Nappy ale, good and stale, in a browne bowle, For my good welcome in every degree. I wis, quoth Richard, no dainty at all it is, The king perceiving him fearfully trembling, Part the Second. When as our royall king home from Nottingham, In what place, sayd our king, may be bought like to For, in this merriment, 'tis my desire this? We never pay pennye for itt, by my fay: Very well fleshed and excellent fat: At last, at the millers cott, soone they espy'd him out, knee; Which made the miller's heart wofully bleede: Shaking and quaking, before him he stood, Thinking he should have been hang'd by the rood. To talke with the jolly knight, and the young squire. God save your worshippe, then said the messenger, Thou hast contented my worshippe full well. THE LAUGHING PHILOSOPHER. Let me see, heare thou mee; tell to our king, And, making many leggs, tooke their reward; For of new garments we have great need: or frown? You shall ne'er be att no charges for mee; Speak cleanly to our king, or else go sh*t*. the The king and his courtiers laugh at this heartily, The miller's wife did soe orderly stand, There the king royally, in princelye majestye, I thought thou wouldst pledge me in ale and wine Quoth Dicke, You are like to stay till I have din'd: Aye, marry, quoth our kyng, that were a daintye Could a man get but one here for to eat. With that Dick strait arose, and plucked one from his hose, Which with heat of his breech gan to sweate. Thus in great merriment was the time wholly spent, Old Sir John Cockle, and Richard incontinent, Unto their places the king did advance : EPILOGUE TO A WOMAN KILL'D WITH KINDNESS. Many thankes for their paines did the king give them, | sorry, says the doctor, that I could not prevail on the Take heed now you steal no more of my deer: And ence a quarter let's here have your view, And now, Sir John Cockle, I bid you adieu. DEFINITION OF LAW. Law is-law,-Law is-law, and as in such and so forth, and hereby, and aforesaid, provided always, nevertheless, notwithstanding. Law is like a country | dance, people are led up and down in it till they are tired.-Law is like a book of surgery, there are a great many terrible cases in it. It is also like physic, they that take least of it are best off. Law is like a homely gentlewoman, very well to follow. Law is also like a scolding wife, very bad, when it follows An honest crew, disposed to be merry, Came to a tavern by, and call'd for wine: And said unto the rest, it drank too flat : Excuse us, then; good wine may be disgrac'd, GARRICK AT LAW. The following jeu d'esprit, from the pen of David Garrick, was sent by him to Mr. Counsellor Hotchkin, at a time when Garrick was involved in a lawsuit respecting the possession of a house at Hampton. David Garrick to Mr. Hotchkin, his counsellor and friend. On your care must depend the success of my suit, THE TABLES TURNED. A very respectable gentleman once appeared at Westminster IIall, to justify bail. The counsel de Pray, sir, is there not a certain lady who lives with you?" "Yes, sir, there is." ,, termined to be very witty upon him, opened upon | time ;-the husband in the mean while biting his lips, him in the following extraordinary manner: pulling down his ruffles, stamping about the room, and looking at his lady like the devil. At last he "What's the matter with abruptly demands of her, you, madam?" The lady mildly replies-" Nothing.' What is it you do mean, madam ?"-" Nothing." "What would make me, madam?"-"Nothing." "What is it I have done to you, madam ?"-" O—h -nothing." And this quarrel arose as they sat at breakfast: the lady very innocently observed, "She believed the tea was made with Thames water." The husband in mere contradiction insisted upon it that the tea-kettle was filled out of the New River, "Oh, there is; and I suppose, if the truth were known, that lady has been very expensive to you?" "Yes, sir, that lady has been very expensive to me." And I suppose you have had children by that lady, and they too have cost you a good deal of money?" "Yes, they have." "And yet you have come here to justify bail to a large amount!" The counsel thought he had now done enough to prevent the confidence of the court being placed in the gentleman; when the latter raising his voice, indignantly said, “It is true, Mr. Counsellor, that there is a lady lives with me, but that lady is my wife; we have been married these fifteen years, and have children; and whoever has a wife and children will find them expensive." COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. Courtship is a fine bowling-green turf, all galloping round, and sweet-hearting, a sunshine holiday in summer time. But when once through matrimony's turnpike, the weather becomes wintry, and some husbands are seized with a cold aguish fit, to which the faculty gives the name of indifference. Courtship is matrimony's running footman, but seldom stays to see the stocking thrown; it is too often carried away by the two grand preservatives of matrimonial friendship, delicacy and gratitude. There is also another distemper very mortal to the honey-moon, tis what the ladies sometimes are seized with, and the college of physicians call it sullenness. This distemper generally arises from some ill-conditioned speech, with which the lady has been hurt; who then, leaning on her elbow upon the breakfast table, her cheek resting upon the palm of her hand, her eyes fixed earnestly upon the fire, her feet beating tat-too you NINE PINS. The late Earl of Londsdale was so extensive a proprietor and patron of boroughs, that he returned nine members every parliament, who were facetiously called, "Lord Lonsdale's nine pins." One of the members thus designated having made a very extravagant speech in the House of Commons, was answered by Mr. Burke in a vein of the happiest sarcasm, which elicited from the House loud and continued cheers. Mr. Fox entering the House just as Mr. Burke was sitting down, inquired of Sheridan what the House was cheering? "O, nothing of consequence," replied Sheridan, "only Burke has knocked down one of Lord Londsdale's nine pins." MORAL REFLECTIONS. Written on the Cross of St. Paul's. The world is all beneath his ken, He seems on Mount Olympus' top, Seen from these skies, How small those emmets in our eyes! THE LAUGHING PHILOSOPHER. Some carry ttle sticks-and one His eggs-to warm them in the sun : Dear! what a hustle And bustle! acted upon as machines are, and to make his wheels move properly, he is properly greased in the fist. Every freeholder enjoys his portion of septennial insanity; he'll eat and drink with every body without And there's my aunt. I know her by her waist, paying for it, because he's bold and free; then he l So long and thin, And so pinch'd in, Just in the pismire taste. Oh what are men ?-Beings so small, Upon their little heads, I must Crush them by hundreds into dust! And what is life! and all its ages There's seven stages! Turnham Green! Chelsea! Putney! Fulham! And Tooting too! And oh! what very little nags to pull 'em. They're mice at bottom. Then let me not despise a horse, Though he looks small from Paul's high cross! -Fourteen hands high. What is this world with London in its lap? Mogg's Map. The Thames, that ebbs and flows in its broad channel? A tidy kennel. The bridges stretching from its banks? Stone planks. Ah me! hence I could read an admonition To mad Ambition ! But that he would not listen to my call, Though I should stand upon the cross and ball. PURITY OF ELECTION. The day of election is madman's holiday, 'tis the golden day of liberty which every voter, on that day, takes to market, and is his own salesman; for man at that time being considered as a mere machine, is knock down every body who won't say as he says, to prove his abhorrence of arbitrary power, and preserve the liberty of Old England for ever, huzza? THE VICAR OF BRAY. In good king Charles's golden days, To teach my flock I never miss'd, When royal James obtain'd the crown, The church of Rome I found would fit But for the Revolution. When William was our king declar'd, Set conscience at a distance; And this is law, &c. When gracious Anne became our queen, And I became a tory ⚫ |