MONODY

ON THE DEATH OF

DICK,

AN ACADEMICAL CÀT.

-MI-CAT inter omnes.-Hor. Carm. lib. i. ode 12.

YE

E Rats, in triumph elevate your ears!
Exult, ye Mice!-for Fate's abhorred shears
Of DICK's nine lives have slit the catguts nine
Henceforth he mews 'midst choirs of Cats divine!
Though nine successive lives protract their date,
E'en Cats themselves obey the call of Fate;
Whose formidable fiat sets afloat

Mortals, and mortal Cats, in Charon's boat:

Fate, who Cats, Dogs, and Doctors makes his prize That grace Great Britain's Universities.

Where were ye, nymphs,—when to the silent coast Of gloomy Acheron DICK travell'd post ?

Where were ye, Muses, in that deathful hour?—
Say, did ye haunt the literary bower

Where Science sends her sons in stockings blue
To barter praise for soup with Montague?
Or point prepare for Boswel's anecdote,
Or songs inspire, and fit 'em to his throat?-
For not on Isis' classic shores ye stray'd,

Nor brew'd with Cherwell's wave your lemonade;
Nor assignations kept with grizzled elves,

Where learning sleeps on Bodley's groaning shelves;
Nor, where no poet glows with kindred fire,
Wept o'er your favourite WARTON's silent lyre.

While venal Cats (leagued with degenerate curs, Of faded prudes the four-legg❜d pensioners) On the soft sofa rang'd in order due,

For eleemosynary muffin mew,

Regardless of the meed that Fame bestows,

Their tail a feather for each wind that blows ; Thee, generous DICK, the Cat-controlling powers Ordain'd to mouse in academic bower's:

Bade thee the sacred stream of sapience sip,

And in Piërean cream thy whiskers dip!

Enshrin'd celestial cateries among,

The sable matron, from whose loins he sprung,
Who traced her high descent through ages dark
From Cats that caterwaul'd in Noah's Ark,
Stern, brindled nurse, with unremitting care,
To high achievements train'd her tabby heir;
On patriot Cats his young attention fix'd,
And many a cuff with grave instruction mix'd;
Taught the great truth, to half his race unknown:
"Cats are not kitten'd for themselves alone;
"But hold from Heav'n their delegated claws,
"Guardians of larders, liberties, and laws."

"Let Cats and Catlings of ignoble line "Slumber in bee-hive chairs, in dairies dine; "Shun thou the shades of Cat-enfeebling ease! "Watch o'er the weal of Rhedycinian cheese; "The melting marble of collegiate brawn "For heads of houses guard, and lords in lawn; "And keep each recreant rat and mouse in awe "That dares to shew his nose in Golgotha.*

*Golgotha," the place of a scull," a name ludicrously appropriated to the place in which the Heads of Colleges assemble.

"So may the brightest honours of the gown
"Thy riper years and active virtue crown !—

66

Say, shall not cats, fraught with ethereal fire,*

"To seats of lettered eminence aspire ?→→

66 Caligula a consul made his steed;

"What though the beast could neither write nor read, "Yet could he talents negative display,

"And silence Opposition with his neigh.

"If Charles of Sweden swore he would depute, "The senate to control, his old jack boot;

"If modern taste a LEARNED PIG reveres,

"And pigs unlearn'd keep company with peers ;† "If erst Rome's papal crown a gossip wore, "Then, DICK, thou may'st become Vice-chancellor.

"Might I but live, though crazy, old, and sick,
"To see thee stalk behind thy beadles, DICK!
"Behold, my brindled boy, with conscious pride
"O'er convocated grizzle-wigs preside!

"Hear thee, e'er I explore my latest home,
"Confer degrees in Sheldon's spacious dome!

Electrical sparks may be elicited by friction from a cat's back. + The social porker here alluded to, is well known to have been the assiduous companion of Lord M-t Edg's excursions.

"See thee in scarlet robe encase thy fur, "And at Saint Mary's venerably purr !— "Then let me be translated to the skies,

"And close in welcome death these gooseb'ry eyes!

"Yet think not, darling DICK, that fame allows "Her glorious palm, unearn'd, to grace thy brows: "By toil Herculean, and profound research,

Expect to thrive in politics or church!

"The herd who worship at preferment's shrine
"No servile task, no sacrifice, decline;
"Courtiers for coronets their conscience pawn,
"Clerks in prunello crawl, then soar in lawn.
"See, with the riband grac'd and radiant star,
"The chief that waged the Continental war!
"Such palms diminish'd realms can yet afford
"To patriotic H**e's protracting sword!
"See Wilkes, entrusted with the City Key
"Till he made fools of all the Livery!
"See grov❜ling S**** the wealth of India share:
"He taught the Hindù race to feed on air!

"Mark the career of Rhedycina's bard ;"Not such his toil, not such his vast reward.