebue, are the most notable. From 1780 until 1812, he was in Parliament, and distinguished himself as an orator, even more than he had done as a dramatic writer; but during this period, his own carelessness about business, his extravagance, and the destruction of Drury Lane by fire, involved him in pecuniary difficulties, which undoubtedly con tributed to hasten his end, although they have been the source of many amusing anecdotes.1] SCENE: The Theatre, before the Curtain. Enter PUFF, SNEER, and DANGLE. Puff. Come, we must not lose time; so now for the underplot. Sneer. What the plague, have you another plot? Const.. Const. Are all the volunteers without? They are. Some ten in fetters, and some twenty drunk Attends the youth, whose most opprobrious fame And clear convicted crimes have stamp'd He waits your pleasure; eager to repay Of glory, there to raise his branded hand 'Tis well-'tis justice arms him! enter. . I fly, the herald of your will. Puff. Quick, sir. [Exit." Sneer. But, Mr. Puff, I think not only the Justice, but the clown seems to talk in as high a style as the first hero among them. Puff. Heaven forbid they should not in a free country!-Sir, I am not for making slavish distinctions, and giving all the fine language to the upper sort of people. Dang. That's very noble in you, indeed. "Enter JUSTICE'S LADY." Puff. Now, pray mark this scene. "Lady. Puff. O Lord, yes; ever while you live have two plots to your tragedy. The grand point in managing them is only to let your underplot have as little connection with your mainplot as possible.-I flatter myself nothing can be more distinct than mine; for as in my chief plot the characters are all great people, I have laid my underplot in low life; and as the former Just. is to end in deep distress, I make the other end as happy as a farce.-Well, we are ready; now then for the justices. [Curtain rises. Son. "JUSTICES, CONSTABLES, &c., discovered.” Sneer. This, I suppose, is a sort of senate Just. Forgive this interruption, good my love; My fluttering heart, and to myself I said, Ha! sure some powerful sympathy directs Re-enter CONSTABLE with SON. What is thy name? My name is Tom Jenkins-alias have I none- Thy parents? My father dwelt in Rochester-and was, Puff. What, sir, do you leave out the account "Beef. Though hopeless love finds comfort in de "Lady. How loudly nature whispers to my heart! I've seen a bill Son. Just.. Son Lady. Son. Just. Of his sign'd Tomkins, creditor. I do. No orphan, nor without a friend art thou- O ecstacy of bliss! O most unlook'd for happiness! O wonderful event! [They faint alternately in each other's arms.' Dang. That's a very short soliloquy. Puff. Yes-but it would have been a great deal longer if he had not been observed. Sneer. A most sentimental Beefeater that, Mr. Puff! Puff. Hark'ee-I would not have you be too sure that he is a Beefeater. Sneer. What, a hero in disguise? Puff. No matter-I only give you a hint. But now for my principal character. Here he comes-Lord Burleigh in person! Pray, gen tlemen, step this way-softly-I only hope the Now let's revive-else were this joy too Lord High Treasurer is perfect-if he is but Puff. There, you see relationship, like murder, will out. "Just. much! But come-and we'll unfold the rest within; And thou, my boy, must needs want rest Hence may each orphan hope, as chance To find a father-where he least expects!" Puff. What do you think of that? Sneer. Ay, or a comedy either. perfect! "Enter LORD Burleigh, goes slowly to a chair, and sits." Sneer. Mr. Puff! Puff. Hush!-Vastly well, sir! vastly well! a most interesting gravity! Dang. What, isn't he to speak at all? Puff. Egad, I thought you'd ask me that! Yes, it is a very likely thing-that a minister in his situation, with the whole affairs of the nation on his head, should have time to talk! -But hush! or you'll put him out. Sneer. Put him out! how the plague can Puff. And keeps quite clear, you see, of the that be, if he's not going to say anything! other. Puff. There's the reason! why, his part is to think; and how the plague do you imagine he can think if you keep talking? Dang. That's very true, upon my word! "LORD BURLEIGH comes forward, shakes his head, and exit." Sneer. He is very perfect indeed! Now, pray what did he mean by that? Puff. You don't take it? Sneer. No I don't, upon my soul. Puff. Why, by that shake of the head he gave you to understand that even though they had more justice in their cause, and wisdom in their measures-yet if there was not a greater spirit shown on the part of the people, the country would at last fall a sacrifice to the hostile ambition of the Spanish monarchy. Sneer. The devil! did he mean all that by shaking his head? Puff. Every word of it-if he shook his head as I taught him. Dang. Ah! there certainly is a vast deal to be done on the stage by dumb show and expression of face; and a judicious author knows how much he may trust to it. Sneer. Oh, here are some of our old acquaint ance. Whish.. Beef. Puff. Ah! here has been more pruning! Sir Walter. but the fact is, these two young ladies are also in love with Don Whiskerandos. -Now, gentlemen, this scene goes entirely for what we call situation and stage effect, by which the greatest applause may be obtained, without the assistance of language, sentiment, or character: pray mark! Whisk. Beef. Come, niece! [Exeunt with the two NIECES. What's he, who bids us thus renounce our guard? Thou must do more-renounce thy love! Thou liest-base Beefeater! Ha! hell! the lie! By Heaven thou'st roused the lion in my heart! Off, yeoman's habit!