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I've better here without money than a man in the Soon unloosens the congue, and enlivens the mind, other world can for 10001, a-year; for, in short, And enlightens their eyes to the faults of mankind. se bave every thing, and that for nothing." When supper was over they drank a cheerful In harmless chil chat an acquaintance they roast, glass to the memory of their particular friends and serve up a friend, as they serve up a toast ; over their heads, till at last the patient (bring some gentle faux pas, or some female mistake, much weakened with his long fasting) grew very Is like sweeimeats delicious, or relished as cake ; lipsy: they accordingly turned him again into his A bit of broad scandal is like a dry crust, fuoden territories, wbere he soon fell into a It would stick in the shroat, so they butter it first maand sleep, during which time they carried him with a little affected good-nature, and cry p into his own room, and put hiin again into his Nobody regrets the thing deeper than 1.” Sed, where he slept with his lady till the next Our young ladies nibble a good name in play, perniag about day-light, when waking, he began As for pastime they nibble a biscuit away to look about him, strangely surprised, which the While with shrugs and surmises the toothless old tady perceiviag, cried, " Prithee, my dear, what's dame, the matter with thee?”-“ Lord, love, (said lie) As she mumbles a crust, slie will mumble a name, krt thou here? Where are we?"-" To our own bred. (replied the lady,) in our own cliamber, iri
The wives of our cits of inferior degree poatow u house. Where do you think we should Will soak up repute in a little bohea ; te?" Then, (said the judge.) I have had one The potion is veigar, and vulgar the siang of the move unaccountabe dreams that ever was with which on their neighbours' defects they habrard of." From the line he was recovered of rangue ; bis melancho!y; the mountebauk had his reward, But the scandal improves, a refinement in wrong! 154 the judge sat upon the bench for several years with uson-ai beverage that's still more refined,
As our marrons are richer, aud rise to souchong.
Reputations and ten send together to pot, When the pirty commences, all starch'd and all while madaın, in cambrics and laces array’d, They talk of the weather, their corns, or sit mim; Will drink in imperial a friend at a sup,
With her plate and ber liveries in splendid parade, Tory will tell you of cambrie, of ribands, of lace, Or in gunpowder blow them by dozens all "p. Haebeap ede; are soldmaad will name you the Ah me! how I grean, when with full swelling sail place.
Wafted stately along by the favouring gale, They discourse of their colds, and they hein and A China ship proudly arrives in our bay,
they cough, And complain of their servants to pass their time on more fell to our port is the cargo she bears
Displaying her streamers and blazing away. Or list to the tale of some doating mamma;
Than grenadoes, torpedoes, or warlike afíairs ;
Each chest is a bombshell thrown into our town, How her ten weeks old baby will laugli and say | To shatter repute and bring character down, taa!
IF I, in the remnant that's left me of life, Bat tea, that enlivener of wit and of soul Ain to suffer the torments of slanderous strife, More loquacious by far than the draughts of the Let me fall, I implore, in the slang-whanger's claw, bel,
Where the evil is open, and subject to law ;
Not nibbled, and mumbled, and put to the rack P. An't please your grace, I see no borse, By the sly underioinings of tea-party clack; D. Why don't you see me play with his mate, Condemn me, ye gods, to a newspaper roasting, stroke him under the belly clap bis buttocks, and But spare me! O spare me, a tea-table loasting! mavage him as I please?
P. Lither your grace is merrily disposed, or A CONFERENCE
else your illness has had a very unlucky effect Delween George Duke of Buckingham and Falher upon your grace's imagination. Upon my sincerity Fitzgerald.
I see nothing but a cork in your hands.
