"A person, in his twenty-sixth year, tired of the dissipation of the great world, is forming a comfortable establishment in one of the least frequented quarters of the city. His domestics are a coachman, cook, three footmen, and a chambermaid. Ile is in search of a young girl, of good family, to improve this honourable situation: she must be well educated, accomplished, and of an agreeable figure, and will be entertained in the quality of demoiselle de compagnie (female companion.) She shall receive the utmost attention from the household, and be as well served, in every respect, or better, than if she were its mistress!"-Paris Papers. this may suit, (for it is hoped it wili suit somebody,) by directing a line for A. Z. in Rochester, shall be immediately replied to, or waited on, as may appear necessary."-St. James's Chronicle, 1772. "Wanted immediately, fifteen hundred or a thousand pounds, by a person not worth a groat; who, having neither houses, land, annuities, or public! funds, can offer no other security than that of simple | bond, bearing simple interest, and engaging the repayment of the sum borrowed in five, six, or seven years, as may be agreed on by the parties. Whoever "Lately published, the trial of Mr. Papillon; by which it is manifest that (the then) lord chief justice Jefferies had neither learning, law, nor good manners, but more impudence than ten carted whores, (as was said of him by king Charles the Second,) in Papillon and Mr. Dubois, calling them a parcel of abusing all those worthy citizens who voted for Mr. factious, pragmatical, sneaking, whoring, canting, rascals and scoundrels, as in page 19 of that trial may sniveling, prick-eared, crop-eared, atheistical fellows, be seen. sellers."-St. James's Chronicle, 1768. Sold by Michael Janeway, and most book "Wanted a person to take care of children, whose patience is inexhaustible, whose temper is tireless, whose vigilance is unwinking, whose power of pleasing is boundless, whose industry is matchless, and whose neatness is unparalleled.”—American Paper. NATHANIEL LEE'S RHAPSODY When Nathaniel Lee, the celebrated dramatist, was confined in Bedlam, Moorfields, he wrote the following lines on the walls of his cell. Oh! that my lungs could bleat like butter'd peas! That e'en with bleating, they might catch the itch; And grow as mangy as the Irish seas; T' engender whirlwinds for a scabby witch. Not, that a dry dead herring dare presume To swing a tythe pig in a cat skin purse, Because the great hail-stones which fell at Rome, By lessening of their price, might make it worse. I grant, that drunken rainbows, lull'd to sleep, Snort, like to flesh-hooks, in fair ladies' eyes; Which made him laugh, to see a pudding creep For creeping puddings only please the wise." The reason's plain; for Charon's western barge, Running a tilt with the subjunctive mood, Beckon'd to Basil Grove; and gave in charge To fatten padlocks with Antarctic food. ERICAL SIN. A rector, in his discourse on the heinous sins of cheating and defrauding one's neighbours, unluckily leaned a good deal over the pulpit; when a wag remarked, that he had omitted to mention the most monstrous of all, that of over-reaching! LIKE MOTHER LIKE CHILD. A Yorkshire gentleman was one day at a dinner, where the discourse fell on the breeding a good racer, aud that a thorough bred race horse on the male side was best."Nay," said he, "without they have it on the mother's side also, I am sure they will be good for nothing. Ye'll all allow that I have common sense, but my wife is a great fool, and my children take after her." THE SAILOR BCY AT PRAYERS. A great law chief, whom God nor demon scares, Admiring such a novel mode of sinning: Where, if they find no brandy to get drunk, Then vow they to th' Almighty to reform, They ne'er on week-days pester heaven with prayers; To hear the parson preach and pray, All but a boy, who willing to forget That prayers were handing out, had stolen away ;| And, thinking praying but a useless task, This cat's a cousin-german to the knout. 