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Thomas. No, sir,-she's only singed.

Singed! you Beelzebub's bastard !-Curse the monkey-stop him-he's gone off with my gold spectacles'

If you have compassion, hear a man of five-andforty's prayer! I cant stay here!-where am I to go to-If you should think-Thomas!-I must get into a hackney coach!-If you should think-Call me a hackney coach, sitrah—and ask the man what he charges for it (d'ye hear) by the week.-If you should think, that there is any chance of my doing well in Edinburgh-I shouldn't like to be above the fifth story, (I understand most of their houses run ten.)-A line, by return would oblige. As I have no home at present, except my hackney coach that I've sent for, I can't say exactly in what place of suffering your letter will find me; but, by addressing to the coffee-house in Rathbone Place, it will somewhere or other come to the hands of

Your very humble servant,
WRINKLETON FIDGET.

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licentiousness of the press, the celebrity of rouge et noir. There is, however, one circumstance corroborative of their judgment, to which we think the public opinion has not yet been sufficiently called. We mean the indisputable fact, that persons of all descriptions are growing ashamed of their own names. We remember that when we were dragged in our childhood to walk with our nurse, we were accustomed to beguile our sense of weariness and disgust by studying the names, which, in their neat brass plates, decorated the doors by which we passed. Now the case is altered! the tradesmen have removed their signs; it is equally true that the gentlemen have removed their names. The simple numerical distinction, which is now alone emblazoned upon the doors of our dwellings, but ill replaces that more gratifying custom, which, in a literal sense, held up great names for our emulation, and made the streets of the metropolis a muster-roll of examples for our conduct.

But a very serious inconvenience is also occasioned by this departure from ancient observances. How is the visitor from the country to discover the patron of his fortunes, the friend of his bosom, or the mistress of his heart, if, in lieu of the above-mentioned edifying brass plates, his eye glances upon the unsatisfactory information contained in 1, 2, or 3? In some cases even this assistance is denied to him, and he wanders upon his dark and comfortless voyage, like an ancient mariner deprived of the assistance of the stars.

Mr. Nichol Loaming, has written a long and eloquent dissertation upon this symptom of degeneracy; and certainly, if the advice" experto crede" be of any weight, Mr. Nichol's testimony ought to induce all persons to hang out, upon the exterior of their residences, some more convincing enunciation of their name and calling, than it is at present the fashion to produce.

Nichol came up to town with letters of introduction to several friends of his family, whom it was his duty and wish to discover. But his first adventure so dispirited him, that, after having spent two mera

ings at a hotel, he set out upon his homeward voyage, and left the metropolis an unexplored region.

He purposed to make his first visit to Sir William Knowell, and having with some difficulty discovered the street to which he had been directed, he proceeded to investigate the doors, in order to find out the object of his search. The doors presented nothing but a blank! He made inquiries; was directed to a house; heard that Sir William was at home, was shown into an empty room, and waited for some time with patience.

of sixteen or seventeen. Upon looking up, Nichol perceived the gentleman he had been addressing rather embarrassed; and "hoped that he had not said any thing which could give offence."" Not in the least," replied the stranger, "I am more amused by an account of the foibles of Sir W. Morley than any one else can be; and of this I will immediately convince you. Sir William Knowell resides at No. Six-you have stepped by mistake into No Setes, --Before you leave it, allow me to introduce you to Lady Morley-who is rather weak in the head, and The furniture of the house rather surprised him. to say the truth under confinement;--to Miss Elica It was handsomer than he had expected to find it; Morley, a professed coquette, who went off to Greta and on the table were the Morning Chronicle and the last week with a half-pay Officer; finally," (with a Edinburgh Review, although Sir William was a vio- very low bow) "to Sir William Morley himself, a lent Tory. At length the door opened, and a gen-gambler by habit, and a drunkard by inclinationtleman made his appearance. Nichol asked, in a who is at present in the King's Bench, without the studie specch, whether he had the honour to ad- possibility of an adjustment !” dress Sir William Knowell? The gentleman replied, that he believed there had been a little mistake, but that he was an intimate friend of Sir W. Knowell's, and expected him in the course of a few minutes. Nichol resumed his seat, although he did not quite perceive what mistake had taken place. He was unfortunately urged by his evil genius to attempt

conversation.

He observed that Sir W. Knowell had a delightful house, and inquired whether the neighbourhood was pleasant. "His next neighbour," said the stranger, with a most incomprehensible smile, "is Sir William Morley." Nichol shook his head; "was surprised to hear Sir William kept such company, had heard strange stories of Sir W. Morley,-hoped there was no foundation,-indeed had received no good report of the family!-The mother rather weak in the head,--to say the truth under confinement ;the sister a professed coquette,-went off to Gretna last week with a Scotch Officer,-Sir William himself a gambler by habit, a drunkard by inclination; --at present in the King's Bench, without the possibility of an adjustment-"

Here he was stopped by the entrance of an elderly lady leaning on the arm of an interesting girl

PROVIDENCE.

