-I am determined I will do it-he will give me his opinion sincerely.

Enter MARIA, L.

So, child, has Mr. Surface returned with you?

Maria. [L.] No, sir; he was engaged.

Sir P. [R.] Well, Maria, do you not reflect, the more you converse with that amiable young man, what return his partiality for you deserves ?

Maria. Indeed, Sir Peter, your frequent importunity on this subject distresses me extremely-you compel me to declare that I know no man who has ever paid me a particular attention whom I would not prefer to Mr. Surface.

Sir P. So here's perverseness! No, no, Maria, 'tis Charles only whom you would prefer. 'Tis evident his vices and follies have won your heart.

Maria. This is unkind, sir. You know I have obeyed you in neither seeing nor corresponding with him: I have heard enough to convince me that he is unworthy of my regard. Yet I cannot think it culpable, if, while my understanding severely condemns his vices, my heart suggests some pity for his distresses.

Sir P. Well, well, pity him as much as you please; but give your heart and hand to a worthy object.

Maria. Never to his brother.

[Crosses, R.

Sir P. Go-perverse and obstinate! but take care, madam ; you have never yet known what the authority of a guardian is; don't compel me to inform you of it.

Maria. I can only say you shall not have just reason. 'Tis true, by my father's will, I am for a short period bound to regard you as his substitute; but I must cease to think you so when you would compel me to be miserable.

[Exit MARIA, R. Everything con

Sir P. Was ever man so crossed as I am? spiring to fret me! I had not been involved in matrimony a fortnight before her father, a hale and hearty man, died, on purpose, I believe, for the pleasure of plaguing me with the

care of his daughter. [LADY TEAZLE sings without.] [SONG.] But here comes my helpmate! She appears in great good humor. How happy I should be if I could tease her into loving me, though but a little !

Enter LADY TEAZLE, R.

Lady T. Lud! Sir Peter, I hope you hav'n't been quarrelling with Maria? It is not using me well to be ill-humored when I am not by.

Sir P. [L.] Ah! Lady Teazle, you might have the power to make me good-humored at all times.

Lady T. [R.] I am sure I wish I had; for I want you to be in a charming sweet temper at this moment. Do be goodhumored now and let me have two hundred pounds, will you?

Sir P. Two hundred pounds! What, a'n't I to be in a good humor without paying for it? But speak to me thus, and i'faith there's nothing I could refuse you. You shall have it [Gives her notes]; but seal me a bond of repayment.

Lady T. Oh no-there-my note of hand will do as well. [Offering her hand. Sir P. And you shall no longer reproach me with not giving you an independent settlement. I mean shortly to surprise you but shall we always live thus, hey?

Lady T. If you please. I'm sure I don't care how soon we leave off quarrelling, provided you'll own you were tired first. Sir P. Well-then let our future contest be, who shall be most obliging.

Lady T. I assure you, Sir Peter, good nature becomes youyou look now as you did before we were married, when you used to walk with me under the elms, and tell me stories of what a gallant you were in your youth, and chuck me under the chin, you would; and ask me if I thought I could love an old fellow, who would deny me nothing-didn't you? Didn't you ?

Sir P. Yes, yes, and you were kind and attentive

Lady T. Ay, so I was, and would always take your part when my acquaintance used to abuse you, and turn you into ridicule.

Sir P. Indeed!

Lady T. Ay, and when my cousin Sophy has called you a stiff, peevish old bachelor, and laughed at me for thinking of marrying one who might be my father, I have always defended you, and said, I didn't think you so ugly by any means.

Sir P. Thank you.

Lady T. And I dared say you'd make a very good sort of a husband.

Sir P. And you prophesied right: and we shall now be the happiest couple

Lady T. And never, never differ again?

[Both sit, c.

Sir P. No, never, never!-though at the same time, indeed, my dear Lady Teazle, you must watch your temper very seriously; for in all our little quarrels, my dear, if you will recollect, my love, you always begin first.

Lady T. I beg your pardon, my dear Sir Peter; indeed, you always gave the provocation.

