"A person, in his twenty-sixth year, tired of the dissipation of the great world, is forming a comfortable establishment in one of the least frequented quarters of the city. His domestics are a coachman, cook, three footmen, and a chambermaid. Ile is in search of a young girl, of good family, to improve this honourable situation: she must be well educated, accomplished, and of an agreeable figure, and will be entertained in the quality of demoiselle de compagnie (female companion.) She shall receive the utmost attention from the household, and be as well served, in every respect, or better, than if she were its mistress!"-Paris Papers.

this may suit, (for it is hoped it wili suit somebody,) by directing a line for A. Z. in Rochester, shall be immediately replied to, or waited on, as may appear necessary."-St. James's Chronicle, 1772.

"Lately published, the trial of Mr. Papillon; by which it is manifest that (the then) lord chief justice Jefferies had neither learning, law, nor good manners, but more impudence than ten carted whores, (as was said of him by king Charles the Second,) in Papillon and Mr. Dubois, calling them a parcel of abusing all those worthy citizens who voted for Mr. factious, pragmatical, sneaking, whoring, canting, rascals and scoundrels, as in page 19 of that trial may sniveling, prick-eared, crop-eared, atheistical fellows,

be seen.

sellers."-St. James's Chronicle, 1768. Sold by Michael Janeway, and most book

"Wanted a person to take care of children, whose patience is inexhaustible, whose temper is tireless, whose vigilance is unwinking, whose power of pleasing is boundless, whose industry is matchless, and whose neatness is unparalleled.”—American Paper.

NATHANIEL LEE'S RHAPSODY

When Nathaniel Lee, the celebrated dramatist, was confined in Bedlam, Moorfields, he wrote the following lines on the walls of his cell. Oh! that my lungs could bleat like butter'd peas! That e'en with bleating, they might catch the itch;

And grow as mangy as the Irish seas;

T' engender whirlwinds for a scabby witch. Not, that a dry dead herring dare presume

To swing a tythe pig in a cat skin purse, Because the great hail-stones which fell at Rome, By lessening of their price, might make it worse. I grant, that drunken rainbows, lull'd to sleep, Snort, like to flesh-hooks, in fair ladies' eyes; Which made him laugh, to see a pudding creep For creeping puddings only please the wise." The reason's plain; for Charon's western barge, Running a tilt with the subjunctive mood, Beckon'd to Basil Grove; and gave in charge To fatten padlocks with Antarctic food.

ERICAL SIN.

A rector, in his discourse on the heinous sins of cheating and defrauding one's neighbours, unluckily leaned a good deal over the pulpit; when a wag remarked, that he had omitted to mention the most monstrous of all, that of over-reaching!

LIKE MOTHER LIKE CHILD.

A Yorkshire gentleman was one day at a dinner, where the discourse fell on the breeding a good racer, aud that a thorough bred race horse on the male side was best."Nay," said he, "without they have it on the mother's side also, I am sure they will be good for nothing. Ye'll all allow that I have common sense, but my wife is a great fool, and my children take after her."

THE SAILOR BCY AT PRAYERS.

A great law chief, whom God nor demon scares,
Compelled to kneel and pray, who swore his prayers,
The devil behind him pleased and grinning,
Patting the angry lawyer on the shoulder,
Declaring nought was ever bolder,

Admiring such a novel mode of sinning:
Like this, a subject would be reckoned rare,
Which proves what blood game infidels can dare;
Which to my memory brings a fact,
Which nothing but an English tar would act.
In ships of war, on Sundays, prayers are given;
For though so wicked, sailors think of heaven,
Particularly in a storm;

Where, if they find no brandy to get drunk,
Their souls are in a miserable funk,

Then vow they to th' Almighty to reform,
If in his goodness only once, once more,
He'll suffer them to clap a foot on shore.
In calms, indeed, or gentle airs,

They ne'er on week-days pester heaven with prayers;
For 'tis amongst the Jacks a common saying, [ing."
"Where there's no danger, there's no need of pray-
One Sunday morning all were met

