When Alderman Gill died, his wife ordered the George III. was coming home one day from the undertaker to inform the Court of Aldermen of San Fiorenzo, at Weymouth, when the wind and the event, when he wrote to this effect, "I am de-tide met, and the people on shore were apprehensired to inform the Court of Aldermen, Mr. Al-sive that the barge would be swamped. The next derman Gill died last night by order of Mrs. Gill."

A CLUB OF AUTHORS.

LOSING A CHANCE.

The first person of this society is Dr. Nonentity, Lord Ligonier was killed by the newspapers, a metaphysician. Most people think him a pro-and wanting to prosecute them, his lawyer told him found scholar; but, as he seldom speaks, I can-it was impossible-a tradesman might prosecute, not be positive in that particular; he generally as such a report might affect his credit. "Well spreads himself before the fire, sucks his pipe, then," said the old man, "I may prosecute too, talks little, drinks much, and is reckoned very for I can prove I have been hurt by this report; good company. I am told he writes indexes to I was going to marry a great fortune, who thought perfection; he makes essays on the origin of I was but seventy-four; the newspapers have said evil, philosophical inquiries upon any subject, I am eighty, and she will not have ine." and draws up an answer to any book, upon twenty-four hours warning. You may distinguish him from the rest of the company by his jong grey wig, and the blue handkerchief round his neck.

The next to him, in merit and esteem, is Tim Syllabub, a droll creature; he sometimes shines as a star of the first magnitude among the choice spirits of the age; he is reckoned equally excellent at a rebus, a riddle, a lewd song, and a bymn for the tabernacle. You will know him by his shabby finery, his powdered wig, dirty shirt, and broken silk-stockings.

After him, succeeds Mr. Tibbs, a very useful hand; he writes receipts for the bite of a mad dog, and throws off an eastern tale to perfection; he understands the business of an author as well any man, for no bookseller alive can cheat him; you may distinguish him by the peculiar clumsiness of his figure, and the coarseness of his coat. However, though it be coarse, (as he sometimes tells the company,) he has paid for it.

Lawyer Squint is the politician of the society he wakes speeches for parliament, writes addresses to his fellow-subjects, and letters to noble commanders; he gives the history of every new play, and finds seasonable thoughts upon every

occasion.

A NEW PRISON.

- This world is a prison in ev'ry respect,
Whose walls are the heavens in common;
The gaoler is sin, and the prisoners men,
And the fetters are nothing but women.

VANITY

Lady Townshend told Horace Walpole that she should go to see the coronation of George III., as she had never seen one. " Why," said Walpole, you walked at the last ?"-" Yes, child," said she," but I saw nothing of it, I only looked to see who looked at me.'

66

THE UNLUCKY DRAMATIST.

A Scotchman presented a tragedy to Mr. Garrick, who, after some time, returned it, saying, "that he did not think tragedy was the gentleman's forte."" Then, sir," said the other, taking a manuscript from his pocket, "here's a comedy, and let me tell ye, it's the first comedy that was ever wrote by any of my country." This, however, Mr. Garrick likewise returned, observing, "When I said that tragedy was not your forte, I did not mean that comedy was.”

WARBURTON AND QUIN.

in behalf of prerogative, when Quin said," Pray,
Bishop Warburton was once haranguing at Bath
my lord, spare me; you are not acquainted with
my principles, I am a republican; and perhaps I
be justified."—" Aye," said Warburton,
even think that the execution of Charles I, might
by
what law?" Quin repied, “by all the laws he had
left them." The bishop told Quin to remember
that all the regicides came to violent ends; “I
would not advise your lordship," said Quin," to
make use of that inference, for if I am not mistaken,
the same was the case with the teclve apostles."

WEDNESDAY, Eight o'clock. Tongue of my the head. shoe-buckle broke. Hands, but not face.

Nine. Paid off the butcher's bill. Mem. To

be allowed for the last leg of mutton.

Ten, eleven. At the coffee-house. More work in the north. Stranger in a black wig asked me how stocks went.

One in the afternoon. Returned home, and dried myself.

Two. Mr. Nisby dined with me. First course, marrow-bones; second, ox-cheek, with a bottle of Brooks and Hellier.

Three o'clock. Overslept myself.
Six. Went to the club.

Like to have fallen into a gutter. Grand Vizier certainly dead.

REQUISITES FOR A MINISTER.

DISSECTION OF A BEAU'S HEAD

I was invited, me thought, to the dissection of a beau's head, and of a coquette's heart, which were both of them laid on a table before us. An imaginary operator opened the first with a great deal of nicety, which, upon a cursory and superficial view, appeared like the head of another man; but upon applying our glasses to it, we made a very odd discovery, namely, that what we looked

A wag, in 1753, gave the following genuine re- upon as brains were not such in reality, but a ceipt, as the grand catholicon:

To form a minister, th' ingredients
Are, a head fruitful of expedients,
Each suited to the present minute,
(No harm if nothing else be in it!)
The mind, tho' much perplex'd and harass'd,
The count'nance must be unembarrass'd;
High promises for all occasions ;
A set of treasons, plots, invasions;
Bullies to ward off each disaster;
Much impudence to brave his master;
The talents of a treaty maker;
The sole disposal of th' exchequer;
Of right or wrong no real feeling;
Yet in the names of both much dealing.
In short, this man must be a mixture
Of broker, sycophant, and trickster.

