I was obliged to work, among the negroes; and I served out my time, as in duty bound to do.

When my time was expired, I worked my passage home, and glad I was to see Old England again, because I loved my country. I was afraid, however, that I should be indicted for a vagabond once more, so did not much care to go down into the country, but kept about town, and did little jobs when I could get them.

I was very happy in this manner for some time, till one evening, coming home from work, two men knocked me down, and then desired me to stand, They belonged to a press-gang; I was carried before the justice, and, as I could give no account of myself, I had my choice left, whether to go on board a man of war, or list for a soldier. I chose the latter; and in this post of a gentleman, I served two campaigns in Flanders, was at the battles of Val and Fontenoy, and received but one wound, through the breast here; but the doctor of our regiment soon made me well again.

When the peace came on I was discharged; and, as I could not work, because my wound was sometimes troublesome, I listed for a landsman in the East India company's service. I here fought the French in six pitched battles; and I verily believe, that, if I could read or write, our captain would have made me a corporal. But it was not my good fortune to have any promotion, for I soon fell sick, and so got leave to return home again with forty pounds in my pocket. This was at the beginning of the present war, and I hoped to be set on shore, and to have the pleasure of spending my money; but the government wanted men, and so I was pressed for a sailor before ever I could set foot on shore.

The boatswain found me, as he said, an obstinate fellow; he swore he knew that I understood my business well, but that I shammed Abraham, merely to be idle; but God knows, I knew nothing of seabusiness, and he beat me, without considering what he was about. I had still, however, my forty pounds, and that was some comfort to me under every beat

ing; and the money I might have had to this day

but that our ship was taken by the French, and so I

lost all.

Our crew was carried into Brest, and many of them died, because they were not used to live in a jail; but, for my part, it was nothing to me, for I was seasoned. One night, as I was sleeping on the bed of boards, with a warm blanket about me, for I always loved to lie well, I was awakened by the boatswain, who had a dark lanthorn in his hand; Jack,' says he to me, will you knock out the French sentry's brains?' I don't care,' says I, striving to keep myself awake, if I lend a hand. Then follow me,' says he, and I hope we shall do business.' So up I got and tied my blanket, which was all the clothes I had, about my middle, and went with him to fight the Frenchmen. I hate the French, because they are slaves, and wear wooden shoes.

Though we had no arms, one Englishman is able to beat live French at any time; so we went down to the door, where both the sentries were posted, and rushing upon them, seized their arms in a moment, and knocked them down. From thence, nine of us ran together to the quay, and, seizing the first boat we met, got out of the harbour and put to sea. We had not been here three days before we were taken up by the Dorset privateer, who were glad of so many good hands; and we consented to run our chance. However, we had not so much luck as we expected. In three days we fell in with the Pompadour privateer, of forty guns, while we had but twenty-three; so to it we went, yard-arm and yardarm. The fight lasted for three hours, and I verily believe we should have taken the Frenchman, had we but had some more men left behind; but, unfortunately, we lost all our men just as were going to get the victory.

I was once more in the power of the French, and I believe it would have gone hard with me, had I been brought back to Brest; but by good fortune, we were retaken by the Viper. I had almost forgot to tell you, that, in that engagement, I was wounded in two places; I lost four fingers of the left hand,

and my leg was shot off. If I had had the good fortune to have lost my leg and use of my hand on board a king's ship, and not aboard a privateer, I should have been entitled to clothing and maintenance during the rest of my life; but that was not my chance; one man is born with a silver spoon in his mouth, and another with a wooden ladle. However, blessed be God, I enjoy good health, and will for ever love liberty and Old England. Liberty, property, and Old England, for ever, huzza!

SINGULAR DISTINCTION

GOLDSMITH,

A Scotch minister, preaching on the sin of taking God's name in vain; made this singular distinction: "O Sirs, this is a very great sin; for my own part I would sooner steal all the horned cattle in the parish, than once take God's name in vain."

ANTICIPATIONS IN LOW LIFE.

In the early part of the reign of George II., the footman of a lady of quality, under the infatuation of a dream, disposed of the savings of the last twenty years of his life in two lottery tickets, which proving blanks, after a few days he put an end to his life. In his box was found the following plan of the manner in which he would spend the 50001. prize, which his mistress reserved as a curiosity :-"As soon as I have received the money, I will marry Grace Towers; but as she has been cross and coy, I will use her as a servant. Every morning she shall get me a mug of strong beer, with a toast, nutmeg, and sugar in it; and I will sleep till ten, after which I will have a large sack posset. My dinner shall be on table by one, and never without a good pudding. I will have a stock of wine and brandy laid in. About five in the afternoon I will have tarts and jellies, and a gallon bowl of punch, at ten a hot supper of two dishes. If I am in a good humour, and Grace behaves herself, she shall sit down with me. To bed about twelve."

NECESSITY.

