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tinue ill of the gout, it is supposed the swan-hopping | law has some punishment for such insolent rascals as will cease for this season."-The last supposed is you. fudged in: why would you cram these upon me for a couple?

Rumour. As distinct as can be. Margin. Fye, remember our bargain. You agreed to do the court of aldermen always for sixpence. Rumour. What, if a common hall should be called? Margin, Oh! then you are to have threepence a motion, I know that very well: I am sure no gentleman can accuse me of being sneaking. Dingey, give him sixpence for his supposes. Well, Phelim O'Flam, any deaths in your district?

O'Flam. The devil a one. Margin. How! none?

O'Flam. O yes, a parcel of nobodies, that died worth nothing at all. Fellows that can't pay for a funeral. Upon my conscience, I can't think what becomes of the folks: for my part, I believe all the people who live in town fall down dead in the country; and then too, since doctor Dispatch is gone to the Bath, patients linger so long.

Margin. Indeed!

O'Flam. To be sure they do. Why, I waited at the Jolly Topers, a matter of two days and a half, for the last breath of Lady Dy Dropsy, for fear some other collector should catch it.

Margin, A long time, indeed.

O'Flam. Wasn't it? considering that she had two consultations, besides devilish tough. Mr. Margin, I shall quit the mortality walk, so provide yourself as

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Margin. Punishment! and for what? But, after all, what injury have you sustain'd?

Sir Thomas. Infinite. All my agents are come post out of the country, my house is crowded with cousins to be present at the opening of my will, and there has been (as it is known she has a very good jointure) no less than three proposals of marriage already made to my relict.

Margin. Let me look at the paragraph. [Reads.] "Last night, after eating a hearty supper, died suddenly, with his mouth full of custard, Sir Thomas Tradewell, knight, an amiable companion, an affectionate relation, and a friend to the poor."-O'Flam, this is some blunder of yours; for, you see, here the gentleman is, and alive.

O'Flam. So he says, but the devil a one in this case would I believe but himself; because why, I was told it by Jeremy O'Turlough, his own bodychairman, my dear: by the same token, I treated him with a pint of porter for the good news.

Sir Thomas. Vastly oblig'd to you, Mr. O'Flam; but I have nothing to do with this wretched fellow, it is you, Margin, shall answer for this.

Margin. Why, Sir Thomas, it is impossible but now and then we must kill a man by mistake. And in some measure to make amends, you see what a good character the paper has given you. Sir Thomas. Character!

Margin. Aye, sir, I can tell you I have had a crown for putting in many a worse.

O'Flam. Aye, Sir Thomas, consider of that, only think what a comfort it is to live long enough after you are dead, to read such a good account of yourself in the papers.

Sir Thomas. Ha! ha! ha! what a ridiculous rascal! but I would advise you, gentlemen, not to take such liberties with me for the future. [Exit.

O'Flam. Indeed and we won't; and I here give Mr. Margia my word, that you shan't die again, as long as you live, unless, indeed, we get it from under your own hand.

[The Bankrupt.

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Har. Did not you hear a voice?

Inv. None. Fancy, my love; only your fears. Devil. Heigh-ho!

Har. There again!

Inv. I hear it now.-Who is there?

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Devil. Don't be terrified, miss: You remember the old proverb, "The devil is not so black as he is painted."

Inv. Well, but, sir

Devil. A truce to your questions, my good sir, for the present !-Consider, rammed up in this narrow compass, I can't be much at my ease; now if you will but break the bottle before you on the floor

Har. For heaven's sake, Mr. Invoice, take care what you do!

Devil. Why, my pretty miss, what risk do you run? your affairs can hardly be changed for the worse. Har. That's true, indeed!

Devil. Believe me, miss, as matters stand, we can be of mutual use: Your lover may deliver me from prison, and I can prevent you both from going into

confinement.

Inv. What says my Harriet? shall I rely on the gentleman's word?

Devil. Do, madam! I am a devil of honour. I

Besides, you have but a little time to consider; in
less than five minutes, you will have the consul and
all his crew in the house.

Inv. Nay, then-Pray which is the bottle?
Devil. That in the middle, right before you.
Inv. There it goes!

[He breaks the bottle and the Devil rises out of it. Thunder.

Har. Oh, what a

Devil. I am not surpris'd, miss, that you are a little shock'd at my figure: I could have assum'd a much more agreeable form; but as we are to be a little better acquainted, I thought it best to quit all disguise and pretence; therefore, madam, you see me just as I am.

Har. I am sure, sir, you are ve-ve-very agreeable.

Devil. Yo-yo-you are pleas'd to compliment, madam.-Come, answer me sincerely; am I such a being as you expected to see?

Har. Really, sir, I can hardly say what I expected

to see.

Devil. I own it is a puzzling question; at least, if the world does us justice in the contradictory qualities they are pleas'd to afford us.

Inv. You will forgive me, if I don't understand you.

Devil. Why, for all their superlative epithets, you cannot but see how much men are beholden to us; by our means it is that you measure the extent both of your virtues and vices.

Inv. As how?

