Lady T. Sister, a day like thisLady G. Admits of no excuse against the general joy. [Gives her Hand to Manly. Man. A joy like mine-despairs of words to speak it.

Lord T. Oh, Manly, how the name of friend endears the brother! [Embraces him.

Man. Your words, my lord, will warm me to deserve them.

Lady T. Sister, to your unerring virtue I
now commit the guidance of my future days.
Never the paths of pleasure more to tread,
But where your guarded innocence shall lead ;
For, in the marriage state, the world must own,
Divided happiness was never known.
To make it mutual, nature points the way;
Let husbands govern, gentle wives obey.
[Exeunt.

SHE WOULD AND SHE WOULD NOT;

Or, The kind Impostor, acted at Drury Lane 1703.

This is a very busy, sprightly, and entertaining comedy, and still continues a stock play. The plot of it is borrowed from Leonard's Counterfeits, and perhaps from the Novel The Trepanner trepanned, on which that Comedy itself was built,

ACT I.

SCENE. Madrid.

SCENE I.-An Inn at MADRID.

Enter TRAPPANTI.

Flora. And now, madam, pray what do you propose will be the end of our journey? Hyp. Why, now I hope the end of my wishes-Don Philip, I need not tell you how

Trap. INDEED, my friend Trappanti, thou'rt far he is in my heart. in a very thin condition; thou hast neither Flora. No, your sweet usage of him told master, meat, nor money: not but, couldst thou me that long enough ago; but now, it seems, part with that unappeasable itch of eating too, you think fit to confess it; and what is it you thou hast all the ragged virtues that were re-love him for, pray?

quisite to set up an ancient philosopher. Con- Hyp. His manner of bearing that usage. tempt and poverty, kicks, thumps, and think- Flora. Ah! dear pride! how we love to ing thou hast endured with the best of 'em; have it tickled! But he does not bear it, you but-when fortune turns thee up to hard fast-see, for he's coming post to Madrid to marry ing, that is to say, positively not eating at all, another woman; nay, one he never saw. I perceive thou art a downright dunce, with Hyp. An unknown face can't have very far the same stomach, and no more philosophy engaged him.

than a bound upon horse-flesh-Fasting's the

Flora. How came he to be engaged to her

Hyp. Why, I engaged him.

devil! Let me see-this, I take it, is the most at all?
frequented inn about Madrid; and if a keen
guest or two should drop in now-Hark!

Host. [Within] Take care of the gentlemens' horses there; see 'em well rubb'd and litter'd.

Trap. Just alighted! If they do but stay to eat now! Impudence assist me; hah! a couple of pretty young sparks, faith!

Flora. To another!

Hyp, To my whole sex, rather than own I loved him.

Flora. Ah! done like a woman of courage. Hyp. I could not bear the thoughts of parting with my power; besides, he took me at such an advantage, and pressed me so home to a surrender, I could have 'tore him piecemeal.

Flora. Ay! I warrant you, an insolentagreeable puppy. But let us bear.

Enter HYPOLITA and FLORA, in Men's Habits; a Postboy, with a Portmanteau. Welcome to Madrid, sir; welcome, sir. Hyp. I'll tell thee, Flora; you know don Flora. Sir, your servant. Philip wants no charm that can recommend Post. Have the horses pleased your honour? him. As a lover in rank and fortune, I conHyp. Very well indeed, friend; pr'ythee set fess him my superior; 'tis the thoughts of that down the portmanteau, and see that the poor has been a constant thorn upon my wishes; creatures want nothing: they have performed I never saw him in the humblest posture, but well, and deserve our care. still I fancied he secretly presumed his rank Trap. I'll take care of that, sir; here, ostler. and fortune might command me; this always [Exeunt Trappanti and Servant. stung my pride, and made me over-act it: Flora. And pray, madam, what do I deserve? nay sometimes, when his sufferings have alHyp. Poor Flora! thou art fatigued indeed, most drawn the tears into my eyes, I have but I shall find a way to thank thee fort. turu'd the subject with some trifling talk, or

humm'd a spiteful tune, though I believe his my troth, right and sound, I warrant 'em; heart was breaking. they deserve care, and they have had it, and Flora. But, love be praised, your proud shall have it if they stay in this house-I alstomach's come down for it. ways stand by, sir, see 'em rubb'd down with

