Whist, the best and finest game of any in the pack. But never mind-there take my hand, and bring the whisky back.

NEW TITLES.

lady I liked better. I beg pardon, is that against us? | fight. I shall fight. Turn him out of doors-any Yes, sir. There, I've taken it with my Jack. That's man mean enough to cheat.-Cheat, sir; why you a knavish trick of yours, Miss. You have no honour, cheated at I believe, ma'am. You remember, sir, you took it. Bless me! you've a curious hand, Miss. So have all our family, sir, Yes, but they were all good hands at whist. Dear me, what a number of hearts. I have not had one left these ten minutes. Sorry for that, Miss; I was going to solicit. How elegant! I wonder what Miss O'Regan's ear-rings are made of-the two of diamonds-No! Yes. Why then Play away my jewel, this game you know we've won, Here bring a drop of whisky, if it's only out of fun. Come deal more fast, the game that's past Was played extremely well; Cards quick sort-that's your sport, Pray, sir, just pull the bell.

The stakes are laid all right, you led the spade think,

That's mine-play on-the ten of hearts-a little

more to drink.

Spoken.] Och beautiful! the river Liffy to a drew-drop that it's ours. I don't think the cards have been shuffled. I beg your pardon. I saw Miss Judy looking at the tricks. Look to your own tricks. Faith, Miss, I've very few, no young man less at present: but if you allow me the odd trick you'll find me game. Odd trick! och faith what a boy was Larry O'Dogherty for the odd trick. I hear he is married. Yes, very happy; loves his wife with—a club, they say. She's lately brought to bed. Indeed!-pray Mr. Clancomlarry, what has she got? Faith I was so glad to get away, that I forgot to inquire whether I was an uncle or an aunt. Who turned up the Queen? I think it was-a trump if you please, sir. Come,

Good den, sir Richard,-God-a-mercy, fellow ;-
And if his name be George, I'll call him Peter:
For new-made honour doth forget men's names;
'Tis too respective, and too sociable,
For your conversion. Now your traveller,-
He and his tooth-pick at my worship's mess;
And when my knightly stomach is suffic'd
Why then I suck my teeth, and catechise
My picked man of countries.My dear sir,
(Thus, leaning on mine elbow, I begin,)
II shall beseech you-That is question now:
And then comes answer like an ABC-book :-
O sir, says answer, at your best command;
At your employment; at your service, sir :-
No, sir, says question, I, sweet sir, at yours:
And so, ere answer knows what question would
(Saving in dialogue of compliment,
The Pyrenean, and the river Po,)
And talking of the Alps, and Apennines,
It draws toward supper in conclusion so.
Now this is worshipful society.

THE BLUE STOCKING.

A learned lady, famed
For every branch of every science known-
In every christian language ever named,
With virtues equall'd by her wit alone,
She made the cleverest people quite ashamed,
And even the good with inward envy groan,
Finding themselves so very much exceeded

In their own way by all the things that she did.
Her memory was a mine: she knew by heart
All Calderon and greater part of Lopé,
So that if any actor miss'd his part

Miss, play. Your play first, sir, is it not? Oh, no
Miss, you lay down, and I cover. I think I shall
have your heart, Miss, now-If you play into my
hand, you will, sir. O, damn the cards-horrid bad
play;-och! shocking-I must have a new pack. A
new pack, sir; not at all. But I shall, sir, because
it's not fair-and-Not fair! there's my card, sir-For her Feinagle's were an useless art,
and there's my card, sir. Oh! pray gentlemen don't

She could have serv'd him for the prompter's copy;

And he himself obliged to shut up shop-he

Could never make a memory so fine as
That which adorn'd the brain of Donna Inez.
Her favourite science was the mathematical,
Her noblest virtue was her magnanimity,
Her wit (she sometimes tried at wit) was Attic all,
Her serious sayings darken'd to sublimity;
In short, in all things she was fairly what I call
A prodigy-her morning dress was dimity,
Her evening silk, or, in the summer, muslin,
And other stuffs, with which I won't stay puzzling.

She knew the Latin-that is, "the Lord's prayer,"
And Greek-the alphabet-I'm nearly sure;
She read some French romances here and there,
Although her mode of speaking was not pure;
For native Spanish she had no great care,

At least her conversation was obscure;
Her thoughts were theorems, her words a problem,
Asif she deem'd that mystery would ennoble 'em.
In short, she was a walking calculation,

Miss Edgeworth's novels stepping from their covers,
Or Mrs. Trimmer's books on education,

Or "Celebs' Wife" set out in quest of lovers, Morality's prim personification,

In which not Envy's self a flaw discovers, To others' share let "female errors fall," For she had not even oue- the worst of all.

