Nappy ale, good and stale, in a browne bowle,
Which did about the board merrily trowle.
Here, quoth the miller, good fellowe, I drinke to thee,
And to all cuckolds, wherever they bee.
I pledge thee, quoth our king, and thanke thee
heartilye

For my good welcome in every degree.
And here, in like manner, I drinke to thy sonne.
Do then, quoth Richard, and quicke let it come.
Wife, quoth the miller, fetch me forth lightfoote,
And of his sweetnesse a little we'll taste.
A faire ven'son pastye brought she out presentlye.
Eate, quoth the miller, but, sir, make no waste:
Here's dainty lightfoote! In faith, sayd the king,
I never before eate so dainty a thing.

I wis, quoth Richard, no dainty at all it is,
For we doe eat of it everye day.

The king perceiving him fearfully trembling,
Drew forth his sword, but nothing he sed:
The miller downe did fall, crying before them all,
Doubting the king would have cut off his head:
But he his kind courtesy for to requite,
Gave him great living, and dubb'd him a knight.

Part the Second.

When as our royall king home from Nottingham,
And with his nobles at Westminster lay;
Recounting the sports and pastimes they had taken,
In this late progress along on the way;
Of them all, great and small, he did protest,
The miller of Mansfield's sport liked him best.
And now, my lords, quoth the king, I am determined,
Against St. George's next sumptuous feast,
That this old miller our new confirmned knight,
With his son Richard, shall here be my guest:

In what place, sayd our king, may be bought like to For, in this merriment, 'tis my desire

this?

We never pay pennye for itt, by my fay:
From merry Sherwood we fetch it home here;
Now and then we make bold with our king's deer
Then I thinke, sayd our king, that it is venison.
Eche foole, quoth Richard, full well may know that:
Never are wee without two or three in the roof,

Very well fleshed and excellent fat:
But, pr'ythee, say nothing wherever thou goe;
We would not for two pence the king should it knowe.
Doubt not, then sayd the king, my promised secresye;
The king shall never know more on't for me.
A cupp of lambs-wool they dranke unto him then,
And to their bedds they past presentlie.
The nobles, next morning, went all up and down,
For to seeke out the king in everye towne.

At last, at the millers cott, soone they espy'd him out,
As he was mounting upon his faire steede ;
To whom they came presently, falling down on their

knee;

Which made the miller's heart wofully bleede: Shaking and quaking, before him he stood, Thinking he should have been hang'd by the rood.

To talke with the jolly knight, and the young squire.
When as the noble lords saw the kinge's pleasantness
They were right joyfull and glad in their hearts;
A pursuivante there was sent straight on the business,
The which had often-times been in those parts,
When he came to the place where they did dwell,
His message orderlye then 'gan he tell.

God save your worshippe, then said the messenger,
And
And to your sonne Richard good fortune and happiness;
grant your ladye her owne heart's desire;
That sweet, gentle, and gallant young squire.
Our king greets you well, and thus he doth say,
You must come to the court on St. George's day;
Therefore, in any case, faile not to be in place.
I wis, quoth the miller, this is an odd jest;
What should we do there? faith, I am halfe afraid.
I doubt, quoth Richard, to be hang'd at the least.
Nay, quoth the messenger, you doe mistake;
Our king he provides a great feast for your sake.
Then sayd the miller, By my troth, messenger,

Thou hast contented my worshippe full well.
Hold, here are three farthings, to quite thy gentleness,
For these happy tydings, which thou dost tell.

THE LAUGHING PHILOSOPHER.

Let me see, heare thou mee; tell to our king,
We'll wayt on his mastershipp in everye thing.
The pursuivant smiled at their simplicitye,

And, making many leggs, tooke their reward;
And his leave taking with great humilitye,
To the king's court againe he repair'd;
Shewing unto his grace, merry and free,
The knighte's most liberall gift and bountie.
When he was gone away, thus gan the miller say,
Here comes expences and charges indeed;
Now must we needs be brave, tho' we spend all we
have;

For of new garments we have great need:
Of horses and serving-men we must have store,
With bridles and saddles, and twentye things more,
Tushe, Sir John, quoth his wife, why should you frett

or frown?

You shall ne'er be att no charges for mee;
For I will turn and trim up my old russet gowne,
With every thing else as fine as may bee:
And on our mill-horses swift we will ride,
With pillowes and pannells as we shall provide,
In this most statelye sort rode they unto the court;
Their jolly sonne Richard rode foremost of all,
Who set up, for good hap, a cock's feather in his cap;
And so they jetted downe to the king's hall :
The merry old miller with hands on his side:
His wife, like maid Marian, did mince at that tide.
The king and his nobles, that heard of their coming,
Meeting this gallant knight with his brave traine;
Welcome, sir knight, quoth he, with your gay lady:
Good sir John Cockle, once welcome againe :
And so is the squire of courage soe free.
Quoth Dicke, A bots on you! do you know me?
Quoth our king gentlye, How should I forget thee?
That wast my own bed-fellowe, well it I wot.
Yea, sir, quoth Richard, and by the same token,
Thon with thy farting didst make the bed hot,
Thou whore-son unhappy knave, then quothe
knight,

Speak cleanly to our king, or else go sh*t*.

the

The king and his courtiers laugh at this heartily,
While the king taketh them both by the hand;
With the court-dames and maids, like to the queen of
spades,

The miller's wife did soe orderly stand,
A milk maid's courtesye at every word;
And downe all the folkes were set to the board.

