Occasional conformists base, I dainn'd their moderation; And this is law, &c. When George in pudding time came o'er, From our new faith's defender; Th' illustrious House of Hanover, I never more will falter, And George my lawful king shall be— And this is law I will maintain I'll be the vicar of Bray, sir. him King George, he lib at tora side wara, he hab ting on he head, call him crown, and a grand ting, all sam com basket; so breren, Goramity bless you all. AMEN. EPILOGUE TO TYRANNIC LOVE. Spoken by Nell Gwyn, when she was to be carried off dead by the Bearers To the Bearer. Hold! are you mad, you d-d confounded dog? To the Audience. I come, kind gentlemen, strange news to tell ye; For after death, we sprites have just such natures Oh poet, d-d dull poet! who could prove NEGRO SERMON, PREACHED BY SAM QUACO, A BLACK So senseless to make Nelly die for love? CLERGYMAN, NATIVE OF JAMAICA. Nay, what's yet worse, to kill me in the prime A man dat born ob a woman hab long time to lib, Of Easter-term, in tart and cheesecake time! he trouble ebery day too much; he grow up like a I'll fit the fop; for I'll not one word say, plantin, he cut down like a bannana. Pose a man do T' excuse his godly, out-of-fashion play; good, he get good; pose de man do bad, he get bad. A play which if you dare but twice sit out, Pose he do good, he go to da place call him Glolio, You'll all be slander'd and be thought devout. where Goramity tan upon a top, and debble on a bot-But farewell, gentlemen; make haste to me; tom; pose he do bad, he go to da place call him Hell, I'm sure ere long to have your company. where he mot burn like a pepper cod; he call for As for my epitaph, when I am gone, drink a wara, nobody give him drop a wara to I'll trust no poet, but will write my own: cool him dam tongue. Tan, breren, you know one Here Nelly lies, who, tho' she liv'd a slattern ;* man, dey call he Sampson, he kill twenty tousand Yet died a princess, acting in St. Cath'rine.+ Fillestans with the jaw bone jackmorass. Tan you know tora man, call Jonass, he swallow whale; he mugin hell ob a fellow for fish; and tora man, he call Her real character. DRYDEN. ↑ The character she represented in the play. JONAS, THE JEW CONJUROR. coffee and the book of interest, supply the temporary MISERIES OF MATRIMONY What, what is Marriage! Harris, Priscian, Assist me with a definition. · "Pshaw!" says a modern modish wife, Among the many characters that have played upon the passions of the public, Jonas, or the card-playing conjuring Jew, cut a figure in his way. He could make matadores with a snap of his fingers, command the four aces with a whistle, and get odd tricksbut there are a great many people in London, besides Oh!" cries a charming silly fool, this man, famous for playing odd tricks, and yet no Emerging from her boarding school, conjurors neither. This man would have made a great figure in the law, as he was so dexterous a con- It is a-something that arises "Marriage is-love, without disguises, veyancer. But the law is a profession that does not From raptures and from stolen glances, want any jugglers. Nor do we need any longer to To be the end of all romances; load our heads with the weight of learning, or pore Vows-quarrels-moonshine-babes-but hush! for years over arts and sciences, when a few months I must not have you see me blush." practice with pasteboard pages can make any man's fortune, without his understanding a single letter of the alphabet, provided he can but slip the cards, snap his fingers, and utter the unintelligible jargon of presto, passa, largo, mento, cocolorum, yaw, like this Jonas.- -The moment he comes into company and takes up a pack of cards, he begins-"I am no common slight of hand man; the common slight of hand men they turn the things up their sleeves, and make you believe their fingers deceive your eyes. -Now, sir, you shall draw one card, two cards, three cards, four cards, five cards, half a dozen cards, you look at the card at this side, you look at the card at that side, and I say blow the blast; the blast is blown, the card is flown, yaw, yaw; and now, sir, I will do it once more over again, to see whether my fingers can once more deceive your eyes; I'll give any man ten thousand pounds if he does the like You look at the card of this side, you look at the card on that side, when I say blow the blast, the blast is blown, the card is flown, yaw, yaw;" but this conjuror at length discovering that most practitioners on cards, now-a-days, know as many tricks as himself, and finding his slights of hand turned to little or no account, now practises on notes of hand by discount, and is to be found every morning at twelve in Duke's-place, up to his knuckles in dirt, and at two at the Bank coffee-house, up to his elbows in money, where these locusts of society, over a dish of as just been "sweeten'd" with a wife, Marriage is odd! for one of us. Marriage is after one by me! Marriage is-Gad! I'm rather late! Hymen, who hears the blockheads groan, HAVE PATIENCE. A simple countryman, who had in his person all the health and vigour which a rustic life affords, and about the age of thirty-two, having, three years before married an honest maid, of whom he always appeared doatingly fond, was attending her corpse at the grave with many heavy sighs and floods of tears. At the end of the funeral-service, as they began to fill the grave with the earth, he wrung his hands, tore his hair, and was ready to throw himself into the grave upon the coffin, vehemently exclaiming that he should not survive her. It happened that a buxom maid of the same parish, whose name was Patience, was standing by, and on whom the honest countryman at times had cast a wistful look, who seeing him so agitated, and grieving so much for the loss of his wife, with great concern said to him, "John, John, have Patience.”