-base disguise! off! off! [Discovers himself by throwing off his upper dress, and appearing in a very fine waistcoat. Am I a Beefeater now? Or beams my crest as terrible as when In Biscay's Bay I took thy captive sloop?" Puff. There, egad! he comes out to be the very captain of the privateer who had taken Whiskerandos prisoner-and was himself an old lover of Tilburina's. Dang. Admirably managed, indeed! "Whisk. [A side. Beef. SIR CHRISTOPHER HATTON and SIR WALTER RALEIGH come forward. Sir Christ, and Sir Walt. Hold! we will avenge you. [The tiro NIECES draw their two daggers to strike Puff. There's situation for you! there's an heroic group!-you see the ladies can't stab Whiskerandos-he durst not strike them, for fear of their uncles-the uncles durst not kill him, because of their nieces-I have them all at a dead lock!-for every one of them is afraid to let go first. Sneer. Why, then they must stand there for ever! VOL. III. I thank thee, Fortune, that hast thus bestowed A weapon to chastise this insolent. [Takes up one of the swords. I take thy challenge, Spaniard, and I thank thee, Fortune, too! [Takes up the other sword." Dang. That's excellently contrived!-It seems as if the two uncles had left their swords on purpose for them. Puff. No, egad, they could not help leaving them. now mind me.-Sir, shall I trouble you to die fidant-but keep your madness in the back -nity-he would have added, Puff. No sir-that's not it-once more, if you please. Whisk. I wish, sir, you would practise this without me I can't stay dying here all night. Puff. Very well; we'll go over it by-and-by. -Exit WHISKERANDOS.] I must humour these gentlemen! Puff. Dear sir, you needn't speak that speech, as the body has walked off. Beef. That's true, sir-then I'll join the fleet. Puff. If you please. -[Exit BEEFEATER.] Now, who comes on? "Enter GOVERNOR, with his hair properly disordered. Gov. A hemisphere of evil planets reign! And every planet sheds contagious frenzy! But hark! I am summon'd to the fort: Sneer. Poor gentleman! [Exit." Puff. Yes and no one to blame but his daughter! Dang. And the planets Puff. True. Now enter Tilburina! Sneer. Egad, the business comes on quick here. Puff. Yes, sir-now she comes in stark mad in white satin. Sneer. Why in white satin? Puff. O Lord, sir-when a heroine goes mad, she always goes into white satin.-Don't she, Dangle? Dang. Always-it's a rule. Puff. Yes-here it is-[Looking at the book.] "Enter Tilburina stark mad in white satin, and her confidant stark mad in white linen." . The wind whistles-the moon rises-see, They have kill'd my squirrel in his cage: Is this a grasshopper?-Ha! no; it is my Whiskerandos-you shall not keep himI know you have him in your pocketAn oyster may be crossed in love!-Who says A whale's a bird?-Ha! did you call, my He's here! he's there!-He's everywhere! Puff. There, do you ever desire to see anybody madder than that? Sneer. Never while I live! Puff. You observed how she mangled the metre? Dang. Yes-egad, it was the first thing made me suspect she was out of her senses. Sneer. And pray what becomes of her? Puff. She is gone to throw herself into the sea, to be sure-and that brings us at once to the scene of action, and so to my catastrophe my sea-fight, I mean. Sneer. What, you bring that in at last? Puff. Yes, yes-you know my play is called The Spanish Armada; otherwise, egad, I have no occasion for the battle at all.-Now then for my magnificence!-my battle!--my noise! -and my procession!-You are all ready? Und. Promp. [Within.] Yes, sir. Puff. Is the Thames dressed? "Enter THAMES with two ATTENDANTS." Thames. Here I am, sir. Puff. Very well, indeed!-See, gentlemen, there's a river for you!-this is blending a little of the masque with my tragedy—a new fancy, you know-and very useful in my case; for as there must be a procession, I suppose Thames, and all his tributary rivers, to compliment Britannia with a fête in honour of the victory. Sneer. But pray, who are these gentlemen in green with him? Puff. Those?-those are his banks. Sneer. His banks? Puff. Yes, one crowned with alders, and the other with a villa!-you take the allusions?— But hey! what the plague! you have got both your banks on one side. -Here, sir, come round. -Ever while you live, Thames, go between your banks. [Bell rings.] There, so, now for't!Sneer. But, what the deuce, is the confidant Stand aside, my dear friends!-Away, Thames' to be mad too? "Enter TILBURINA and CONFIDANT, mad, according to custom." Puff. To be sure she is; the confidant is always to do whatever her mistress does; weep when she weeps, smile when she smiles, go mad when she goes mad.-Now, madam con [Exit THAMES between his banks. [Flourish of drums, trumpets, cannon, &c. &c. Scene changes to the sea-the fleets engage the music plays "Britons Strike Home."-Spanish fleet destroyal |