CHAPTER XX

POLITELY PUT

It is really more friendly to tell people of their demerits than of their merits, but they will not take the pill of criticism unless it is sugared over with politeness.

A man who had called another a liar said that he did not mean it opprobiously, but merely stated it as a fact. Why speak with brutal directness when circuitous politeness is equally effective?

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Exactly the same thing offends when said in one way that pleases when differently put. A wise man, being summoned to forecast the future to an Eastern king, said, Sire, every relation that you have is to die before you." The prospect of such a number of deaths seemed so dismal that the self-willed ruler ordered the seer to be put to death. Another seer, called to the perilous task of prophecy, said, "Sire, you will live longer than all your relations." The king gave the seer a great reward.

It was said of Edward the Confessor what is also probably true of Edward VII., that his "No" was pleasanter than the "Yes" of other people.

Reprimands like the following cannot fail to call forth surprised gratitude and future reformation. In preparing statistics for the annual speech of a Chancellor of the Exchequer, an old clerk made a mistake which caused the Chancellor to be criticised. The great man sent for the clerk, and he came feeling like Agag.. The Chancellor met him at the door of his private room and said, “I sent for you, Mr. Soand-So, because I wished to thank you for the great care and accuracy with which you have for many years prepared statistics for the budget speech. Good morning." Tears were seen to roll down the cheeks of the old man as he came out of the room.

When Lord Coleridge Coleridge was travelling in America, an interviewer ended an enumeration of the big things of that continent by saying that the conflagration they had in Chicago made the fire of London look very small. To this Lord Coleridge blandly replied, "I have every reason to believe that the great fire of London was quite as great as the people at that time desired."

Nothing is more irritating than for a large person at some place of public entertainment to

stand up and intercept the view. A man did this when a certain celebrity was sitting behind him in the pit of a theatre. Instead of getting angry and rude, he simply said to the large person, "Sir, if you happen to see upon the stage anything that is particularly interesting, perhaps you would impart it to us, for we are entirely at your mercy." The large person bowed, smiled, and sat down. Much the same thing happened at a circus. Some ladies in the front row stood up, so a gentleman, who understood feminine nature, and also the art of putting things, called out, Would the pretty young lady in the front row be kind enough to sit down! Immediately several ladies who were not pretty, and no longer young, sat down.

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A lady has been induced to remove her hat by an artist handing her a drawing of it with 'My view of the stage " written underneath. It is less polite to suggest in an audible voice that the hat and the hair come off together.

It is always disagreeable to ask for money, even when it is due to us. This difficulty was got over in the following pleasant way by a barmaid. A gentleman who had been refreshing himself at her bar forgot to pay, so this is the way she reminded him of the omission: "If, sir," she said, “you happen to lose your purse, I hope that you will not think that it was lost here, for indeed we have not seen it to-day."

The Emperor of Germany appeared at six o'clock one morning most unexpectedly at the barracks of a cavalry regiment. The soldiers were ready for parade, but the commanding officer had not come. The Emperor waited half an hour, when the delinquent arrived. His feelings at the sight of his sovereign can better be imagined than described. But the Emperor did not say a word. He assisted at the manœuvres, made several observations, as usual, and finally left without addressing a word to the officer at fault, who considered himself lost. He went home in despair, expecting from moment to moment to receive the news of his disgrace. With the customary expeditious ways of the Emperor, he knew that he would not have long to wait. But the afternoon passed, then the evening, and still nothing occurred. Next day he received from the Emperor a parcel. No letter or message accompanied it. He hastily opened the mysterious parcel, and found it contained an alarm clock.

There was no fault-finding in those five words "I have seen him sober," which a master wrote in a coachman's discharge, but only a politely-put caution to employers.

A wife made a pathetic but polite protest against the desertion of her husband in three words. She ended a letter to him with "Yours too truly."

Politeness is more powerful than positiveness, and the most crushing controversy is that which is courteous.

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An unchivalrous person received the following well-put rebuke: At a dinner, at which no ladies were present, in responding to the toast of women," he dwelt almost exclusively on the frailty of the sex, saying that the best among them were little better than the worst, the chief difference being their surroundings. At the conclusion of the speech a gentleman present rose and said, "I trust the gentleman, in the application of his remarks, refers to his own mother and sisters, not to ours."

Before a business meeting a Primate in the old days said to a swearing Premier: "It may save time, my lord, if we assume before we commence our discussion that everybody and everything is damned."

He

Walking in a street one day, a well-known clergyman overheard a poor, thoughtless man solemnly calling down curses on himself. stopped, took half a crown out of his pocket, and said, “My friend, I will give you this if you will repeat that oath again." The man started, and said, “What, sir, do you think I will damn my soul for half a crown?” The clergyman replied, As you did it just now for nothing, I could not suppose that you would