A dull barrister once got the nickname of Necessity-because Necessity has no law.

TINKER AND GLAZIER

Two thirsty souls met on a sultry day,

One Glazier Dick, the other Tom the Tinker Both with light purses, but with spirits gay, And hard it were to name the sturdiest drinker. Their ale they quaff'd ;

And as they swigg'd the nappy

Tho' both agreed, 'tis said, That trade was wond'rous dead, They jok'd, sung, laugh'd, And were completely happy. The landlord's eye, bright as his sparkling ale, Glisten'd to see them the brown pitcher hug, For every jest, and song, and merry tale Had this blythe ending

Bring us t'other mug."

Now Dick the Glazier feels his bosom burn
To do his friend Tom Tinker, a good turn;
And where the heart to friendship feels inclin'd,
Occasion seldom loiters long behind.
The kettle singing gaily on the fire,

Gives Dick a hint just to his heart's desire;
And while to draw more ale the landlord goes,
Dick, in the ashes all the water throws,
Then puts the kettle on the fire again,

And at the Tinker winks,

As" trade's success!" he drinks, Nor doubts the wish'd success Tom will obtain. Our landlord ne'er could such a toast withstand : So, giving each kind customer a hand,

His friendship too display'd,

And drank" Success to trade!"

But O, how pleasure vanish'd from his eye,
How long and rueful his round visage grew;
Soon as he saw the kettle's bottom fly,
Solder the only fluid he could view !

He rav'd, he caper'd, and he swore,

And curs'd the kettle's bottom o'er and o'er. "Come, come!" says Dick, "fetch us, my friend, more ale ;

All trades, you know, must live:

Let's drink- May trade with none of us ne'er fail.
The job to Tom then give;

And, for the ale he drinks, our lad of mettle,
Take my word for it, soon will mend your kettle."
The landlord yields, but hopes 'tis no offence,
To curse the trade that thrives at his expence.
Tom undertakes the job, to work he goes,
And just concludes it with the evening's close.
Souls so congenial, had friends Tom and Dick,

They might be fairly call'd brother and brother; Thought Tom," to serve my friend I know a trick, And one good turn deserves another!"

Ingratitude's worst curse on my head fall,
If for your sake I have not broke them all!"
Tom, with surprise sees Dick turn pale,
Who deeply sighs-" O, la !"
Then drops his under jaw,
And all his pow'rs of utt'rance fail;

While horror in his ghastly face
And bursting eyeballs, Tom can trace,
Whose sympathetic muscles, just and true,
Share with the heart,

Dick's unknown smart,

And two such phizzes ne'er met mortal view.

At length friend Dick his speech regain'd,
And soon the mystery explain'd-
"You have indeed my business done,
And I, as well as you, must run;
For, let me act the best I can,
Tom! Tom! I am a ruin'd man

Zounds! zounds! this friendship is a foolish act,
You did not know with the parish I contract;
Your wish to serve me, then, will cost me dear,
I always mend those windows by the year."

THE ROYAL SHIPWRIGHT.

King Charles II. was reputed to be a great connoisseur in naval architecture. Being once at Chatham, to view a ship, just finished, on the stocks, he asked Killegrew, "if he did not think he should make an excellent shipwright?" Killegrew instantly replied, "he always thought his Majesty would have done better at any trade than his own."

TRUE WIT.

True wit is like the brilliant stone

Dug from Golconda's mine; Which boasts two various powers in one, To cut as well as shine.

Genius, like that, if polish'd right,

With the same gifts abounds; Appears at once both keen and bright, And sparkles while it wounds.

GETTING INTO DEBT.

There are three ways of getting into debt; first, by pushing a face; as thus: "You, Mr. Lutestring, send me home six yards of that paduasoy, dammee; but, heark ye, don't think I ever intend to pay you for it, dammee." At this, the mercer laughs heartily cuts off the paduasoy, and sends it home; nor is he till too late, surprised to find the gentleman had said nothing but truth, and kept his word.

The second method of running into debt is called fneering; which is getting goods made up in such a fashion as to be unfit for every other purchaser, and if the tradesman refuses to give them upon credit, then threaten to leave them upon his hands.

But the third and best method is called, " Being the good customer." The gentleman first buys some trife, and pays for it in ready money: he comes a few days after with nothing but bank bills, and buys, we will suppose, a sixpenny tweezer case; the bills are too great to be changed, so he promises to return punctually the day after, and pays for what he has bought. In this promise he is punctual, and this is repeated for eight or ten times, till his face is well known, and he has got, at last, the character of a good customer. By this means he gets credit for something considerable, and then never pays for it.

GARRICK'S AVARICE.

Foote often rallied Garrick on his avarice. Garfick called upon him one day, and was surprised to see a bust of himself placed upon the bureau. "Is this intended as a compliment to me?" said Garrick. "Certainly," replied Foote. "And can you trust the so near your cash and your bank-notes?" "Yes. very well," said Foote," for you are without hands."