There the king royally, in princelye majestye,
Sate at his dinner with joy and delight;
When they had eaten well, then he to jesting fell,
And in a bowle of wine dranke to the knight:
Here's to you both, in wine, ale, and beer;
Thanking you heartilye for my good cheer.
Quoth sir John Cockle, I'll pledge you a pottle,
Were it the best ale in Nottinghamshire:
But then said our king, now I think of a thing,
Some of your lightfoot I would we had here.
IIo ho quoth Richard, full well I
it,
may say
'Tis knavery to cate, and then to betray it.
What art thou angrye? quoth our king merrilye;
In faith, I take it now very unkind :

I thought thou wouldst pledge me in ale and wine
heartily.

Quoth Dicke, You are like to stay till I have din'd:
You feed us with twatling dishes soe small;
Zounds, a black pudding is better than all.

Aye, marry, quoth our kyng, that were a daintye
thing,

Could a man get but one here for to eat. With that Dick strait arose, and plucked one from his hose,

Which with heat of his breech gan to sweate.
The king made a proffer to snatch it away :
'Tis meat for your master: good sir, you must
stay.

Thus in great merriment was the time wholly spent,
And then the ladyes prepared to dance:

Old Sir John Cockle, and Richard incontinent,

Unto their places the king did advance :
Here with the ladyes such sport they did make,
The nobles with laughing did make their sides ake,

EPILOGUE TO A WOMAN KILL'D WITH KINDNESS.

Many thankes for their paines did the king give them, | sorry, says the doctor, that I could not prevail on the
Asking young Richard then, if he would wed; sun and moon to wait for you,-the eclipse was ended
Among these ladyes free, tell me which liketh thee? long before your arrival.
Quoth he, Jugg Grumball, sir, with the red head:
She's my love, she's my life, her will I wed;
She hath sworn I shall have her maidenhead.
Then Sir John Cockle the king call'd unto him,
And of merry Sherwood made him o'er-seer;
And gave him out of hand three hundred pound
yearlye;

Take heed now you steal no more of my deer: And ence a quarter let's here have your view, And now, Sir John Cockle, I bid you adieu.

DEFINITION OF LAW.

Law is-law,-Law is-law, and as in such and so forth, and hereby, and aforesaid, provided always, nevertheless, notwithstanding. Law is like a country | dance, people are led up and down in it till they are tired.-Law is like a book of surgery, there are a great many terrible cases in it. It is also like physic, they that take least of it are best off. Law is like a homely gentlewoman, very well to follow. Law is also like a scolding wife, very bad, when it follows

An honest crew, disposed to be merry,

Came to a tavern by, and call'd for wine:
The drawer brought it (smiling like a cherry)
And told them it was pleasant, neat, and fine.
Taste it, quoth one: he did; Oh, fie! (quoth he)
This wine was good; now't turns too near the lee.
Another sipp'd, to give the wine his due,

And said unto the rest, it drank too flat :
The third said, it was old; the fourth too new ;
Nay, quoth the fifth, the sharpness likes me not.
Thus, gentlemen, you see how in one hour
The wine was new,old, flat, sharp, sweet, and sour.
Unto this wine do we allude our play :
Which some will judge too trivial, some too grave:
You, as our guests, we entertain this day,
And bid you welcome to the best we have.

Excuse us, then; good wine may be disgrac'd,
When every several mouth hath sundry taste.

GARRICK AT LAW.

The following jeu d'esprit, from the pen of David Garrick, was sent by him to Mr. Counsellor Hotchkin, at a time when Garrick was involved in a lawsuit respecting the possession of a house at Hampton.

David Garrick to Mr. Hotchkin, his counsellor and friend.

On your care must depend the success of my suit,
The possession I mean of the house in dispute;
Remember, my friend, an attorney's my foe,
And the worst of his tribe, tho' the best are so so;
In law, as in life, I well know 'tis a rule,
That the knave should be ever too hard for the fool;
To this rule one exception your client implores,
That the fool may for once kick the knave out of
doors.

THE TABLES TURNED.

A very respectable gentleman once appeared at Westminster IIall, to justify bail. The counsel de

Pray, sir, is there not a certain lady who lives with you?"

"Yes, sir, there is."

,,

termined to be very witty upon him, opened upon | time ;-the husband in the mean while biting his lips, him in the following extraordinary manner: pulling down his ruffles, stamping about the room, and looking at his lady like the devil. At last he "What's the matter with abruptly demands of her, you, madam?" The lady mildly replies-" Nothing.' What is it you do mean, madam ?"-" Nothing." "What would make me, madam?"-"Nothing." "What is it I have done to you, madam ?"-" O—h -nothing." And this quarrel arose as they sat at breakfast: the lady very innocently observed, "She believed the tea was made with Thames water." The husband in mere contradiction insisted upon it that the tea-kettle was filled out of the New River,

"Oh, there is; and I suppose, if the truth were known, that lady has been very expensive to you?" "Yes, sir, that lady has been very expensive to me."

