Quoth he, "I am resolv'd to be Thy scholar in this mystery; And murder godliness?"" Great gains." "What's tender conscience?"-" "Tis a botch That will not bear the gentlest touch; But, breaking out, despatches more "What makes y' encroach upon our trade, And damn all others ?"-" To be paid." "What's orthodox and true believing Against a conscience?"—" A good living.” "What makes rebelling against kings A good old cause ?"-" Administrings." "What makes all doctrines plain and clear?" "About two hundred pounds a-year." "And that which was prov'd true before, Prove false again ?"—" Two hundred more." "What makes the breaking of all oaths A holy duty ?"-" Food and clothes." "What, laws and freedom, persecution ?" "Being out of power and contribution." "What makes a church a den of thieves ?"- "What makes morality a crime, And therefore no true saint allows 1 "What makes rebelling against kings A good old cause?"-" Administrings." Administrings were powers given by the law to appropriate the goods of persons dying intestate. Nothing was ever wittier or better written than the whole of the passage here following, particularly the first and last four lines. I have closed the extract with the latter, in order to give it its best effect; otherwise the author goes on capitally well,— For saints can need no conscience That with morality dispense, As virtue 's impious when 't is rooted And so he proceeds to conclude, that -A large conscience is all one, And signifies the same as none. Such are the meetings of extremes in fanatical religions. And the description is no caricature. By the ridiculous doctrine of "imputed merit," God's creatures were to be all vice, in order to compliment the Creator with the exclusive possession of all virtue! The children were to be made pure scoundrels, in order to do the greater honour to the father! Such are the flatteries of superstition! THE ASTROLOGERS. Quoth Ralph, Not far from hence doth dwell A cunning man, hight Sidrophel, That deals in Destiny's dark counsels And sage opinions of the moon sells; To whom all people far and near And sows of sucking pigs are chows'd. He made an instrument to know If the moon shine at full or no; That would as soon as e'er she shone, straight And prove that she's not made of green cheese. A STATESMAN'S CONVERSATION. -All a subtle statesman says Is half in words and half in face, As Spaniards talk in dialogues Of heads and shoulders, nods and shrugs Intrust it under solemn vows Of "mum," and "silence," and "the rose," For th' easy credulous to disperse. HEROES OF ROMANCE. There was an ancient sage philosopher, Was made of fighting and of love. Just so romances are, for what else Is in them all, but love and battles? O' th' first of these w' have no great matter In which to do the injur'd right We mean, in what concerns just fight. Certes our authors are to blame, For, to make some well-sounding name To copy out in frays and fights, Just like the manhood of nine tailors. "That had read Alexander Ross over."-A tedious and voluminous writer of divinity. 1 SELF-POSSESSION. "T is not restraint or liberty That makes men prisoners or free, The mind, or equanimities. The whole world was not half so wide To Alexander when he cried Because he had but one to subdue, As was a paltry narrow tub to Diogenes, who is not said (For aught, that ever I could read) To whine, put finger i' th' eye, and sob, Because he had ne'er another tub.1 "Another tub.”—Diogenes, who desired Alexander to "stand out of his sunshine," is here made to turn the tables a second time and in the happiest manner, on the great spoiled child of Victory. MISCELLANEOUS PASSAGES AND RHYMES. "O Heaven!" quoth she, "can that be true? I do begin to fear 't is you; Not by your individual whiskers, But by your dialect and discourse." A torn beard 's like a batter'd ensign; That's bravest which there are most rents in. |