Devil. As thus: In describing your friends, or your foes, they are devilish rich, devilish poor, devilish ugly, devilish handsome; now and then, indeed, to vary the mode of conversing, you make a little free with our condition and country, as, hellish dull, damn'd clever, hellish cold; Psha! how damn'd hot it is!

Inv. True, sir; but I consider this as a rhetorical figure, a manner of speaking devis'd and practis'd by dulness, to conceal the lack of ideas, and the want of expressions.

Devil. Partly that, I confess Not but there is some truth in the case; for at different times we have

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the power, and do assume the various forms you assign us.

Inv. We? I observe you always make use of the plural; is that, sir, by way of distinction, or, is your family pretty large and extensive?

Devil. Multitudinous as the sands on the beach; or the moats in a sun-beam: How the deuce else do you think we could do all the business below? Why, there's scarce an individual amongst you, at least of any rank or importance, but has five or six of us in his train.

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Devil. Oh, a paltry mechanic! the very genius of jobbing! a mere bull and bear booby; the patron of lame ducks, brokers, and fraudulent bankrupts.

Inr. You amaze me! I vow I always thought him a principal agent.

Devil. He! Not at all. The fellow indeed gave himself some airs of importance, upon following the camp, and having the contractors and commissaries under his care; but that affair you know closed with the war.

Inv. What, then, are they now entirely out of his hands?

Devil. Yes; quite out of his : He only suggested their cent. per cent. squeezings, and prompted their various modes of extortion and rapine: But in his room, they have six or seven demons a-piece, to direct the dissipation of their ill-gotten wealth. Inv. Indeed!

Devil. The dæmon of power and I had long laid siege to a subject, the man a grandee; I was then a popular spirit, and wore the mask of a patriot; at Devil. Poor Lucifer, it is all over with him! If it different times, we possessed him by turns; but, in were not for the fluctuation of India, an occasional the midst of a violent struggle, (by which means I got lottery, or a contested election, the Alley would be lame on this leg, and obtained the nick-name of the empty, and Lucifer have as little to do as a pickDevil upon sticks,) the dæmon of vanity, a low under-pocket when the playhouses are shut. strapper amongst us, held over his head a circle of gold, with five knobs on the top, and, whew! flew away with our prize in an instant.

Inv. Under-strapper! what, are there different ranks and orders amongst you?

Devil. Without doubt.

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Inv. Perhaps, sir, your name may be Belzebub! Devil. He! worse and worse! Not a devil that has the least regard to his character would choose to be seen in his company. Besides, it is the most petulant, waspish, quarrelsome cur-But no wonder; be is the imp of chicane, and protects the rotten part of the law.

Inv. Then he, at least, has employment enough. Devil. Yes, during the term, he has a good deal to do: He is the parent of quibbles, the guardian of pettifoggers, bad bail, and of bailiffs; the supporter of alibies, the source of sham pleas, the maker and finder of flaws, the patron of perjury, and a sworn foe to all trials by jury! Not long ago, though, my gentleman was put to his shifts.

Inv. How was that?

Devil. The law had laid hold of an old friend of his, for being too positive as to a matter of fact; evidence, evasion, protraction, pleas, every art, was employed to acquit him, that the most consummate skill could suggest; but all to no purpose.

Inv. That was strange.

Devil. Beyond all belief; he could have hang'd a dozen innocent people, with half the pains that this paltry perjury gave him.

Inn. How came that about?

Devil. Why I don't know-he had unfortunately to do with an obstinate magistrate, who bears a mortal hatred to rogues, and whose sagacity could not be deceived. But, however, tho' he was not able to save his friend from the shame of conviction, (a trifle, which he indeed but little regarded,) yet he had the address to evade, or at least defer, the time of kis punishment.

Inv. By what means?
Devil. By finding a flaw.

Inv. A flaw! what's a flaw?

Devil. A legal loophole, that the lawyers leave open for a rogue now and then to creep through, that the game mayn't be wholly destroyed.

Inv. Provident sportsmen! Would it not be too much trouble to favour me with this particular instance?

Inv. That ought not to be; the contempt of the public, that necessary supplement to the best digested body of laws, should in these cases be never dispensed with.

Devil. In days of yore, when the world was but young, that method had merit, and the sense of shame was a kind of a curb; but knaves are now so numerous and wealthy, they can keep one another in countenance, and laugh at the rest of the world.

Inv. There may be something in that.-Well, sir, I have twice been out of my guess; will you give me leave to hazard a third? Perhaps you are Belphegor, or Uriel?

Devil. Neither. They too are but diminutive devils: the first favours the petty pilfering frauds; he may be traced in the double score and soap'd pot of the publican, the alum and chalk of the baker, in the sophisticated mixtures of the brewers of wine and beer, and in the false measures and weights of them all. Inv. And Uriel?

Devil. He is the demon of quacks and of mountebanks; a thriving race all over the world, but their true seat of empire is England: there, a short sword, a tie, and a nostrum, a mouth's advertising, with a shower of handbills, never fail of creating a fortune. But of this tribe I foresee I shall have occasion to speak hereafter.