'Come out, you sculking dog," the boatswain cried, "And save your damned young sinful soul." He then the moral-mending cat applied, And turned him like a badger from his hole. Sulky the boy marched on, and did not mind him, Altho' the boatswain flogging kept behind him : " Flog," cried the boy, "flog-curse me, flog awayI'll go—but mind-deuce take me if I'll pray.” COMPULSORY TEARS. A countryman in the north of England had been so unkind a husband, so severe a father, so rigid a master, and so bad a neighbour in general, that not a tear was shed at his funeral. The sexton observed, that he had officiated in that capacity forty-five years, and that an instance of the sort had never happened before, and that it might not disgrace the village, he seized a litttle boy and lugged his ears most severely, which soon produced the desired effect of tears. THE SECRET. In a fair lady's heart, once, a secret was lurking, And half, in a whisper, escaped from its cell. And they bit very smartly above and beneath, But the lips at that instant were bribed with a kiss, And they popt out the secret in spite of the teeth. EASE UNDER DIFFICULTIES. A man very much in debt, being reprimanded by his friends for his disgraceful situation, and the anxiety of a debtor being urged by them in very strong expressions: "Ah! that may be the case,' said he, with a person who thinks of paying." THE DEVIL'S RAMBLE ON EARTH. [The late Professor Porson being once solicited in company to give some jocular proof of his abilities, complied by producing the following lines.] From his brimstone bed at break of day, The devil's a walking gone; To visit his snug little farm of the earth, And see how his stock there goes on. And over the hill, and over the dale He rambled, and over the plain: Down the river did glide with wind and with tide, A pig, with vast celerity; And the devil grinn'd, for he saw all the while Of England's commercial prosperity. And the devil he paused, for it gave him a hint He saw a turnkey in a trice Fetter a troublesome jade; And backwards and forwards he switch'd his long Which put him in mind of the long debates tail, As a gentleman switches his cane. "And pray now, how was the devil drest ?" Oh, he was in his Sunday's best; His coat it was red, and his breeches were blue, With a hole behind, which his tail went through. He saw a lawyer killing a viper On a dunghill by his own stable ; And the devil he smiled, for it put him in mind Said he, "We are both of one college He saw school-boys acting prayers at morn, And, "Oho, Mr. Dean," he shouted, "I ween He saw a cottage with a double coach-house, And the devil did grin, for his darling sin On the slave trade abolition. He saw a certain minister (A minister to his mind,) Like a very learned clerk, Sir Nicholas grinn'd, and switch'd his tail For he thought of his daughter Victory, He saw General Gascoigne's burning face, So he hied to his lake, for, by a slight mistake He thought 'twas a general conflagration. OUT OF PLACE. When the beau-monde held their coteries and pitched tents upon the leads of the houses, it was referred to a person, who not approving of it, said that it was making too great an encroachment upon the cats. *This gentleman had been very facetious whilst soliciting some proof of the Professor's poetical talents. TOM LONGFELLOW'S INN. [The following lines are written on a pane of glass at Tom Longfellow's name is most justly his due, fed; Long, indeed, may you sit in a comfortless room, eat Long may Longfellow long ere he see me again, TOM MOOR OF FLEET STREET. : his head, and cry, "Who are you? who are you? Tom Moor of Fleet-street. Tom Moor of Fleet-street." Tom Moor was fond of gaming, and often lost large sums of money; finding his business neglected in his absence, he had a small hazard-table set up in one friends to play at it. corner of his dining-room, and invited a party of his his cage was left open, and he hopped into every part The jackdaw had by this time become familiar of the house, sometimes he got into the dining-room, where the gentlemen were at play; one of them being a constant winner, the other would say, "Damn it how he nicks 'em;" the bird learnt these words also, and adding them to the former, would call," Who are you? who are you? Tom Moor of Fleet-street, Tom Moor of Fleet-street; damn it how he nicks 'em." Tom Moor, from repeated losses and neglect o You must all have heard of Tom Moor, the linen-business, failed in trade, and became a prisoner in draper in Fleet-street. His father, when he died, the Fleet; he took his bird with him, and lived on left him an affluent fortune, and a shop of excellent the master's side, supported by his friends in a decent rade. manner. They would sometimes ask, "What brought you here?" when he used to lift up his hands, and answer, " Bad company, by G-d." The bird learnt this likewise, and at the end of the former words would say, "What brought you here?" and to imitate his master, lift up his pinion, and cry, “Bad company by G-d." As he was standing at the door one day, a countyman came up to him with a nest of jackdaws, and ccosting him, says, "Measter, wool he buy a nest fdaws?"