THE ABSENT MAN.

LOVE AND MARRIAGE.

'Tis melancholy, and a fearful sign

Of human frailty, folly, also crime,
That love and marriage rarely can combine,
Although they both are born in the same clime;
Marriage from love, like vinegar from wine-

A sad, sour, sober beverage-by time
Is sharpen'd from its high celestial flavour
Down to a very homely household savour.
There's something of antipathy, as 'twere,
Between their present and their future state;
A kind of flattery that's hardly fai

Is used until the truth arrives too late-
Yet what can people do, except despair?

The same things change their names at such a rate;
For instance-passion in a lover's glorious,
But in a husband is pronounced uxorious.
Men grow ashamed of being so very fond;
They sometimes also get a little tired,
(But that, of course, is rare,) and then despond :
The same things cannot always be admired,
Yet 'tis "so nominated in the bond,"

That both are tied till one shall have expired.
Sad thought! to lose the spouse that was adorning

Absence of mind may be defined to be a slowness of mind in speaking or action: the absent man is one who, when he is casting up accounts, and hath collected the items, will ask a bystander what the amount is: when he is engaged in a lawsuit, and the day of trial is come, he forgets it and goes into the country: he visits the theatre to see the play, and is left be-Our days, and put one's servants into mourning. hind asleep on the benches. He takes any article and puts it away himself, then begins to look for it, and is never able to find it. If any one tell him of the death of a dear friend, and ask him to the funeral, with a sorrowful countenance and tears in his eyes, he exclaims, Good luck, good luck! It is his custom, There's nothing wrong in a connubial kiss. when he receives, not when he pays, a debt, to call Think you, if Laura had been Petrarch's wife, for witnesses. In winter, he quarrels with his ser-He would have written sonnets all his life?

There's doubtless something in domestic doings,
Which forms, in fact, true love's antithesis;
Romances paint at full length people's wooings,
But only give a bust of marriages;
For no one cares for matrimonial cooings,

All tragedies are finish d by a death,
All comedies are ended by a marriage;
The future states of both are left to faith,
For authors fear description might disparage
The worlds to come of both, or fall beneath,

And then both worlds would punish their mis-
carriage;

So leaving each their priest and prayer-book ready,
They say no more of Death or of the Lady.

The only two that in my recollection

Have sung of heaven and hell, or marriage, are
Dante and Milton, and of both the affection
Was hapless in their nuptials, for some bar
Of fault or temper ruin'd the connexion ;

(Such things, in fact, it don't ask much to mar;)
But Dante's Beatrice and Milton's Eve
Were not drawn from their spouses, you conceive.

WITTY STORY OF AN OLD SCOTCH WOMAN.

service between them, forenoon and afternoon, diet by diet; and it was my puir dear man's turn to gie the word that forenoon; and he said he wish'd he would gie the word for him, for he was really vary bad indeed. And he said, that is, doctor Macglashan said he would. And I was vary much obliged to him; for doctor Macglashan was a vary good natured body; and I thanked the doctor, for I was vary thankfu' to him. Hem! Weel, I mind Sunday was anither vary wat day; vary wat; a nasty, dreepin' wat day indeed; and doctor Macglashan ca'ad in on my puir dear honest man on his way to the kirk, and he sat him down twa minutes, for he was vary wat; and he says to him, Hem, that is, says my puir dear honest man to doctor Macglashan, I wish thee mayna' tak' cauld, for it's vary wat; and he dreeped the weet frae his coat tails, and he shaked it aff his sleeves, and he dauded the rain frae the cocks o' his hat; for he really was extraordinary wat, puir man; vary wat indeed; and ye'll mind there were na umberellas in thae days; and said doctor Macglasban, said he, I wish I were dry again. Hem! now mind this, for this is the great point of the story: Upon which, my puir dear man says, though in troth he was na much gi'en to joking, yet he cou'dna' vary weel reseest the opportunity: So, hem!-so says my puir dear worthy man; now mind ye this, for it's the point o' the joke-When the doctor said that is, doctor Macglashan said, he wished he was dry, my puir dear honest body, (ch, he was a wag) said he to his worthy colleague, hem !-gang thy wa's up to the pu'pit, and thou'll be dry enough there, I warrant