And I suppose you have had children by that lady, and they too have cost you a good deal of money?"

"Yes, they have."

"And yet you have come here to justify bail to a large amount!"

The counsel thought he had now done enough to prevent the confidence of the court being placed in the gentleman; when the latter raising his voice, indignantly said, “It is true, Mr. Counsellor, that there is a lady lives with me, but that lady is my wife; we have been married these fifteen years, and have children; and whoever has a wife and children will

find them expensive."

COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.

Courtship is a fine bowling-green turf, all galloping round, and sweet-hearting, a sunshine holiday in summer time. But when once through matrimony's turnpike, the weather becomes wintry, and some husbands are seized with a cold aguish fit, to which the faculty gives the name of indifference. Courtship is matrimony's running footman, but seldom stays to see the stocking thrown; it is too often carried away by the two grand preservatives of matrimonial friendship, delicacy and gratitude. There is also another distemper very mortal to the honey-moon, tis what the ladies sometimes are seized with, and the college of physicians call it sullenness. This distemper generally arises from some ill-conditioned speech, with which the lady has been hurt; who then, leaning on her elbow upon the breakfast table, her cheek resting upon the palm of her hand, her eyes fixed earnestly upon the fire, her feet beating tat-too

you

NINE PINS.

The late Earl of Londsdale was so extensive a proprietor and patron of boroughs, that he returned nine members every parliament, who were facetiously called, "Lord Lonsdale's nine pins." One of the members thus designated having made a very extravagant speech in the House of Commons, was answered by Mr. Burke in a vein of the happiest sarcasm, which elicited from the House loud and continued cheers. Mr. Fox entering the House just as Mr. Burke was sitting down, inquired of Sheridan what the House was cheering? "O, nothing of consequence," replied Sheridan, "only Burke has knocked down one of Lord Londsdale's nine pins."

MORAL REFLECTIONS.

Written on the Cross of St. Paul's.
The man that pays his pence, and goes
Up to thy lofty cross, St. Paul,
Looks over London's naked nose,
Women and men :

The world is all beneath his ken,
He sits above the ball.

He seems on Mount Olympus' top,
Among the Gods, by Jupiter! and lets drop
His eyes from the empyreal clouds
On mortal crowds.

Seen from these skies,

How small those emmets in our eyes!

THE LAUGHING PHILOSOPHER.

Some carry ttle sticks-and one

His eggs-to warm them in the sun :

Dear! what a hustle

And bustle!

acted upon as machines are, and to make his wheels move properly, he is properly greased in the fist. Every freeholder enjoys his portion of septennial insanity; he'll eat and drink with every body without

And there's my aunt. I know her by her waist, paying for it, because he's bold and free; then he l

So long and thin,

And so pinch'd in,

Just in the pismire taste.

Oh what are men ?-Beings so small,
That should I fall

Upon their little heads, I must

Crush them by hundreds into dust!

And what is life! and all its ages

There's seven stages!

Turnham Green! Chelsea! Putney! Fulham!
Brentford and Kew!

And Tooting too!

And oh! what very little nags to pull 'em.
Yet each would seem a horse indeed,
If here at Paul's tip-top we'd got 'em,
Although like Cinderella's breed,

They're mice at bottom.

Then let me not despise a horse,

Though he looks small from Paul's high cross!
Since he would be as near the sky,

-Fourteen hands high.

What is this world with London in its lap?

Mogg's Map.

The Thames, that ebbs and flows in its broad

channel?

A tidy kennel.

The bridges stretching from its banks?

Stone planks.

Ah me! hence I could read an admonition

To mad Ambition !

But that he would not listen to my call,

Though I should stand upon the cross and ball.

PURITY OF ELECTION.

The day of election is madman's holiday, 'tis the golden day of liberty which every voter, on that day, takes to market, and is his own salesman; for man at that time being considered as a mere machine, is

knock down every body who won't say as he says, to prove his abhorrence of arbitrary power, and preserve the liberty of Old England for ever, huzza?

THE VICAR OF BRAY.

In good king Charles's golden days,
When loyalty no harm meant,
A zealous high-church man I was,
And so I got preferment :

To teach my flock I never miss'd,
Kings are by God appointed,
And damn'd are those that do resist,
Or touch the Lord's anointed.
And this is law I will maintain
Until my dying day, sir,
That whatsoever king shall reign,
I'll be the vicar of Bray, sir.

When royal James obtain'd the crown,
And popery came in fashion,
The penal laws I hooted down,
And read the Declaration:

The church of Rome I found would fit
Full well my constitution;
And had become a Jesuit,

But for the Revolution.
And this is law, &c.

When William was our king declar'd,
To ease the nation's grievance;
With this new wind about I steer'd,
And swore to him allegiance:
Old principles I did revoke,

Set conscience at a distance;
Passive obedience was a joke,
A jest was non-resistance.

And this is law, &c.

When gracious Anne became our queen,
The church of England's glory,
Another face of things was seen,

And I became a tory ⚫