—The honest countryman turning round, and seeing who it was that spoke to him, in a fit of ecstasy replied, "Egad, so I will, to-morrow, if thou wilt have me." " PROLOGUE TO THE INCONSTANT, Like hungry guests a sitting audience looks: Bawdy's fat venison, which, tho' stale, can please: Your rakes love haut-gouts, like your d-d French cheese. Your rarity, for the fair guest to gape on, Is your nice squeaker, or Italian capon; Or your French virgin-pullet, garnish'd round, And every dish scarce pleases ev'ry guest, RECOVERY OF A SPENDTHRIFT. A nobleman whose son was a hard drinker, and had been cutting down all the trees upon his estate, in quired of Charles Townshend, who had just returned The witness not answering, Mr. Dauncey repeated from a visit to him, "Well Charles, how does my-Have you always been a surgeon? graceless dog of a son go on?" "Why, I should think, my lord," said Charles, "he is on the recovery, as I left him drinking the woods." LEARNED APOTHECARY. In an Act of Parliament made in 1815, entitled "An Act for the better regulating the practice of Apothecaries," there is a very salutary clause, which enacts, "that from and after the first day of August, 1815, it shall not be lawful for any person (except persons already in practice as such) to practise as an apothecary in any part of England or Wales, unless he or they shall have been examined by the Court of Examiners of the Apothecaries' Company, and shall have received a certificate as such." Witness. I am a surjent. Dauncey. Can you spell the word you have mentioned? Witness. Witness. "Surgunt." How, sir? "Sergurd." Judge. Very well. please to Mr. Dauncey. Sir, have you always been what you say? that word, I mean, which you have just spelt? (A long pause.) The first conviction under this Act took place at the Staffordshire Lent Assizes of 1819, before Sir William Garrow, when the Apothecaries' Company brough: an action against a man of the name of Warburton, for having practised as an apothecary without being duly qualified. The defendant it appeared was the son of a man who in the early part of his life had been a gardener, but afterwards set up as a cow leech. Mr. Dauncey. I am afraid, sir, you do not often The facts were stated by Mr. Dauncey for the prose-take so much time to study the cases which come cution, and supported by evidence. before you, as you do to answer my question.-" I do not, sir." Well, sir, will you please to answer it?" (A long pause, but no reply.)-"Well, what were you originally, Doctor Warburton? Mr. Jervis, for the defence, called the father of the defendant, Arnold Warburton, to prove that he had practised as an apothecary before the passing of the Act. Cross-examined by Mr. Dauncey. Mr. Dauncey. Mr. Warburton, have you always been a surgeon? Witness appealed to the judge whether this was a proper answer. The Judge. I have not heard any answer; Mr. Dauncey has put a question. Witness. Must I answer it? Judge. Yes: why do you object? Witness. I don't think it a proper answer. Judge. I presume you mean question, and I differ from you in opinion. Witness. "Syurgend."-When you first took to business, what was that business? Were you a gardener, Doctor Warburton ?"—" S urgent."I do not ask you to spell that word again; but be fore you were of that profession, what were you?"" "Sergun t." Mr. Dauncey. My lord, I fear I have thrown a spell over this poor man, which he cannot get rid of. Judge. Attend, witness; you are now to answer the questions put to you. You need not spell that word any more. Mr. Dauncey. When were you a gardener? that he never employed himself in gardening; he first was a farmer, his father was a farmer. He (witness) ceased to be a farmer fifteen or sixteen years ago; he ceased because he had then learnt that business which he now is. "Who did you learn it of?"—" Is that a proper question, my lord?" I see no objection to it."" Then I will answer it; I learnt of Dr. Hulme, my brother-in-law; he practised the same as the Whitworth doctors, and they were regular physicians. Mr. Dauncey. Where did they take their degrees? Witness. I don't believe they ever took a degree. "Then were they regular physicians?-"No! I believe they were not, they were only doctors."— Only doctors; were they doctors in law, physic, or divinity?"--"They doctored cows, and other things, and humans as well." "Doubtless, as well: and you, I doubt not, have doctored brute animals as well as human creatures ?"-" I have." ་་ Judge to Witness. Did you ever make up any medicine by the prescription of a physician?"—"I never did." "Do you understand the characters they use for ounces, scruples, and drachms?"-" I do not." "Then you cannot make up their prescriptions from reading them?"-"I cannot, but I can make up as good medicines in my way, as they can in theirs." "What proportion does an ounce bear to a pound?"[A pause] There are 16 ounces to the pound, but we do not go by any regular weight, we mix ours by the hand." "With a Yes." Do you bleed?"fleam or with a lancet ?"-"With a lancet." "Do you bleed from the vein or from the artery?""From the vein." There is an artery somewhere about the temples; what is the name of that artery?" "I do not pretend to have as much learning as some have." "Can you tell me the name of that artery?" "I do not know which you mean.' Suppose, then, I was to direct you to bleed my servant or my horse (which God forbid) in a vein, say for instance in the jugular vein, where should you bleed him ?"-“ In the neck, to be sure." THE PLEASURES OF BRIGHTON. In the waters of Brighton are popping, If we have nothing to do. This here, ma'am, is Sally, my daughter, Will soon make it straight as a dart :-- (But he's always a playing his fun,) That the camel that bathes with two humps, Very often comes out with but one. And it's O! &c. And here is my little boy Jacky, Whose godfather gave me a hint, That by salt-water baths in a crack he Would cure his unfortunate squint. Mr. Yellowly's looking but poorly, It isn't the jaundice, I hope; Wou'd you recommend bathing? And let him take-plenty of soap. And it's O! &c. O surely, |