"Hein! hem!-Ye ma'an ken, that my husband was the meenister o' the kirk, and a man, universally respecked, not only by the parishoners, but by the hale public at large !-Hem!-Well, I mind there was a time, when we had ha'en a week o' vary bad weather; nasty dreepin' wat weather; it had been vary wat indeed; and my puir dear honest man had been vary badly with a sair cauld he had cought; he was vary ill indeed, puir man, and he really was vary fractious, honest man, when ought ailed him; vary fractious indeed, and he gave me a great deal o' trouble. Hem! Weel, I mind, doctor Macglashan happened to ca' in to see my puir dear man yae day for the doctor was a guid feeling hearted honest body, 'twas he; and he used to distribute guid books amang the pair fol'k i' the parish, wha cou'dna' buy them. Ah! sirs! I wis there war mair o' them read by the rising generation that is. Weel, as I was telling ye, the doctor called to see my puir man; and says he to him, that is, says doctor Macglashan to my puir honest man, this has been vary wat weather, very wat indeed. So says my puir dear honest man to doctor Macglashan, My worthy colleague, I wish thou would gie the word for me at the kirk neist Sun-To have, when the original is dust, day forenoon. For you'll mind this, they took the A name, a wretched picture, and worse bust.

thee."

EMPTINESS OF FAME.

What is the end of fame? 'tis but to fill
A certain portion of uncertain paper:
Some liken it to climbing up a hill,*

Whose summit, like all hills, is lost in vapour,
For this men write, speak, preach, and heroes kill,
And bards burn what they call their " 'midnight
'taper,"

What are the hopes of man? old Egypt's King
Cheops erected the first pyramid
And largest, thinking it was just the thing

To keep his memory whole, and mummy hid;
But somebody or other ruinmaging,

Burglariously broke his coffin's lid:
Let not a monument give you or me hopes,
Since not a pinch of dust remains of Cheops.

THE UNSEASONABLE MAN.

Loud 'laruins, neighing steeds, and trumpets' clang?
And do you tell me of a woman's tongue;
That gives not half so great a blow to the ear,
As will a chestnut in a farmer's fire?

THE NEWSPAPER GOSSIP.

This is one of those many thousands who swarm in and about London in time of war, and whose times and minds are divided between the affairs of state, and the affairs of a kitchen; he is anxious Unseasonableness is a method of accosting which after venison and politics; he believes every cook is troublesome to the persons accosted. The unsea- to be a great genius, and to know how to dress a sonable man is one who goes to communicate with turtle comprehending all the arts and sciences togehis friend when he is immersed in business: he goes ther. He is always hunting after newspapers, to read to revel with his mistress when she is lying ill with a about battles, and imagines soldiers and sailors are fever he runs to a man who has just been cast as only made to be knock'd on the head, that he may bail for another, and entreats him to become his read an account of it in the papers; he reads every surety as soon as a cause is decided, he is on the political pamphlet that is published on both sides of spot to give his testimony. If he is invited to a the question, and is always on his side whom he read wedding, he inveighs against the whole female sex last. And then he comes home in a good or ill temhe asks a man who is just returned from a long jour-per, and calls for his night-cap, and pipes and tobacco, ney to take a walk with him. When an article is and sends for some neighbours to sit with him, and sold, he brings a purchaser who would give double talk politics together. the price. In a company he will give a detailed account from the very beginning of some subject which they have all heard and are thoroughly acquainted with he is extremely anxious to do that for any person which they are unwilling should be done, but are ashamed to refuse. If he is present at the chastisement of a lad, he relates that a boy of his when so beaten went and hanged himself. If he is present at an arbitration, though both parties wish an accommodation, he sets them together by the ears: and lastly, when about to dance, he seizes a partner whose senses are not yet inflamed by intoxication.

WOMAN'S TONGUE.

THEOPHRASTUS.

Think you, a little din can daunt mine ears?
Have I not in my time heard lions roar?
Have I not heard the sea, puff'd up with winds,
Rage like an angry boar, chafed with sweat?
Have I not heard great ordnance in the field?
And heaven's artillery thunder in the skies?
Have I not in a pitched battle heard

"How do you do, Mr. Costive? sit down, sit down; ay, these times are hard times; I can no more relish these times, than I can a haunch of venisor without sweet sauce to it; but, if you remember, I told you we should have warm work of it, when the cook threw down the Kian pepper. Ay, ay; I think I know a thing or two; I think I do, that's all.

-But lord what signifies what one knows, they don't mind me? You know I mentioned at our club the disturbances in America, and one of the company took me up, and said, What signifies America, when we are all in a merry cue?" so they all fell a laughing.-Now there's commons made lords, and there's lords made, the Lord knows what; but that's Lothing to us; they make us pay our taxes: they take care of that; ay, ay, ay, they are sure of that; pray, what have they done for these twenty years last past?-why nothing at all; they have only made a few turnpike roads, and kept the partridges alive 'till September; that's all they have done for the good of their country. There were some great