In a short time I was cited to appear before the society worshipping in Mr. Whitfield's tabernacle; I obeyed the summons, and found myself in the midst of a very gloomy company, all seemingly in great distress; they sighed very bitterly, and at last gave me to understand, that they had heard, I had become an attendant upon that monster Relly, and they wished to know if their information was correct. I requested I might be told from whom they had their intelligence? and they were evidently embarrassed by my question. Still, however, I insisted on being confronted with my accuser, and they at length consented to summon him, but I was nearly petrified, when I learned it was the identical friend, who had privately conversed with me, and who had privately cautioned me, that had lodged the information against me! Upon this friend I had called in my way to the tabernacle, confiding to him my situation, he said, he had feared the event, he pitied me, and prayed with me; but he did not calculate upon being confronted with me, and his confusion was too great to suffer his attendance. It was then referred to me, "was it a fact, had I attended upon Relly?" I had. "Did I believe what I heard?" I answered that I did-and my trial commenced. They could not prove me a breaker of those articles to which I had subscribed. I had, in no point of view, infringed the contract by which I was bound. But they apprehended, if I continued to approbate Relly, by my occasional attendance on his ministry, my example would become contagious; except, therefore, I would give them my word, that I would wholly abandon this pernicious practice, they must, however, unwillingly pronounce upon me the sentence of excommunication. I refused to bind myself by any promise; I assured them, I would continue to hear, and to judge for myself, and that I held it my duty, to receive the truth of God wherever it might be manifested. But Relly holds the truth in unrighteousness. I have nothing to do with his unrighteousness; my own conduct is not more reprehensible than heretofore. They granted this, but the force of example was frequently irresistable, and if I were permitted to follow, uncensured, my own inclination, others might claim the same indulgence, to the utter perversion of their souls. It was then conceded in my favour, that if I would confine my sentiments to my own bosom, they would continue me a member of their communion. I refused to accede to this proposal. I would not be under an obligation to

remain silent. I must, as often as opportunity should present, consider myself as called upon to advocate truth.

The question was then put-Should I be continued a member of the society upon my own terms? And it was lost by only three voices. It was past one in the morning when I returned home to my poor, disconsolate wife, who was waiting for me; and when I entered her apartment, my spirits were so sunk, that throwing myself into a chair, I burst into tears. But the sweet soother of my every woe hastened to communicate that consolation she was so eminently qualified to bestow. "Now, said she, for the first time, you know what it is to suffer for Christ's sake, and you must arm yourself with fortitude to bear, what the adherents of Mr. Relly must always bear. Let us offer up thanksgiving and praise that it is no worse. Fear not those who can only kill the body; these, however, have not power to kill the body; it is true they can do more; they can murder our good name, which is rather to be chosen than life itself. But let us not fear, our God will be with us, he will preserve and protect us." Our hearts, however, were very full, and we wept and prayed together with great devotion.

A series of calamities succeeded; those whom I had esteemed my best and dearest friends, proved my most inveterate foes, and finding it impossible to reclaim us from what they conceiv ed paths of error, they persecuted us with unceasing virulence ; presents bestowed as tokens of affection in the days of confidence, where claimed as legal debts, and as the law allows not presents, I was arrested for the amount! I was betrayed into the hands of the bailiffs, by my religious friends, whom, had they exercised the promised forbearance, I could have paid to the utmost farthing. Thus heaven thought proper to keep us low, but our faith increased, and we cherished the hope, that maketh not ashamed, and even while struggling with difficulties, we enjoyed a heaven upon earth. We had a sweet little retirement in a rural part of the city, we wanted but little, and we had our wants supplied, and circumstanced as we were, we enjoyed as much as human nature can enjoy. One dear pledge of love, a son, whom my wife regarded as the image of his father, completed our felicity. But alas, this boy was lent us but one short year, and the health of my beloved companion was rapidly declining; only a few weeks, a few tremendous weeks rolled on, and as in

speechless agony I kneeled by her bedside, I saw her breathe her last, she expired without a groan, and I was left to the extreme of wretchedness.

Here I close another period of my eventful life! What a sad reverse! A few short weeks since, I was in the most enviable circumstances, my situation was charming, my dwelling neat and commodious, my wife the object of my soul's devout and sincere affection, her lovely offspring swelling the rapture of the scene, a male and female domestic attached to our persons, and faithful to our interests, and the pleasing hope, that I should enjoy a long succession of these delights. Now I was alone in the world, no wife, no child, no domestics, no home, nothing but the ghosts of my departed joys; in religion, and religion only, the last resort of the wretched, I found the semblance of repose; religion taught me to contemplate the state to which I was hasting, my dreams presented my departed Eliza, I saw her in a variety of views, but in every view celestial; sometimes she was still living, but in haste to be gone; sometimes she descended upon my imagination; an heavenly visitant, commissioned to conduct me home, and so much enjoyment did I derive from those dreams, that I longed for the hour of repose, that I might reiterate my felicity.