Inv. Well, but, sir

Devil. Not at all. Why sir, when matters grew desperate, and the case was given over for lost, little Belzy starts up in the form of an able practitioner, and humbly conceived, that his client could not be convicted upon that indictment; for as much as therein he was charg'd with foreswearing himself NOW; whereas it clearly appeared, by the evi- Devil. Come, sir, I will put an end to your pain; dence, that he had only foresworn himself THEN: If, for, from my appearance, it is impossible you should indeed, he had been indicted generally, for commit-ever guess at my person.-Now, miss, what think you ting perjury now and then, proofs might be produced of Cupid. of any perjury he may have commited; whereas, by limiting the point of time to the now, no proofs could be admitted as to the then. So that, with submission, he humbly conceived, his client was clearly absolved, and his character as fair and as spotless as a babe that's just born, and immaculate as a sheet of white paper.

Inv. And the objection was good?

Devil. Fatal; there was no getting rid of the flaw.
Inv. And the gentleman-

Devil. Walks about at his ease; not a public place, but he thrusts his person full in your face.

Har. You? you Cupid? you the gay god of love? Devil. Yes; me, me, miss!-What, I suppose you expected the quiver at my back, and the bow in my hand; the purple pinions, and filleted forehead, with the blooming graces of youth and of beauty.

Har. Why, I can't but say the poets had taught me to expect charms

Devil. That never existed but in the fire of their fancy; all fiction and phrenzy!

Ine. Then, perhaps, sir, these creative gentlemen may err as much in your office, as it is clear they have mistaken your person.

Devil. Why, their notions of me are but narrow. It is true, I do a little business in the amorous way; but my dealings are of a different kind to those they describe.-My province lies in forming conjunctions absurd and preposterous: it is I that couple boys and beldames, girls and greybeards, together; and when you see a man of fashion lock'd in legitimate wedlock with the stale leavings of half the fellows in town, or a lady of fortune setting out for Edinburgh in a postchaise with her footman, you may always set it down as some of my handywork. But this is but an inconsiderable branch of my business.

Inv. Indeed!

Devil. The several arts of the drama, dancing, music, and painting, owe their existence to me: I am the father of fashions, the inventor of quinte, trente, quarante, and hazard; the guardian of gamesters, the genius of gluttony, and the author, protector, and patron of licentiousness, lewdness, and luxury.

Inv. Your department is large.

Devil. One time or other I may give you a more minute account of these matters; at present we have not a moment to lose. Should my tyrant return, I must expect to be again cork'd up in a bottle. [Knocking.] And hark! it is the consul that knocks at the door; therefore be quick! how can I serve you

Inv. You are no stranger, sir, to our distress: here, we are unprotected and friendless; could your art convey us to the place of our birth

Devil. To England? Inv. If you please.

Devil. Without danger, and with great expedition. Come to this window, and lay hold of my cloak.-1 have often resided in England; at present indeed, there are but few of our family there; every seventh year, we have a general dispensation for residence; for at that time the inhabitants themselves can play the devil without our aid or assistance.-Off we go! stick fast to your hold! Devil on two Sticks.

MEN OF WIT AND PLEASURE ABOUT TOWN.

Rhoderique. What, Monsieur D'Olive, the only admirer of wit and good words.

D'Olive. Morrow, wits: morrow, good wits: my little parcels of wit, I have rods in pickle for you. How dost, Jack; may I call thee, sir, Jack yet?

Rhod. Faith, thou followest a figure in thy jests, as country gentlemen follow fashion, when they be worn threadbare.

D'Ol. And what you stand gazing at what comes here, and admire it, I dare say. Rhod. And do not you?

D'Ol. Not I, I admire nothing but wit.

Rhod. But I wonder how she entertains time in that solitary cell: does she not take tobacco, think you?

D'Ol. She does, she does: others make it their physic, she makes it her food: her sister and she take it by turn, first one, and then the other, and Vandome ministers to them both.

Rhod. How sayest thou by that Helen of Greece the Countess's sister? there were a paragon, Monsieur D'Olive, to admire and marry too. D'Ol. Not for me.

Rhod. No what exceptions lie against the choice? D'OI. Tush, tell me not of choice; if I stood affected that way, I would choose my wife as men do valentines, blindfold, or draw cuts for them, for so I shall be sure not to be deceived in choosing; for take this of me, there's ten times more deceit in women than in horse-flesh; and I say still, that a pretty wellpac'd chamber-maid is the only fashion; if she grows full or fulsome, give her but sixpence to buy her a hand-basket, and send her the way of all flesh, there's

no more but so.

Mug. Indeed that's the savingest way.

D'Ol. O me! what a hell 'tis for a man to be tied to the continual charge of a coach, with the appurte nances, horses, men, and so forth and then to have a man's house pestered with a whole country of guests, grooms, panders, waiting-maids, &c. I careful to please my wife, she careless to displease me; shrewish if she be honest; intolerable if she be wise; imperious as an empress; all she does must be law, all she says gospel oh, what a penance 'tis to endure her! I glad to forbear still, all to keep her loyal, and yet perhaps when all's deue, my heir shall be like my horse-keeper: fie on't! the very thought of marriage were able to cool the hottest liver in France.

Chapman's Bussy D'Ambois.-Old play.

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