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ODD FELLOWS CLUB,
« Where I said.
Why where was that you have :he oddest phiz, and dress, and dis. that?" Why at the Cof'ce Mill of the Colonies.” course, that ever he saw or heard. That you may
Pray, Mrs. Maggots, was you at the play last night?" not be surprised into our company, I give you a "No, ma'am, I was at Lady Sugarloat's last night, it transcript of the rules of our club, very short, and it was her night.” " Her night, what do you mean ?" number five; by which you may be determined tow “Why, every Monday night sbe gives what the to act. French call a sore eye." Indeed, why then I Rules and Articles to be observed by the Club of would recommend her to rub it with what the Eng
Odd Fellows. lish call rose water, every Tuesday morning.” Long life to John Buli at Meurice's
I. Each person who shall claim a seat in this club, May he never feel sorrow or pain,
shall by face, speech, and action, demonstrate some When he comes there to quaff the pure breezes,
oddity. And stroll on the banks of the Seine,
II. This club shall always meet at five in winter, and
seven in summer, and shall sit three hours and odd.
The money they spend not to be limited any other By a Member,
way than by this certain regulation, that the shil.
lings and pence must be odd. There are a set of Odd Fellows of us, in number III. Every member is obliged, on the penalty of 7d. We meet nightly in a very odd house, in an
to say at least three odd things every night. odd part of the town. Õurfaces, dress, conversation, IV. If gaming should be proposed, which ought not and liquor, are all what the world would call odd.
to be done, play at even and odd. Our president, who reigns and has reigned these three V. On a scrutiny in the election of a member, the weeks and odd, is himself one of the greatest oddities
candidates being equal in all other points, le in nature: he neither looks, nor speaks, nor thinks, whose christian and surname shall have each an nor dresses, like any creature existing ; and I may, odd letter, shall be elected. in the language of that great odd poet, Mr. Theobald,
These are our fundamental rules: we have several say
others, “ Nought but himself can be his parallel.” Ben Grubstreet, next to him, is the oddest fellow in our society, and always, in the absence of the As balloons are the subject of every debate, president, is vem. con. preferred to the chair. The From beggars in tatters, to steerers of state; rest of our company are an old poet, a chymist, a This theme I'll pursue, and jog merrily on; painter, a musician, a nathematician, and a politi- Air balloons are the subject I choose for my song. cian. We have of late come to a resolution io en
Derry down, down, down, derry down. large our company, and one extraordinary promising The Statesnan's balloon is the seat of the brain, strange fellow bas made application for admittance. Now, as by his admission our number would be even,
His valves are his pockets--his ballast's his gain; and that we would preserve ourselves as we have At his wonderful courage plebeians all stare, been these fifteen years and odd, it is the will of the While he boldly puffs out his inflammable air, president that I signify to you, as secretary of the The Cit's apparatus for filling balloons, company, that you shall have a right to claim the are provisions and drink, glasses, knives, forks, and ninth seat, he having observed you to have a very spoons ; odd turn; and Ben Grubstreet, who meets you fre- Good wine is his gas--which he cheerfully swills, quently at the coffee-house, declares in your favour, / And his lusty balloon with rich turtle he fills.
The Parson's balloon--' is the pulpit, you'll say ; one wid the other. If you look in deir dictionary No! no! my good friends have patience, I pray! you will find B-o-x, box, to fight wid de fist, every 'Tis true that the clergy love preaching--by fits; thing in England is decide by the fist. You read in But the Parson's balloon is the same as the Cit's. the papier, dat de duchess of B. and lady C. were in In Lunardi, our hero, the ladies delight;
one grand box last night at de opera--to accuse de On him they make stanzas, of him dream all night : prisoner, de witness box-to find him guilty, de jury And with him each fair one would fly to the moon,
box. And dere is one grand day in the year ven dey While with pleasure to all he displays his balloon.
all go box one wid de other. De postman, de baker, My aerial theme I'll now bring to an end,
de dustman, de butcher, all fight together, and dis is And conclude, as begun, to ballooners a friend ;
called grand Christmas-boxing. De English are very May the gas which each chooses be finely instill’d,
much people for trade, dey permit him to sell his And our favourite balloons be effectually fill'd.