D. How, my horse dwindled into a foolish Priest. May it please your grace, I come from piece of cork ? Come, father, this is very unkindig his Majesty, who sent me on purpose to wait on dove of you, to turn the finest gelding in Europe, you.
whose sire was a true Arab, and had a better gee Duke. I am exceedingly beholden to his Ma- nealogy to show than the best gentleman in Wales jesty for all his favours. I thought I had long ago or Scotland can pretend to, into a cork. been out of his remeinbrance ; pray, sir, take a P. Not to Batter then this melancholy homour in chair. And what may your errand be!
your grace, which may but serve to confirm and P. His majesty being informed of your grace's rivet it the more in you, I must roundly and illness, and as it becomes a prince who has a true fairly tell your grace, that 'tis a cork, and doregard for his subjects, compassionating the dan- thing but a cork. gerous circumstances you are in at present, com D. 'Tis hard that a person of my qualist inanded me to use my best endeavours to reclaim word won't be taken in such a matter, where ! your grace from that heretical communion 'tis have not the least prospect of getting a farthing now your unhappiness to embrace, and reconcile by imposing upon you. But, father, how do you you to the catholic church, out of which there is make good your assertion? I say still 'tis a horse. no salvation.
you tell me 'tis a cork; how shall this difference D. I perceive, sir, you're a priest ; Sam, bring be made up between us ? up a bottle of wine, and clean glasses.--Do you P. Very easily; for instance, I first examine smoke, sir?
(taking the cork from the duke) it by my smell, P. 'An't please your grace, I did not come to and that tells me 'lis cork. í next cousuli my drink, but
sight, and that affirms the same; then I judge il D. Well, well, a glass now and then won't by iny taste, and still 'tis cork. spoil conversation. But do you say, sir, there's D.' Hark yon, father, before you proceed a no salvation to be bad out of the pale of the ca- step farther; thou art plagrily mistaken, if thoi tholic church?
thinkest to make the Trinity a stepping stone to P. Well then I submit; bis majesty's (drinks transubstantiation. off his glass) health, and your grace's commands P. Be it so then ; and since your grace has must never be di-puted.
mentioned transubstantiation, we'll enter into the D, But all this while, father, you take no merits of that controversy. I need not remios (playing with the cork) notice of my fine gelding your grace, that no article of our holy religion : here. Do but oliserve his exquisite shape: what so expressly laid down in scripture as thai; for
fine turned neck is there? His eyes, how lively what can be plainer than hoc est corpus meum. and full ? His pace, how majestic and noble ? D. I see, father, I must refresh your memory I'll lay a hundred guineas there's nothing in New- with this piece of cork, which I positively affires market can compare with him.
once more to be a horse : just now you would be
governed by the senses, in those matters that pro-jand told him, dear father, you must never think perly belong to their tribanal ; but now you dis- of going to his Jordship to-night, the ways are **s the jorisdiction of the court, which is not slippery, and full of sloughs, the days are short, bonestly done.
and you'll certainly be benighted before you can P. My lord dukė, you must humble your have got half the way thither, I tremble to think reason to reconcile yourself to this boly mystery, what would become of you, should you lose the which even the angels themselves don't compre-road, or fall into a ditch; therefore, let me pere hend.
suade you to accept of a sorry supper and lodging D. Well, father, since we have fallen, I don't at my house; I am sure my lord will not be koow how, upon the chapter of miracles, I will offended with you, and to-morrow you'll have the take care to entertain you with one that happened whole day before you. bat last winter in Northumberland, and comes D. And what reply made the priest to this ? confirmed from so many baods, both catholic and J. After a little huinming and bawing upon protestant, that he must be a rank infidel indeed, the matter, he considered it would be his wisest who dares dispute the credibility of it. But as I way to take up his quarters that night at the old tave one of the most treacherous mcmories in the woman's, so he followed ber to her house ; she led world, I won't pretend to relate it to you myself, him into a pretty snug warm parlour, made him a bd sae of my servants shall do it flere, (to fire nose high, then going into the yard, slew a ste of his gentlemen coming into the room,) go barn-door fowl with her own hands, clapt it on bid Loog John come to me immediately.
the spit, and when it was ready, neatly dished up P. Your grace may save yourself that trouble, with egg-sauce, and who so cheerful as she and if you please, for I am as well satisfied as if I had the priest over iheir supper ?
