Mer. Therefore, give out you are of Epidam- Here comes the almanack of my true date.

Ant. S. Go, bear it to the Centaur, where we The meat is cold because you come not home;

Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave.
Dro. E. What mean you, sir? for God's sake,
hold your hands;

And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.
Dro. E. My charge was but to fetch you from Nay, an you will not, sir, I'll take my heels.

Adr. Why should their liberty than ours be Are masters to their females, and their lords:

Luc. Not this, but troubles of the marriage-bed. "Your meat doth burn," quoth I; "My gold,"

Adr. But, were you wedded, you would bear

some sway.

Luc. Ere I learn love, I'll practice to obey.

Adr. How if your husband start some other where?

quoth he:

"Will you come home?" quoth I; "My gold,"

quoth he:

"Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?"

Luc. Till he come home again, I would forbear. "The pig," quoth I, "is burned;" "My gold," Adr. Patience unmoved, no marvel though she

pause;

They can be meek, that have no other cause.
A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,
We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;

But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
As much or more we should ourselves complain:
So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,
With urging helpless patience wouldst relieve me:
But if thou live to see like right bereft,
This fool-begged patience in thee will be left.

Luc. Well, I may marry one day, but to try. Here comes your man; now is your husband nigh.

Enter DROMIO of Ephesus.

Adr. Say, is your tardy master now at hand? Dro. E. Nay, he is at two hands with me, and that my two ears can witness.

ear.

quoth he:

"My mistress, sir," quoth I; "Hang up thy mis

tress;

I know not thy mistress; out on thy mistress!"
Luc. Quoth who?

Dro. E. Quoth my master:

"I know," quoth he, "no house, no wife, no mistress."

So that my errand, due unto my tongue,

I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders;
For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.

Adr. Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him
home.

Dro. E. Go back again, and be new beaten
home?

For God's sake, send some other messenger.
Adr. Back, slave, or I will break thy pate

across.

Dro. E. And he will bless that cross with other beating:

Adr. Say, didst thou speak with him? know'st Between you I shall have a holy head.

thou his mind?

Dro. E. Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine
Beshrew his hand, I scarce could under-

stand it.

Adr. Hence, prating peasant; fetch thy master

home.

Dro. E. Am I so round with you as you with me,

Duc. Spake he so doubtfully, thou couldst not That like a football you do spurn me thus? feel his meaning? You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither:

Dro. E. Nay, he struck so plainly I could too

well feel his blows; and withal so doubtfully that If I last in this service, you must case me in

I could scarce understand them.

Adr. But say, I pr'y thee, is he coming home?
It seems he hath great care to please his wife.
Dro. E. Why, mistress, sure my master is horn-
mad!

Adr. Horn-mad, thou villain?

leather.

[Exit. Luc. Fie, how impatience loureth in your face!

Adr. His company must do his minions grace.
Whilst I at home starve for a merry look!
Hath homely age the alluring beauty took

Dro. E. I mean not cuckold-mad; but sure From my poor cheek? then he hath wasted it:

he's stark mad.

When I desired him to come home to dinner,
He asked me for a thousand marks in gold:
""T is dinner-time," quoth I; "My gold," quoth

he:

Are my discourses dull? barren my wit?
If voluble and sharp discourse be marred,
Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard.
Do their gay vestments his affections bait?
That's not my fault, he 's master of my state:

My house was at the Phoenix? Wast thou mad, When in the why and the wherefore is neither That thus so madly thou didst answer me?

Dro. S. What answer, sir? when spake I such Well, sir, I thank you.

Ant. S. I'll make you amends next, to give you nothing for something. But say, sir, is it dinner time?

Ant. S. You would all this time have proved there is no time for all things.

Dro. S. Marry, and did, sir; namely, e'en no

Dro. S. No, sir; I think the meat wants that time to recover hair lost by nature. I have.

Ant. S. In good time, sir, what's that?

Dro. S. Basting.

Ant. S. Well, sir, then 't will be dry.

Dro. S. If it be, sir, I pray you eat none of it.

Ant. S. Your reason.

Ant. S. But your reason was not substantial why there is no time to recover.

Dro. S. Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald, and, therefore, to the world's end will have bald followers.

Ant. S. I knew 't would be a bald conclusion.

Dro. S. Lest it make you choleric, and purchase But soft! who wafts us yonder? me another dry basting.

Ant. S. Well, sir, learn to jest in good time. There's a time for all things.

Dro. S. I durst have denied that, before you

were so choleric.

Ant. S. By what rule, sir?

Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA.

Adr. Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange, and
frown;

Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects:
I am not Adriana, nor thy wife.

Dro. S. Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as the The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vow plain bald pate of father Time himself.

Ant. S. Let's hear it.

That never words were music to thine ear,
That never object pleasing in thine eye,

Dro. S. There's no time for a man to recover That never touch well-welcome to thy hand, his hair, that grows bald by nature.

Ant. S. May he not do it by fine and recovery? Dro. S. Yes, to pay a fine for his periwig, and recover the lost hair of another man.

That never meat sweet-savor'd in thy taste,
Unless I spake, or look'd, or touch'd, or carv'd to
thee.

How comes it now, my husband, oh, how comes it,

Ant. S. Why is Time such a niggard of hair, That thou art then enstrangéd from thyself? being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement?

Dro. S. Because it is a blessing that he bestows

on beasts: and what he hath scanted men in hair, he hath given them in wit.

Thyself I call it, being strange to me,
That, undividable, incorporate,

Am better than thy dear self's better part.
Ah, do not tear away thyself from me;

Ant. S. Why, but there's many a man hath For know, my love, as easy mayst thou fall more hair than wit. A drop of water in the breaking gulf,

Dro. S. Not a man of those but he hath the wit And take unmingled thence that drop again, to lose is hair. Without addition or diminishing,

Ant. S. Why, thou didst conclude hairy men As take from me thyself, and not me too. plain dealers without wit.

How dearly would it touch thee to the quick,

Dro. S. The plainer dealer, the sooner lost: Shouldst thou but hear I were licentious? yet he loseth it in a kind of jolity.

Ant. S. For what reason?

Dro. S. For two; and sound ones too.
Ant. S. Nay, not sound, I pray you.
Dro. S. Sure ones, then.

Ant. S. Nay, not sure, in a thing falsing.
Dro. S. Certain ones, then.

Ant. S. Name them.

Dro. S. The one, to save the money that he spends in tiring: the other, that at dinner they should not drop in his porridge.

And that this body, consecrate to thee,
By ruffian lust should be contaminate?
Wouldst thou not spit at me, and spurn at me,
And hurl the name of husband in my face,
And tear the stained skin off my harlot brow,
And from my false hand cut the wedding-ring,
And break it with a deep-divorcing vow?

I know thou canst; and, therefore, see thou do it
I am possess'd with an adulterate blot;
My blood is mingled with the crime of lust:
For if we two be one, and thou play false,