wife, dey have considerable trade in wifes. In Smiss
field, dey have de cattle-market, and as de vomen LECTURE ON ENGLAND, BY A FRENCHMAN. are de troublesome cattle, de husband put a halter Ladies and Gentlemen,
round her neck, and lead her to Smissfield, and sell In de discourse which I give to you on de top of her; 'tis the same in de every rank of life, for you England, I propose to myself two things-first, I shall read in the journal dat de great lord he lead the shall make you to know de pronunciation most per- great lady to de altar, which mean he put de altar fect of de English language; and next I show to you round her neck, and take her to Smissfield, and sell de custom and manners-by dis I murder two birds her. For de fine art de English are nobody, it is imwith one stone-one petit pierre. I am not liar nor possible, dere is de grand reason ; dey eat so much quack, to pretend talk about what he not understand, beef and pudding, and drink and sleep so very much, dat vat I tell to you, in my grand ouvrage, is from de dey have no room in de body for de genius ; and it is demonstration ocular, dat is to say, it is all my eye. de rule on de first of September, to shoot de parI call myself Monsieur Charles Guillaume Denise tridge, and on de first of November to shoot himself. de Charlatanville, member of all de academie of De English nation are barbare. France is divided Europe civilized, dat is to say, of de Paris, dat which from de England by one sea. Every nation civilized I go to tell you of de manner, de fine art, de polite, come to France lor de music, de dancing, de statude society, de literature, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. ary, de painting, de poetry : all the Europe come to I not only learned after I have live a long time in de the grand nation for de every ting. For de literature country, dat is to say, for seven weeks as prisoner of de English are nothing ; for de painting dey copy the war, in de prison of Port see mout, but I read it every tableau of Lebrun. For de statuary dey copy de staday in de journal, Anglice, de paper it is true i tue superb of de garden of the Tuilleries—dey have never was in de capital, but I reside at Portseemouth, their Paradise Lost translated from de Henriade of vich is all de same. I shall begin vid de ladies of de immortal Voltaire, by one Jacky Milton, dey England, dey drink very much gin-and make them have de Hamlet of Ducis, wid Macbesh and Othello, selves drunk every day. I look from my little prison translated by one Billy Shakspeare. He was a clerwindow and see de ladies of Portseemouth roll about gyman or bishop, I believe, de divine of de politics. de street-derefore it is true ven I say de ladies I shall not say much-dere is two parties in Engof England drink wery mosh gin, and make herself land, one is called tory, and de other de perruque. drunk every day. Every body in England are boxers, Ladies and Messieurs, I have exposed to you my de lady box wid de lady, the gentlemen box wid the grand talent, and for de money I despise it, and if gentleman, and sometime de gentleman and lady box you attend my lectures, I shall teach you how to
DO AS OTHER FOLKS DO.
prorounce de language English, and de knowledge of|tic apostrophe : “What, Mr. Speaker,' said he, “must de English character. I shall make you to know as be the alarm and consternation of the whole country, much in seven day, as I myself know in seven week, when they saw these hordes of custom-house Tartars while I reside in my prison at Portseemouth. traversing every district, devouring like locusts the THE PAINTER'S SECRET.
provisions, and overwhelming the franchises of the A gentleman who sat to Hayman for his portrait, and waggons from town to town, county to county,
people? These fiscal comedians travelled in carts desired that it might be kept a secret. Notwithstand- and election to election, to fill this house, not with ing this injunction, the artist showed it to some of the representatives of the people, but of the great his friends, who not being able to discover any like- Cham' who commands them. Methinks I see a whole ness, Hayman observed, that the gentleman wished it
caravan of those strolling constituents, trundling in to be kept a secret.
their vebicles towards a country town, where some gaping simpleton in wonderment at their appearance,
asks the driver of the first vehicle : “Where, any good Come, since 'tis the fashion to Paris to dash on, And see the grande nation, and talk of virtu;
fellow, are you going with those ragamuffins ? I supLet's hasten to Dover, to Calais sail over,
pose they are convicts on their way to the kid-ship tor And visit the Louvre, as other folks do.
transportation to Botany Bay." Oh! no," answers We all see that London, is looking quite undone,
the driver, “ they are only a few cartlouds of the Not e'en Joey Munden its fun can renew ;
raw materials for manufacturing members of pas. Let's hasten to Paris, and each swear all there is,
liament, on their way to the next election.” That rare is, and fair is, as other folks do.