To hear the parson preach and pray, All but a boy, who willing to forget

That prayers were handing out, had stolen away ;|

And, thinking praying but a useless task,
Had crawled to take a nap, into a cask.
The boy was soon found missing, and full soon
Gave him a clawing to some tune-
The boatswain's cat, sagacious smelt him out

This cat's a cousin-german to the knout. 'Come out, you sculking dog," the boatswain cried, "And save your damned young sinful soul." He then the moral-mending cat applied,

And turned him like a badger from his hole. Sulky the boy marched on, and did not mind him, Altho' the boatswain flogging kept behind him : " Flog," cried the boy, "flog-curse me, flog awayI'll go—but mind-deuce take me if I'll pray.”

COMPULSORY TEARS.

A countryman in the north of England had been so unkind a husband, so severe a father, so rigid a master, and so bad a neighbour in general, that not a tear was shed at his funeral. The sexton observed, that he had officiated in that capacity forty-five years, and that an instance of the sort had never happened before, and that it might not disgrace the village, he seized a litttle boy and lugged his ears most severely, which soon produced the desired effect of tears.

THE SECRET.

In a fair lady's heart, once, a secret was lurking,
It toss'd and it tumbled, it long'd to get out,
The lips half betrayed it by smiling and smirking,
And tongue was impatient to blab it, no doubt.
But honour look'd gruff on the subject, and gave it
In charge to the teeth, so enchantingly white ;—
Should the captive attempt an elopement to save it,
By giving the lips an admonishing bite.
'Twas said, and 'twas settled, and honour departed,
Tongue quivered and trembled, but dared not rebel,
When right to its tip, secret suddenly started,

And half, in a whisper, escaped from its cell.
Quoth the teeth, in a pet, we'll be even for this,

And they bit very smartly above and beneath, But the lips at that instant were bribed with a kiss, And they popt out the secret in spite of the teeth.

EASE UNDER DIFFICULTIES.

A man very much in debt, being reprimanded by his friends for his disgraceful situation, and the anxiety of a debtor being urged by them in very strong expressions: "Ah! that may be the case,' said he, with a person who thinks of paying."

THE DEVIL'S RAMBLE ON EARTH.

[The late Professor Porson being once solicited in company to give some jocular proof of his abilities, complied by producing the following lines.] From his brimstone bed at break of day,

The devil's a walking gone;

To visit his snug little farm of the earth,

And see how his stock there goes on.

And over the hill, and over the dale

He rambled, and over the plain:

Down the river did glide with wind and with tide, A pig, with vast celerity;

And the devil grinn'd, for he saw all the while
How it cut its own throat, and he thought with
smile,

Of England's commercial prosperity.
As he pass'd thro' Cold-Bath-Fields, he saw
A solitary cell;

And the devil he paused, for it gave him a hint
For improving his prisons in hell.

He saw a turnkey in a trice

Fetter a troublesome jade;
Nimbly, quoth he, do the fingers move
If a man be but used to his trade.
He saw the same turnkey unfetter a man
With but little expedition;

tail,

As a gentleman switches his cane.

"And pray now, how was the devil drest ?"

Oh, he was in his Sunday's best;

His coat it was red, and his breeches were blue, With a hole behind, which his tail went through. He saw a lawyer killing a viper

On a dunghill by his own stable ;

And the devil he smiled, for it put him in mind
Of Cain and his brother Abel
He saw an apothecary on a white horse,
Ride by on his avocations,
The devil smiled, for it put him in mind
Of death in the Revelations.
He stept into a rich bookseller's shop,

Said he, "We are both of one college
For I myself sat, like a cormorant, once
Hard by the tree of knowledge."

He saw school-boys acting prayers at morn,
And naughty plays at night.

And, "Oho, Mr. Dean," he shouted, "I ween
My own good trade goes right."

He saw a cottage with a double coach-house,
A cottage of gentility;

And the devil did grin, for his darling sin
Is pride that apes humility.

On the slave trade abolition. He saw a certain minister

(A minister to his mind,)
Go up into a certain house,
With a majority behind;
The devil quoted Genesis,

Like a very learned clerk,
How "Noah and his creeping things
Went up into the ark."