Hyp. Indeed, 'tis not altogether so high as my own eyes-catch me trusting an ostler, 'twas. In a word, his last letter set me at my I'll give you leave to fill for me, and drink wit's end, and when I came to myself, you for me too.

may remember you thought me bewitch'd, for Flora. I have seen this fellow somewhere. I immediately called for my boy's clothes, and [Apart to Hypolita. so rode after him.

Flora. Why truly, madam, as to your wits, I've not much altered my opinion of 'em, for I can't see what you propose by it.

Hyp. My whole design, Flora, lies in this portmanteau, and these breeches.

Flora. A notable design, no doubt; but pray let's hear it.

Hyp. Why, I do propose to be twice married between 'em.

Flora. How! twice?

Trap. Hey-day! what, no cloth laid! was ever such attendance! hey, house! tapster! landlord! hey! [Knocks] What was it you bespoke, gentlemen?

Hyp. Really, sir, I ask your pardon, I have almost forgot you.

Trap. Pshaw! dear sir, never talk of it; I live here hard by- I have a lodging-I can't call it a lodging neither-that is, I have asometimes I am here, and sometimes I am there; and so here and there one makes shift,

Hyp. By the help of the portmanteau I in-you know.-Hey! will these people never come? tend to marry myself to don Philip's new mis

Hyp. You give a very good account of

tress, and then-I'll put off my breeches and yourself, sir. marry him.

Trap. O! nothing at all, sir. Lord, sir!—

Flora. Now I begin to take ye: but pray was it fish or flesh, sir? what's in the portmanteau? and how came you by it?

Flora. Really, sir, we have bespoke nothing yet.

Hyp. I hired one to steal it from his ser- Trap. Nothing! for shame! it's a sign you vant at the last inn we lay at in Toledo in are young travellers; you don't know this it are jewels of value, presents to my bride, house, sir; why they'll let you starve if you gold, good store, settlements, and credential don't stir, and call, and that like thunder too letters to certify that the bearer (which I in--Hollo!

tend to be myself) is don Philip, only son Hyp. Ha! you eat here sometimes, I preand heir of don Fernando de las Torres, now sume, sir? residing at Seville, whence we came.

Trap. Umph!-Ay, sir, that's as it happens Flora. A very smart undertaking, by my-I seldom eat at home, indeed—Hollo!"

:

troth and pray, madam, what part am I to act? Hyp. My woman still; when I can't lie for myself you are to do it for me, in the person of a cousin-german.

Flora. And my name is to beHyp. Don Guzman, Diego, Mendez, or what you please; be your own godfather.

Flora. 'Egad, I begin to like it mightily; this may prove a very pleasant adventure, if we can but come off without fighting, which,

Enter Host.

Host. Did you call, gentlemen?

Trap. Yes, and bawl too, sir: here, the gentlemen are almost famish'd, and nobody comes near 'em: what have you in the house now that will be ready presently?

Host. You may have what you please, sir.
Hyp. Can you get us a partridge?
Host. Sir, we have no partridges; but we'll

by the way, I don't easily perceive we shall; get you what you please in a moment: we for to be sure don Philip will make the devil have a very good neck of mutton, sir; if you to do with us when he finds himself here be- please it shall be clapp'd down in a moment. fore he comes hither. Hyp. Have you no pigeons or chickens? Host. Truly, sir, we have no fowl in the house at present; if you please you may have any thing else in a moment.

Hyp. O let me alone to give him satisfaction. Flora. I'm afraid it must be alone, if you do give him satisfaction; for my part I can push no more than I can swim.