ON A RAKE, WHO IIAD SPENT ALL HIS FORTUNE. We've got charming weather, let's all go together, My head and my purse had a quarrel of late,
For birds of a feather, they still flock, you know : And referr'd it to me to decide the debate; We'll stroll through the Tuilleries, see all their Not small was the diff'rence, and it seems this was it, fooleries,
If my purse had most money, or my head had most wit. Sport our John-Bulleries, as other folks do. By jingo, I answer'd, here's the dev'l of a rout, We can at Meurice's, for ten five-franc pieces, What! dispute who has most, when your stocks are Procure us each places, from Calais to go;
both out! The dilly won't shake us, and two days will take us When thou of thy brains art wholly bereft,
To Paris, and make us, as other folks do. And thou hast not got a poor harry-croat left ; Pshaw, let the folks cavil, to Versailles we'll travel, 'Tis a riddle to tell you whose case is the worst,
Its wonders unravel, then visit St. Cloud ; But surely the head had the vacuum first.
My heart still bov'ring round about you,
How I liv'd with you is the wonder.
My lord and his lady scold, wrangle, and fight,
Yet are both of one mind, and are both in the right. “Mr. Curran, in exposing the venality of the Irish She calls him a fool-He knows he's not wise; parliament, once burst forth into the following sarcas Ile calls ber a whore-and she can't say he lies
A COMMON CASE.
FORTY SHILLING VOTERS.
BENEFIT OF CORRECTION.
TIIE BEST STOCK.
CURE FOR HYPOCHOND PIACS.
but nobody dared to come near him, or to look that · A certain bishop declared one day, that the punish way, or to make the least noise, he was so touchy. ment used in schools did not make boys a whit bet- In the evening we had company, and then, Lord ! ter, or more tractable: it was insisted that whipping Sir, to see how pleasant he was, so smiling and goodwas of the utmost service, for every one must allow it natured to every one that came! Think's I to myself, made a boy smart.
who would take you to be such a devil! But I'm told its always the way with these mad people, sir ;
and Mr. Mitchell, my lord's chaplain, dext door, who Money, they say, is evil's root,
is a great scholar, says, that you might walk with one But we most justly doubt it :
of 'em all over London, before you found him out, Can we expect good thriving fruit, they're so sly and mysterious. When the ladies and From any stock without it?
gentlemen were gone he fell into his old way again, not so savage as before, but glumpy and impatient.
| All this morning you would have thought there Meditating the other evening, at that still and de- was a corpse lying in the house, every body looked lightful hour, when it is just too dark to read but too so dismal and went about like a ghost. But light to have candles, I got into one of my usual re- just now he has been getting worse than ever, veries, and fancied that I was a kind of mental doctor, and Mrs. Kitty the housemaid says he was heard who from being overwhelmed with practice had stolen talking of disinwriting-disinheri--what is it? You an hour's slumber after dinner. In the midst of my know what I mean, sir ;-hindering my young masenjoyment, I thought that a footman came abruptly ter, the counsellor, from coming to the fortune, and in to call me to his master, who had been in a dismal all for not having done something in the law, which way, he told me, ever since the preceding morning, they tell me he can't be expected to do as yet, being refusing every kind of solace, and giving symptoms only forty years old. So my mistress, being frightened of what was apprehended to be insanity. "I asked more at this than all the rest, thinks he must be mad the footman what he had seen of the disorder ; and, outright, and has sent me to your honour, to see if while I was getting ready to go, he gave me the fol- any thing can be done,”-I was glad to learn from lowing relation : "Sir,” said he, I have always honest John's relation that the fit had not lasted thought that my master was not quite right; but for more than two days, since I should not have so much these two days he has been worse than ever. Such difficulty in tracing it up to its cause, as would have snapping, and snarling, and kicking this thing and been the case with longer duration. I proceeded as kicking t'other, for all the world as if he had been fast as possible to the house ; and on seeing his new bit! This morning, I only went to give him his visitor, the patient did not favour him with the acshoes, which never can be polished enough to suit customed smiles; he was aware that I understood him, and he kicked his slippers off in my face, and his malady; and guessing my object, seemed to reasked me whether I meant to ruin him in blacking ? sign himself to the scrutiny with a kind of patient At dinner yesterday he said that the sweet wine was impatience. After feeling his pulse, examining what vinegar ; broke one of the tumblers and kicked the muscles had been most affected in his face, and sadog under the table for it ; swore that my mistress tisfying myself from those about him how he had meant to provoke him because she helped him to all passed the last forty hours, I was pretty well enabled the nicest bits at table ; and smacked my young lady's to follow back the disorder through its various excheek for going out of the room, which he said was citements. I traced it speedily from his present fit fiying in his face. Afterwards he grew a little quiet, of disinheriting to a wig-box belonging to his son,