D. 'Twas well done. D. Nay, you are no priest for my money if J. Resolving to give so worthy a guest the best Jon refuse to hear a miracle, and what is more, a entertainment her house afforded, after supper catholic miracle. (Long John enters,) Come she presented him with a dish of outs of her own John, you must oblige this worthy gentleman here, gathering, and then thwacked his guts with apples wbo is come upon no less errand than the salva- aud ale, and was very liberal of her putmeg and tion of your master's soul, with the relation of sugar. Thus they passed away the bours merrily: at famous miracle that happened last winter in at last bed-time a proached, our good old land. Northumberland.
lady showed the father the chamber he was to lie Jokat. Your grace has always a right to com- in, wished him a happy night and departed; but tand me. Why then, sir, you are to understand, being a curious woman, as most of the sex are that within two miles of my Lord Widrington's possessed with the spirit of curiosity, she peefed honse, in the above-mentioned county, there was a through the key-hole, to see how ibe priest mamall village which wholly belongs to his Lord- naged matters by hiinself. kaip; by the same token most of the inhabitants, P. Honest friend, you may drop your miracle in complaisance, I suppose, to their landlord, are here, if you please, I'll hear no more on't. Roman catholics.
D. Father. your zeal has got the heels of your D. Very well, proceed.
discretion. Upon my word here's no trap laid d. An ancient woman of this village was acci- for a jest, but what her majesty and maids of how Centally sitiing at her door, about three in the nour may hear. afternoon, when my lord's priest happened to J. To her infinite surprise and admiration, she brush by her. She immediately ran efter him, saw bin jump stark naked as ever he was born,
not into the sheets, though they smell most de began to do after he was gone, she might continue liciously of lavendar and roses, but into the a doing till sun-setting. Our landlady, little ima. blankets. Down stairs she hurries, full of grief gining that a miracle was entailed opon the and confusion, which would not lei her wink all father's blessing, very innocently went to reasure night; and Lord, cries she, what a wicked age is the small remainder of linen she had left, when, 19 this we live in, low coid, and uncharitable, when her great astonishinent, and that of her family, she a person of such merit and learning, who has re. continued in this posture till the sun was set, acd sided too so !oog in the family, has not a shirt to got such a prodigious quantity of linen by this put ou bis back! I could never have thought my means, that next week she was able to buy or Lord so niggardly. These afflicting ihoughts, her lease, and is now the topping dame of lie wholly occasioned by her zeal for religion, and parish. the professors of it, made that impression upon D. What think you now, father, of Luez her, that she did not enjoy a minute's repose that John's story? night. Early she gets up the next morning, and J. This miracle in a moment run through the measurert out six ells of ihe finest Baxen linen she four northern counties; every village and hanki had, whicii was of her own spinning. Presently rung of it; nay, it crossed the 'Tweed, and filled down comes the father into her pirlour; she en- the ears of the unbelieving Scots. The prest, quires of him how he past the night, and was wherever he came, wa: worshipped and respected ravished with joy to hear he had slepi so well, like a little Divivity, and the woman was mar. After this, comes in a thundring touse, with a full wified by all as a true pattern of primitire zral. tankard of humming stale beer. The priest and prety, and charity, since heaven had been at the she soon ended it between them, and now she had pains to reward her in so extraordinary a manner. courage enough to tell hin what she had observed P. Ilonest friend, let me desire you to be as the night before. Father, says she, I beg your concise as you can, for in plain truth I am weary pardop for being so impudeni as to peep through of your story already. your key-hole last niglie; and truly I was grieved j. At the lower end of this village (where the to the heart to see that a gentleman of your edu- above-mentioned miraculous scene happened cation and great parts should be without a shirt. lived another old woman, a catholic by persuasiaki, Come, never blush for the matter, i know it is so; who, l'oping to gain as much by her godliness is but here are six ells of my best linen, which will her neighbour had done before her, looked out a make you two very good shirts, and I l.umbly de. sharply for the father as a Yorkshire állorrey sire you to accopi of them.
dves for a purse-proud litigious client, D. Why, father, here is the quintescence of to her migiity satisfaction, she sees him go by bet true christianity for you.