Hyp. Then pr'ythee get us some young rabbits. Hyp. But you can bully, upon occasion. Host. Rabbits! odd rabbit it, rabbits are so Flora. I can scold when my blood's up. scarce they are not to be had for money. Hyp. That's the same thing. Bullying in Flora. Have fish? you any breeches, would be scolding in petticoats. Host. Fish! sir, I dress'd yesterday the finest Flora. Say ye so: why then do look to dish that ever came upon a table; I am sorry yourself; if I don't give you as good as you we have none left, sir; but, if you please, you bring, I'll be content to wear breeches as long as I live. Well, madam, now you have open'd the plot, pray when is the play to begin?

Hyp. I hope to have it all over in less than four hours; we'll just refresh ourselves with what the house affords, and wait upon my father-in-law-How now! what would this fellow have?

Re-enter TRAPPANTI.

may have any thing else in a moment.

Trap. Plague on thee, hast thou nothing but any-thing-else in the house?

Host. Very good mutton, sir.
Hyp. Pr'ythee get us a saddle 1) then.
Host. Don't you love the neck, sir?
Hyp. Ha'ye nothing in the house but the
neck?

Host. Really, sir, we don't use to be so unprovided, but at present we have nothing else left.

Trap. Servant, gentlemen, I have taken nice care of your nags; good cattle they are, by 1) A saddle of mutton is the two loins not separated.

Trap. 'Egad, it's neck or nothing 1) here, Hyp. Hang him, 'tis inoffensive; I'll humour sir. Faith, sir, I don't know but a nothing him.-[Apart] Pray, sir (for I find we are else may be very good meat, when any thing like to be better acquainted, therefore I hope else is not to be had. you won't take my question ill)—

I'll see it done:-gentlemen, I'll wait upon ye the wine.
presently; for a minute I must beg your par-
don, and leave to lay the cloth myself.

Hyp. By no means, sir. Come, fill out-hold-let me taste it first-ye Trap. No ceremony, dear sir; indeed I'll blockhead, would ye have the gentleman drink [Exeunt Host and Trappanti. before he knows whether it be good or not? Hyp. What can this familiar puppy be? [Drinks] Yes, 'twill do-give me the bottle, Flora. With much ado I have recollected I'll fill myself. Now, sir, is not that a glass his face. Don't you remember, madam, about of right wine? two or three years ago, don Philip had a trusty Hyp. Extremely good indeed-But, sir, as servant, called Trappanti, that used now and to my question. then to slip a note into your hand, as you came from church?

cer; 1 was a little too free in speaking my told his neighbours he loved her never the mind to him, worse; but he was resolved she should never

Hyp. Did she use him so very ill?
Trap. Like a jade.

Hyp. Don't you think of serving again, sir? know it. Trap. If a good post falls in my way. Hyp. I believe I could help you. - Pray, sir, when you served last, did you take pay or wages?

Trap. Pay, sir!-Yes, sir, I was paid, clear'd subsistence and arrears to a farthing.

Hyp. And your late commander's name was—
Trap. Don Philip de las Torres.
Hyp. Of Seville?
Trap. Of Seville.

Hyp. Sir, your most humble servant. You need not be curious; for I am sure you don't know me, though do you, and your condition; which I dare promise you I'll mend upon our better acquaintance. And your first step to deserve it, is to answer me honestly to a few questions: keep your assurance still; it may do me service, I shall like you better for it: come, here's to encourage you.

[Gives him Money. Trap. Sir, my humble service to you. Hyp. Well said.

Flora. Nay, I'll pass my word he shan't dwindle into modesty.

Trap. I never heard a gentleman talk better in my life. I have seen such a sort of face before, but where-I don't know, nor I don't care. It's your glass, sir.

Hyp. Grammercy! here, cousin! [Drinks to Flora] Come, now, what made don Philip turn you out of his service? Why did you leave him?

Trap. 'Twas time, I think; his wits had left
him-the man was mad.
Hyp. Mad!

Trap. Ay, stark mad-in love.
Hyp. In love! How pray?

Trap. Very deep-up to the ears, over head, drown'd by this time, he would in-I would have had him stopp'd when he was up to the

middle.