Sir P. Now see, my angel! take care-contradicting isn't the way to keep friends.

You don't per

Lady T. Then don't you begin it, my love! Sir P. There, now! you-you are going on. ceive, my life, that you are just doing the very thing which you know always makes me angry.

Lady T. Nay, you know if you will be angry without any reason, my dear

Sir P. There! now you want to quarrel again.

Lady T. No, I am sure I don't :-but if you will be so peevish-

Sir P. There now! who begins first?

Lady T. Why you, to be sure. [Both start up.] I said nothing-but there's no bearing your temper.

[Crosses, L.

Sir P. No, no, madam; the fault's in your own temper.

[Going R.

Lady T. Ay, you are just what my cousin Sophy said you would be.

Sir P. Your cousin Sophy is a forward, impertinent gypsy. Lady T. You are a great bear, I am sure, to abuse my relations.

Sir P. Now may all the plagues of marriage be doubled on me, if ever I try to be friends with you any more.

Lady T. So much the better.

Sir P. No, no, madam : 'tis evident you never cared a pin for me, and I was a madman to marry you-a pert, rural coquette, that had refused half the honest squires in the neighborhood.

Lady T. And I am sure I was a fool to marry you-an old dangling bachelor, who was single at fifty, only because he never could meet with any one who would have him. [Crosses, L.

Sir P. Ay, ay, madam; but you were pleased enough to listen to me; you never had such an offer before.

Lady T. No! Didn't I refuse Sir Tivy Terrier, who everybody said would have been a better match? for his estate is just as good as yours, and he has broke his neck since we [Goes, L.

have been married.

Sir P. [R.] I have done with you, madam! You are an unfeeling, ungrateful-but there's an end of everything. I believe you capable of everything that is bad. Yes, madam, I now believe the reports relative to you and Charles, madam. Yes, madam, you and Charles are-not without grounds.

Lady T. [L.] Take care, Sir Peter! you had better not insinuate any such thing! I'll not be suspected without cause, I promise you. [Goes, R.

Sir P. Very well, madam! very well! A separate maintenance as soon as you please!

Lady T. Very well! A separate maintenance !

Sir P. Yes, madam, or a divorce!

Lady T. As you please! A divorce!

Sir P. Very well, madam, a divorce!—I'll make an example of myself for the benefit of all old bachelors.

Lady T. Agreed! agreed !—And now, my dear Sir Peter, we are of a mind once more, we may be the happiest couple-and never, never-never differ again, you know-ha! ha! ha! So by-by. [Exit, R.

Sir P. Plagues and tortures! Can't I make her angry either! She may break my heart, but she shan't keep her temper. [Exit, L.

END OF ACT II.

ACT III.

SCENE.- The Picture Gallery at CHARLES SURFACE'S. Curtains in Arch at back concealing Dining-room.

Enter TRIP, SIR OLIVER SURFACE, and MOSES, R.

Trip. Here, Master Moses! if you'll stay a moment, I'll try whether-what's the gentleman's name?

Sir O. Mr. Moses, what is my name?

Moses. Mr. Premium.

Trip. Premium-very well.

[Crosses C.

[Exit TRIP, taking snuff, behind curtain, C. Sir O. [L.] To judge by the servants, one wouldn't believe the master was ruined. But what! -sure, this was my brother's house?

Moses. [R.] Yes, sir; Mr. Charles bought it of Mr. Joseph, with the furniture, pictures, etc., just as the old gentleman left it. Sir Peter thought it a piece of extravagance in him.

[Goes R. Sir O. In my mind, the other's economy in selling it to him was more reprehensible by half.

Re-enter TRIP, C.

Trip. My master says you must wait, gentlemen: he has company, and can't speak with you yet.

Sir O. If he knew who it was wanted to see him, perhaps he would not send such a message.

Trip. Yes, yes, sir: he knows you are here--I did not forget little Premium, no, no, no.

Sir O. Very well; and I pray, sir, what may be your

name?