A SPLENDID ENTERTAINMENT. what coach it was. "Ours," said honest John. Foote having been invited to dine with the late "And are the children in it ours too?" said has lord"Most certainly, my lord," replied duke of Leinster, at Dublin, gave the following ac-ship, laughing. count of this entertainment: As to splendour, as far John, with the utmost gravity, and immediately ran as it went, I admit it, there was a very fine sideboard to lift them out. of plate; and if a man could have swallowed a silversmith's shop, there was enough to satisfy him; but as to all the rest-his mutton was white, his veal was red, the fish was kept too long, the venison not kept long enough to sum up all, every thing was cold except his ice; and every thing sour except his vinegar. MOLIERE'S GRAVE. FILIAL AFFECTION. Audley, being in want of money, applied to his son The late Mr. Philip Thicknesse, father of lord for assistance. This being denied, he immediately hired a cobbler's stall, directly opposite his lordship's house, and put up a board, on which was inscribed, in large letters, " Boots and shoes mended in the best and cheapest manner, by Philip Thicknesse, father of lord Audley." His lordship took the hint, and the board was removed. AN UNTIMELY DEMAND. When Moliere, the comic poet, died, the archbishop of Paris would not let his body be buried in consecrated ground. The king, being informed of this, sent for the archbishop, and expostulated with him; but, finding the prelate inflexibly obstinate, A provincial actress was performing the part of his majesty asked, how many feet deep the conse-lady Ann, in King Richard the Third; and on decrated ground reached? This question coming by sur-livering the following passage :— prise, the archbishop replied, about eight. " "Well," "When shall I have rest?" answered the king, "I find there's no getting the she was answered by her washerwoman, from the better of your scruples; therefore, let his grave be pit, who exclaimed, "Never, 'till you pay me my dug twelve feet deep, that's four below your conse- three shillings and twopence." crated ground, and let him be buried there." MP. PITT AND DR. PALEY. ANACHRONISMS IN PAINTING AND SCULPTURE. In a painting in a country church in Germany; intended for the Sacrifice of Isaac, is represented Abraham with a blunderbuss in his haud, ready to shoot his son, and an angel, suddenly coming down from heaven, pouring a certain water on the pan. In a painting at Windsor, by Antonio Verrio, he has introduced himself, Sir Godfrey Kneller, and Bap. May, surveyor of the works, in long periwigs, as spectators of Christ healing the sick. A painter of Toledo once painted the story of the Three Wise Men of the East coming to worship at Bethlehem, where he represented them as three Arabian or Indian kings; two of them were white, and one of them black; but, when he drew the latter part of them kneeling, he made three black feet for the negro king and three white feet for the two white kings. A lady once told St. Foix, that in her will she had ordered her body to be opened after her death, as she was afraid of being buried alive. 1 AN ENTERTAINING JOURNEY. Dodd the comedian was very fond of a long story. In the monument of Sir Cloudesley Shovel, in Westminster Abbey, he is represented rising out of the sea, with a full-bottomed wig well powdered and puffed. In a church at Bruges is a picture of the Marriage-Being in company one night, he began at twelve of Jesus Christ with Saint Catherine of Sienna, by St. Dominic, the patron of the church. The Virgin Mary joining their hands, and King David playing the harp at the wedding. Albert Durer has represented an angel, in a flounced petticoat, driving Adam and Eve from Pa radise. Lewis Cigoli painted a picture of the Circumcision of the Holy Child, Jesus, and drew the high priest, Simeon, with spectacles on his nose. In a picture painted by F. Chello della Puera, the blessed Virgin is placed on a velvet sofa, playing with a cat and a paroquet, and about to help herself to coffee from an engraved coffee-pot. In another picture painted by Peter of Cortona, representing the reconciliation of Jacob and Laban, now in the French Museum,) the painter has represented a steeple or belfry rising over the trees. o'clock to relate a journey he had taken to Bath: and, at six o'clock in the morning, he had proceeded no farther than the Devizes!