Hyp. What was she he was in love with?
Trap. The devil!

Hyp. So now for a very ugly likeness of
my own face. What sort of a devil? [Aside.
Trap. The damning sort-a woman.
Hyp. Had she no name?

Flora. How d'ye do now?
Hyp. I don't know

[Apart.

methinks I-[Apart] But sure! What! was she not handsome, say ye? Trap. A devilish tongue.

Hyp. Was she ugly?

Flora. Ay, say that at your peril. Aside.
Hyp. What was she? How did she look?
Trap. Look! Why, faith, the woman look'd
very well when she had a blush in her face.
Hyp. Did she often blush?
Trap. I never saw her.

Flora. How d'ye like the picture, madam?

Hyp. I am as humble as an offending lover.

[Apart [Apart.

Re-enter Host. Host. Gentlemen, your dinner's upon table. [Exil Hyp. That's well! Come, sir, at dinner I'll give you further instructions how you may serve yourself and me. Trap. Come, sir.

[To Flora. Flora. Nay, dear sir, no ceremony. Trap. Sir, your very humble servant.

[As they are going, Hypolita stops them. Hyp. Come back; here's one I don't care should see me.

Trap. Sir, the dinner will be cold. Hyp. Do you eat it hot then; we are not hungry.

Trap. Sir, your humble servant again. [Exit Flora. You seem concern'd; who is it? Hyp. My brother Octavio, as I live-Come this way. [They retire.

Enter OCTAVIO and a Servant.
Oct. Jasper, run immediately to Rosara's
woman, tell her I am just come to town, slip
that note into her hand, and stay for an answer.
Flora. 'Tis he. [Apart to Hypolita

Re-enter Host, conducting DoN PHILIP.
Host. Here, sir, please to walk this way.
Flora. And don Philip, by Jupiter! [Apart
Don P. When my servant comes, send

Trap. Her Christian name was donna Hy-him to me immediately. polita: but her proper name was Shittlecock.

Flora. How d'ye like that?

[Apart to Hypolita. Hyp. Pretty well. [Apart] Was she handsome?

Trap. Ever.

Hyp. Was she honest?
Trap. Very proud.

Hyp. What! had she no good qualities?
Trap. Faith! I don't remember "'em.
Hyp. Hah! d'ye think she loved him?

Host. Yes, sir.

Hyp. Nay, then it's time for us to make ready-Allons!

[Apart. Exeunt Hypolita and Flora. Oct. Don Philip!

Don P. Dear Octavio!

Oct. What lucky point of the compass could blow us upon one another so?

Don P. Faith! a wind very contrary to my inclination: but the worst I see blows some good; I am overjoy'd to see you.-But what makes you so far from the army?

Oct. O, friend, such an unfortunate occasion, yet such a lucky discovery! such a mixture of joy and torment no poor dog upon earth was ever plagued with.

Don P. Unriddle, pray.

Oct. Don't you remember, about six months Trap. If she did, 'twas as the cobler loved ago, I wrote you word of a dear, delicious. Hyp. How was that? [his wife. sprightly creature, that I had bombarded for

Trap. Why he beat her thrice a day, and a whole summer to no purpose?

Don P. I remember.

(she loving you), my friendship and my hoOct. That same silly, stubborn, charming nour would oblige me to desist. angel now capitulates.

Don P. Then she's taken.

Oct. I can't tell that; for you must know, her perfidious father, contrary to his treaty with me, and her inclination, is going toDon P. Marry her to another?

Oct. Of a better estate than mine, it seems. There's her express; read it.

HYPOLITA, FLORA, and TRAPPANTI, in the Balcony.

Flora. Trappanti, there's your old

appear

Oct. That's generous indeed! But still you amaze me. Are you quite broke off with my sister? I hope she has given you no reason to forget her?

Don P. The most severe that ever beauty printed in the heart of man, a coldness unaccountable to sense.

