he had a right to the fee-simple of the dripping-pan. | kitchen is not a ware-house, nor a wash-house, a therefore he made an attachment to the sop with his brew-house, nor a bake-house, an inn-house, nor an right hand, which the defendant replevied with her out-house, nor a dwelling-house; no, my lord, 'tis left, tripp'd us up, and tumbled us into the dripping- absolutely and bonâ fide neither more nor less then pan: Now, in Broughton's reports, Slack versus a kitchen, or as the law more classically expresses, a Smallwood, it is said that primus strokus, sine jocus, kitchen is, camera necessaria pro usu cookure, cum absolutus est provokus; now, who gave the primus sauce-pannis, stew pannis, scullero, dressero, coalstrokus? who gave the first offence? why the cook: holo, stovis, smoak-jacko, pro roastandum, boilanshe brought the dripping-pan there; for, my lord, dum, fryandum, et plumpudding mixandum, pro though we will allow, if we had not been there, we turtle soupos, calve's-headhashibus, cum calipee et could not have been thrown down there; yet, my calepashibus. lord, if the dripping-pan had not been there, for us "But we shall not avail ourselves of an alibi, but to have tumbled down into, we could not have tum-admit of the existence of a cookmaid: now, my bled into the dripping-pan." The next counsel on lord, we shall take it upon a new ground, and beg a the same side began with, "My lord, he who makes new trial; for as they have curtailed our name, from use of many words to no purpose, has not much to plain Mary into Moll, I hope the court will not say for himself, therefore I shall come to the point at allow of this; for if they were to allow of mistakes, once, at once and immediately I shall come to the what would the law do; for when the law don't find point. My client was in liquor, the liquor in him mistakes, it is the business of the law to make them.” having served an ejectment upon his understanding, common sense was nonsuited, and he was a man beside himself, as Dr. Biblibus declares, in his Dissertation upon Bumpers, in the 139th folio volume of the Abridgement of the Statutes, page 1286, he says, that a drunken man is homo duplicans, or a double man. Not only because he sees things double, but also because he is not as he should be profecto ipse he, but is as he should not be, defecto tipse he." The counsel on the other side rose up gracefully, playing with his ruffles prettily, and tossing the ties of his wig about emphatically. He began with, My lord, and you, gentlemen of the jury, I humbly do conceive, I have the authority to declare, that I am counsel in this case for the defendant; therefore, my lord, I shall not flourish away in words; words are no more than fillagree works. Some people may think them an embellishment, but to me 'tis a matter of astonishment, how any one can be so impertinent to the detriment of all rudiment. But, my ford, this is not to be looked at through the medium of right and wrong; for the law knows no medium, and right and wrong are but its shadows. Now, in the first place, they have called a kitchen my client's premises now a kitchen is nobody's premises; a Therefore the court allowed them the liberty of a Therefore I cannot come to thee, Thetford in Norfolk. My GRANDMOTHER was buried here, MY SISTER dropp'd down dead in the MINORIES: Is owing to my good living, and hard drinking. Don't drink too much WINE, BRANDY, GIN, or any FEMALE VIRTUES. Bow for the quarters, and wow for the hour; As wizard to wizard, or witch to witch, Buried in thought O'Warren lay, Like a village queen on the birth of May, He listed the tones of Saint Dunstan's clock, Of the mastiff bitch and the crowing cock; But louder, far louder, he listed a roar Loud as the billow that booms on the shore; Bang, bang, with a pause between, Rung the weird sound at his door, I ween. Up from his couch he leaped in affright, Op'd his gray lattice and looked on the night, Dean Swift amused himself with the endings of Then put on his coat, and with harlequin hop words, and particularly upon the word ending in ling! Stood like a phantom in midst of the shop; He says, "I have been very curious in considering In midst of his shop he stood like a sprite, that fruitful word ling, which explains many fine Till peering to left and peering to right, qualities in ladies; such as grow-ling, rai-ling, tip-Beside his counter with tail in hand, ling, (seldom,) toi-ling, mumb-ling, grumb-ling, cur-He saw a spirit of darkness stand; fing, puzz-ling, bust-ling, strol-ling, ramb-ling, quarrel-ling, tatt-ling, whiff-ling, dabb-ling, doub-ling." THE DREAM, OR THE STRAND TRAGEDY. From "Warreniana," a merry jeu d'esprit after the If he crows at this rate in so thrilling a note, Warren, the manufacturer rich, To Saint Dunstan's clock, tho' silent enow, I guess 'twas frightful there to see In height her figure was six feet two, Oh! read thee not, read thee not, lord of the Strand, Vain hope! the bogle hath marked her hour, Till the sullen toll of Saint Dunstan's bell, Then hey for the devil; jee-up! jee-hoe.-" But the evil one muttered" too late, by my fay;" Which the witch and the Warren approached in state, The tradesman addressed, "Your name, sir, As a vender of sables wide over the town; is The sneer of a fiend to your puffs you may fix, | The tradesman he laughed at this pitiful sneer, And drew from his pocket, unmoved by the jeer Of the gathering demons, blue, yellow, and pink, A bottle of blacking more sable than ink ;— With the waves of the Styx in a jiffey they tried it, But the waves of the Styx looked foolish beside it; You mote as well liken the summer sky," Quoth Warren the bold, with an Irish stye; The nightingale's note with the cockatoo's whine, As your lily-white river with me or mine." Round the brow of Abaddon fierce anger played, Wild as a colt o'er the moorland that strays, Now list ye with kindness, the whiles I rehearse The quiet of nature,) this desperate mill. The Fight. Both men on peeling showed nerve and bone, And weighed on an average fourteen stone; Doft their silk fogle, for battle agog, Yellowman, castor, and white upper tog; They sparred for a second their ardour to cool, And rushed at each other like bull to bull. Rounds. 