Sir Nicholas grinn'd, and switch'd his tail
With joy and admiration;

For he thought of his daughter Victory,
And his darling babe Taxation.

He saw General Gascoigne's burning face,
Which put him into consternation;

So he hied to his lake, for, by a slight mistake He thought 'twas a general conflagration.

OUT OF PLACE.

an established trade; I have spent my fortune, ruined my business, and am now dying in a loathsome goal, and to complete all, keeping that poor thing confined without support: I'll endeavour to do one piece of justice before I die, by setting him at liberty."

He made shift to crawl from his straw-bed, opened the casement, and out flew the bird. A flight. of jackdaws from the Temple was going over the gaol, and Tom Moor's bird mixed among them. The gardeners were then laying the plats of the Temple gardens, and as often as they placed them in the day, the jackdaws pulled them up by night. They got a gun, and attempted to shoot some of them; but being cunning birds, they always placed one as a watch in the stump of a willow tree; who, as soon as the gun was levelled, cried "Mawk, mawk," and away they all flew, so that the men could never shoot one of them. The gardeners were advised to get a net, and the first night it was spread, they caught fifteen; Tom Moor's bird was amongst them. One of the men took the net into the garret of an uninhabited house, fastens the door and windows, and turns the birds loose.

Now," says he, "you black rascals, I'll be revenged on you." Taking hold of the first at hand, he twisted. his neck, and throwing him down, cries, "There goes one." Tom Moor's bird, who had hopped upon a beam in one corner of the room unobserved, as the man laid hold of the second, calls out, "Damn it how be nicks 'em." The man alarmed cries, "Sure I heard a voice! but the house is uninhabited, and the door fast it could not be imagination." On laying hold of the third, and twisting his neck, Tom Moor's bird again says, "Damn it how he nicks 'em." The man dropped the bird in his hand, and turning to where the voice came from, seeing the other with his mouth open calls out, "Who are you?" to which the bird answered, "Tom Moor of Fleet-street, Tom Moor of Fleet-street."-"The devil you are; and what brought you here?"-" Bad company, by GBad company, by G-." The fellow, frightened almost out of his wits, opened the door, and ran down stairs out of the house, followed by all the birds, who by this means saved their lives, and gained their liberty.

THE SICK LADY AND THE ALMANACK

A poor old woman with a diarrhoea,
Brought on by slip-slop tea and rot-gut beer,
Went to Sangrado with a woful face;
And, hawking twice or thrice, to clear her throat,
She told him in a plaintive note,
Her case!

Disease had brought her to a doleful state,
Her legs seemed tottering with a lifeless weight;
Her bosom panted for the lack of breath,
Her voice seemed echoing from the vale of death;
Her sunken orbs of light but dimly shone ;
A gasping spectre ! hardly skin and bone !—
The doctor being in a wonderous hurry,
To still a lady in hysteric flurry,

So, jumping in his coach, he bawled" Go on!"
Could hardly stop to hear pale misery's moan;
Howe'er, to keep the dame from kingdom come,
He told her that she need but hurry home,
From the sharp gripe of grinning Death, so cruel,
Then call upon him in a day or two,
And boil some bole ammoniac in her gruel:

And let him know

If things went better, or in statu quo.—————
The dame, obedient to the doctor's order,

Came when the time prefixed was ended;
Health seemed to triumph o'er the dire disorder,
But still she seemed a little broken-winded.
Sangrado felt her pulse, and tongue inspected,
Then asked her if she'd done as he directed.—
"Zook, Sir, for tho'f I sent my godson Jack,
From house to house, amongst my neighbours,
To beg a Moore's Almanack,

He could not geet un, after all his labours :And zo-I took and boiled the Babes i'the Wood. And, praise the Lord! it's done a mort of good."

TRANSLATIONS.

P. PINDAT.

Dryden's translation of Virgil being commer by a bishop, Lord Chesterfield said, "The origina indeed excellent, but every thing suffers by a tra tion, except a bishop."