Oct. Pshaw! dissembled.

me

Don P. I can't think it; lovers are soon flattered into hope; but she appeared to indifferent to so nice a point, that she has master. ruined me without the trouble of resolving it. Apart. Oct. For all her usage of you, I'll be racked

Trap. Ay, I know him again: but I may if she did not love you.

chance to tell him he did not know a good Don P. I rather think she hated me: howservant when he had him. [Apart. ever, now 'tis past, and I must endeavour to

Don P. [Reads] My father has concluded think no more of her.

Don P. That's my business to Madrid.
Trap. Which shall be done to your hand.

a match for me with one I never saw, and Oct. Then you are determined to marry intends in two days to perfect it; the gen- this other lady? tleman is expected every hour. In the mean time, if you know any friend that has a better title to me, advise him forthwith to put in his claim: I am almost out of my senses; which you'll easily believe, when I tell you, if such a one should make haste, I shan't have time to refuse him any thing. Hyp. How's this? [Apart. Don P. No name.

Oct. She never would trust it in a letter.
Flora. If this should be don Philip's mis-

tress!

of her.

[Apart. Don P. Besides, I am now obliged by contract. Oct. Then (though she be my sister) may some jealous, old, ill-natured dog revenge your quarrel to her.

Don P. Come, forget it.

[Exeunt Hypolita, Flora, and Trappanti. Oct. With all my heart; let's go in and drink your new mistress's health. When do [Apart. you visit her? Trap. Sir, you may take my word it is; I Don P. I intended it immediately; but an know the lady, and what the neighbours say unlucky accident has hinder'd me; one of my [Apart. servants fell sick upon the road, so that I am Don P. What will you do in this case? forced to make shift with one, and he is the Oct. That I don't yet know; I have just most negligent, sottish rogue in nature, has sent my servant to tell her I am come to town, left the portmanteau, where all my writings and beg an opportunity to speak with her: I and letters of concern are, behind him at the long to see her: I warrant the poor fool will last town we lay, so that I can't properly visit be so soft and humble, now she's in a fright. the lady or her father till I am able to assure Don P. What will you propose at your them who I am. meeting her?

Oct. I don't know, may be another meeting: at least it will come to a kind look, a kiss, good by, and a sigh!-ah! if I can but persuade her to run away with me.

Don P. Consider!

Oct. Ah! so I do; what a pleasure 'twould be to have her steal out of her bed in a sweet, moonshiny night! to hear her come pat, pat, pat, along in her slippers, with nothing but a thin silk night-gown loose about her; and in this tempting dress to have her jump into my arms breathless with fear.

Don P. Octavio, I envy thee; thou art the happiest man in thy temper

Oct. Why don't you go back yourself to see for 'em?

Don P. I have sent my servant; for I am really tired: I was loath to appear too much concern'd for 'em, lest the rascal should think it worth his while to run away with 'em.

Re-enter a Servant to OCTAVIO.
Oct. How now?

Serv. Here's an answer, sir. [Gives a Letter. Oct. My dear friend, I beg a thousand pardons, I must leave you this minute; the kind creature has sent for me; I am a soldier, you know, and orders must be obey'd; when I come off duty, I'll immediately wait upon you. [To Don Philip.

Oct. And thou art the most alter'd I ever knew: pr'ythee what makes thee so much upon the hum-drum?) Well, are my sister and adieu. [Exit Octavio] Here, house! you come to a right understanding yet? When do you marry ?

Don P. You'll find me here, or hear of me:

Don P. My condition, Octavio, is very much like your mistress's: she is going to marry the man she never saw, and the woman.

Oct. 'Sdeath! you make me tremble: I hope 'tis not my mistress.

Don P. Thy mistress! that were an idle fear; Madrid's a wide place. Or if it were

1) Melancholy.

Re-enter Host.

Pr'ythee see if my servant be come yet.
Host. I believe he is, sir; is he not in blue?
Don P. Ay, where is the sot?

Host. Just refreshing himself with a glass at the gate.

Don P. Pray tell the gentleman I'd speak with him. [Exit Host] In all the necessaries of life there is not a greater plague than servants. Hey, Soto! Soto!