1. Was a smasher, for Brummagem Bob 2. Satan was cautious in making play, But stuck to his sparring and pummelled away; Till the ogles of Warren look'd queer in their hue (Here, bets upon Beelzebub; three to two.) 3. Fibbings, and facers, and toppers abound, But Satan, it seems, had the worse of the round, 4. Satan was floored by a lunge in the hip, And the blood from his peepers went drip, drip, drip, Like fat from a goose in the dripping-pan, His box of dominos chattered aloud, 66 Go it, Nick!" from an imp in the crowd.) And he dropped with a Lancashire purr on his back, While Bob with a clincher fell over him, whack. 5. Both men piping came up to the scratch, But Bob for Abaddon was more than a match; MATRIMONY AND DIVORCE. An aged Indian, who for many years had spent uch of his time among the white people both in Pennsylvania and New Jersey, one day about the year 1770 observed that the Indians had not only a much casier way of getting a wife than the whites, but were also more certain of getting a good one; For," (said he in his broken English) "White man court, court, may be one whole year!-may be two years before he marry!-well!-may be then got very good wife—but may be not!-may be very cross-Well now, suppose cross! scold so soon as get awake in the morning! scold all day! scold until sleep; all one!-he must keep him! White people have law forbidding throwing away wife, be he ever so cross! must keep him always! Well! how does Indian do!-Indian, when he see industrious Squaw, which he like, he go to him, place his two fore-fingers close aside each other, make two look like one-look Squaw in the face-see him smile-which is all one -he says Yes! so he take him home-no danger he be cross! no, no! Squaw know too well what Indian do if he cross!-throw him away and take another! Squaw love to eat meat! no husband! no meat! Squaw do every thing to please husband! he do the same to please Squaw! live happy!" THE SEVEN AGES. All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players! Even in the cannon's mouth. And then, the justice ; ULTRA LOYALTY. I have read in a book, says a certain author, that when a peasant, during the troubles of Charles the First, found the crown in a bush, he showed it all marks of reverence; but I will go a step farther, for though I should find the king's commission even upon a bramble, still I shall respect it. RIVAL LIARS. A French nobleman, addressing himself to three of his servants, promised to reward the one who should tell him the greatest lie.-The first said that he never had told a lie-the second averred that he could not tell one-the third candidate, however, proved himself the best adept in the art, and obtained the prize, for he assured his master that both his fellow servants had just told him the truth! COUNTRY COMMISSIONS. Dear cousin, I write this in haste, And a pair of shoe-buckles for pa', Into Aldersgate-street for the printsAnd while you are there you can stop For a skein of white worsted at Flint's. Papa wants a new razor strop. And mamma wants a Chinchilli muff; Little Bobby's in want of a top, And my aunt wants six-pen'orth of snuff. Just call in St. Martin's-le-Grand For some goggles for Mary, (who squints) Get a pound of bee's-wax in the Strand, And the skein of white worsted at Flint's. And while you are there you may stop For some Souchong in Monument-yard; Into Mary-la-bonne for some lard; But all this you may easily do When you get the white worsted at Flint's. I send in this parcel from Bet, An old spelling book to be bound, A cornelian brooch to be set, And some razors of pa's to be ground. O dear, what a memory have I ! Notwithstanding all Deborah's hints, I've forgotten to tell you to buy, A skein of white worsted from Flint's. THE DEVIL'S TAVERN. The devil's tavern, immortalized by Ben Jonson, was situated in Fleet street, near Temple-bar, on the site where Child's-place now stands. The poet wrote his Leges Conviviales for a club of wits who assembled in a room at this tavern, which he dedicated to Apollo, over the chimney of which the laws were preserved. In an ancient MS. preserved at Dulwich College, there are some of this comic writer's memoranda, which prove that he owed much of his inspiration to good wine, and the convivial hours he passed at this tavern. The following passages from the MS. justify the opinion. Mem. I laid the plot of my Volpone, and wrote most of it, after a present of ten dozen of palm sack, from my very good Lord T; that play, I am positive, will last to posterity, and be acted, when I and envy be friends, with applause. "Mem. The first speech in my Catiline, spoken by Sylla's ghost, was writ after I parted with my friend at the Devil's Tavern ; I had drank well that night, and had brave notions. There is one scene in that play which I think is flat. I resolve to drink no more water with my wine. "Mem. Upon the 20th of May, the king (heaven reward him) sent me a hundred pounds. At that time I went oftentimes to the Devil; and before I had spent forty of it, wrote my Alchymist. "Mem. The Devil an Assa, the Tale of a Tub, and some other comedies which did not succeed, written by me (in the winter honest Ralph died) when I and my boys drank bad wine at the Devil." |