-The company then rose, to separate; when Dodd, who could not bear to be curtailed in his narrative, cried, "Don't go yet; stay and hear it out, and upon my soul I'll make it entertaining!" A married intriguing lady insisting on having her lover's portrait, he remonstrated on the absurdity, Paul Veronese placed Benedictine fathers and alleging it would amount to the proclaiming their Swiss soldiers among his paintings from the Old Tes-amour. "Oh," said she, "but to prevent a discovery, it shall not be drawn like you," tament. CROSSING PROVERBS. Prov. The more the merrier. Cross. Not so; one hand is enough in a purse. C. Not so; for then footmen would get more ground than their masters. P. He runs far that never turns. PRUDENT RESOLVE. Menage gives us the following specimen of French badauderie (cockneyism.) A gentleman who could not swim, one day in bathing got out of his depth, and would have been drowned, had not some swimmers been at hand to save him. On recovering, he protested that he would never venture into the water C. Not so; he may break his neck in a short again, till he had learned to swim, course. P. No man can call again yesterday. LADY HARDWICK AND HER BAILIFF. A bailiff having been ordered by lady Hardwick to C. Yes; he may call till his heart ache, but it procure a sow of the breed and size she particularly will never come. P. He that goes softly goes safely. C. Not among thieves. P. Nothing hurts the stomach more than C. Yes, lack of meat. P. Nothing is hard to a willing mind. C. Yes, to get money. described to him, came one day into the dining-room, when full of great company, proclaiming with a burst of joy he could not suppress, "I have been at Roysurfeiting.ston fair, my lady, and got a sow exactly of your ladyship's size." P. None so blind as they that will not sec. P. There is no creature so like a man as an ape. P. Nothing but is good for something. C. Not so; nothing is not good for any thing. C. Not so; a ring hath none, for it is round. C. Not when it brings a thief to the gallows. C. Not so; the sun goes it every day. P. It is a great way to the bottom of the sea. P. A friend is best found in adversity. C. Not so; for then there's none to be found. P. The pride of the rich makes the labours of the RIDDLES. Q. In words unnumber'd I abound, Yet know no more than it had never been. A. It is a worm that eats through the books in a learned library. Q. Full rich am I, yet care not who Doth take away from me my wealth ; Be it by fraud, I will not see, Nor prosecute, although by stealth. A. It is a coffer wherein great riches are laid up. Q. Tho' I am pierced a thousand times. I Yet in me not a hole is made; notice give when Phoebus climbs To drowsy mortals in their bed. A. It is a window penetrated by the light. Q. I'm dragg'd along thro' dirt and mire, O'er cragged stones and hills about; And yet I neither faint nor tire, Q. Why is the Temple church so much like Hea- | Mrs. Drinkwater's apt to indulge in a dram, ven? A. There none are married, or in marriage given. The church in the Temple was founded in the reign of Henry II., upon the model of that of the holy sepulchre at Jerusalem, and is extra-parochial. BROTHER FEELING. Mr. Garrick, being at the seat of lord Fielding, went, with that nobleman, to see a puppet-show; and the former offering a shilling at the door for his admission, "Oh, no," cried the man, pass on, brother manager, we never take money from one another?!" YOUR WORSHIP. A man having business with a magistrate, who was an auctioneer, gave much offence, by neglecting to call him—his worship; on which he committed him to gaol for contempt. When the man obtained his discharge he constantly attended his worship's sales, bidding for almost every lot: "threepence, your worship; sixpence, your worship;" which caused such scenes of laughter at the auctioneer's expense, that he was glad to give the man ten guineas never to attend his sales any more. SURNAMES. Men once were surnam'd from their shape or estate, (You all may from history worm it,) There was Lewis the Bulky and Henry the Great, John Lackland and Peter the Hermit. And now, when the door-plates of misters and dames Are read, each so constantly varies From