STEALING A MARCH.

heap of strange materials wound up in that shape and texture, and packed together with wonderful art in the several cavities of the skull. For, as Homer tells us, that the blood of the gods is not real blood, but only something like it; so we fourd that the brain of a beau is not a real brain, but only something like it.

The pineal gland, which many of our modern philosophers suppose to be the seat of the soul, smelt very strong of essence and orange-flower water, and was encompassed with a kind of horny substance, cut into a thousand little faces or mirrors which were imperceptible to the naked eye: insomuch, that the soul, if there had been any here, must have been always taken up in contemplating her own beauties.

We observed a large antrum or cavity in the sinciput, that was filled with ribbands, lace, and embroidery, wrought together in a most curious Lord Waldegrave, when on his death-bed, asked piece of network, the parts of which were likebis physicians what day of the week it was; they wise imperceptible to the naked eye. Another of told him Thursday. "Sure," said he, "it is Fri- these antrums or cavities was stuffed with invisible day."-" No, my lord, indeed it is Thursday."-billet-doux, love-letters, pricked-dances, and Well," said he, see what a rogue this distemper makes one; I want to steal nothing but a day."

A REASONABLE ANSWER.

other trumpery of the same nature. In another we found a kind of powder, which set the whole company a-sneezing, and by the scent discovered itself to be right Spanish. The several other cells were stored with commodities of the same kind, of which it would be tedious to give the reader an exact inventory.

A poor man in Bedlam having been ill used by his apprentice, because he would not tell him why he was confined there, at last said, "Because There was a large cavity on each side of the God has deprived me of a blessing you never en-head, which I must not omit. That on the right joyed." side was filled with fictions, flatteries, and false

hoods, vows, promises, and protestations; that on I have only mentioned in this dissection su the left with oaths and imprecations. There new discoveries as we are able to make, a issued out a duct from each of these cells, which have not taken any notice of those parts whi ran into the root of the tongue, where both joined are to be met with in common heads. As for t together, and passed forward in one common duct skul!, the face, and indeed the whole outwa to the tip of it. We discovered several little shape and figure of the head, we could not d roads or canals running from the ear into the cover any difference from what we observe brain, and took particular care to trace them out the heads of other men. We were informed th through their several passages. One of them ex- the person to whom this head belonged, h tended itself to a bundle of sonnets and little passed for a man above five and thirty year musical instruments. Others ended in several during which time he eat and drank like oth bladders, which were filled either with wind or people, dressed well, talked loud, laughed fr froth. But the large canal entered into a great quently, and, on particular occasions, had acqu cavity of the skull, from whence there went an-ted himself tolerably at a ball or an assembly other canal into the tongue. This great cavity to which one of the company added, that a ce was filled with a kind of spongy substance, which tain knot of ladies took him for a wit. He w the French anatomists call Galimatias, and the cut off in the lower of his age by the blow of English Nonsense. paring shovel, having been surprised by an em The skins of the forchead were extremely toughnent citizen, as he was tendering some civiliti and thick, and, what very much surprised us, hadto his wife, not in them any single blood-vessel that we were able to discover, either with or without our glasses; from whence we concluded, that the party when alive must have been entirely deprived of the faculty of blushing.

The os cribriforme was exceedingly stuffed, and in some places damaged with snuff. We could not but take notice in particular of that small muscle which is not often discovered in dissections, and draws the nose upwards, when it expresses the contempt which the owner of it has, upon seeing any thing he does not like, or hearing any thing he does not understand, I need not tell my learned reader, this is that muscle which performs the motion so often mentioned by the Latin poets, when they talk of a man's cocking his nose, or playing the rhinoceros.

We did not find any thing very remarkable in the eye, save only that the musculi amatorii, or, as we may translate it into English, the ogling mascles, were very much worn and decayed with use; whereas, on the contrary, the elevator, or the muscle which turns the eye towards heaven, did not appear to have been used at all.

THE ILLUSTRIOUS ARCHITECT.
Old Bess, Countess of Hardwicke, built Chat
worth House; and her family pretended that
had been prophesied to her that she would neve
die as long as she was building; and that at la
she died in a hard frost, when the labourers coul
not work. She was married four times. Horac
Walpole, on his visit to Chatsworth, is said
have written the following epitaph for her;

Four times the nuptial bed she warm'd,
And every time so well perform'd,
That when death spoil'd her husband's billing
He left the widow every shilling.
Fond was the dame, but not dejected;
Five stately mansions she erected;
With more than royal pomp to vary
The prison of her captive Mary,

When Hardwicke's towers shall bow their head
Nor mass be more in Worksop said;
When Bolsover's fair fame shall tend,
Like Olentes, to its mouldering end;

When Chatsworth tastes no Ca'udish bounties,
Let fame forget this costly Countess.