'Tis seen in the lightning, and heard in the thunder.
'Twas allotted to man, with his earliest breath,
It assists at his birth, it attends him in death.
Presides o'er his happiness, honour, and health,
Is the prop of his house, and the end of his wealth.
It begins every hope, every wish it must bound;
And tho' unaspiring, with monarchs is crown'd:
In the heaps of the miser 'tis hoarded with care,
But is sure to be lost in his prodigal heir.
Without it the soldier, the seaman, may roam,
But woe to the wretch, who expels it from home.
In the whispers of conscience its voice will be found,
Nor e'en in the whirlwind of passion be drowned.
"Twill not soften the heart, but tho' deaf to the ear
"Twill make it acutely and constantly hear.
But in shade let it rest, like a delicate flower;
Oh! breathe on it softly-it dies in an hour.

DUCKS AND CHICKENS.

BYRON.

chickens will be turned into ducks before my coop is ready to receive them."

THE OXONIAN. A CRAZY TALE.

A young Oxonian, not o'erstock'd with knowledge,
Like many others, who are sent to college,
Who, taken from their country schools
And dread inspiring birch,

Are put apprentices to Mrs. Church,
And learn--to make themselves consummate fools.
But to my tale-this son of sable hues
Would oft, his leisure hours to amuse,
(The luscious produce of the purple vine,)
When unobserv'd, take copious draughts of wine,
And get his cranium in a pretty funk,
Or get (in plainer English) screeching drunk.
Moreover he was fond of cards and dice,
(In latter days too prevalent a vice :)

Could swear, and run in debt, and when, forsooth,
Some luckless tradesman would request this youth,
"To have the condescension to discharge
His bill, which now was growing rather large-"
He'd kick his breech, or pluck the caitiff's hairs,
And knock him down a dozen pair of stairs.
-This to be sure now, was not very civil,
But shows that cassocks sometimes clothe the devil.

These pretty tricks, the reader may rely,

Could not be long conceal'd

From dame Inspection's penetrating eye,

But to the President were soon reveal'd. In vain did he his hapless fate bewail;

In vain for pardon did the youth implore
(Which oft had been obtain'd by bribes before :)
Then dropt a piteous tear,

Nor prayers nor tears will now avail-
He's summon'd to appear.
High on his chair the reverend father sat,
In all the dignity of pride and fat;

High on his head his wig portentous frown'd,
The youth with dread beheld his awful state-
Decider of his good or evil fate-

Whilst thus his words throughout the hall resound. Young man

As life is but a span,

It ought to be our constant care

Whilst we are suffer'd to remain on earth, To tread in virtue's paths, and thus prepare Our souls to meet a future birth.

It is with sorrow I'm oblig'd to say

Your conduct the reverse of this does prove:
I'm told that you disdain fair virtue's sway,
That through the various scenes of vice you rove;
That 'stead of minding Homer you are sporting,
Without a sigh, your honour'd father's fortune.
Desist, rash youth, no more his bosom sting,

Or, if you'd wish your father's life to save,
Reform your conduct, or you'll surely bring
His old grey hairs with sorrow to the grave."
The youth, here smiling, rose, and rising cried-
"Excuse my interrupting your discourse,
To me a very painful source,
Though certainly too well applied:
Brt, Sir, I beg permission to remark,

That I am not afraid of what you mention,
Although," observes our hopeful spark,

"I thank you for your good intention:
You say, if I continue thus to sting
- My father's bosom, I shall surely bring

His grey hairs to the grave, with sorrow big-
On that score, reverend Sir, withhold your fears-
Lord, Sir- my father, for these thirty years,
Has worn a wIG!"

MATRIMONIAL CPEED.

Whoever will be married, before all things it is necessary, that he hold the conjugal faith in this. That there were two rational beings created, both al, and yet one superior to the other, and the interior shall bear rule over the superior; which faith, except every one do keep whole and undefiled, with at doubt he shall be scolded everlastingly. The man is superior to the woman, and the woman is inferior to the man; yet both are equal, and the woman shall govern the man.

The woman is commanded to obey the man, and the man ought to obey the woman; and yet there are not two obedients, but one obedient.

For there is one dominion nominal of the husband, and another dominion real of the wife; and yet there are not two dominions, but one dominion.

For, like as we are compelled by the Christian verity to acknowledge, that wives must submit themselves to their husbands, and be subject to them in all things; so are we forbidden by the conjugal faith to say, that they should be at all influenced by their wills, or pay any regard to their commands.

The man was not created for the woman, but the woman for the man; yet the man shall be the slave of the woman, and the woman the tyrant of the man ; so that in all things, as is aforesaid, the subjection of the superior to the inferior is to be believed.

He, therefore, that will be married, must thus think of the woman and the man.

Furthermore, it is necessary to submissive matrimony, that he also believe rightly the infallibility of the wife :

For the right faith is, that we believe and confess, that the wife is fallible and infallible:

Perfectly fallible, and perfectly infallible; of an erring soul, and an unerring mind, subsisting; fallible as touching her human nature, and infallible as touching her female sex.

Who, although she be fallible, and infallible, yet she is not two, but one woman who submitted to lawful marriage, to acquire unlawful dominion; and promised religiously to obey, that she might rule in injustice and folly.

This is the conjugal faith; which, except a man believe faithfully, he cannot enter the state of matrimony.

THE MONK AND THE JEW; OR, CATHOLIC CONVERT.