the owner's trade, figure, and calling, surnames Mr. Box, though provok'd, never doubles his fist, Mr. Playfair won't catch me at hazard or whist, Mrs, Angel's an absolute fury, Over poor Mr. Lightfoot, confined with the gout, Miss Joy, wretched maid, when she chose Mr. Love, She now holds in wedlock, as true as a dove, Old Mr. Younghusband's the starchest. Miss Poole us'd to dance, but she stands like a stock, COW, Mr. Swift hobbles onward, no mortal knows how, Mr. Makepeace was bred an attorney. Mr. Penny, whose father was rolling in wealth, Mr. Cruikshank stept into three thousand a year, Now I hope you'll acknowledge I've made it quite clear, Surnames ever go by contraries. AMENDE HONOURABLE. there was no father entry in the journal.) Tuesday, Many years since, the bench of Middlesex justices threatening to confine me all day, lay till after nine waked at seven; but the weather being rainy, and refused a licence to a publican who put up Mr.Ten, breakfasted and read the news-papers-very Wilkes for his sign: he told them, so far from being dull and drowsy-Eleven, day clears up, and I resolve a friend to Wilkes, that he had hung him up in effigy; on a short ride to clear my head. but if he had given offence, he was ready to pull down Wilkes, and hang up the whole bench of Middlesex justices instead. JOURNAL OF AN INDOLENT MAN. Thursday, eleven at night, went to bed: ordered my servant to wake me at six, resolving to be busy all next day. Friday morning: Waked a quarter before six ; fell asleep again, and did not wake till eight. Till nine, read the first act of Voltaire's Mahomet, as it was too late to begin serious business. Ten: Having swallowed a short breakfast, went out for a moment in my slippers-The wind having left the east, am engaged by the beauty of the day, to continue my walk-Find a situation by the river, where the sound of my flute produced a very singular and beautiful echo- make a stanza and a half by way of address to it-visit the shepherd lying ill of a low fever-find him somewhat better (Mem. to send him some wine)-meet the parson, and cannot avoid asking him to dinner-returning home, find my reapers at work-superintend them in the absence of John, whom I send to inform the house of the parson's visit -read, in the mean time, part of Thomson's Seasons, which I had with me-From one to six, plagued with the parson's news and stories-take up Mahomet to put me in good humour-finish it, the time allotted for serious study being elapsed-at eight, applied to for advice by a poor countryman, who had been oppressed-cannot say as to the law give him some money-walk out at sun-set, to consider the causes of the pleasure arising from it-at nine, sup, and sit till eleven hearing my nephew read, and conversing with my mother, who was remarkably well and cheerfulgo to bed. Saturday: Some company arrived-to be filled up to-morrow (for that and the two succeeding days, UNCERTAIN RELATIONSHIP. "Has An Irishman being asked by a friend, your sister got a son or a daughter?" answered, Faith, I do not yet know whether I am an uncle or an aunt." DAGGER MARR AND GARRICK. A performer, named Marr, was called by Mr. Garrick, Dagger-Marr, from the cruel use he made of such characters as were allotted him. An actor having made his first appearance, with many evident marks of disapprobation from the audience, Dagger, who had not performed that night, took Mr. Garrick aside, and said to him I say, little one, this was not fair; if there was to be a murder committed to-night, I had as much right to have a hand in it, as any body else." SOLDIER'S EPISTLE. An epistle from one Sergeant Hall of the Foot From the Cump before Mons, Sept. 26. "I received yours, and am glad yourself and your wife are in good health, with all the rest of my friends. Our battalion suffered more than I could wish in the action. But who can withstand fate? Poor Richard Stevenson had his fate with a great many more: He was killed dead before we entered the trenches. We had above two hundred of our battalions killed and wounded: We lost ten sergeants, six are as followeth : Jennings, Castles, Roach, Sherring, Meyrick, and my son Smith. The rest are not your acquaintance. I have received a very bad shot in my head myself, but am in hopes, and, please God, I shall recover. I |