The late Lord Holland was one morning condoling with Dr. Campbell on their mutual infirmities, and lamenting the inconveniences to which the want of health subjected mankind, when advanced in years. The door opened, and a contractor entered the room, florid and full of health. They congratulated him on his looks. "Yes," he said, "Providence has been very good to me, for I have never known a moment's sickness in my life." This declaration by no means softened the asperity of Lord Holland's countenance. The contractor saw all was not right, and took his leave. "There now, Campbell, there now," said the angry peer, pointing to the door,

You see what Providence has been about, taking care of that scoundrel's health, forsooth! and not minding what becomes of your dropsical belly, or of my ringworm."

WRITTEN ON A GLASS,

By a Gentleman who borrowed the Earl of Chesterfield's diamond pencil.

Accept a miracle, instead of wit;

See two dull lines by Stanhope's pencil writ.

CHARACTERS AT A COUNTY BALL.

I pity all whom Fate unites
To vulgar Belles on Gala Nights
But chiefly him who haply sees
The day-star of his destinies-
The Beauty of his fondest dreaming
Sitting in solitude, and seeming
To lift her dark capricious eye
Beneath its fringe reproachingly.
Alas! one luckless friend is tied
To a fair Hoyden by his side,
Who opens, without law or rule,
The treasures of the boarding-school;
And she is prating learnedly
Of logic and of chemistry, -
Describing chart and definition
With geographical precision,
Culling her words, as bid by chance,
From England, Italy, or France,
Until, like many a clever dunce,
She murders all the three at once.
Sometimes she mixes by the ounce
Discussion deep on frill and flounce,
Points out the stains, that stick, like burrs,
To ladies' gowns,-or characters;
Talks of the fiddles, and the weather,
Of Laura's wreath, and Fannia's feather
All which obedient Edmund hears
With passive look, and open cars,
And understands about as much
As if the Lady spoke in Dutch;
Until, in indignation high,

She finds the youth makes no reply,
And thinks he's grown as deaf a stock
As Dido,-or Marpesian rock.

Ellen, the lady of his love, Is doom'd the like distress to prove, Chain'd to a Captain of the wars, Like Venus by the side of Mars. Hark! Valour talks of conquer'd towns, See! silent Beauty frets and frowns;,

The man of fights is wondering now
That Girls won't speak when Dandies bow;
And Ellen finds, with much surprise,
That Beaux will speak when Belles despise.
"Ma'am," says the Captain, "I protest

I come to ye a stranger guest,

Fresh from the dismal dangerous land,
Where men are blinded by the sand,
Where undiscover'd things are hid
In owl-frequented pyramid,

And mummies with their silent looks
Appear like memorandum-books,
Giving a hint of death, for fear
We men should be too happy here.
But if upou my native land
Fair ones as still as mummies stand,
By Jove--I had as lieve be there!"
(The lady looks-" I wish you were.")
"I fear I'm very dull to-night"-
(The lady looks-"You're very right. ')
But if one smile-one cheering ray".
(The Lady looks another way.)
"Alas! from some more happy man-
(The Lady stoops and bites her fan,)
Flattery, perhaps, is not a crime,"
(The Lady dances out of time,)
"Perhaps e'en now, within your heart,
Cruel! you wish us leagues apart,

46

Aud banish me from Beauty's presence!"
The Lady bows in acquiescence,
With steady brow, and studied face,
As if she thought, in such a case,
A contradiction to her Beau
Neither polite-nor a-propos

Poor Reuben! o'er his infant head
Her choicest bounties Nature shed:
She gave him talent, humour, sense,
A decent face, and competence,
And then to mar the beauteous plan,
She bade him be-an absent man.
Ever offending, ever fretting,
Ever explaining, and forgetting,

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He blunders on from day to day,
And drives his nearest friends away.
Do Farces meet with flat damnation?
He's ready with "congratulation."
Are friends in office not quite pure?
He owns
"he hates a sinecure."
Was Major
in foreign strife
Not over prodigal of life?-
He talks about "the coward's grave:
And who so base as be a slave?"
Is some fair cousin made a wife
In the full autumn of her life?-
He's sure to shock the youthful bride
With "forty years, come Whitsuntide."

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HUMOURS OF A VILLAGE FAIR.

It was a Village Wake, or Fair, one of Nature's holidays; where she throws aside jerkin and spade to indulge in uncurbed festivity; or rather, where all the inhabitants of a village meet annually to feast, drink, play, make love, and break heads. Such was the scene I now entered upon, though not quite unexpectedly, as I had gained some notice of it before hand by several noisy groups of peasants hastening past me to this attracting point of all that is pre-eminent, beautiful, or interesting in the country circle. For this is the emporium of village fashion; the Hyde Park of the rustics; where the farmer doffs his leather buskins and nail-studded boots for decent worsted hose, set off by shoes ornamented with the same gleaming buckles that bespangled the icgs of his forefathers. The huge shaggy coat, the faithful companion of his labours through all weathers, is ejected this one day for verdant green, or russet brown. In addition to this, the