CLERICAL PREFERMENT.

Among the daily inquiries after the health of an aged bishop of D****m, during his indisposition, no cre was more sedulously punctual than the bishop of E****, and the invalid seemed to think, that other motives than those of anxious kindness might contribute to this solicitude. One morning he ordered the messenger to be shown into his room, and thas addressed him: "Be so good as present my

2d Bail.

Here I stand.
Mingay. I must except to both,-command
Silence; and if your Lordships crave it,
Austen shall read our affidavit.
Austen. Will Priddle, late of Fleet-street, gent.
Makes oath and saith, That late he went
To Duke's-place, as he was directed
By notice, and he there expected
To find both bail-but none could tell
Where the first bail lived.—
Mingay.

Very well.
Austen. And this deponent further says,
That asking what the second was,
He found he'd brankrupt been, and yet
Had ne'er obtain'd certificate.

When to his house deponent went,
He full four stories high was sent,
And found a lodging almost bare;
No furniture but haif a chair,
A table, bedstead, broken fiddie,
And a bureau, (signed) William Priddle.
Sworn at my chambers, Francis Buller.
Mingay. No affidavit can be fuller.
Well, friend, you've heard this affidavit ;
What do you say?
2d Bail.
Sir, by your leave, it
Is all a lie.
Mingay.
Sir, have a care
What is your trade?
2d Bail.

A scavenger.

Mingay Bankrupt?

And pray, Sir, were you never found a 2d Bail. I'm worth a thousand pound. Mingay. A thousand pound, friend? Boldly said! In what consisting?

2d Bail.

Stock in trade.

Mingay. And pray, friend, tell me, do you know What sum you're bail for?

2d Bail.

Truly no.

pay? "A penny," said strap. "I'll give you a baubee," said Duncan," and if that dinna satisfy ye, ye may put on my beard again,"

TRANSLATION BLUNDERS.

Du Fresnel translated Pope's Essay on Man; but upon this verse,

Then, looking up, from sire to sire, explored One great first father, and that first adoredunluckily mistook the term of great first father, and "Not a mouse is stirring,"

check'd him.

I hope your Lordships willWilles.

Mingay. Well, friend, now tell me where 1st Bail. Sir, I have liv'd in Clerkenwell These ten years.

Mingay.

you

Half a guinea dead. (aside) My Lords, if you've the notice read, It says Duke's-place. So I desire

A little further time t'enquire.

Baldwin. Why, Mr. Mingay, all this vapour.
Willes. Take till to-morrow.
Lord Mansfield.

Call the Paper.

dwell.

JOHN BAYNES,

SIR THOMAS MORE.

A lady, in whose favor Sir Thomas More had made a decree in Chancery against a nobleman, having, as a token of her gratitude, presented him with a pair of gloves, and in them forty pounds in angels, as a new year's gift, More took the gloves, but pouring out the money, and returning it, said with a smile, "Since it would be contrary to good manners to refuse a new year's gift from a lady, I am content to take your gloves, but as for the lining, I utterly refuse it."

STRIKING A BARGAIN.

A Highlander who sold brooms, went into a barber's shop in Glasgow, a few days since, to get shaved. The barber bought one of his brooms, and, after having shaved him, asked the price of it. "Two- pence," said the Highlander. "No, no," said the barber, "I'll give you a penny; if that does not satisfy you, take your broom again." The Highlander took it, and asked what he had got to

PIOUS SHAVING.

A sturdy beggar, entered a French tonsor's shop the eve of Corpus Christi, besought him to take off his beard for God's sake.-" Willingly," replied the barber: here, boy," says he, "whip off this man's beard gratis, in honour of the festival," cries, one of his apprentices, to another: "Hack that fellow's chin there." The patient made strange wry faces; when seeing a water spaniel come in, mangled in s miserable manner, for having plundered the kitchen, "Poor dog," says he, "I see by your air that you have been shaved for God's sake.'

MURRAY AND THE BISHOP.

The publisher of the Quarterly Review one day received a letter, dated Chelsea, signed "Thomas Winton," proposing to him to publish a "Life of Pitt," which he had written in several volumes. He scornfully put it into his pocket, and in a few days mentioned it as a good joke to some literary persons at dinner, that some fellow of the name of Winton, had actually been wasting his time on such a work, and now had the modesty to propose to him to publish it. "Winton," exclaimed a Wykhamist, "whence did he date?" "Oh! from Chelsea," said the bookseller. The other suspecting an error of ignorance, desired to see the letter, and on its being produced, it was discovered to be from the Bishop of Winchester, written at the Palace at Chelsea. The bookseller overwhelmed with chagrin, flew to Chelsea, pleaded many excuses for neglect, and was put into possession of the MS. of a work which soon ran through several large and profitable editions.