door; immediately she trots after him, tells him J. Well, daughter, replies he, I accept of of the depth of the ways, and the great danger her your present in good part (ror priests and lawyers ran of bring losi, desires him to consult his ow: are seldom guilty of refunding) not that I shall safety, and not expose hinself to those rasualties have any occasion of making use of it myself, for which he might so reasonably expect from th: you must overstand, I belong to an order which badness of the ways and the darkness of 15* obliges is to wear woollen next our skin, but it mights. With these plausible insinuations the may serve to make iours for the altar, and the wheelles the priest into her house, and to secure like, and therefore I will take it with me. TI:(2 bin entirrly to her interest, treats him wild ordering the good woma: to kneel, he gave her shoulder of mutton, and a couple of capta for his benediction, and prayed, that wlinerer shelsupper.
D. She took the right course to gain her point, P. You'll never have done l'ın afraid. I must needs own; forever while you live, father, J. The priest, not being conjuror enough to chle a priest by the belly, if you intend to make dive into the bottom of her heart, to know whether
she was guiled by any inercevary bye-ends, or J. When the table-cloth was taken away, our whether her intentions were real, heartily thanked cunning hypocrite, who was resolved to olt-do her for the noble present she had made him, and her neighbour's entertainment in her provisions, folded it up under his great-coat; bid her kneel accordingly brings in a double bottle of Metheg- down, and laying his sacerdotal fist upon her lia
, fills a bumper, and begins prosperity 'o the head, he gave her a blessing, and prayed, that catbolic religion. She tells the father, that a ju- whatever this good woman began to do after he dicious persoo lately told her, that a carcinal was was gone, she might continue a doing till sunconios froin Rome, who was to make his public setting. appearance in Cheapside, in cloth of beaten silver D. And what fell out upon this? and gold, marry was he, and that he was to con J. The father was no sooner got over the vert the whole nation, and then, father (says she) threshold, bit our matron, who had laid all her se shall see happy times. The honest priest was tackle in readiness, was going to measure the reto takea up with his pot and pipe, that he neither mainder of her linen; but then considering, upon opposed nor seemed io approve her discourse. In second thoughis, what a large morning's.drauglit bus sanner they drank and prattied, until the she had taken with the priest, and being a wise ligur found such a way into their perieraniums prudent woman into the bargain, she thought it Ley could bardiy see one another.' The priest, would be convenient to make a little water beSabe io ho d up his head any longer, desired 10 fore she fell to work. She did so, and continued be conducted to the room where he was to lie that in mingent circumstances from the morning till Bight; the old woman, with much ado, gets him night, evacuating so plentiful a stream that she in op stairs, leads him to his bed, wishes him a thou- a manoer occasioned a second deluge. In short, and good nights, and so leaves him with a trusly all the low lands in Northumberland soffered by Jag of ile by his bed-side, that if he waked in the it; twenty-four mills, upon strict examination, Dight he might have something to refresh his con- were found to be overwhelmed by this sudden cience and thirst at once,
inundation, besides cottages and hay-ricks nom9. Well said, John.
berless. This old woman, conscious of her own . By that time the pric:t had rigged himself deceit and hypocrisy, has not dared to show her and was come down into the parlour, our ancient head amuog her neighbours since this fatal acciuron bad tossed up a nice breakfast, out of the dent. All true catholics rejoice at the just dissenainder of the capons, which, being highly sea- pensation of heaven's tavours, and so my story kiped, proved a very effectually shoeing-horn for concludes, the other buiper. And now, with tears in her D). Come, John, there's something to make eyes, she began the saine story as her neig! bour you amends for the pains you have taken. (John had done, lamenting the horrid ingratitude of the bows and quits the roon.) Well, father, what's times, that so learned and devout a man as be your opinion now of this miracle? would want a shirt; to prevent which, for the P. Out of respect to your grace, I was content fature, as far as it lay within her small capacity, to sit out the whole story; though I guessed at be made bold to make him a small present of a first whereabouts it would end. But since your dezen ells of her best lipen cloth.
grace is pleased to demand my opinion, all I can