rarely-used red waistcoat rises in roseate splendor across his muscular chest, leaving just room enough at the neck to permit the snow-white cravat to be seen; which his good Dame herself has adjusted with the utmost care. He is not less metamorphosed than his neighbours, who all start forth from their cottages on this anxiously expected day, arrayed in their best habiliments. The scene of these rural Saturnalia was a fine verdant lawn, extending like an amphitheatre towards a wood skirting the village. I was not long in finding an eminence from whence I might reconnoitre this motley scene, as well as the tumultuous hubbub of showmen and visitors would allow. I found, to my sorrow, that I had come too late for donkey-racing, and various other sports; and at present, the most conspicuous objects consisted of some youths breaking cach other's heads with true English courage, and certain parties in swings, hanging between heaven and earth, at what appeared to me no very pleasant height. But, doubtless, they were as ambitious to soar as some of our superiors; and, I am afraid, as liable to fall to the dust. To those who were tired of their sports delicacies were not wanting, from the new-made gingerbread to the inviting plum; amongst the booths also were seen some few decorated most splendidly with toys, where the rustic gallant might purchase a thimble or pair of garters for his fair adorable. One or two showmen might be observed amongst the crowd, offering their cap for contributions to the by-standers; some of whom shrunk from it as if it contained a pestilence within its shattered carcase. At another time they made the skies re-echo as they shouted out the mur dered names of the grandees, displayed through a glass hole to their visitors. The latter always ap peared to retire with great satisfaction from having seen the mighty potentates of the world in embryo, and reduced from their thrones to a ricketty caravan. Alas! poor crowned heads, what scurvy tricks Fortune plays with you! what a pity it is you cannot exterminate rascally showmen at the edge of the bayonet, who hawk your High Mightinesses about like so many baboons in kingly robes! Turning a

moment from the sports of the Fair, I beheld, beneath the shade of some gigantic oaks, a band of venerable fathers that might remind us of the patriarchs of old. Too old to engage in more robust exercises, these contented elders reclined there to view the activity of their sons; and, as they applauded the skill of the present generation, waxed strong in tales of former times; previously clearing their throats with a jug of the best village ale. At some distance from these a circle of aged dames were seated round a polished deal table to indulge in a dish of the best green tea. Like their lords and masters, they were arrayed in their best gowns and boddices, that had lain in the neatly-composed drawer at home for many a day, and were now drawn forth in all their rustling splendor and profusion of puckers. There were some healthy fat-looking souls laughing at some good joke till the tears came in their eyes; while a few steadier matrons turned one eye to the tea-table, and, with the other, watched the motions of their daughters, who seized this opportunity to flirt with their lovers. Cupid, indeed, must have emptied his quiver; for the various love-presents I saw borne off in triumph, must have had a powerful effect on hearts hitherto impregnable. At this moment my eye was caught by some smoke that rose curling over the tops of the trees in another part of the wood, and throwing a dusky hue over the surfounding foliage; and, on a more curious inspection, I discovered a group of gypseys stationed there, like the tutelar deities of the forest, to utter their oracles from the native oak. These wanderers, equally with many others, had come to take advantage of the Fair, and were dealing out pottery-ware and fortunes by wholesale. They were bargaining pots and pans, killing some damsels and marrying others, in quick succession; and, urged by my innate spirit of curiosity, I approached to take a nearer view of them. In the midst sat two sibyls hanging over the fumes of a pot, containing their evening's repast, and feeding the tender fire from time to time with: sticks they had gathered in the wood. Near them were playing two

or three bareheaded and barefooted urchins, that had perhaps known a better fate and better living. Bat the most conspicuous figures were two black-eyed lasses, with red cloaks flung over their shoulders, while their sun-burnt, though impressive and handsome features, were partly shrouded by a capacious hood and bonnet. They were apparently the prophetesses of the party, and doubtless no unpleasing ones to their rustic customers. At this moment one of them, stretching out her long uncovered arm, was accurately inspecting the hand of an antiquated maiden, and promising her connubia! felicity and a numerous offspring. It was amusing enough to see the one, who might be nearly called a dane, chuckling at this promise, and secretly admiring her own obselete charms, and already captivating the hearts of youth in her imagination; while the other assumed a pretended appearance of mystic gravity, as her laughing eye betrayed her inward ridicule of the object standing before her. Her sister prophetess was unrolling the page of his destiny to a half-witted countryman, who seemed fearful of trusting his hand within that of the gipsey, thinking perhaps she might carry him to the Devil in a high wind His doubting idiotic look was powerfully contrasted by the half scornful fiery glance of the maiden, who seemed to regard him much in the same manner as a hawk eyes a trembling pigeon ere he pounces on it. Doubtless he considered her oracles infallible; but whether he returned to his farm-yard with a giggle of gladness, or a presentiment of approaching death, I stayed not to unravel, but I suspect the blackbrowed damsel was inclined to play some severe joke upon him. The other members of the gipsey seitlement bore nothing very remarkable in their appearance; there were two or three men engaged in selling knives, &c., whose countenances seemed to have manfully endured and opposed every extremity of weather, and might perhaps, to a better physiognomist than myself, have borne a sinister cast of expression, indicative of a mind capable of foraging in the neighbouring hen-roosts. But leaving these,

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