How to be Happy Though Civil

CHAPTER I

MANNERS MATTER MUCH

THE way in which things are done is often more important than the things themselves. “A beautiful behaviour is better than a beautiful form; it gives a higher pleasure than statues and pictures; it is the finest of fine arts." If you are a musician or a painter, you cannot exhibit these accomplishments in all places and at all times. You cannot well strike up a song from an opera in a railway-carriage, or exhibit your pictures in a tram-car; but where is the place that you cannot show good manners? Genius, if allied to an unpleasant personality, starves in garrets; while agreeable mediocrity has golden opportunities thrown in its way. Faults of manner are faults which the world has agreed to exaggerate; they have been the ruin of fine abilities and of great careers. It is

a pity; but we must remember that of people who see us the majority only see us for perhaps half an hour in their lives, and they judge us by what they see in that half-hour.

"Manners are

In a fine passage Burke says : of more importance than laws. Upon them, in a great measure, the laws depend. The law touches us but here and there, now and then. Manners are what vex or soothe, corrupt or purify, exalt or debase, barbarise or refine us, by a constant, steady, uniform, insensible operation, like that of the air we breathe in. They give their whole form and colour to our lives. According to their quality, they aid morals, they supply them, or they totally destroy them."

And yet manners are not, in England at least, appreciated as much as they ought to be. John Bull is proud and independent, and he fancies that it would take something from his dignity if he were to be polite. See him swagger about churches and restaurants abroad as if the whole world belonged to him!

Merit, assured of itself, and reinforced by physical vigour, scorns to employ suavity of demeanour for fear of seeming to concede a particle of its honesty.

Another thing that prevents the little morals that oil the wheels of society from being properly appreciated is the fact that good manners are

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frequently confounded with a rather foolish thing called etiquette. The words etiquette and "ticket" have the same origin. Formerly the rules and ceremonies to be observed at Court were printed on a ticket and given to every person presented at Court. The rules of etiquette are not founded upon common-sense, and they change with the weather-cock of fashion in every age and country. Not so good manners. These are always the same, for they are the expression of a kind heart and an unselfish nature. The postures and impostures of etiquette may be only the toys by which idle people amuse amuse themselves in society," but manners are not idle. They are the fruit of noble nature and of loyal mind." Money, talent, rank-these are keys that turn some locks; but a kind, sympathetic manner is a master-key that opens all. If "virtue itself offends when coupled with a forbidding manner," how great must be the power of winning manners, such as steer between bluntness and plain-dealing, between giving merited praise and flattery.

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I knew a Dean in Ireland whose sarcastic manner prevented him from being made a bishop. The clergy of the diocese would not vote for him because "if he became bishop before a month he would have a nickname for each

of us." A clergyman may be a good preacher and organiser, but if he is awkward and rude people will not go to his church. They will say, "I respect Mr. So-and-so, but there is something about him I do not like."

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Manners maketh man," but especially the medical man. If he has a good bedside manner, he may throw physic to the dogs and spare his patients. A merry heart in a physician does more good than medicines. His foot has music in it as he comes up the stairs. On entering a sick-room he inspires into his patient belief in him and hope which is favourable to longevity. On one occasion a "calamity of surgery took place in the consulting-room of the late Sir Morell Mackenzie. A patient had died after a slight operation. Though it was not the fault in any way of the surgeon, the man's brother called to give him a “bit of his mind." Such, however, was the fascination of Mackenzie's manner that the indignant brother submitted his own throat to examination, and without a murmur paid the customary fee for the privilege.

Baron Brampton concludes a description of a very successful barrister whom he knew with these words; "He had a coaxing manner, so much so that a witness would often be led to say what he never intended, and what afterwards

he could not believe he had uttered." A barrister cannot afford to neglect manner if he would bring twelve men one after another to his way of thinking.

So important is it considered that staff officers in the British Army should have tact and good manners, that every candidate for the Staff College must get a certificate from his commanding officer stating that he is not deficient in these respects.

Lord Chesterfield declared that it was his manner, irresistible either by man or woman, that made the fortune of the Duke of Marlborough.

Gladstone, who had no memory for faces, once passed without recognition an influential supporter. Disraeli made much of the offended man, and won him over to his camp. This incident shows that manners matter much in politics.

In business there is no stock-in-trade that pays so well as good manners. In some of our colonies business men find that they are losing custom owing to the bad manners of their employees, and are having them trained in politeness.

In tournaments for a lady's heart and hand is it not a natural selection when manners decide the contest? This, at least, is what the famous