To make new converts truly bless'd,
A Recipe-Probatum est.
Stern winter, clad in frost and snow,
Had now forbade the streams to flow;
And skaiting peasants swiftly glide,
Like swallows, o'er the slipp'ry tide;
When Mordecai, upon whose face
The synagogue you plain might trace,

Fortune, with smiles deceitful, bore
To a curs'd hole, but late skinn'd o'er;
Down plumps the Jew; but, in a trice,
Rising he caught the friendly ice.
He grasp'd; he yell'd, a hideous cry:
No friendly help, alas! was nigh;
Save a poor monk-who quickly ran,
To snatch from death the drowning man.
But when the holy father saw

A limb of the Mosaic law,

His outstretch'd hand he quick withdrew"For Heaven's sake, help?" exclaims the Jew. "Turn Christian first!" the father cries. "I'm froze to death," the Jew replies. "Froze!" quoth the monk

know,

;

"too

There's fire enough for Jews below. Renounce your unbelieving crew, And help is near."-" I do, I do!"

"Damn all your brethren, great and small." "With all my heart-O, damu 'em all!

Now help me out."-"There's one thing more: Salute this cross, and Christ adore."

There, there! I Christ adore !"—" "Tis well; Thus arm'd, defiance bid to Hell. And yet another thing remains, To guard against eternal pains: Do you our Papal Father hold Heav'n's vicar, and believe all told By holy church ?"-"I do, by G-d! One moment more, I'm food for cod! Drag, drag me out; I freeze, I die !" "Your peace, my friend, is made on high, Full absolution here I give ; Saint Peter will your soul receive. Wash'd clean from sin, and duly shriv'n, New converts always go to heav'n. No hour, for death, so fit as this: Thus, thus, I launch you into bliss." So said the father, in a trice,

His convert launch'd beneath the ice.

SIGNS AND TOKENS.

If you see "a man and woman, with little or no occasion, often finding fault, and correcting each other in company, you may be sure they are husband and wife. If you see a lady and gentleman in the same coach in profound silence, the one looking out of one window, and the other at the opposite side, be assured they mean no harm to each other, but are husband and wife. If you see a lady accidentally let fall a glove or a handkerchief, and a gentleman that is next to her tell her of it, that she may herself pick it up, set them down for husband and wife.If you see a man and woman walk in the fields at twenty yards distance, in a direct line, and the man striding over a stile and still going on, sans cérémonie, you may swear they are husband and wife.-If you see a lady whose beauty attracts the notice of every person present, except one man, and he speaks to her in a rough manner, and does not appear at all affected by her charms, depend upon it they are husband and wife.

AN ELEGY ON MRS. MARY BLAIZE.

Good people all, with one accord,
Lament for Madam Blaize ;
Who never wanted a good word

From those who spoke her praise.
The needy seldom pass'd her door,
And always found her kind;
She freely lent to all the poor
Who left a pledge behind.

She strove the neighbourhood to please,
With manners wond'rous winning;
And never follow'd wicked ways,

Unless when she was sinning,

At church in silks and satins new,
With hoops of monstrous size;
She never slumber'd in her pew,
But when she shut her eyes.
Her love was sought, I do aver,
By twenty beaux and more;
The king himself has followed her
When she has walk'd before.

An honest tar, being at a quaker's meeting, heard the friend that was holding forth speak with great vehemence against the ill consequence of giving the lie in conversation; and therefore advised that, when any man told a tale not consistent with truth or probability, the hearer should only cry "Twang !" which could not irritate people to passion like the lie. Afterwards he digressed into the story of the miracle of five thousand being fed with five loaves of bread, &c. he then told them that they were not such loaves as those used now-a-days, but were as big as mountains; at which the tar uttered with a loud voice"Twang."-" What," says the quaker, "dost thou think I lie, friend."- "No," says Jack, "but I am thinking how big the ovens were that baked them."

CONTRADICTION.

A young clergyman having buried three wives, a lady asked him how he happened to be so lucky. "Madam," replied he, "I knew they could not live without contradiction, so I let them all have their own way."

ON FINDING A PAIR OF SHOES ON A LADY's bed. Well may suspicion shake his head!

Well may Clorinda's spouse be jealous! When the dear wanton takes to bed

Her very shoes, because they're fellows!

NAUTICAL SERMON.

When Whitfield preached before the seamen at New York, he had the following bold apostrophe in his sermon :-" Well, my boys, we have a clear sky and are making fine headway over a smooth sea, before a light breeze, and we shall soon lose sight of land. But what means this sudden lowering of the heavens, and that dark cloud arising from beneath the western horizon? Hark! Don't you hear distant thunder? Don't you see those flashes of lightning? There is a storm gathering! Every man to his duty! How the waves rise, and dash against the ship! The air is dark! The air is dark! The tempest rages! Our What next?" The unsuspecting tars, suddenly arose masts are gone! The ship is on her beam ends! and exclaimed, Take to the long boat.

THE POOR POET TO HIS CAT.

Tabby, methinks thou much resemblest me,
In musing posture, as beside the fire
Thou sitt'st. And now pray let me question thee,
What sorrows or what whims thy breast inspire?
Hast thou a kitten, querulous for food;

Or dwells thy thought upon some absent rover, Who spends the night, (O'base ingratitude!) Regardless of thy charms, with some new lover? Or does the nibbling of that hungry mouse,

Behind the wainscot, draw thy deep attention, And art thou planning, guardian of the house!

Sage methods for the prowler's apprehension? Whate'er thy grievances, they're but ideal, Whilst mine, alas! are palpable and real.