which happened to have fallen in his way; from the to the grand secret of all,-to the fountain of this wig-box to a snuff-box which he had let fall after Nile of tears,-to the immediate cause of all the dinner; from the snuff-box to an uneasy dozing in taunts, trials, and miseries which a whole family his chair; from the dozing in his chair to an enormous had been suffering for two long days, and which meal during which he had abused all that he swal- nobody but myself dared to mention to the unhappy lowed ; from the enormous meal to a speech made by being. It was a Pin!-Our hero had taken up the his wife, who had kindly begged him not to venture comb to his head, when a pin which had unluckily so much upon a dish that had disagreed with him ; found its way between the teeth and hung at a from the speech of his wife to the face of a servant right angle from it by the head, gave him a light who stood near, and who appeared to him to be scratch on the pericranium. Zounds !" exclaimed laughing in his sleeve; from the servant, after a the gentleman, turning red. “ Bless us !" ejaculated number of petty turns and stumbling blocks too the lady, turning pale ;-and then the said lecture numerous for detail, to the well-blacked shoes; from ensued, which put an end to two whole days of good. the well-blacked shoes, to a hasty mouthful of hot humour on his part and an equal holiday oi comfort tea; from the hasty mouthful of hot tea to getting on that of his household. ap late; from getting up late, which it seems he did I asked whether my patient had any turn for hu. half from sleepiness and half from being ashamed to mour, and understanding that if any thing could get show his face, to restlessness and peevishness all him out of his fits, it was a droll story, a repartet, niglt; from restlessness and peevishness all night to a stroke of wit, or any other pleasant surprise, I went a hearty supper, which he abused as usual; from the down to his sitting-room with great gravity, holding in hearty supper to another entreaty on the part of his my hand a little packet of many papers curiously wrap. wife :here I lost scent for a time, for as the foot. ped over one another and containing, in the nucleus man had said, he had been uncommonly pleasant for innermost shell, the cause of irritation. At sight during the stay of his company; but I found the link of me, he uttered a half-smothered exclamation of again in the gentleness of his daughter, who had left impatience, and casting down his eyes and turning the room, as the footman related ;-- from the gentle- aside a little in his chair, began a kind of restless ness of his daughter, who I found was very like her duet between his right leg and his watch-chain. I did mother, I went on with my tracing to the good things not ask him how he felt or whether he was better, to which his wife had helped him at dinner ; from well knowing that such questions in such disorders the good things to which his wife helped him at din were something worse than of no use, but striking ner to a glass which he broke in the middle of it; at once into conversation, I remarked how easy the from the broken glass to an agitation of nerves, cure of a malady became when once its origin was arising from a refusal which he had just given an old ascertained friend who wanted to borrow a little money of him ; “Ah,” said he, “ I put no faith in medicine." from the refusal given his old friend to the tears and “And myself little or none,” returned I, “ par. patience of his family all the morning; froin the tears ticularly in diseases of the mind; but there is one and patience of his family to a long lecture which he thing in which I put a great deal of faith,—and that had been giving them on their want of real attach- is good sense." ment to him ; from the long lecture he had been He left off his duet, and looked up in my face with giving them to another sulky and peevish breakfast ; less sulkiness of manner, as if he was eager to take from the sulky and peevish breakfast to a private mys- to himself a compliment so new to his conscience. terious lecture given to his wife before he came down “ I do not mean," he rejoined, “ to show any disstairs; and, at last, from the private lecture, I came respect to your profession, Doctor ; but you must