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SECTION XI.

OF VENAL FOOLS.

Auro pulsa fides, auro venalia jura,
Aurum lex sequitur, mox sine lege pudor.

SOME fools, to pile up golden stores,
Turn reputation out of doors;

And for dame Fortune, dote upon her
So much as to impound their honour,
Selling for wealth what should be giv❜n,
Το pave their pathway straight to heav'n.

Proud big wigs, our religion's props,
Archbishops holy, and bishops:

Great statesmen, when they fill high places,
Nay princes, and your noble graces,
Must, doctors-like, ensure their snacks,
And finger fees behind their backs.

The old story of the ins and outs is extremely applicable to the burden of this section: the object of the former being places, places, pensions, pensions; while

Your upright judges*, office clerks †,
Churchwardens ‡, beadles, all are sharks;

the cry of the latter is peculation, and violation of the rights of the subject; yet let the ins be out and the outs be in, the cry is then equally reversed: for, after all, gold is the primum mobile, in the attainment of which, imposition and the abuse of the liberties of the people is a trifle, unworthy the consideration of any statesman; with whom, independence is a bugbear, and honour, the scarecrow of fools.

* Yes ;, even the solemn dignitaries of the law are not proof against this golden talisman; for the judge would sit mum chance, nor give animation to his wig, did not the fees of office move the court to hear the complaints of the oppressed.

+ Gentle reader, if it ever has been thy unfortunate lot to be a dangler upon these consequential nuisances, thou must have discovered that they are ten times more insufferable than their superiors: a circumstance which is mortifying in a twofold degree: as they do not only lack the consequence of office, but also the refinements of education, and the suaviter in modo, which arises from an intercourse with polished society.

These petty parish kings have a peculiar itch for plunder, which they gratify in the following manner: suppose, for instance, that a stonemason be the warden, you will never fail to see a scaffolding around the steeple, for then the church needs some essential repairs ; if it

Your jailors; nay, the hangman too
Is venal, and must have his due,
Since culprits' fee his purse must deck,
Ere he'll pull legs to break a neck.

O! were there statutes criminal, sir,
Against the acts of men venal, sir,
With sterling truth my muse might say,
With fam'd Mackheath, of witty Gay,
""Twou'd thin the land such tribes to see,
By Jack Ketch strung on Tyburn tree.”

be a plumber who fills the important office, the tiles or slating are deemed improper guardians of the edifice, and lead supplies their place; and should a carpenter rule the roast, he proves himself a chip of the old block, by the erection of new pews throughout the house of prayer. Thus each obedient to his call,

The parish robs-knaves all, knaves all.

Nothing is so essential, on entering a prison, as the garnish of Mackheath: from the jailor to his clerks, from the clerks to the turnkeys, the cry is, Garnish, captain, garnish in short, without it misfortune and virtuous poverty may perish on the pitiless stones; while swindlers and depredators, who have subjected families to ruin, command respect, and enjoy every luxury.

L'ENVOY OF THE POET.

Gold, that by any unjust means is urn'd,
Although punition's lash the sin escape,
Is but against its foul possessor turn'd,
Debauching honesty in syren's shape.

THE POET'S CHORUS TO FOOLS.

Come trim the boat, row on each Rara Avis, Crowds flock to man my Stultifera Navis.

SECTION XII.

OF FOOLS WHO MASQUERADE AT MIDNIGHT.

You must forget to be a woman; change
Command into obedience; fear, and niceness,
(The handmaids of all women, or, more truly,
Woman its pretty self,) to a waggish courage;
Ready in gibes, quick-answer'd, saucy, and
As quarrellous as the weazel: nay, you must
Forget that rarest treasure of your cheek,
Exposing it (but, Oh, the harder heart!
Alack, no remedy) to the greedy touch
Of common kissing Titan; and forget
Your laboursome and dainty trims, wherein
You made great Juno angry.

THOUGH fool thyself, thou canst not rest content,

But, clad in borrow'd guise, thou shows't

another;

And to thy zany's wit giv'st twofold vent,

By aping apes, thyself an apish brother.

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