But religion was still my never failing source of consolation, I was full of the gospel, gladly would I have sacrificed my life, if I might thus have brought all men acquainted with the riches of the grace of the gospel of God, our Saviour, and my soul was often wrought up to a degree of extacy by the views, which divine revelation exhibited to my understanding; yes, I have experienced, that a belief of the truth disposes the mind to love God, and to do good to man, and that faith in the promises, is the best stimulous to that pure and undefiled religion, which consists in relieving the oppressed of every description, and so greatly was my heart affected by this divine religion, that I have in the midst of the streets in London been so entranced in contemplating its glories, that I have only been awakened to reccollection by the jostling crowd, who wondered as they passed; yet, while in the fulness of my heart, I embraced every opportunity of expatiating upon the great salvation, every thing beside had lost the power to charm, or even tranquilize, and the torturing sensations I ex

perienced, from reflecting upon past times, were not to be expressed; death had for me an angel's face, and I viewed this. sometimes king of terrors, as my emancipating friend.


This extract embraces the period, during which the author was induced to quit his native shore ; and extends to his first introduction into America.

HAVING laid the companion of my youth, the wife of my bosom in the grave, my life seemed devoted to misery; I wept at all times, except when I turned my attention to the world, upon which I imagined I was verging; I wished the act of putting a period to a weary life, had ranked among the christian virtues ; never did I more passionately long for any good than for the period, which was to put an end to my existence. I had but few acquaintance, I wished not to make new acquaintance, I was sick of the world, and all which it could bestow. The retirement of my lonely dwelling was most acceptable to me, and I abhorred the thought of expecting any thing like happiness in this world. Thus I passed weeks and months, and thus I verily believed I should finish my days, which, I cherished a soothing hope, were nearly numbered.

Through those sad scenes of sorrow, to which I was condemned, I had one friend, one earthly friend, from whom I derived real consolation. This friend was Mr. James Relly, the man who had been made an instrument in the hand of God of leading me into an acquaintance with the truth, as it is in Jesus. This kind friend visited me often, and in conversing with him, I found my heart lightened of its burden, I could better bear the pitiless storm, that beat upon me, when strengthened by the example of this son of sorrow; frequently we talked of the things of the kingdom, and Mr. Relly observing my heart much warmed and enlarged by these subjects, urged me to go forth, and make mention of the loving kindness of God. No, no, I constantly replied,

it is not my design again to step forth in a public character. I have been a promulgator of falsehood, "and why not," he would interrupt, "a promulgator of truth? Surely you owe this atonement to the God, who hath lifted upon your understanding the light of his countenance." But no argument he could make use of, was sufficiently strong to excite in my bosom a single wish, that I had either inclination or capability for a character so arduous; my heart's desire was to pass through life, unheard, unseen, unknown to all, as though I ne'er had been. I had an aversion to society, and since I could not be permitted to leave the world, I was solicitous to retire from its noise and nonsense, I was indeed a burden to myself, and no advantage to any body else; every place, every thing served to make me more miserable, for they led my mind to the contemplation of past scenes, of scenes never more to return; such was the situation of my mind, when at the house of one of Mr. Relly's hearers, I met by accident a gentleman from America, I listened with attention to his account of the country, in which he had so long resided; I was charmed with his description of its extent, its forests, its lakes, its rivers, its towns, its inhabitants, the liberty they enjoyed, and the peace and plenty, which they possessed; I listened to every thing with astonishment, and toward the new world I turned my most ardent wishes; I communicated my desire to visit America, to my mother, to my brethren, I was ridiculed for entertaining a project so chimerical, what, cross the Atlantic! For what purpose? To whom would I go? What could I do? What object could I have in view? I was unable to answer any of these questions; I had not a single acquaintance in America, indeed, I had no wish to make acquaintance, I had nothing in prospect but a kind of negative happiness, I did not mean to commence a voyage in pursuit of bliss, but to avoid, if possible, a part of my misery.

For a considerable time, my mind laboured with my purpose, many difficulties interposed, I would have infinitely preferred entering that narrow house, which is appointed for all living, but this I was not permitted to do, and I conceived to quit England, and retire to America, was the next thing to be desired: nights and days of deliberation at length convinced my judgment, and I became determined upon my departure; my few friends urged me most ardently to let them apply to those, who had connexions in America, for letters of introduction or recommendation; no, by VOL. III. 51

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