-"No; I don't want any."-" Measter," eplied the man, "I'll sell them all cheap; you shall ave the whole nest for noinpence."- "I don't want em," answered Tom Moor, "so go about your busi less," As the man was walking away, one of the daws ps up his head, and cries, "Mawk, mawk.”Damn it," says Tom Moor, "the bird knows my name,-Halloo, countryman, what will you take for that bird?Whoy, you shall have him for threepence." Tom Moor bought him, had a cage made, aad hung him up in the shop. Some of Tom Moor's friends died, others went abroad, and by degrees he was totally deserted, and removed to the common side of the prison; where the gaol-distemper had broken out; he caught it, and in the last stage of life lying on a straw-bed, the poor bird, who had been two days without food or water, came to his feet, and striking his bill on the floor, called out, "Who are you? who are you? Tom Moor of Fleet-street. Damn it how he nicks 'em, damn it how he nicks 'em. What brought you here? what brought you here? Bad company, by G-, bad com The journeymen took much notice of the bird, and would frequently tap at the bottom of the cage, and say, "Who are you? who are you?" and immedi-pany, by G-" ately reply, "Tom Moor of Fleet-street." In a short time the jackdaw learnt these words; and if he wanted victuals or water, would strike his bill against the cage, turn up the white of his eyes, cock Tom Moor, who had attended to the bird, was struck with his words, and reflecting on himself, cried out, "Good God! to what a situation am I reduced? My father, when he died, left me a good fortune and an established trade; I have spent my fortune, ruined my business, and am now dying in a loathsome goal, and to complete all, keeping that poor thing confined without support: I'll endeavour to do one piece of justice before I die, by setting him at liberty." He made shift to crawl from his straw-bed, opened the casement, and out flew the bird. A flight. of jackdaws from the Temple was going over the gaol, and Tom Moor's bird mixed among them. The gardeners were then laying the plats of the Temple gardens, and as often as they placed them in the day, the jackdaws pulled them up by night. They got a gun, and attempted to shoot some of them; but being cunning birds, they always placed one as a watch in the stump of a willow tree; who, as soon as the gun was levelled, cried "Mawk, mawk," and away they all flew, so that the men could never shoot one of them. The gardeners were advised to get a net, and the first night it was spread, they caught fifteen; Tom Moor's bird was amongst them. One of the men took the net into the garret of an uninhabited house, fastens the door and windows, and turns the birds loose. Now," says he, "you black rascals, I'll be revenged on you." Taking hold of the first at hand, he twisted. his neck, and throwing him down, cries, "There goes one." Tom Moor's bird, who had hopped upon a beam in one corner of the room unobserved, as the man laid hold of the second, calls out, "Damn it how be nicks 'em." The man alarmed cries, "Sure I heard a voice! but the house is uninhabited, and the door fast it could not be imagination." On laying hold of the third, and twisting his neck, Tom Moor's bird again says, "Damn it how he nicks 'em." The man dropped the bird in his hand, and turning to where the voice came from, seeing the other with his mouth open calls out, "Who are you?" to which the bird answered, "Tom Moor of Fleet-street, Tom Moor of Fleet-street."-"The devil you are; and what brought you here?"-" Bad company, by GBad company, by G-." The fellow, frightened almost out of his wits, opened the door, and ran down stairs out of the house, followed by all the birds, who by this means saved their lives, and gained their liberty. THE SICK LADY AND THE ALMANACK A poor old woman with a diarrhoea, Disease had brought her to a doleful state, So, jumping in his coach, he bawled" Go on!" And let him know If things went better, or in statu quo.————— Came when the time prefixed was ended; He could not geet un, after all his labours :And zo-I took and boiled the Babes i'the Wood. And, praise the Lord! it's done a mort of good." TRANSLATIONS. P. PINDAT. Dryden's translation of Virgil being commer by a bishop, Lord Chesterfield said, "The origina indeed excellent, but every thing suffers by a tra tion, except a bishop." |